Have you always felt this way, or is this recent? That is, did it start happening when you started trying to eat more healthily, or have you always disliked eating in front of other people? That fear can be a variety of social anxiety disorder. You may want to read up on it more -- you'll find you're not alone.
No i'm not always uncomfortable eating in front of others. If i go out with friends, i'm not at all embarrassed to eat a 1/2 pound burger and huge serving of fries, if that's what everyone else is doing. The only reason i get embarrassed at the meals i described, is that it seems like a lot of food. I mean, oatmeal AND greek yogurt AND eggs, and that's not all, for breakfast?! Most people would only eat one of those things because most people don't like a big breakfast. I could eat a bagel and cream cheese for the same amount of calories, and i wouldn't be embarrassed about that because that's a "normal" thing to eat. But even though my breakfast is a lot healthier, i feel like others are going think "why is she eating an entire buffet for breakfast."
Like here is an example of the silliness...i went skiing with someone once and instead of eating the junk they sell in the ski lodge, i brought a bunch of granola bars with me--not exactly a healthy meal but really it's better than a $10 hot dog and fries that you get at the ski lodge. So i ate 3 of them for lunch...i figured that was 450 calories, not that much for lunch...and my companion said "damn you're just packing those things away aren't you" and i was embarrassed. Just silly **** like this!
The only people who seriously pay attention to and comment on what other people eat are usually people who have eating issues themselves. There's no shame in eating a big healthy breakfast or eschewing hot dogs for granola bars. Do you think the anxiety about being seen eating a lot ties in to a fear of binge behavior being "discovered?"
Like here is an example of the silliness...i went skiing with someone once and instead of eating the junk they sell in the ski lodge, i brought a bunch of granola bars with me--not exactly a healthy meal but really it's better than a $10 hot dog and fries that you get at the ski lodge. So i ate 3 of them for lunch...i figured that was 450 calories, not that much for lunch...and my companion said "damn you're just packing those things away aren't you" and i was embarrassed. Just silly **** like this!
That's not silly; your "friend" made a pretty jerky comment that would embarrass just about anyone. I was raised to believe that it's rude to comment on other people's eating behaviors and food choices beyond, "So how is your steak?" but clearly not everyone got that lesson from their parents.
Shame on your friend, not on you. Your 450-calorie meal was modest, given that you were at a ski lodge and therefore getting plenty of exercise.
To me, your post has a ton of guilt associated with eating this stuff. That speaks louder than "I'd like to have some cookies" or "I think I'd like a piece of cake". Excitement, giddiness, guilt, is all part of them mindset of emotional eating. I think splurges, free meals, free days, cheats or whatever can be fine for a person but when emotions start to get meshed in with eating, it send up red flags, but that's JMO.
What would it take for you to eat that in front of people and feel ok with it? Why the guilt? Or is it about the hiding, do you get a rush from others not knowing? You don't have to answer these questions in my post. Just some questions that came to my mind.
I think Krampus is right...people don't really care what i eat...when my friend commented about my 3 granola bars i don't think he was trying to imply that i was a fat pig or anything...it was probably just a totally meaningless comment with no undertones.
But yeah, i am totally ashamed and embarrassed whenever anyone comments on how much i am eating. 4star, i think the guilt stems from my mom criticizing everything i ate. Actually that is how my binging started. I wasn't even that overweight in high school but i started to put on a few pounds and then my mom would chastise me every time she saw me eating a snack or junk food. So i started to hide it--every time she'd leave the house i'd raid the snack cabinet and eat as much as i could before she got home.
Surfergirl- my mother also made me so ashamed of eating...anything. Same here, the comments started when I was a little girl (8-9) despite the fact that I was very normal/healthy at that age and into my late teens.
It was very damaging to me. I absolutely hate to eat in front of other people- I even hate buying unhealthy foods for other people, because I feel like people are watching and criticizing. ****, if I've had a donut craving, I've been known to pretend like I'm on the phone with someone, asking what flavor they want so they don't think I'm buying it for me. I am learning that it is no longer my mother's problem, but MY problem and I have to own it and fix it- I've blamed her for so long, but she can't do anything about it now, it's up to me.
Her mother did the same thing to her, and she admitted she's been worse to me than her mother was to her. We've talked it out and I understand all of the reasons. She still will make comments to me about my weight- but it's not on a daily basis anymore. Overall, now I'm trying to help HER because no one has done that for her.
I've become more comfortable with eating in front of others now- in some ways though, being conscious of what other people think about the items in my grocery cart has made me make healthy choices. I'm starting to get over the guilt I feel about the occasional treat, but it's hard. It takes time...for sure.
