Where you allowed to eat whatever and how ever much you wanted as a kid?
This is not an attempt to blame. I just want to talk about what I've been thinking lately. Maybe get some other opinions. I know there are many reasons to over eat, but you know the type of over eating, where you just don't know how to tell yourself no, and you give in to your every want when it comes to food? Can I ask, did your parents teach you that you can't just eat without control? Or did they let you eat whatever, when ever you want?
I've been thinking how we teach our kids by not buying them everything they want. We teach them they can't just have whatever they want. But what about food?
My parents never said no. If it was there, and I wanted it, I could eat it. If that meant eating 3 or 4 or 12 ho-hos or twinkies or candy bars, then they let me. (And of course there was always junk in the house) I suppose they expected me to exercise self control as a young child, or they figured I'd eventually get so full I'd stop...which I did eventually, but they never said no.
I'm not blaming them. My eating issues run VERY deep, and its a combination of many, many things, but I've been thinking about this as one components, since I have my own kids. My youngest is only 8 months, but my older is 3 1/2 and I've started to notice that I say no when it comes to food (junk) at times.(and often feel guilty about it)
Example: He has lunch, eats like 90%, then asks for a snack. I give him a snack (serving of goldfish, or 1-2 cookies) he eats it and asks for more. I will either say no, or more often I will tell him, "if you are still hungry I can make you [insert something small but healthy, or a piece of fruit]"....and you know what?? He says "no" everytime. So he's not still hungry he just wants to keep eating junk food, which I think most kids would. This concept of saying no, and not keeping junk in the house is foreign to my parents. And my dad has suggested its wrong to ever say no. (My son sees them rarely because of work schedules, so the fact that they let him eat tons of crap I let go. Seriously he sees them once a month, if that)
Actually the other day I picked up my son from preschool, where he JUST had lunch: a peanut butter sandwich, milk and gold fish. He literally just ate. I stopped at my parents house on the way home and my son says "I'm hungry I want some chips". I tell my parents he just had a full lunch, but if he's still hungry offer him some more substantial....and they tell me "no he asked for chips. He must still be hungry."
Again my son rarely sees them, but these are the people I grew up with.
We had free access to food, but my parents kept only healthy food in the house. I never had a big sweet tooth so even though I could have bought treats, I didn't really. Plus my dad's homemade ice cream pretty much put everything else to shame.
Despite what my father said back then, I wasn't heavy as a child. I started binging (and other stuff) in my 20's when I was first living on my own and depressed. But even then it wasn't on junk - it was on turkey sandwiches, chips and salsa, and potato salad.
Saying no is ok. But it's easier if you can keep the snacks out of your house as much as possible.
No, I had to eat it if I liked it or not, had to sit at the table and clean my plate even if everybody else had left the table. It has only been the last couple of years that I can allow myself to leave something on my plate....or ..even through it out.
Saying no is ok. But it's easier if you can keep the snacks out of your house as much as possible.
I completely agree. When my husband and I first moved out together (10 years ago) our house was full of junk, junk, junk. But we have come along way. The worst things in the house are undoubtedly the oatmeal cookies. Its one of those expensive type bags that only has like 8 cookies in it. And I can proudly say it lasts us for well over a month. (Most of the time my son wants goldfish) We also have goldfish in the house. We pretty much keep only fruits and yogurt for snacks other than that. And raisins. I don't mind keeping the cookies in the house as long as they are an occasional and not a giant portion snack. But it does require that I say no to my son sometimes. Since purging the house of our junk food over the years, my husband and I are happier.
Also, we go out to lunch a few times a month with the kids. When hubby and I were pre-kids, we got dessert EVERY TIME! But now, dessert is a treat. We get it, maybe once a month, if that. And you know my son is fine with having lunch out and leaving without ice cream. Its not expected. I guess we are just trying to example a different kind of lifestyle to him. We figure if we example self control, then (hopefully) he will learn it.
It's a double edged sword. I had a mom who was pretty restrictive as a kid, because I was pudgy...so I learned that if I wanted to eat junk, I had better do it in secret. And I did...and filled the area under my bed with wrappers and bowls so I wouldn't get "caught". Allowing myself to eat junk in front of people was a pretty difficult adjustment as well...I was big on the secret binging.
bargoo, I can't imagine how aweful that must have been. My parent never forced me to finish because my mother was raised that way and it created a whole host of eating issues for her. So she swore never to make her kids eat if they didn't want to. And I was never told to eat, encouraged to eat, or told what to eat....but if that meant not eating any of my dinner and then deciding I wanted to eat cake...then it was allowed. I wish I was at least guided to eat some veggies! I wonder did anyone's parents get it right??
When I was really young, like age 3-6, I probably got to eat whatever I wanted because my mom ate whatever she wanted. But shortly after, my mom decided she wanted to lose weight and put a stop on any and all junk food in the house. Eating candy or anything bad was highly discouraged from her and would result in a guilt trip and a "boys don't like fat girls" talk. My dad, however, ate whatever he wanted and he would "treat me" with candy occasionally. They, however, were not parents who enforced cleaning my plate.
I DO have a tremendous sweet tooth, so I sort of think that not having any sweets available made them more valuable to me. When I was a teenager and able to drive and buy things on my own---what did I buy? Candy!
mandalinne82- You're right too. Actually my husband came from a restricted eating home asa young kid. Some of it was for $$ reasons and they had 4 kids to feed. But his mom feed them super healthy, NO junk food. They had to ask if they wanted a glass of juice, and everything was controlled.
When he was a teen, he moved in with another family member and there was no monitoring of what they ate, and he's told me over the years it was like "holy crap I can eat whatever I want!!! " And since being so restricted growing up he went crazy with eating....and of course he's very over weight now. So yes, a super restrictive house hold can be problematic too.
I was pretty much allowed to eat whatever I wanted, and as much as I wanted as a child. My parents didn't make us clean our plates, but the serving bowls (often containing highly processed fatty or starchy foods, refined carbs, canned fruits (or full-sugar applesauce!), or the semi-frequent unappetizingly prepared veggie or salad) were usually on the table, and I was almost always allowed to help myself to as many servings as I wanted. We almost always had desserts with at-home meals too, which I was always allowed to have. Soda was the usual beverage served with lunch and dinner at home, and refills were allowed. I used to sneak food too, and the cookies, bagels, cheese, chips, and soda that were almost always around made that pretty easy, although I'd probably have gotten into trouble if I'd been caught.
Same sort of thing at restaurants - allowed to order whatever I wanted, allowed to order soda, allowed to eat as much "filler" food (bread, chips, etc.) as I wanted. When we ate at restaurants with a buffet option I was allowed to order the buffet, get whatever I wanted from it, and go back as often as I wanted.
Then they sometimes got irritated when, as a teenager, I would order unhealthy items at restaurants, drink soda, eat junk food, and eat too much of a home-cooked (or home-heated, more usually) meal!
I don't know if they were expecting me to magically develop an "off" switch, suddenly get very motivated and educated about losing weight without them having to actually change their eating habits (you know, like actually serving healthy, balanced meals and modeling good eating behaviors and healthy and informed attitudes about food), or maybe just become super-picky like my brother was as a kid, but none of those ever happened.
These days, when I'm on track (and NOT doing the deprivation thing), I usually eat healthier than they do!
My home was also filled with very unhealthy food. Aside from junk food, the actually meals were mainly carb based. The only veggies were canned, and they were only a spoonful or two. NEVER salads. I've never eaten a salad in my parents home, until my father remarried and my step mom made them, but I was grown and living on my own by then.
Theox, we too, have soda. I was the only drink offered for lunch and dinner, and we could have as much as we wanted. My husband and I do not drink soda, and our kids do not drink it. I cant believe my parents actually let us (my brother and I, and my brother struggles with his weight too BTW) drink that crap all day, everyday.
Everything was whole milk, real butter, crisco, fried...it was like my parents were trying to have the worst eating habits in America. I remember as a kid, they would make homemade butter milk pancakes and put A LOT of butter on them for me. Butter on the canned veggies. Salt on the canned veggies (which are already loaded with salt.
Only after moving out at 18 years old, did I try oatmeal and loved it. Kiwi and other fruits that I was never given as a kid. Lots of fresh veggies. Salads. Healthy food. Yes, even at my worst worst worst as an adult, I do not have the unhealthy eating habits of my parents. I have definately reprogramed myself to eat much healthier. I still over eat, and I will eat cookies or something when I'm "off the wagon" but my baseline eating is much healthier.
I'm pretty sure its impossible to eat unhealthier than my parents...
My mom grew up in a large, very poor family. Being able to have lots of food available for us to eat was a triumph over poverty for her. As a result, we always had a lot of food in the house. She was also raised in a British family and dinner HAD to have meat, potato, and veg. Add in my father's sweet tooth, my mom's love of crunchy, salty food (potato chips, crackers), and everyone's love of cheese, and the result was that I was 190 lb when I left for university. There were no restrictions on what we were allowed to eat and none of us ever thought about nutrition.
I actually lost 20 pounds (without dieting) in the first year I lived away from home.
i think my weight problem stemed from not being able to eat what i wanted as a kid we were so poor and my mother is literally crazy that we never had food i didnt even know what mc donalds was till i was 14 (thanks to a friend). then when i was 16 i moved in with my grandmother and the woman fed me everything so i went from 110 pounds to this is a matter of 3 years andf have been here for 5. but i'm working on it lol
I really think childhood dieting did more to aggravate my obesity than resolve it. I was a WW member with my mother at 8 years old, and became obsessed with dieting, and food. It was also an era of "if it tastes good, you can't have it," so dinner for my Mom and I would be baked chicken or fish, with unseasoned vegetables and salad with no dressing (or worse diet dressing that tasted like chemical sludge). I didn't learn until I was a teenager that I could lose weight on food that didn't taste like cardboard.
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Originally Posted by mandalinn82
It's a double edged sword. I had a mom who was pretty restrictive as a kid, because I was pudgy...so I learned that if I wanted to eat junk, I had better do it in secret. And I did...and filled the area under my bed with wrappers and bowls so I wouldn't get "caught". Allowing myself to eat junk in front of people was a pretty difficult adjustment as well...I was big on the secret binging.
This is my experience as well. I was adopted as an infant (a month old), and when my parents came to pick me up at Catholic Social Services my appearance was so shocking, my father asked "what's wrong with her." I was underweight, and had extremely severe cradle cap (crusty sores where hair would have been if I hadn't been bald).
The family joke is that they took "fattening me up" a little too seriously, but I was underweight until around kindergarten, when I started gaining weight, but the fact is I was hungry all the time. So was my younger brother (not biologically related). We were allowed to eat whenever, but not whatever we wanted, but there wasn't tons of junk in the house. Soda and sweets were limited. At dinner we always had two to three vegetables, not including the salad. If we had dessert it was usually fruit or jello.
As soon as started to gain weight around kindergarten, my parents took me straight to the pediatrician who put me on a strict diet. My brother and I both were hungry all of the time, not for lack of food, just because of our physiologies. From then on I was always being told what and when to eat, but my brother was always encouraged to eat more (even though he ate like a horse). Even at five years old, I understood it was because he was skinny and I was fat, but it still felt like preferential treatment to the point I was convinced they loved him more because he was skinny and I was fat.
I remember a stranger (an old woman) accusing my mom in a grocery store of feeding me and starving my little brother. I started crying because I wanted to shout that she was wrong, my brother was allowed to eat and I wasn't.
Obviously I was allowed to eat, but to my five year old mind, that's what it felt like. I started sneaking food and hiding the evidence. Usually it wasn't junk food though, because that would have been missed and I'd get in trouble. Instead I'd binge on food that wouldn't be missed. Leftovers (but only in quantities that wouldn't be noticed). I'd eat buttered bread, or Bacon bit, mayonaise and lettuce sandwhiches because they'd be the least likely to missed. I'd eat in the middle of the night after everyone was asleep. Sometimes I'd bribe my brother to say he had eaten something (which wasn't too hard because he was tired of being pressured into eating when he wasn't hungry). I stopped bribing him when I realized he was more than likely to blackmail me later.
My brother did have a junk food obsession, and I'd often be blamed for his food crimes. He once hid soda cans under my bed (we were only allowed soda with permission). Luckily I was able to prove my innocence because the cans were all rootbeer (which I will drinnk, but it isn't my preference) and cream soda (which I hate with a passion). There were also no cans of orange, gingerale or black cherry which were my favorites.
He also once ate the filling out of an entire cookie jar full of oreo (returning the licked cookies back to the jar). I successfully defended myself by pointing out that I would have eaten the whole cookie. My parents agreed with me a little too quickly and thoroughly. Dad said "she's right," and Mom nodded. It was a hollow victory, because I felt so ashamed. It was like we were all agreeing that I was a pig.
I was skinny until I was 30 (1 pound underweight for my height on the charts used at the time). My whole family was thin when I was young.
My parents required you to eat everything YOU put on your plate and 1 TBS of everything offered at the table. The budget was tight and it was important that meat be served for every dinner. You could eat as much as you wanted at any meal. I'm not sure unlimited meat would have been an option though. Every meal also included vegetables & starch. The only beverages offered were milk and water. I always drank water, didn't like milk.
Between meals if you were hungry, you could eat bread, plain bread. This was under the theory that if you were truly hungry you'd be happy to eat bread. If you were just wanting to snack, you wouldn't. I do remember when I was in high school also being able to eat saltines, carrots or celery if they were available, between meals. Eating a carrot meant peeling it first and eating celery meant washing it first.
I think there was some type of dessert often. Desserts were one serving as served out by a parent. Two cookies would have been a serving.
Chips, sodas, doughnuts, etc. were special occasion items. Special occasions didn't seem to occur any where near as often as they do now.
I don't remember being hungry. I do remember knowing when I was full and being unable to eat anything else.
Where you allowed to eat whatever and how ever much you wanted as a kid?
But now, dessert is a treat. We get it, maybe once a month, if that. And you know my son is fine with having lunch out and leaving without ice cream. Its not expected. I guess we are just trying to example a different kind of lifestyle to him. We figure if we example self control, then (hopefully) he will learn it.
