24 year old with severe binge eating problem..please help
 

I am not sure where to begin, but I guess I will create the time-line, so to speak. I know that the general amount of posters here are female (I am a male) but I actually look around here and find lots of useful info.

My binge eating first started when I broke up with my girlfriend about two years ago. After we broke up, it triggered a bout of depression. Prior to breaking up, I never really had any issues with food. I used to weigh 300 pounds but dropped to 220 in a healthy manor and stayed there. I would workout, and pretty much eat whatever I wanted. I never cared about my weight then, body image, or anything like that. When we were dating I was about 220 lbs, wore a 38 inch size pants, and I was happy with my life! I had no issues at all.

Well, after we broke up - the worst happened - I became depressed. I suddenly started eating about 1,200 calories per day, I exercised for almost two hours a day as well, and I dropped my weight from 220 lbs. to about 165 lbs extremely fast. I went from a 38 size pants to 32 in no time. Along with my weight loss I developed bad body images of myself, the desire to lose more and more weight, and I was never happy. As I continued dropping weight, I started suffering from binge eating on the weekends. I would eat mass amounts of food followed by feelings of guilt. It first started with high carb foods such as popcorn and bread, and then overtime I would eat high sugary foods such as ice cream and chocolates which hit the spot. This continued for a very long, long time - and is still happening. I would get urges for "something" and would eat to fill that void. After a lot of self-review/therapy, we realized one reason I was getting cravings was for a relationship and was eating to fill that void. When I realized that, my "uncontrollable cravings" stopped (meaning, that unknown "urge" disappeared), but I still suffered from binge eating. And the binge eating still continues.

But my binges now are different than back then. Last night I binged for example. During the day, I was extremely tired and lethargic. I had no energy whatsoever. I could barely function at work, and even getting out of my chair was a hassle. I had no energy to even workout. I just wanted to sleep all day. I was very hungry throughout the day (couldn't stop looking at the clock for noon to come so I could eat) and I started suffering from cravings towards the end of the day as well. It got so bad around 5pm I was biting my nails because I was so anxious. I tried fighting the urges off, I tried talking myself like "It's okay, calm down, you don't need to do this". When I got home, I started eating a ton of broccoli, chicken, and brown rice. The brown rice was pre-cooked in my fridge, frozen cold, and I was eating it all. I just ate and ate. This lead me off to going out to the store and buying two pints of ice cream, a whole box of twix ice cream bars, and pretzels. After I did this, I felt relieved. I felt MUCH better. My energy was back a little bit, and those horrible anxiety and cravings melted away. Most of the time now after I binge, I feel relieved. It's almost like my body needed it, and feelings of guilt do not really come up anymore. I feel "normal" after a binge. But I do not even enjoy it when I'm doing it. I don't like doing it. But it's like my body needs it or something. There's no "emotional" reason as to why I am doing this.

After a binge day, I go back to my usual diet which consists of about 1,600 calories. On top of that, I workout for about an hour per day. I can do this for a few days but then my energy starts to plummet as the days go by which is accompanied by the inability to make good decisions, fatigue, exhaustion, and of course - binge eating cravings. So, yesterday I binged, today I am back to my normal eating routine. I will probably do good for the next few days, but probably by the beginning or middle of next week I will start to develop severe cravings for sugary foods.

I have tried upping my calories to 2,500 to 3,000 and I still suffer from binges. I have tried all sorts of plans - even everything in moderation. I tried eating ice cream once a day. No matter what my macro's or calories are (high fat, high carb, low this, low that) I still suffer from binges. Right now 100% of my binges start when I get tired, exhausted, and fatigued. I know when I start feeling fatigued or worn-out I am on the pathway to a binge. And once fatigue/tiredness sets in, everything else starts to suffer, such as my mental alertness, which greatly effects my ability to make wise conscious decisions. Unfortunately what happens is I binge, I have energy for a few days, then it starts to taper off and I'm back to binging.

I am seeing a therapist once a week, and we have literally discussed every emotional reason but none are attributed to my binge eating. We have pretty much determined there is no emotionally deep-rooted issue anymore causing this. I am no longer depressed, and I have a great life. My own apartment, pretty much no finances, I volunteer and help the poor, I have a great job, I don't drink - everything is fine. ****, I even think I look good! I think I am a handsome guy. I want to stop binging because I am gaining weight which is not making me feel good, and importantly it is not healthy at all to my body. I am definitely no longer binging due to not having a girlfriend because even now that I am dating someone, I still suffer! I have tried many different supplements from St. John's wort, 5 htp, chromium, good multivitamins, fish oils, and I still get cravings.

These are my final two conclusions as to why this is still happening:

1.) I lost weight way too fast. Too fast, the wrong way, and now my body wants to get back to that "set point" of 220 lbs. Not only that, but all the excessive cardio I have done with low calories has essentially burnt my body out to the max. I am taking a week off of exercising to allow my body to rest right now. I don't know what to say, but I suspect the only thing to do is just allow the cravings to come, letting myself binge, gain my weight back to 220 and THEN lose it the proper way (by not starving myself and excessively exercising). I suspect once I get back to that set point of 220 lbs, my cravings will stop.

OR

2.) The only other conclusion besides the above that I have is that I am ADDICTED to binge eating and sugar. The fatigue, lethargy, and extreme cravings I am suffering from is actually withdrawal symptoms. I'll binge eat, and after a few days the cravings kick in because all the sugar has been depleted from my system and my body wants more. Essentially, my body starts shutting down when it's not getting what it wants (sugar). What would be the chances of that being true?

Right now I weigh about 185 pounds. I am 6 ft. tall, and 24 years old. I have gained 20 lbs from binge eating. No matter what my calories are, I suffer from binging once or twice per week still. If I knew why this was happening, it would give me a LOT of control over the situation. If I'm addicted - then fine. I'll admit I'm addicted to sugar and binge eating if that's what's causing this and then work with that. That way I can avoid weight gain that is not really needed. But if it's my body actually crying out for it's set point, then I will accept that and give it what it needs. I guess that is why I am still giving into the binges. Because I don't know if it's an addiction craving, or if it's my body actually needing it. The weird thing is like with yesterday, it started with just binge eating broccoli, brown rice, chicken, and anything I could get my hands on. Then it went off to the ice cream and sugary foods. Even when I spent a week eating 3,000 calories per day of healthy food I was still binging on anything (oatmeal).

Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts? I am trying to be positive and accepting of this all, and I am now convinced this is no longer emotionally rooted. Is my only saving grace to gain the weight back and then lose it again - the RIGHT and safe way?

I am either addicted to binge eating and sugar, or my body is crying out for nutrients and getting back to it's set point. If I could figure out which one, it would help me overcome this issue once and for all. What do you think?

I have a mother for a nurse and it sounds to me like your body is lacking a nutrient or vitamin. If I were you Ide go see a doctor and get some blood work done. I was the same way at one time. turned out it was an iron and potassium deficiency. I was eating raw potatoes and a crap load of bananas and i didnt know why.

Originally Posted by :
2.) The only other conclusion besides the above that I have is that I am ADDICTED to binge eating and sugar. The fatigue, lethargy, and extreme cravings I am suffering from is actually withdrawal symptoms. I'll binge eat, and after a few days the cravings kick in because all the sugar has been depleted from my system and my body wants more. Essentially, my body starts shutting down when it's not getting what it wants (sugar). What would be the chances of that being true?

Before I was even to this part of your post, this is what I was thinking. I am a sugar addict, and I behave in the same way. After I get through a couple rough days without the stuff, the symptoms go away...That is until I decide to try it again. The longer I go without sugar, the better my life is. But then for some stupid reason I think I can do Moderation, (Because it's preached a lot) and I give it another whirl. I can't do sugar moderation.

It sounds like an anxiety problem to me. Even when we don't have a particular issue that's upsetting us, we can still have trouble with anxiety. Some of your episodes you describe sound a lot like an anxiety attack. Maybe this is a female talking - but I don't agree that isn't emtional. Just because your life is "together" doesn't mean you are inside. I would bet that there is something there. Food is a coping mechanism. Your focus on the binging and the reasons are taking you away from focusing on the problem. Often, food is something we can "fix" and talk about with less difficulty than the underlying issues. I am glad that you are doing so well in your life now. It is very encouraging. I just have a gut feeling that there is still something that's unresolved. Food is rarely the problem - usually the symptom. The next time you want to binge, instead of giving in right away explore your feelings. Think about what happened that day or that week. Was there something stressful? Ask yourself what your fear is to not eat. Do you feel worthy of your new life? Sometimes we have trouble with accepting positive circumstances as well as negative ones. Do you feel the need to binge to balance out the good? I can't tell you what the problem is, but I would encourage you to explore your feelings that you are clearly trying to cover up with food the next time the binge strikes. You'll get through this! Hugs!

Originally Posted by :
Food is rarely the problem - usually the symptom

Actually, in my most humble opinion, food is not the symptom...it's the drug of choice. The symptoms are cravings, anexiety, lightheadedness, brain fog...Food is what we use to numb the symptoms...the drug.

Originally Posted by Lori Bell:
Actually, in my most humble opinion, food is not the symptom...it's the drug of choice. The symptoms are cravings, anexiety, lightheadedness, brain fog...Food is what we use to numb the symptoms...the drug.

I agree. I'm a drug addict in recovery and resisting food is harder than resisting heroin. Theres no way I can go as long with out a french fry as I can without drugs.

Welcome to 3FC! :hug:

First of all, while it's called "3 Fat Chicks" it's an open site for ANYONE. Anyone aiming to lose weight, eat healthier, move more, give positive support... everyone is welcome. :yes:

There are some well-known gentlemen who post fairly frequently, so you certainly are not alone. There's a Men's Corner, there's a Chicks in Control section (again, it's called Chicks in Control, but it's PEOPLE in Control) for those who are having problems with eating disorders like binging. It's a lot more common than you might think. Again, you aren't alone.

As for the questions you asked... it's different for everyone. Maintaining weight loss, just like losing weight is a trial and error experiment.

If you feel like you're addicted to sugar, then maybe trying a low-carb or low/no sugar type of plan might help weed that out of your system. Or at least, help determine what other directions you might need to take.

I wish you all the best, and I hope to see you back here and read about your progress. :yes:

This is all I know. I broke up with my girlfriend about two years ago and I became depressed after that. I started eating about 1,200 calories per day and exercising a lot. The weight was flying off at a rapid pace. I then developed some ED habits such as "chewing then spitting" food. Eventually I started binge eating because it made me feel good. It gave me a high and I enjoyed it. It made me feel loved and was filling that void of being alone/single. Once I recognized that, the "urges" to binge significantly dropped, but I still continue to do it. I'll admit - I enjoy doing it at times and I love how it makes me feel (it makes me feel good) but I still get uncontrollable cravings to do it. There's nothing better than just eating a ton of junk food but I know it's bad for me and I want to stop.

Am I addicted? Is that what it comes down to? I have been in therapy for like a year now, if there was some sort of underlying reason I believe that would have been found. Yesterday it was terrible. I woke up in the morning and I was just so fatigued. No energy or anything. Could not function at work, extremely tired, unable to do anything and I was extremely hungry and cravings just about anything - broccoli, chicken, brown rice, etc.

By time work got off (5pm) I was freaking out. I kept telling myself calm down and relax but I kept getting the urge to EAT. I got home and uncontrollably ate broccoli, brown rice, and chicken. **** I wanted to eat so bad I threw the chicken on the grill and was eating chicken that was not even fully cooked!!

Do you think my body just wants to get back to it's original weight (220) and I can try this process again the healthy way? Or should I look in the mirror and tell myself "I am addicted to binge eating. I am powerless over food".

I am either addicted, my body wants it's set point back, or I am lacking some sort of vitamin/mineral in my diet. OR it's a combination of all three. Should I call my doctor and have a blood test done? I almost feel hopeless and that I should binge everyday because I'll never be able to stop anyways (of course I wouldn't do that though) :)

absolutely go to your doctor and get blood work done, because no matter what the root of this issue is, it's always good to get your blood work checked every now and then :-)

honestly, maybe your mind just still associates food with feeling good. I know my brain does. even if everything is going well in my life, I still have binges because eating feels good for me.

There's no reason NOT to get your blood tested, you know what I mean? You could find something. You could not, but it's not going to hurt to see what's going on.

Even people in therapy don't heal by a timeline. You might have been talking to someone for a year, but it doesn't mean everything has come to light. It doesn't mean everything from therapy has clicked.

If you're concerned about food addiction, you may also want to check out Overeaters Anonymous.

Our bodies do tend to want to get back to that high weight, but being so desperate for food that you eat uncooked chicken is not how the body gets back there. That seems far more like addiction or psychological reasons.

First, though, I'd get tested for any actual physical ailments. Rule them out. There could be something going on, we don't know.

However, your previous mention of an ED means that...well, it's honestly for many people a LIFETIME of work to overcome. Some days more than others there's that urge to binge.

Originally Posted by :
By time work got off (5pm) I was freaking out. I kept telling myself calm down and relax but I kept getting the urge to EAT. I got home and uncontrollably ate broccoli, brown rice, and chicken. **** I wanted to eat so bad I threw the chicken on the grill and was eating chicken that was not even fully cooked!!

I would most certainly go see your Doctor, because that is one thing we are not. :) The one thing that makes me think it's a sugar thing is that in your original post, you said the binge didn't end until you went to the store and purchased ice cream and ice cream bars and ate that after the healthy stuff. You didn't stop the binge until you got your sugar fix. In my mind it would be like drinking a 6 pack of O'Dules NA beer trying to catch a buzz, and then finally breaking down and drinking a 12 pack of Budweiser. You start out eating "good stuff" but in the end you have what it really is you're craving. But I only say this because it's been a life long problem I have had, everyone is different and maybe you eat pints of ice cream because you really do have a vitamin deficiency...who knows? I hope you get it all worked out. Keep us updated.

Well I suffered from a binge attack today (and I am still suffering a little as I write this).

It started this afternoon. I was extremely tired and could not stay awake. No matter what I tried doing my energy levels hit negative levels to where I could not function. Next thing I know, I plopped over in bed and fell asleep for a while. When I woke up, my cravings were BAD. I was thinking about eating and eating (especially sugary/chocolate food).

Well I woke up and I had two larabars (220 cals each) back to back. Then I had a can of tuna (100 cals). Still didn't feel too good. Then I went to the store and I was wanting ice cream. Not just a bite or two but a HALF GALLON. I told myself whatever I do, I am not buying a half gallon. So I bought two greek yogurts (80 cal per piece) and sugar free jello. And a bag of frozen strawberries (120 cals). I ate them extremely fast in my car and made a mess but I shovled it down. Of course the ice cream cravings lingered but I told myself no matter what, I am not giving in. I ate all of the above food.

As I write this, the above worked - but it was HARD. I literally spent a half hour driving around after eating all the above shouting out any negative emotions I had trying to figure out why I was binge craving. I don't think this is related to emotional reasons at all. I literally spoke ANYTHING on my mind and nothing was stopping the urges.

My cravings are a little alleviated, but I still am thinking about ice cream. I feel a lot more in control though so that's a good thing (meaning, I won't give in). And thankfully, while I did eat a lot as wrote above, I still hit my daily calorie total regardless so I did not go over.

I just wish I knew what was wrong. For a 24 year old male who is active 4-5x per week his seems so un-natural that I am experiencing this binge urges.

Only you can really know whether it's emotional or not. (But, FYI, speaking emotions aloud does not necessarily stop a person with emotional binging problems from craving a binge.) However, if you don't think it's emotional, then it could possibly be that sugar is just one of those things that you're going to have to monitor/manage/cut out completely.

You might want to check out a "no sugar" eating plan for a week or two and try to cut it out completely to see how things go. It's not for everyone, of course, but it might just be right for you!

I'm glad you were able to keep yourself from giving in to a half gallon of ice cream, and that you were still able to keep yourself from going over your limit for the day.

It's hard, but you can do it. And it might take time, but you'll figure out what's going to work best for you.

i don't really have any advice as far as binge eating goes -- i'm seriously clueless as to why this is happening to you. it's very strange, but i guess all eating disorders are pretty weird. maybe you can control your weight gain a little better if you put on muscle, though? like instead of doing so much cardio, maybe implementing a weight training program could help. in order to gain muscle, you need to have a calorie surplus, and considering you're gaining weight even though you regularly exercise and on most days only eat 1600 calories, you're definitely in one. you could feasibly weigh 220 lbs with most of that weight being muscle rather than fat and you'd look fantastic. could be worth a shot.

oh, and a couple of websites that might help:

http://www.formerfatguy.com
http://www.leangains.com

I have the same issue. Or, had. It is still there but under control at the moment. For me it IS an addiction to the behavior. I don't understand it, I just know that when I eat low carb, it pretty much goes away.

I hope you can find peace and a solution for your binge eating.

If you feel compelled to eat specific foods, but emotionally detached from those experiences, the problem might be chemical. Have you been diagnosed with any sort of medical condition (outside of an eating disorder)? I'm not an expert but I know that our bodies are wired to crave certain foods for certain 'reasons.' If something is wrong with that craving trigger, it can go haywire can cause you to crave things you don't need (look up the condition 'pica').

The way you described this episode makes it seem like it's a very difficult to control compulsion more than an emotional want. Make sure your diet is balanced and it should help you control the cravings...but if the episodes are as scary as they sound, you might want to speak with your doctor.

One thing is for certain. This has nothing to do with set point.

I also seriously doubt it is hormonal. The main two hormones that control hunger, leptin and ghrelin don't function in the manner of how you describe your binging.

You're describing it as an uncontrollable urge that causes you to stuff food down your gullet as rapidly as possible in your car. How this could be hormonal I don't know but I'm not an expert on hormones nor binge eating.

You mention you're seeing someone. Perhaps you should see someone else. Someone who specializes in treating binge eating.

Goodluck

I used to be a big binge eaters. I probably ate 6 full sized dinner type meals in a day, if not more. Bored? Binge! Lonely? Binge! Sad, happy, and everything in between? Binge. I am no expert but it sounds like a combination of being sensitive to sugar, having self esteem issues, and feeding a void in your life. Definitely get your blood checked, just in case. I am now getting this under control and haven't binged since March. I can now eat a little tiny bit of sugar, but more than that and I feel the sense of helplessness, like I might not be able to stop. You might need to try a plan that allows for more frequent eating so you don't feel hungry, and perhaps limiting your calorie intake at one meal. Good luck to you!

What does a normal day of eating look like for you? Do you try and keep your blood sugars level all throughout the day?

I'm sorry your going through this. I was separated from my husband for a year and that's when I went through a chewing and spitting phase. When we got back together that went away completely.

Sometimes things are really deep rooted. But sometimes we have self fulfilling prophecies. You seem to talk a lot about getting back to the weight of 220 and this supposed set point. Maybe you actually really want to be there?

Well I lost it today unfortunately. Just finished a 4,500 calorie binge. :(

It started this morning. I abruptly woke up around 5am this morning and headed straight to the fridge and ate an entire box of "organic" cheerios with a ton of milk!! I have no idea why either. I didn't even feel consciously alert. I just woke up and ATE a whole box of cheerios!! This was probably the beginning stages of the binge.

After I ate it I went right back to bed and woke up. I woke up and I asked myself what happened but I really did eat the whole box. I started getting hungry around 11am. It was legit hunger (hunger paigns, stomach cramp, etc). So I ate some oatmeal..then some tuna..then a 1/2 cup of brown rice..and then another 1/2 cup of brown rice. So a little bit after that I went to the store and did my weekly grocery shopping. Bought pretty much anything that looked good for the week (I'm not too strict)...bought 10 protein bars (to last me through the week), box of cereal, chicken, lean red meat, tuna, veggies, apples, cottage cheese, fruits, etc. Felt perfectly fine and in control when I was buying all this stuff. Didn't even think about taking it home and binging.

Well I got in my car and I immediately started thinking of those protein bars. Especially the chocolate peanut butter one. I ate one in my car and game over. Thoughts such as "I am going to eat them all" started to intrude my head. I ate another, then another..and then...

Here I am finishing off all 10 bars PLUS the whole box of cereal. :( At least I didn't eat the ice cream but dang..I binged!!! :(

Right now I feel relieved and the cravings/urges/thoughts have subsided. I did not snap out of it until I finished eating all the protein bars and cereal. Of course I have thoughts such as "this will never happen again" which is obviously not true. I see my therapist tomorrow so I'll discuss this. I also have a self-help book on the way that I am going to start reading.

I am not upset so much that I went on excess calories, I am upset I gave into it. That's what bothers me the most. I understand that you can always lose weight and cut down. Granted I am not "happy" I am gaining weight from doing this, it's losing the fight that bothers me.

You are going to have to ride out being tired, fatigued etc if you want to get over binge eating. It sounds like carb withdrawal and as long as you keep fueling it, it'll stay strong. Come up with alternative things you can do besides eating. When you feel you have to eat, eat vegetables first. If you don't want them, you aren't hungry physically but emotionally. Set a timer for 15 minutes. That's all the longer a craving lasts for most people. Get busy with something else and it will pass 99% of the time.

The solution is not to gain weight. There is no guarantee if you did the binging would go away. You could keep right on gaining past 220. Concentrate on a healthy diet and you will succeed.

My cravings do not stop within 15 minutes. They literally last ALL DAY. I mean yesterday it was ****. It was all out warfare from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed.

I just binged again just now. Went to the store and bought some ice cream and ate it. I am feeling so upset at this moment and I am crying right now as I write this. Literally pouring tears out of my eyes asking God why me? I am not just crying but weeping very bad. I feel so upset right now. :(

I live on my own and can't deal with this anymore. I called a friend up and will be moving in with him for approx 2 weeks so I have someone to always be with. It seems be alone is triggering this and I need to break the habit.

Originally Posted by buildx87:
I just binged again just now. Went to the store and bought some ice cream and ate it. I am feeling so upset at this moment and I am crying right now as I write this. Literally pouring tears out of my eyes asking God why me? I am not just crying but weeping very bad. I feel so upset right now. :(

:hug:

It sounds like being with someone right now is your best option. And please do continue to talk to your therapist.

Originally Posted by Lovely:
:hug:

It sounds like being with someone right now is your best option. And please do continue to talk to your therapist.

I will. Even as I read your reply here I started crying again. I just don't know why this is happening. What did I do to deserve this? I am crying right now just asking why me..what is the purpose of all of this? This has been going on for almost two years with no end in sight. I have no choice but to stay with someone at this point. I am feeling very sad..crying..and hopeless. There is nothing medically wrong with me, I am just flatout addicted.

Originally Posted by buildx87:
I will. Even as I read your reply here I started crying again. I just don't know why this is happening. What did I do to deserve this? I am crying right now just asking why me..what is the purpose of all of this? This has been going on for almost two years with no end in sight. I have no choice but to stay with someone at this point. I am feeling very sad..crying..and hopeless. There is nothing medically wrong with me, I am just flatout addicted.

Addiction can be medical, though. People are chemically (our brains do release chemicals after all, that's how they control the body) and habitually addicted to different things. Drugs of all sorts and varieties, gambling, food... if it exists people can be addicted to it.

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. We each have our own crosses to bear. And we each have to find the best way to do that. If being alone is a trigger for you, then you've come up with the best solution right now. That's all we can do. Come up with solutions one at a time.

My thoughts are definitely with you. :hug:

Originally Posted by Lovely:
Addiction can be medical, though. People are chemically (our brains do release chemicals after all, that's how they control the body) and habitually addicted to different things. Drugs of all sorts and varieties, gambling, food... if it exists people can be addicted to it.

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. We each have our own crosses to bear. And we each have to find the best way to do that. If being alone is a trigger for you, then you've come up with the best solution right now. That's all we can do. Come up with solutions one at a time.

My thoughts are definitely with you. :hug:

I understand what you're saying. Now that I binged, I have that "high" like feeling that my body released all those chemicals. That's exactly what's going on. I am also sick to my stomach and my head is spinning because of all the sugar. I just can't wait to get out of this place and be with someone for a week at minimum, possibly two weeks. As I write this, packing up and getting ready to leave. I am of course crying and upset right now, but what cna I do? I am going to work and coming home to face temptation day in and day out. I can't do it anymore. I give up. I can't fight this alone.

To stop and think that a cardboard carton full of refined sugar and fat has caused such havoc it's caused me to move out for a week or two, then so be it.

You do not "suffer" from binge eating "attacks". You binge because you like how it makes you feel, that's exactly what you said. You do need to see a doctor, but a psychiatrist type - this is psychological problem, not a need for a certain nutrient. You are seeking the high to avoid looking at how you feel about things, to numb you. I know it well, I did it myself for years and years.

I agree that if you don't have it in the house, you can't eat it - set your environment up for success. There are certain foods (even diet stuff like SF popsicles) that I just can't buy, because I will sit here and shovel the entire box down my throat. No, it's not many calories, but it IS disordered eating, "normal" people don't eat a whole box of 24 popsicles just because. So I can't buy them.

I am seeing my therapist. He has helped me a lot thus far. I was really depressed at one point and he helped pull me out of that.

Right now I just "moved" into my friends home for the next week. I am really going to do my best to beat this. I told him when the cravings come up I would talk to him to help me beat it.

Also, I gave my credit card up, he will have it 24/7 so I have no access to any money whatsoever - so no sneaking out at midnight to the grocery store. Even told him if I need gas he will have to go with me.

Your friend is really doing you a solid. That sounds like a good plan to me! You can get over this, but it will take longer than a week. However, hopefully you'll be out of the woods by then! Hugs!

Can you try not eating anything with sugar or flour in the first four ingredients for three weeks and then see what happens? Usually you stop craving it completely after then. At least thats how long it took me. If after three clean weeks you are still having these issues and they haven't gotten any better then maybe your body is needing a certain vitamin or mineral its not getting.

One thing to keep in mind though, there are 5 million different names for sugar. And its different than most plans in that you really have to be clean. Its not like just making sure you stay in your allowance. Once your body has it it craves more of it. Whats the worst thing that could happen by trying it?

Hey man,

I have the exact same problem as you. Same age, sameish BMI, similar pattern of diet-binge-diet-binge. My binges are similar to yours - I live alone and can go to the store at any hour to buy a bunch of crap, my urges last until I give in, etc. My binges are usually 7-14 days apart and I can't pinpoint any triggers either.

Let me know if you want or need someone to talk to about this. It sounds like we could benefit from being accountability buddies. Or at the very least, misery loves company.

I would love to have someone else to talk with this about. Unfortunately I do not have access yet to send PM's..I don't know how many posts I need?

Look, at this point of doing this for almost two years, all I can say is this is all I know. I started dating this girl who I really liked. I almost feel as if I loved her. We broke up, I became depressed. I started working out a lot and dieting down to lose a ton of weight to "rebel" against myself. I then started to engage in binging habits which made me feel good and I used to replace "love" and her in my life. Okay, so it bothered me a lot we broke up and essentially is what lead me off to losing weight/binging, but two years have passed, I've recognized this is what started it all, and none of the above even matters/bothers me anymore.

So let me put this bluntly. If I knew what was causing this, it would give me total control over the situation. The fact that I do not know why I am binge eating is the main reason I am still engaging in the behavior. I am unconsciously binge eating probably because I am confused as to why I am doing it to begin with. Eating seems to give me a sense of control in the moment and relaxes me still I am so stressed and confused as to why I am doing this. So I get confused in the moment, I feel as if I am unable to control the situation in any other manner besides eating, and I give in.

With that being said, this is the most realistic explanation I have at this point. It is something I can accept and something I can use as a means to combat this problem.

And that is, I am a food addict. Just like someone who smokes and repeatedly does so, their body gets used to the nicotine and they are unable to give it up without suffering withdrawal. They constantly think about smoking, putting a cigarette in their mouth. Replace nicotine with sugar and cigarette/smoking with food and you have my problem. This seems to be the most realistic answer to me. I started binging because I became depressed and broke up with my girlfriend. It made me feel good and replaced the feelings of love and her in my life. Unfortunately by time I realized this it was too late and my brain literally became addicted to it. The only way to stop is to fight the cravings through time, and with the support of others (in my case, my friend).

So instead of me waisting time trying to figure out why I'm binging - I already know it's the addictive process that's causing it. The addictive process is tricking me into thinking there's still a root cause when really, I've figured out the root cause a long time ago - I was eating to fill void of love and relationship. Unfortunately though, by time I realize that it was too late, and even a deeper root cause still exists - the addiction itself. I have repetitively engaged in this process over and over and most likely my brain circuitry is wired to want this. Even though I am staying with someone this week, I can guarantee you I will experience withdrawal in a few days. I will want to binge in a few days and I will find ways to convince myself of doing it. It always works this way. Praise be to God though, because I now have someone else to assist me in the fight against the urges. That means I am not trapped at home by myself with all my emotions and I feel as if the chances are now high of me finally beating a craving.

I believe in my heart that I can beat this. However, I can't beat it on my own, I'll admit that. That's why I am praying and staying with someone for now. I have already outlined the week because it's all too familiar. Going to have a few good days and the cravings will unexpectedly kick in. They may not even be triggered, but once they do - fatigue, no energy, and the worst - poor mental judgment and anxiety will follow. It's at that point I've always lost it, but now it's different - I'll be coming home to someone I can say "help" to.

Have you looked into overeaters anonymous? or food addicts anonymous? You would have a network of people to say help to

I 100% intend to join OA when I move back to the U.S. - I think relinquishing control to kindred souls will do wonders. I can't pinpoint triggers or find any logical cause for my binging either, but if I am held accountable to someone else it doesn't matter WHY - it only matters that I don't do it.

krampus- they have online meetings and phone meetings too!

This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope staying with your friend will help you overcome this obstacle. Good luck.

Hello,

This doesn't seem real, and I don't really know how to explain my emotions right now.

I went to my therapist last night and I was just throwing things out there. I was asking him why this is happening? I told him I have tried to think of any potential issue that would be causing this and there doesn't seem to be anything. I started back tracking to when this all began.

It started when I was dating this girl and we broke up. I felt very upset and empty inside. The thing was, I really liked her, and when I was with her - I felt something I have never truly felt before. I could not put words with it, but it felt good. After we broke up, I started exercising a lot and losing weight which made me feel good. Then I started binging, and looking back - binging was great the first time I did it, and it created that feeling I felt with her. I kept binging and I was never able to stop myself. And it makes me sense - I needed to keep binging more and more to try and recreate that original feeling it first gave me. But I never was able to recreate it again.

And after spending over an hour with my therapist - that feeling I experienced was love. And then he had asked me "-----, do you love yourself?" to which I paused for 5 minutes and broke down in tears. I could not stop crying. After my session, I immediately went to my mom and was crying. She was hugging me, telling me to let it out, to which I cried more and more. It makes sense. I truly believe God made me go to my mom last night and cry to release the pain inside to my mom because she is a source of love.

The truth is, I do not love myself. I am unable to create the feeling of love for myself. And I loved my ex-girlfriend, though I did not realize it at the time. And at one point, binging created the sense of love for me. But it only lasts so long till you need to do it more and more - just like drugs. I was binge eating to achieve that feeling of love it provided me the first time I did it. But just like drugs, that feeling only lasts so long until it is completely unattainable. Had I not realized this last night, I don't know if I could have ever stopped.

Last night, my mom made me dinner. These past two years I have been in total control of my diet and obsessed with calories. Last night, I had my first meal in which I did not know the total calories in almost two years. I ate it slowly and it seemed unreal. I finally ate like a normal human for the first time in two years. I finally ate dinner without measuring calories or worrying about the ingredients. I also ate things I have avoided such as a side of pudding.

I have a long way to go, but I slept last night and had a dream that showed me binge eating and when I woke up, I felt back to normal. I suspect most likely that is my subconscious realising the binging thoughts from my body. As far as love, I do not know if it's possible for me to obtain that feeling of love for myself. I do not know because I have never been able to love myself. That glow, warm feeling in my body. But I do know one thing - food will never be able to provide that again. I will never binge eat again because I now know why I was doing it. And this time, it seems real when I say that. I woke up this morning with "pressure" off my chest. That heavy feeling of "something's wrong" no longer lingers. I am now free from binging.

I have been crying a lot today, even when I was working out. I was lifting weights and thinking about my mom who was there for me last night and I started to cry. She loves me and that makes me feel good. I don't know how I let this get out of control, but things seem to be okay right now. I suspect the crying will eventually fade off and is just a release of emotions I have had these past two years. I still feel that emptiness inside of me though. Before I would have said it's ben and jerry's missing, but now I can truly say it's love that's missing.

Now I have to work on the steps with my therapist, mom, and most importantly myself to learn how to love myself. So instead of spending hours on google searching how to stop binge eating, I will now address the real issue - how to love myself. I have been so desperate for a girlfriend and a relationship these past two years. I never knew why I wanted a girlfriend and a relationship either, but I just did. Now it makes sense. I wanted another girlfriend hoping I could love her and she could provide that for me. It's odd because I started dating a girl a while ago and my binging calmed down when we were dating. But once things went haywire in our dating, I went straight back to binging. It makes sense now.

Sorry this was so long.

buildx87 - I am SO GLAD to hear you were able to make some headway in figuring out the root of your binging. While it's hardly good news that you realized you do not love yourself, it is great that you had a normal meal with your mother and have been coming to terms with the huge emotional impact of all this. Keep us updated on your progress! I hope I can find some answers too :)

I suspect it will be a long road for me, but I want to recover as soon as possible. I am 24 years old and I want to start living life now. I don't know how to explain my feelings right now - but unfortunately they aren't all that great. If I could label one word on my thoughts - I would say "disturbed". I am disturbed and distraught about this behavior I have be doing for the past two years. Not just that but for a while I was also drinking with my friends a lot (I no longer drink) and was going to the bars like a maniac.

I really miss my old self. While I can see myself peaking through now that I have a grasp on what's caused this, it's going to be hard for me. There was one point in life when I can actually say I truly loved myself. I was in technical school, I had great friends, I was involved with the school, I was playing video games all the time. Life was great.

Then I slipped off the deep end. I experienced love for the first time in my life (and she was also my first girlfriend) and I can tell you, love is a powerful thing. After we broke up, my life went downhill. I became depressed, lost way too much weight, and was chasing that feeling of love like no other. I binged the first few times and it gave me a feeling of love. That comforting feeling in your chest is what I am talking about. When I binged I felt that. But after doing it for so long that feeling fades and you are constantly chasing it which is probably why I was suffering cravings, and why my binges were getting bigger and bigger. It's like drugs. It takes a shot of heroin the first time then you are constantly chasing it unable to replay that first experience. Even typing this makes me feel distraught, but at least it makes sense that's what happened.

My first step is to get my life back together. I am going to work with my therapist of course, but I do not know what to do. I feel like I am back to normal but I have no sense of who I am or what happened.

You know, and something else happened last night I thought was crazy.

We were looking through old pictures and there were a ton of pictures with me when I was 220 lbs. And you know what? I saw those pictures last night, and I thought to myself "Holy cow..I look good!". But right now, I'm 185 and I see myself fat and overweight. The truth is, I looked good at 220 lbs because LIFE was good! And when I was 220 lbs, I honestly never cared about my weight or looks. I had a great life so I perceived myself as good.

This just proves a point. Weight loss will not equal happiness in life. In fact, my life hit the lowest point when I lost weight and got obsessed with counting calories, exercise, and all that. And we also looked back at pictures when I was my lowest weight - around 165. And my thoughts? Horrible. I looked dead. Too thin, looked sick - yet at that time I looked in the mirror and thought I was obese!

I am 185 pounds right now and perceive myself as a little fat, yet at 220 I never insulted myself or thought I was fat. But that's only because life was great, so I thought the same about myself. And if I had to date the current me or the me at 220, it would be the guy at 220. I'm sitting here about to do my 1 hour cardio in hopes to burn calories and weight but then I just thought - why? I looked good at 220 and that was nearly 40 pounds HEAVIER! So, chances are I look good RIGHT NOW!! I'm going to workout, but not for an hour. Like, a half hour instead. It's funny because I have always been trying to lose weight. But why I asked myself last night after looking at those pictures?

I was always wanting to lose weight because I thought it would equal happiness in life. That is not true at all. Happiness comes from within. You can be 165 pounds, rail thin and be depressed and have nights you lay in bed contemplating your life just as I did or you can be 220 lbs and be happy as **** and have everything you want.

So I made a list of 10 things I want to accomplish in my life right now. Getting my apartment together, going to church, volunteer work, and many others. Once those are accomplished or being worked on, I will slowly start to love myself and feel good. I will feel good about myself ONLY if my life is good. I will NEVER feel happy based on my weight. Weight is just a number. And what's worse is even if I do lose 20 pounds and go back to looking like a near dead man - I won't see it. The mind is a dangerous thing. I am 6 ft 185 lbs and that is a healthy weight. But my life in general is not. That's what needs worked on - my life. That'll make me happy, and who knows - maybe the self image distortion will stop. But as far as my weight making me happy...my weight will not.