Finally Broke Down
I haven't binged since the very beginning of summer.. until today, just now.
Needless to say, it was a bad one and I am very disappointed that I let the monster give in. Over the past summer, I spent it out of town (in the city I grew up in) with old friends because this upcoming Monday I am leaving to join the military. This summer was spent doing CrossFit at least 5 days a week. I felt great doing it and even better because my eating was kept beyond control. I ate great without thinking about it because that's the way I like to eat. The workouts made my legs bigger due to muscle mass, but the fat is still there too. I gained over 10 pounds since the beginning of summer and for the last week it has really been getting to me. Where I was, it was very warm so I wore shorts and dresses everyday. Now home is getting chilly and I fit into NONE of my jeans.
Like I said, I'm leaving next monday and I don't want to arrive at bootcamp feeling huge. It's only Tuesday, so I CAN buckle down and eat clean and at least go into it feeling better even though I know I won't drop any true pounds.
I just wanted to confess my binge and express my sadness and anxiety. I am very much looking forward to spending 2 months in a place where I wont have time to think about eating when anxious; there wont be any food to grab and snack on! I want to love my body, and even more, my self. I haven't felt this feeling in months and I can say that I did not miss it at all.
Thanks for reading. Good luck to everyone battling both their constant and unexpected monsters, and congrats to everyone who continues to win their battles!
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