[KittyKatFan]

Wow, I am really struggling with control since returning from vacation two weeks ago. I haven't caved in, but have had my mental struggles with continuing to eat right and exercise.

I thought I was back to being in a better frame of mind, but when I woke up to go to the gym this morning, I almost lost control. I started thinking, "I could get to that great breakfast taco place before the line gets too long," then my usual donut dreaming took over, then I thought about croissants with butter and jam and delicious cinnamon pecan rolls at this donut shop near me. Then I started thinking about BBQ for lunch and Mexican food later on.

I forced myself to stop thinking about food and tried on a pair of pants that are the next size down. They are just a little too tight right now. I told myself that if I cave in to these thoughts, I would wipe out two weeks of hard work, and would have to eat longer for the pants to fit. I would be upset with myself as soon as I woke up tomorrow. So I forced myself to get into my gym clothes and got in the car.

Even during the drive I was on the bubble. I saw a sign for a good local fast food burger place and thought about how I could fit a cheeseburger and chili cheese fries into my donut-and-breakfast-taco frenzy. If I hadn't been wearing some really ratty shorts that I would be too embarrassed to walk into a store with, I would have headed right to the donut who, I think. I also saw billboards for all of my favorite junk food stops along the way. I was feeling this weird physical rush, like my blood pressure was rising or something.

I told myself to stop thinking about it and get to the gym fast! It took every bit of effort to get out of the car and into the gym because I didn't feel like exercising, but I did it. I had a long workout. I saw the calorie meter hit 300 at about :25, and thought, "that's how much suffering it takes just to burn off the calories in a pastry".

So I avoided the binge. The minute I got home, I ate some cereal. Usually eating a little will get me to stop thinking about eating a lot, and it worked. I will be fine for the rest of today, ecause i don't overeat on my exercise days. And I'm going to up my calories a bit too, even though it makes e nervous to do so.

[KittyKatFan]

Wow, I hate this auto spell correct! I'm looking at my post and I see some sentences that don't even make sense! Sorry about that

[Milly1]

It's very much an ongoing mental process isn't it. I think if you are obsessing it might indeed be a good idea to up the calories a bit, especially if you are working out. Do you have a snack before you go o the gym? I couldnt work out without something in the morning! You have come a long way in your weight loss well done.

[grabec]

I loved that "hard" post. Great. So true.

[lin43]

Good for you! I've had times like you're describing. I try to visualize the aftermath of each scenario (e.g., pigging out vs. eating well; lying on the couch vs. working out): I imagine the regret I'll feel if I pig out. I imagine the thoughts I'll have ("Oh no---if I keep this up, I'm going to regain all my weight!"). Then, I imagine how I'll feel if I eat properly. I think of how proud I'll be of myself and how it will reinforce the notion that I really AM in control. When I think of it like that, the choice is obvious.

Good job!

[KittyKatFan]

I don't eat before going to the gym, and I don't eat very soon after I get up because I can't. I have had digestive problems for years, and after gall bladder removal surgery things got worse. Life was miserable - without getting too graphic, I had to be near a toilet right after eating because I would get so sick.

I was prescribed a medication that has totally changed my life, but it takes an hour or so to kick in after I drink it (I have to mix it in liquid). It may be inconvenient, but it is worth the trouble, even if it means I really can't eat breakfast first thing in the morning.

I am increasing my calories, but I had obsessions even when I was in my 300's. The first thing I would think about when I got up was I'm so fat. The second thought was What can I eat? I would take an hour to decide what to eat, as I thought carefully about all the choices.

I'm fine now. My weak times appear to be first thing in the morning. I figure that if I can get through until noon without screwing up, there's no point in binging because I won't have enough time in the day to consume all the foods I want. How crazy is that?