Hey buildx87,

Please don't take this as discounting the very real emotional distress you experience because of (and preceding) the binges...but (and frankly I'm REALLY surprised that no one has mentioned this) -- is it possible that along with the emotional triggers, you're just not eating enough calories for your body? Men have higher muscle mass than women. As an active man who weighs 185 (which sounds like a healthy weight you'd like to maintain?), I'd expect you to need 2,000 calories at the very least. You mention being fatigued and ravenous after work...that happens to me all the time when I don't eat enough throughout the day. You can dive into the emotional aspects of this all you want, but it won't do you much good if you're not giving your body the baseline nutrition it needs to function.

The meal with your mom sounds like a great start :hug: Best of luck!

EDITED TO ADD: Whoops, I just re-read your original post; you say you tried upping your calories and still binged? How long did you try this for? I would expect it to take a while for your body to adjust and realize it was going to be getting sufficient nutrition.
According to the Mayo Clinic calorie calculator, a 185-lb., 6' active male needs approx. 2850 calories per day to maintain his weight.

buildx, that list of accomplishments is such a good idea. Getting non-food/weight related aspects of your life together and organized always brightens moods, and going to church and helping people through volunteer work etc helps you realize just how trivial a few "extra" pounds really is.

As for love...I hear you on that. I was quite young when I felt what you described, and it had a huge impact on my weight/body image as well as affecting pretty much every other area in your life. I have not and will not allow myself to become that wrapped up in someone else ever again. It's just not right for my mental health. I am happily in love again, and things are great but I know if we broke up tomorrow I wouldn't fall apart because I put myself first and protect my feelings.

I am on Day 4 so far of feeling better. I am still suffering from some disturbances here and there. I don't know if it's post trauma syndrome, but I am mostly bothered by the fact that this all happened. Like, last night I stayed up and was just thinking about everything that has happened these past two years. It doesn't seem real and it does not seem like it was me doing it - which is essentially true, it was the eating disorder and depression controlling my life. My life has essentially changed in four days.

I feel happy this week, and truly believe I was saved by my mom and therapist. I have not experienced cravings and I have no counted calories in the past 4 days. It is a little difficult but I am learning how to eat normal again. After two years of being obsessive with measuring cups and calories it is not easy to do this, but I am doing good so far.

I feel a little overwhelmed, but I will be okay. I have a lot of things I want to do right now. Cleaning my apartment, volunteer work, getting my feelings/emotions back together, start dating down the road. It will take time. And notice weight loss is not on that list. That is no longer a goal of mine. The only goal I have is to eat when hungry and workout three times per week. I was going five times per week for hour and a half when the ED was controlling me, but not anymore.

Buildx, I just thought I would chime in here as your story sounds similar to mine. I'm 25 ad have struggled with emotional eating and suger addiction since I was a child. Based on your description of your binges I would say your "carb additct" assesment is bang on. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to help you recover.

What has really helped me is the realization that there are so many much more important things in my life then food. In order to enjoy those things I need to be healthy. I too have stoped focusing on the calories and started focusing on what is going to create a healthy life for me and my family.

Your binging problem sounds a LOT like mine. I also initially binged as a way to cope, but now, i'm perfectly happy, and i still binge. I had the same problem as you. Reduce calories? Caused binging. Increasing calories? Still binged. I finally gave up calorie counting altogether, and that was the only thing that could stop the binging--because even if i allowed myself to eat 3000 calories a day, i still binged! It was like ANY kind of control caused me to go crazy and binge.

I would not say i am RID of my binging problem, by any means, but it only happens when i try to restrict calories or i'm going through a stressful time. I would say that part of your binging problem is because you're at a lower weight compared to what your body is used to. Your body wants to get back to that weight. That is not to say your binging is not also caused my emotions, stress, etc. But these things are all combining to make your binging problem worse.

I don't know what the solution is. For now, i have decided to stop fighting my weight. So i'm up to 155.5 pounds this morning :( I wish i could lose 10 pounds, but i don't know if it's worth the whole eating-disorder-binging-obsessing with food thing.

I read all the posts just now, I really feel like i've been though alot of what you did. Almost 3 yrs for me of measuring, counting, exercising and watching every bite drives you crazy after a while. My lowest weight was 104 and everyone was telling me I was too skinny, I didn't believe them. To me I looked fine. Binging started after I lost all the weight, i think the restriction for so long caused it. I didn't cheat at all and ate all clean til the weight was gone. I recently realized that there is so much more to life than obsessing and trying to be perfect. I've been feeling happier, less stressed & 9 days binge free. I know I have to be careful with my eating, but am much less obsessed about food and constant eating. Just be happy! That is the answer! Oh, by the way, my husband is 6'1 & weighs 174, he looks fine, not too skinny at all. Lots of luck to you!

well, here's what i see. You are burned out. your adrenal glands are gone. that causes the shakiness, moodiness, DESPERATE need for sweets and stimulants...as well as salty foods. Stress has done a number on you. Low adrenal glands and you can not regulate your blood sugar so well.

i am new to the body type diet, but not the endocrine issues behind adrenal fatigue. You need rest and relaxation NOT low calories and high exercise. I know it seems contradictory but what you really need is to destress and exercise and low cal STRESSES your body even more.

another thing, you are not alone.

some ways to help your adrenal glands are low simple carbs, no caffeine, and avoid eating red meats. no meat or salt with breakfast. light protein for lunch with some good carbs and dinner is your heaviest meal. good protein, good complex carbs, some fruit.

if you want to know more read up on body type diet.

A lot of this started yesterday. A little bit after I worked in the morning, I came home and was trying to enjoy myself and play some games. Of course, the cravings started kicking in. Here I am, trying to RELAX and play video games and BE HAPPY, yet I start craving FOOD and start thinking about it. I tried to keep playing my game yet thoughts kept intruding my mind. I managed to overcome yesterday's cravings, I gave myself CREDIT for it at the end of the night as well, but then...I woke up this morning and all I was thinking about was food. I wasn't physically hungry yet my cravings were through the roof. Right as I woke up!!! Well, as I was going to the store to do my weekly grocery shopping, I consciously told myself "You are in control. Go get the foods you NEED, they are for this week only, and you will be okay". I went to the store, got stuff that looked good, and I came home. I ate breakfast and felt fine. Didn't even buy ice cream or anything, just normal food like bread, peanut butter, cereal, yogurts, brocolli...

I started trying to play a video game, but I got distracted about food - and all I could think about was food at that point. I kept trying to play the game which I was doing yet I was thinking about FOOD. Can I not even enjoy myself without these thoughts? It got to the point to where I could not even concentrate on what I was doing, and I just wanted to eat. At that point, I started binging. I literally ate all the food I bought. A whole jar of peanut butter, half loaf of bread, two boxes of cereal...

This is so bad right now. If I didn't have these cravings, I would not be binging. I was fine all week while I was with someone else, yet I come back on my own and I am binging again. This is to the point now where I am unable to even enjoy activities I want to like. I am unable to even live my own life. At this point, I am asking myself what the point of my life is anymore. I won't carry anything out - but seriously I have so much to be thankful for, and there are people that would die to have my life. I have a nice apartment, money, a good job, I am a goo guy, and all I do is get sabotaged with binge eating urges,

WHAT DO I WANT RIGHT NOW - I want to come home and just relax, play a video game, and be free. Instead, I come home and am unable to do anything without thoughts of food intruding my mind. I can't sit down and play a game without thinking about food. I already know what the causes of my binging are and I know food will not cure it, yet deep down inside my subconscious still acts on the behavior.

Here is my main question. I already know what events lead up to this. I already know why I am eating. I know food will not cure any of the issues - yet I still keep eating. WHY? Why am I eating knowing that food won't help AT ALL? I'll still be single tomorrow. I'll still come home by myself tomorrow. This tells me one thing - there must be another reason for my binge eating. So everything I thought was the cause is not because I am still doing it. Could that be right?

Why can't I just come home and enjoy it. I am living the life I have always wanted to life yet food keeps intruding my mind. I don't even want to do this anymore either, but my subconscious is obviously causing this push. This is what happened today. The cravings kicked in, I then start to panic and ask myself why I am experiencing these cravings even knowing what triggered them, my stress and anxiety levels get out of control, and then when I start binging I feel incredibly relaxed. But why I am getting cravings even though I know what causes them? You would think me knowing that and knowing food won't help would stop them but they don't. So then I start thinking there's another reason and that causes me to freak out, get stressed/anxious/depressed and binging because I feel like I have no control.

WHY in God's name do I keep experiencing cravings knowing that food will never fix any of my problems. If someone can answer that, it would help me out a lot.

Knowing what triggers and causes a binge can help in a situation, but simply knowing the cause does not automatically mean you know the cure.

That's like a doctor coming in and saying that you have a disease... but just knowing it doesn't mean the disease disappears! They have to treat the disease once they know what it is.

Knowing the problem is a lot better than being in the dark about it, but that's really only the beginning.

I'll use myself as an example. I know that boredom/loneliness is the cause of a LOT of my emotional eating. But, just knowing that won't automatically help me the next time I'm bored/lonely. The cravings are still going to come up. It's up to me to recognize and then solve the emotional problem.

However, solving emotional problems can be a difficult thing, and while I'm working to solve ... the cravings don't just disappear! Saying to myself "I know why I'm craving xxx... because I'm lonely!" doesn't mean I immediately stop being lonely and therefore stop craving. The emotions stick around until I deal with them properly. Heck, they might even always be a little bit there in the background until I've turned better habits into second nature.

Dealing with them properly differs from person to person. Some people need to find a hobby. Others need to reach out. Some might have to start a new activity.

Pointing out a problem does not solve it. It's only step one. Step two is figuring out what activities help you individually to deal with the emotion itself. Some people need more help with this than others.

I logically know that eating a huge cake won't solve my problems, but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes think about eating a huge cake. Logic doesn't always automatically trump emotional thought processes.

buildx87, food is like any other addiction, like cigarettes. I believe that everyone who smokes know WHY it's bad and a lot of people want to stop but the cravings take hold. Smokers know it's bad for them, know what it does to their body and yet they still can't stop. Smoking doesn't help but when you have one, it relaxes you.

So with any craving and/or addiction, it's a lot about being aware of your triggers, facing them and lots of discipline. Your body is use to when you have these cravings, you give into them and give it what it wants. As I heard someone say on the forum earlier, sometimes you have to treat your body like a bratty child. It screams and yells that it wants something, even though you know it doesn't need it, and you have to be strict and tell them no. They might still throw a tantrum but eventually, the kid will forget about it and move on. Your body will do the same.

Binging is hard to control but I think that since you already know what triggers your cravings, take steps to avoid the binging. Do something completely different from what you normally do when experiences your cravings.

Discipline and determination. YOU are in control of your body, your body is NOT in control of you.

Good luck! You'll be able to fight off these cravings and get back on track. :)

Have you tried doing something physical instead of playing video games? In your last post, you binged because thoughts kept coming into your head while playing games. What about when you feel like you need to binge, walk around the block a few times, or jog a little? Could you do a bit of weight lifting or bodyweight exercises? Seriously, doing a good amount of exercises suppresses my appetite for awhile. Even if you don't do that, you have to try something different. It has been said, "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity". You shook things up when you went to a friends, but you're not cured and you might never be cured. But, if you try to maybe shake up your home life by doing different things than you might usually do or want to try, you may curb some of those intense cravings. Why not go to a movie with a friend instead of sitting at home by yourself? Go hiking? Get involved with a community activity, volunteer organization or sport?

Well I have cooled off a little bit and gathered my emotions.

As hard as it is to admit, it was missing love that I was trying to generate again. I know I mentioned that earlier, but I seemed to just completely lose consciousness with myself today and let myself go.

Well, I am feeling a little better now. I just went in the bathroom and looked at myself dead in the mirror. I said this to myself:

"-----, I love you. You're the greatest. You're the greatest. You're the greatest. I forgive you, I have your back, and I will take care of you".

I then proceeded to kiss myself in the mirror just like I would a girl. I looked back at myself and started balling my eyes out. I sat down, and that incredible heavy feeling I get in my chest slowly turned into a glowing, comforting feeling.

This whole week I was focused on everything outside what really needs nurturing - and that is self love. I did "other" side things I thought would make me love myself like cleaning my place, playing more games, but that isn't how to show myself love. The real way to do it is telling myself in the mirror, face to face.

I am going to make a note now everyday to practice self love. I will do things such as telling myself this each day, kissing myself in the mirror (I know that sounds weird but it works), and I will myself on a date this Saturday night to the movies. My outside says that sounds lonely, but my inside is crying out for love.

:yes: :hug:

Hugs, hun. Self love is hard for most people, and for some it is especially hard. There have been times that I truly have hated myself just for being fat, because if I had that one shortcoming, in my mind it overshadowed all of my amazing accomplishments. I am so glad you're coming to terms with your loneliness, sadness, and need for love.

((hugs)) been thinking of you and following this thread from the start, even though i don't have any real concrete advice to give :)

I had been a binge eater for over 35 years. Last year I did an online program called Shrink Yourself by Dr. Roger Gould. He also wrote a book by the same name. It really helped me so much, and I don't believe I would have broken free from my bingeing under my own strength.
I highly recommend the program!

Sue

Sounds like you get cravings every time you play video games. My husband said he always thinks of food when he plays video games and he doesn't even have a problem w/ binging. Could video games have subliminal messages in them? Even if they don't, they might be a trigger for you somehow. You should try not playing for a week or two, to see if it helps.

buildx87,

Sometimes there really is no cause or reason for binging. I think it's really important to accept that you don't always have control over the urges and you can't explain them away. You sound incredibly lonely in your struggle, and I just want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there are so many people everywhere with "perfect" lives who struggle with binge eating and food addiction. Have you considered a face-to-face support group?

It is great that you are identifying the things that trigger you. I struggle with TV and video games too, particularly if I am alone. My brain automatically associates TV with food. I agree with the other posters that suggested to find something else to do instead that keeps you mind off of food and makes you happy. Sometimes I play music and dance around my living room like a fool, but it makes me feel good and keeps me away from the food.

As for dealing with the need to be loved, it sounded from your previous post that you are close with your mom. I am sure she loves you very much. Use your friends and family as an asset in your recovery. Whenever you are feeling lonley or unworthy call on them to help you pick yourself up and assure yourself that you are a good person and that you are doing a great job!

Also, the mirror thing is not weird at all, it actually has scientific merit. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, like telling yourself you are a good person and imagining yourself in a positive relationship, it releases the same brain chemicals (seritonin) as whe you binge. You get te feel good feeling without the negitive health effects. I say if it works, go for it and don't feel weird about it at all.

This morning my cravings kicked in on the way to work. I don't recall any specific thoughts except thinking about a girl I was dating (who I no longer even want), and then I was slowly developing a need for something.

I am sitting here just thinking about what it is I need or want right now. What is it I'm craving? I've obviously tried to replace that with food in the past, a desire to have a girlfriend, drinking, weight loss, a cleaner apartment, money, and now self love/appreciation - yet none of that seems to fulfill the void.

So what's wrong? I don't get it. This has been going on two years now and I can't figure it out. Something does not seem right at this moment. I feel like something is missing, or I have something engraved in my chest that I need to let go - but I don't know what it is. I've been to my therapist yet I haven't had anything that snaps yet. Self love was a huge one, but I still think there's more - there's something MORE to this. I think I am going to just start writing down when this all started, think hard, and trace back in time.

Right now, I am experiencing a weird sensation in my chest - right in the middle. Like, something is needed or wanted. In the past I would have said food. I can say now it's not food. It's not a relationship. It's not my mother. It's not love. If I could put words with this feeling, it would help me.

I don't know what it could be that I want.

Things I know I do not want:

A girlfriend/relationship
Food
Parents/family (though I love them, I do not have the mentality that I need them right now)
Money
A job

I have a good job. I have money. I have a nice apartment. I have myself. I have a car. I have good friends. I have a great family. But there just seems like there's something wrong, or missing, or I need something..but I can't figure it out.

Do you have any kind of religious or spiritual affiliation? When I am in really desperate places reconnecting with my faith helps me feel more balanced.

I do, I go to church on Sunday's.

But..something just does not seem right. I am craving something..I want something..I need something. There seems to be something missing that's stuck in the middle of my chest that I just need to let go of but I can't figure out what it is.

I used to desperately want a girlfriend to fill that void. That didn't do it. I tried dieting, weight loss, exercise and that didn't work. I tried going out on the weekends, expanding my social group, going out to the clubs/bars, and "living the life" - that didn't work either. And for the past two years I was binge eating - I have now recognized that does not fill this void anymore either.

All of the above temporarily worked - food being the best for the longest time, but here I am, knowing food will not fill that void anymore and I am still wondering what I want.

I wish I could just pull it out of me. The answer seems to lie within - but I can't figure out what it is. It's something that has to come from inside of me - but what it is? I have a great apartment. I have a great job. I have a caring, nice personality. I will make a great father someday. I have a car. People like me and enjoy who I am. So, what's the problem? What is this deep rooted feeling in my chest that has stuck with me for the past two years?

I have thought through just about every potential issue it could be - from the most obvious to the least obvious, and it still sticks with me. I know one thing though - when I dated a few girls, dating them provided something in my life that I could not provide myself. Something that even I do not get from my family, my mother, or my own friends. Something I cannot explain. I don't know what it is. But when we went out, it made this feeling in my chest drop and I felt relieved and happy. Does anyone have any idea on what this could be because I cannot explain it.

This is what bothers me. For some reason, when I date someone, my life is great and I feel normal and happy. I feel like I am on top of the world and no one is going to stop me. And it's not by choice either, but it just happens.
Everything is great. Yet when I am single, like I am right now and these past two years, I get stuck with this odd feeling in my chest that sticks with me that I described above. But I know I do not need a girlfriend in my life and I am capable of living life without one. If I am happy and love myself, there is no desire or need for a relationship. So since I acknowledge that why I am still experiencing this feeling in my chest (whatever it is)?

You sound so much like me it is not even funny! I'm 25 and I've been dealing with this since I was just a little kid. I'm not going to claim that I've got this all figured out because I am not even close but it sounds to me like you are still dealing with the self love issue.

You describe yourself as a great person, with a great job, apartment, friends and family. All of that is fantastic, but do you feel like you are worthy of all of those good things? Obviously you think intellectually that you are worthy but do you honestly in your heart of hearts believe it?

When you are in a relationship you have somenoe in your life who validates that you are a good person and worthy of love. Your mind says "If I wasn't worthy she wouldn't be with me, right?"

Then when things don't work out and you are single again you start to feel like you aren't worthy of love and happiness because you don't have anyone in your life to validate that for you.

I hate it when people stand up at weddings and say "he/she completes me". No one completes you. You have to complete yourself then let people into your life that compliment you.

If you were in a relationship now, you would still be the exact same person. You would still be a great guy.

Just acknowledging it in your logical mind isn't enough. It takes time to really believe it. For me it is a daily struggle. Am I a good mom, wife, friend? I know the answer is yes but when I doubt I turn to food because it is always there, always the same and it never judges or requires more of me.

Sorry this was so long! In a nutshell, this isn't going to go away quickly. It's taken two years for you to develop an addiction to food that replaces love. Just like if you were on drugs or an alchoholic, it doesn't just disappear when you realize it's not good for you. Keep going to your therapist, pray, and take one step at a time.

You both sound like me and I am almost 50. I have struggled with binge/compulsive eating all of my life. I am the happiest (I think) that I have ever been in my life but something, something is not right. I've almost come to the conclusion that this is the cross I must bear. I'm way better than I was when I was bulimic and totally out of control, but I still struggle everyday. I have read many, many books on the subject and I think that we must learn to accept that part of ourselves as part of what makes us individuals. Like try to love that part of ourselves and acknowledge it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

I finally managed to kill the cravings off.

They lasted from 8:30am this morning till 3pm this afternoon (!!!!)

No matter what I tried to distract myself all out warfare was ensuing in my mind. I was cravings something (of course my mind says food) but I knew it was something else this time because I do not want food I want something else. I tried thinking of everything possible, writing stuff down, researching online..nothing worked.

So I finally said screw it, I will go back in time and relive all the events that lead up to this.

Here is what I did:

At 1pm extremely frustrated I got a piece of paper out and I traced back to when this all started. I started making a huge detailed list of dates when I began binge eating. The events going on in my life, and things like that. In fact here is my list:

March 2009 - Moved out of parents house (I then mentally began reliving and thinking about this time)
June 2009 - Started a new Job - again I was mentally reliving this moment
August 2009 - Began a new relationship - really remember this
December 2009 - Got dumped - REALLY remember that

December 2009 forward - After I got dumped went on extreme self pity, self hate, self disrespect mode and starved myself down out of anger/frustration and thinking my looks were the problem. Then I remember shortly after that the binging started and I wrote it off as cheat days but it was actually to fill the emotional voids I was going through. I was thinking back and felt like I was living in the moment. I saw myself in my head eating 800 calories a day and the binging on the weekends.

I took me 1 hour to write this log and recall all the events, well I read it and that feeling in my chest lifted as well as my cravings all of a sudden!!! I told myself are you kidding me, I am a psycho for this, I starved myself down and binged because I lost a relationship and this is all done out of self anger. Forget about it!!! I have better things in life to worry about than binge eating and losing some relationship two years ago anyways!!

I have no idea what this meant but it worked and I feel good all of a sudden??? Did I need to go "back in time" in my head and just rethink the events to "cure" my cravings?? Was I craving the PAST?

It sounds like you're really hitting the areas that have triggered a lot of these behaviors. That's very positive news that you're finding ways to work through it now!

I have been dealing with cravings all day.

The good thing is, I have recognized I am not craving food. So anytime I think of "binge eating" it immediately shot down in my mind.

For some reason, I am craving something but I don't know what it is! Today was a perfectly good day yet I seem to want something. I don't know what it could be. I'm happy with the way I look today. I smiled in the mirror all day when I saw myself. I cleaned my place up, I bought some new clothes and items for my home, but I seem to want SOMETHING!

It's not a relationship either. I just have no clue what it could be!!!

My cravings are still around..but I can't figure out what for!!

I went to the store earlier today thinking "Okay, I am getting binge cravings so let's go get some ice cream". I went to the store and I kid you not, the ice cream looked repulsive. I was looking at all the Ben and Jerry's and I was about to vomit. No junk food looked good to me at all. I completely acknowledge what I am craving is not food. I couldn't believe it. But something seems slightly off - like my body wants something. I just can't tell what. Whatever it is, it isn't food. I've been very happy with myself and my life in general lately, so I don't know what's up?

Something just seems off..but whatever it is, it isn't food. Ice cream looks so disgusting if I took a bite of any or see it I'll freaking vomit. The thought of it alone makes me disgusted. What is it I want!!! I can't tell :carrot:

I know this sounds a bit greedy, but I am hoping someone will chime in.

I still am getting these cravings for something. Leading up to this all, I woke up today and had those cravings. They would not go away at all no matter what I seemed to do. Food was in my mind, though in reality I knew that was not want I wanted. I am not craving food at all. I went to the store today again thinking if I ate ice cream it would satisfy my needs (even though the thought of ice cream sounded repulsive) and yet I literally forced myself to buy ice cream. I literally had it in my hands and I said "this is not what I want, this looks disgusting". Well I bought it anyways just to see since ice cream WAS on my mind, and I got home and started eating it. Took a bite of some and starting eating it, and it seemed to work for the time being. Pretty much I noticed all my thoughts were leaving my head, I "thought" it tasted okay but then I stopped and regained control and realized how bad it tasted. And I said this is not what I want. Unfortunately I almost finished the whole thing but I realize that ice cream was not it. It worked for like a few minutes tops.

So, I obviously want something, but I don't know what it is. As hard as it is to say, no food is going to be it. There is no food that is going to satisfy this need, I know that much.

I want something..my mind currently seems to be wired to THINK it's food, though in reality it is not food at all. The only reason I ate ice cream today is because these cravings have been sticking around for days and I just get tired of dealing with them. I literally try to sit around and figure out what it is I want but I can't. So food works temporarily but it's not what I want in reality.

So, I don't know where to begin. I hope someone can offer their advice. Are there any steps I can take to uncover "hidden" emotions/wants??

Hi Buildx87
My heart breaks for you because I understand the sense of failure, guilt and frustration you must feel cause I too struggle with binge eating. I am going to suggest you try some of the things that I have tried in an attempt to overcome this habit.
1. I went to the faithbased weightloss section of this website and found some really great threads.
2. Through that section I was able to find this book 'Made to Crave', its a weight loss book that is based on Christian principles.
It is geared more towards women but I truly believe that you could really benefit from it, there is a 21 day challenge you could take before purchasing the book.Through the purchase of this book and participating in the 21 day challenge (which you can sign up to anytime), I have learnt some truths about myself and my relationship with food.
I also found this website that you can look at in terms of spirituality and weight loss. Google 'Take Back Your Temple'

I am 34 days binge free and I am using the following strategies to help me overcome. At first I started with not exercising, and just focusing on not binging. Focus on one thing at a time. I try not to think of it as a lifetime of not binging and denying myself foods that give me sugary highs. I take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time. Each time I have a craving (which are very fierce at times) I pray about it, listen to worship music, try to speak the word of God. I also try to remind myself of the sense of failure, disappointment and guilt that I always feel after a binge. I also remind my self that food only tastes good for the moment that its in my mouth and thats it. I also use the Myfitness pal app and this has helped me keep my eating under control.
I also had to remind myself that I want to have children and I do not want to pass down this horrible trait onto my children, I want to overcome this binging 'curse'. I do not have to spend my life worrying about what I eat, how I look so that I can focus on achieving more important goals in life.
I also try to remind that myself that I feel better when I am eating on some sort of plan and exercising regularly which makes me feel better and gives me a body I like .As compared to when I binge and eating whatever I want and feeling bloated, hating my body and feeling like a failure.
You could also look into intermittent fasting as someone suggested in an earlier post, because restricting your eating window might help keep binging out of your life.

I'm sorry I rambled on, but I hope you find something of use from my post.Remember that God is above everything and through Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors.
Do not give up on yourself, you are young you will overcome this challenge and help others overcome as well.
I am praying for you.

Food only fills stomachs, it doesn't fill voids.

To find out what you really want... well it's the same process as discovering that you didn't want food.

It takes a lot of thought. I know what it can feel like to want for something. Meditating on it allowed me to realize what I want... I want to give. It may seem strange to think that filling a void is going to take the opposite of what seems natural. Giving instead of receiving.

But, that's my own journey. And may not be what you're craving.

What I discovered is that it does not matter anymore why I'm binge-eating because once I discover the cause of the episode...well, the next episode seems to be caused by something else. And something else again will trigger still another episode. And I can't seem to foresee what all will cause the episodes.

What helped me is realizing that letting binge-eating into my life was like letting a monster into my house. And every time I binged was as if I were dancing with that monster.

And I realized that like a monster, binge-eating had become strong in my life. So strong that it would be long and hard to remove it. But meanwhile, I decided that I didn't have to dance with it anymore. If it had taken up residence in my house by my unwitting invitation--seriously, did anyone realize the power binge-eating would gain over us once we began engaging in this behavior?--and it would take some time to remove it, at least I didn't have to dance with it.

What I mean is this: binge-eating seems to be a learned behavior with us, a coping mechanism, and we must unlearn that behavior and cope another way.

Meanwhile, that behavior has taken up residence, and calls to us constantly to it's dance. And we must tell it no each time.

And while we're refusing to dance with it, we will learn new ways to cope with life's problems.

But remember that binge-eating is a monster, and monsters are strong in that they hold on to their territory (the territory we first gave them) and it might be a very long while before the urge to binge stops. Meanwhile, we can refuse that urge. We say no to the dance each time the monster invites us.

Well it has been a rough few days. So far binged everyday. Been eating maintenance calories yet still binging.

As I sit here I probably had a 7,000 calorie binge. I jotted my thoughts down as I was binging:

I am just mindlessly shoveling crap down my mouth. I'm not even enjoying it. It tastesterrible and disgusting. Even the ice cream I bought which I used to love just makes me sick to my stomach. As I eat this I feel disgusted but I keep eating anyways. There was no reason for this to have happened today. I woke up, ate a healthy breakfast, went to workout, did some work with a friend, came home, and started getting bombarded with cravings. It's not fair. I did not deserve any of this.

I really tried to analyze what was going on. Why was I craving "food"? I tried to analyze it but the more I analyzed it, the worse it got. And the cravings just kept nagging me and nagging me to the point I just got tired of dealing with it. I even ate my maintenance calories for the day I still ended up binging. I kid you not, I do not enjoy my binges at all. While most love ice cream and stuff the food tastes terrible to me and even as I bought it I was disgusted saying "This is so gross I don't want to eat it" yet I did.

It's such a shame. I'm such a good looking guy with a great physique and this disease is killing me. God I am just so upset right now. I am not upset at myself, I am upset with these cravings. I have eliminated every possible aspect of this but I am still getting cravings. After I binged I just hugged myself and said "It's okay, it's not your fault". I don't know what to do. I really love myself and I just feel so bad for myself.

The only thing I feel "GOOD" about is the fact that these cravings are gone now - that's it. I feel good that they are gone. Also, I feel a lot more relaxed. I was getting tensed and anxious dealing with the cravings for so long.

I spent some time on Google tonight and found the definition of compulsion:

"An irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, esp. against one's conscious wishes. "

And then, it occurred to me. I finally have accepted the truth. I am not a binge eater, I am not an emotional eater..I am a compulsive overeater!! My cravings aren't due to my body lacking this or that, but the cravings are a result of compulsive thoughts which eventually lead to anxiety/stress which cause a binge. So it makes sense now! I am stuck in a literal compulsive cycle and that's why this is going on. I am having compulsive thoughts right now like tomorrow I am going to overeat, and again and again. I don't want to do it either but those thoughts are intruding my mind. So now I have to fight a harder battle - which is like not biting your nails. Damn this is going to be tough but I'm ready to do it.

WOW!!! Did I just have a HUGE realization this morning!! :carrot:

I woke up this morning and something felt wrong. As I was sitting in my computer chair just surfing the net, I started rampantly thinking about binging again. I said to myself "How is this possible following a 7,000 calorie binge yesterday?". I wanted to cry because of these thoughts intruding my mind.

But then it just occurred to me. What am I thinking about right now? Binging. Ice cream. Obsessive thoughts. And then I don't know what happened, I started looking at past and current behaviors. I used to wash my hands obsessively. Always obsessed with my body image. Obsessed with doing my hair a lot in the past. Hmm, a pattern, so to speak.

Then I finally realized it. It's all obsessive thoughts. It's literally OCD I have been dealing with! So all of these thoughts lead to the cravings! Basically obsessive thoughts lead to anxiety/worrying which lead to carrying out the obsessive thoughts/behavior (binging) for the sole purpose of relieving that anxiety/thoughts.

Obsessive thoughts about ice cream/binging --> cravings ---> worrying/anxiety --> binging to relieve the thoughts, cravings, and anxiety that were created

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not depressed, sad, upset, or anything like that. It's all caused by THOUGHTS and not realizing why! So my body wasn't actually craving anything, chances are my diet is GOOD! It was the obsessive thoughts that were creating them! I looked in the mirror and told myself all of this and guess what? All of my cravings instantly stopped!! I kid you not, I went from almost hoarding down another loaf of bread to craving free in literally seconds. And I feel INCREDIBLE right now! I feel the same way as if I were to binge - relieved, but in this case I am HAPPY not sad! :D

I didn't believe it at first so I applied the same method to something else. I have a bad "habit" to where I am consistently humming. I have been doing this for almost a year non stop. Every time I thought about doing it, it would generate the urge to do it and I couldn't resist. I applied the same method here. I looked in the mirror and said out loud "OCD is making me hum". Guess what happened since I have said that? It's been three hours without humming when I was literally doing it ALL the time! I think about it but I don't even do it now because I realize it's just a THOUGHT! When I get the urge now to hum, I do something else like drink some water. It's worked for the past three hours and I literally feel like I can do this forever now!! :D I did something else too. Biting my nails. I thought about biting my nails to generate that "urge" and I found myself reaching towards my hand to bite them. Then I accepted this was just a thought and I really didn't need to bite them. And then I put my hands down without biting my nails.

I am now convinced you can literally retrain your brain on the spot. I have proven this to myself. I literally just clapped my hands in real life out of excitement. That's how good I feel right now!!! Yes, my binging was caused by various reasons. Once I realized that, it only continued because of the habitual part. Binging became an obsession! That would explain why I would binge, not enjoy doing it, but feel relieved from anxiety and the thoughts. And guess what? Right now I am experiencing the urges to hum and eat. But guess what else? I told myself out loud "These are obsessive thoughts. I will let them run their course and I will FULLY experience them without giving in".

So now, it's 21 days to break a habit. I'm going forth day by day, I accept that obsessive thoughts my run in my head, and now - I am going to finally accept them. I am finally going to EXPERIENCE these thoughts and cravings and openly let them run their course. So right now while the obsessive thoughts about ice cream and humming run in my head, I am happy and letting them do their thing. That's okay - that's all they are - thoughts! I feel so great right now that I have realized this I am literally in tears due to happiness.

You can literally GENERATE an urge to binge with just a SINGLE THOUGHT!!! That's exactly what I was doing! One thought about Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream can literally lead you to a 7,000 calorie binge. That's all it takes. One thought can cause that much catastrophe. You will then be left wondering why, what happened, what you could have done to stop it. I did the same thing. I would analyze my binges till the end of the world trying to figure out why it happened. Look at this thread for proof. Guess what? All you need to do is accept that thought - tell yourself that out loud, recognize it's JUST a thought, and that's it! The OFF switch lies WITHIN! I guarantee you that I will be here next week, the week after, and the week after that and I won't have a binge because I now have the power of stopping and recognizing why. I wish I would have realized this at least a year ago. I am glad I have realized it because I probably would have never been able to stop. I have cured myself by accepting my thoughts for what they are. My binging was due to that fact - not facing my fears. Not facing my thoughts and accepting them for what they were.

Right now I have actually generated a craving. I am really craving some ice cream right now - cookie dough ice cream in particular. I generated it by purposely thinking about it for a little bit. And I am experiencing severe cravings right now, but guess what? I am embracing them. I am letting them happen and I feel terrific and in control. Where in the past I would have normally just given in, right now I am accepting this. And suddenly, that feels great!

I am glad to have finally close the chapter on this, and now I can finally start living my life again. Thank GOD!!!

Just wanted to let you know I've been following your struggles. I'm glad you're coming up with some new understanding of what's going on!

Thanks!

Yesterday was TOUGH but I made it for the first time. Yes, I pretty much had brought on the cravings yesterday so I could experience it fully and let me tell you - it was not easy. Pretty much I brought on the cravings but thinking about it. The more I thought the more they came on.

So here's the cycle. The cravings initially lasted for a few HOURS with up and down times. Eventually the cravings passed, and I began to feel fatigued (most likely from fighting them off/resisting them). Eventually the fatigue passed, and then I started to develop self-hateful thoughts such as I'm a failure, feelings of fear, I'm fat, I'm worthless. I never experienced that before. It was extremely scary. And then it got to the point where I literally got a PUSH to binge! Like, without my control I stood up and started heading to the fridge. At that point, I said enough!! I knew I had lost control. I got out of my home immediately and went for a walk and listened to music. I came back about 30 minutes later, and it was all over. I felt better and gave myself a huge pat on the back and was literally screaming in joy. Eventually I went to bed and go figure - those damn cravings and fatigue started kicking in again but I fought them off.

I can tell you right now my binging is 100% psychologically related. It is not due to "dieting", deprivation, or anything like that. I don't even LIKE ice cream. I could go without it. I don't need it or even want it. Yet, my binge monster craves it like no other. I am so sick of hearing how binging is due to dieting. I'm not even DIETING to begin with. I'm eating food I like such as brown rice, broccoli, chicken, meats, etc. I don't WANT ice cream, but my "binge monster" does. They say binging is due to depriving yourself but I think it's crap. I bet it COULD be but not for me. I can literally initiate the urge to binge with my very own thoughts in a matter of seconds. It's pulling myself out that's the hard part because once I snap into that binge mode - I lose myself. I noticed that yesterday actually. The urge pretty much lasted all day and the more it went on, the more depressed I got as I fought it. You know how they say to stay alert and aware? The longer I fought the binging, the more of it I became. I was losing myself and started to become the binge itself. That's why it's so hard to stop - because you become something that isn't you.

I don't care if my body craves ice cream and all that crap anymore. I am not going to take it anymore. I REFUSE TO LET THIS WIN. I am so fed up with this I am just sick and tired of dealing with it. I am not going to let this "alternate persona" take over myself anymore. If my body wants to crave, I'll let it crave. I'll let it crave for hours but I will never give in. I am on Day 2 of binge free and right now I can tell you I am extremely moody and irritable. My body is sending some cravings out again and making me very irritable but I am fighting them off. I don't care anymore. I'm standing my ground NOW. This has taken over my life for too long and it's time for me to throw the punches.

While I'm resisting a binge, I find it helpful to talk to my body.

I tell it that I, my spirit man, am in charge here, and that I, my spirit man, don't want to binge. I, my spiriti man, I tell my body, want to eat healthy, but you body, would kill me if I listened to you. You would just binge binge binge until I die. But I won't let you, because that's not what I want. I want to be healthy and free. So you, body, just get over it. Just shut up. I'm in control here.

When you think about something so much, that thought becomes reality. You're then left wondering why you did it and what caused it. I will speak for myself, and probably many bingers - but your thoughts are creating your binging. You haven't learnt to accept those thoughts so they're left hovering around doing their thing. You need to accept your THOUGHTS, not your cravings. Do not give into a binge for one day. For one day, do not binge. You will suffer severe cravings, but I want you to pay attention to your thoughts, not what your craving.

And I did that. I literally woke up yesterday morning and told my disease to come fight me. I told it to unleash all **** upon me and I would stand my ground. And guess what? It did. And there were times I was about to give up, go to bed, and wake up and give in. I craved and craved all day like a mother. It would not stop no matter what I did. I even unconsciously started craving food and losing touch with myself. I started heading to the fridge atr one point. But I stuck in touch with myself because I wanted to experience this. As my cravings continued, I kept staying in touch with myself paying attention to what I was thinking. Below are most of those thoughts from yesterday:

- I'll never be able to make it a day without binging
- I'll never make it a week without binging
- I'll never be able to be in shape
- I'm fat
- I'm a failure
- I deserve to die
- I am sick and tired of fighting these cravings
- What am I craving? Is it something else? Is it really food?
- Should I fix my diet? Will that cure my problem?
- Do I need more carbs or fats in my diet?

I was craving food because my thoughts above were triggering the cravings. You see, what basically has happened is when I thought any of the above thoughts, I never processed them before and let myself experience them. If I felt fat and thought that, it would trigger cravings which would lead me to binge. Then you get in a cycle. You think you're fat, that triggers cravings, and you binge. You're brain is literally wired to shoot off cravings anytime you have a specific thought because at some point you wired yourself to feel good when you thought that. Well, binging was great for me at first but then it lost it's touch. It took more and more calories each time to reach that high. Eventually, it just quit working all together, and I wondered why I was still binging. Well, because every thought above was wired to trigger cravings.

The very thought of "I'm fat" would lead me to a 7,000 calorie binge. I would think I'm fat, then I would start to diet, and guess what? The thoughts of thinking I'm fat, thinking I'm going to diet were enough to send me to the supermarket.

When I think of the thought "I'll never be able to go a week without binging", that triggers me off. But that is just a thought and I can deal with it. Right now my method of dealing with these thoughts is letting it sink in. So, a little bit earlier this morning I thought "I'll never be able to go a week without binging". Not too long after that I started craving food and then I told myself "The thought of me not going a week without binging triggered this". So now I am letting the craving from that thought run it's course. It's still stuck with me a little but I'm letting it's run it's course. I'm saying "Hello mr. week free binging thought how are you?? :D" while he nags me to run to the ice cream store.

This is why dieting does not work to cure binging. Even if you lost weight and looked incredible, I gaurentee you will be on the path to weight gain. Why? Because your THOUGHTS still will run rampant, unprocessed, and not stood up to. You need to first recognize your thoughts, and then out loud, acknowledge them for what they are. THOUGHTS.

You think you'll never be able to make it a week without binging? Then that becomes your reality. No matter how good of a week you have it can all come crashing down when you are alone and least expect it.

You think it's hard to beat this? Then it will be hard.

I am convinced you can beat this demon if you just experience your thoughts and accept them for what they are - thoughts. They have no relevance. They have no truth or meaning. They are just thoughts. Something that flows through your brain. How you interpret, act, and respond to those thoughts are HUGE. No amount of willpower can beat this disorder because I am convinced it really is all in your head. The only person that can stop it is you. The power lies within!

When this all started, I was binging because it was comforting me for not having a girlfriend. It was filling the void of love. I realized that but kept binging anyways and I asked myself why? I would try to diet, lose weight, exercise, but nothing would stop the binging. The binging continued because it was too late. I got stuck in a vicious cycle of guilt, and linking negative thoughts to food. Eventually it got so out of control and I lost touch of reality and my own thoughts.

See, too many of us go on about our daily lives and don't pay attention to what we think. We don't stay in flow with our thoughts and emotions. We live our lives, do our work, come home, and repeat the process. We put ourselves on the backshelf. And then at some point something bad happens, a thought comes into our head, and without thinking we start a specific behavior in response to it. That is what I believe the first part of creating an addiction.

So I am telling any bingers right now to let yourself experience a day binge free, but don't fight the craving. The craving is not your enemy. Instead, focus on your thoughts. It will be hard, but you can do it. The toughest part for me is my thoughts were becoming the craving. They were so powerful that I was losing touch with reality and I was BECOMING my thoughts! But staying in tune with your thoughts is key. Cravings have multiple parts, but they are mainly just thoughts.

I hope this helps someone that is struggling. Granted it's been a few days for me, I am literally mastering my cravings at this point. Yes, this fast! I am paying attention to my thoughts and that is key. Yesterday I thought I would not make it through the day without binging. That thought generated a craving for me because I linked that thought with ice cream binging. Well, today the thought "I won't make it through today without binging" and guess what? It didn't initiate a craving because I experienced that thought yesterday without giving in!

This is really interesting. I have been reading about how our thoughts make our reality a great deal lately. How easy it can be to randomly allow the same thoughts to go through your head over and over until your body complies and does what you are telling it. It is as if you not only have to choose your thoughts carefully but you also have to choose what you allow yourself to listen to when other people are telling you things as well so that they don't influence your thoughts.

When I was in highschool I went through some crazy issues thinking I was fat. I was a pretty normal weight, 125lbs. I exercised 2 hours a day and ate very small amounts of food and was hungry all the time, but thought maybe if I skipped meals i would be able to become thinner all the while thinking I was so fat. I would look in the mirror every morning and tell myself I was ugly and fat literally out loud. I even reached a point where I could not look at any part of my body outside of my face cause I just felt so fat and disgusted with myself.

It didnt help either that my mom criticized me all the time and family members made fun of my body and the way I looked telling me thing like I had no neck and I was flat footed and I walked like a duck and making fun of the size of my breasts. I even had a family member that was constantly telling me I was going to get fat and I was going to be fat. Then one day I just got tired of feeling like i was at war with my body and I just started eating! I literal watched myself get bigger and bigger and when I got to college I kept right on eating and carrying all that shame and frustration with me. It wasn't till I had a guy tell me he thought I was pretty that I even saw the slightest glimmer of hope but that was short lived.

I believed I was fat and ugly and I literally was transforming into what I thought I was. I would go to the cafeteria and buy tons of junk and go back to my dorm and when my roommates were not around I would eat it. or I would hang out in a empty class room and eat.

Our thoughts literally shape our future with every single second that we think them. After years Of feeling fat and disgusted and trying to fight it and being scared of turning into a fat person I actually was watching myself become what I always thought I was.

The funny thing is though that it took many years to learn is that you can think yourself thin as well and that is the journey I am on right now. I look in the mirror and I praise my beauty no matter how I look. I am learning to not allow others insecurities to effect how I see myself though it can be very hard. I suffer from binge eating and I started watching my cards and limiting them with the intention of slowly reducing them so that I can see just how much I should or should not eat when it comes to sugars and bread.

I made up my mind to change the negative thoughts one thought at a time and not to obsess on them to the point of frustration. I believe I can get this under control and your story is inspirational cause it really shows how our body does exactly what we tell it to through our thoughts and then through our actions. best of luck on your journey.

To me this sounds like an obsessive compulsive behavior, if you get a little anxious and upset when not binging then it can easily be OCD.

A medical Dr needs to also check your blood to check for vitamin deficiency.

Other then that chill with working out try 3 times a week, try finding other hobbies, etc. If you are afraid of gaining weight back this can psychologically make you react and rebel against yourself, if that makes sense,

Thank you,
Mandy