Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 12-19-2010, 08:58 PM   #1  
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I'm 24 years old and I've always struggled with my weight. My mom has been weight conscious since before I was born, even when she looked "anorexic" skinny she thought she was fat. It's sad to say that I know that is why I am the way I am. As a teenager I used to binge and purge. I know it goes deeper then just weight, I know it means that I felt a loss of control, and I did. Every time I've made myself throw up I was stressed about something, and eventually my body just did it on its own, I didn't even have to stick my fingers down my throat anymore. It wasn't until my mom caught me and threatened to have me locked up in a hospital somewhere that I finally stopped purging. When I first signed up for this site, I had just had my daughter and needed to lose weight more than I have ever needed to before. I hadn't purged in 3 years and I did I lost 50lbs the right way. Then I gained 10 of it back because I left my daughter's dad and well it seems food was my comfort. At the beginning of this year I was at 165 and I wanted to lose that 15lbs so bad, well, I fell in love with a marine who ended up getting shipped off to Afghan and food seemed to be my comfort while he was gone so I gained 10lbs. While he was gone I realized that he had problems and I met someone who was determined to make me fall in love with him instead, and well, I did. Then came 6 more lbs! I've had one emotional year and lets say that is exactly what it took for me to realize I'm still a binger when life gets emotional - this is why I haven't lost weight in 2 years. I'll do so good on a diet and then bam! I ruin it, sometimes I wonder if I am subconsciously destroying myself. So here I am pouring myself out on this site because I don't know how to talk to the people in my life about it. They all know I have been trying to lose weight and am frustrated I haven't in two years, but they don't know that I know why that is. I feel like I have no control, I want to make myself purge again but then I look at my daughter and I don't. It doesn't help that a ton of pretty, skinny, fit girls want my boyfriend and actually think they have a chance because I'm "fat." I'm not worried for a second that he would take on their offers, he has proven his devotion and love for me and actually thinks I'm the most beautiful thing that has walked the earth... but it's me that is the problem. I'm not good enough for me, I want my confidence and self-worth back.
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Old 12-19-2010, 10:53 PM   #2  
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I know how you feel. A few years ago, I lost about 80 pounds and got down to 135. Now, double that, I look back at pictures and see that I looked great—I looked almost bony in places. But back then, I thought I was fat and was terrified of losing my boyfriend (who is still around).

I don't have an answer for you (I still hate myself) but I hope I can sort of warn you — never thinking I was good enough exhausted me, and eventually I gave up and gained all this weight. Just try to see yourself objectively and recognize that even if you don't lose any weight, people love you for who you are. And I bet those girls go after your boyfriend because they're threatened — not because they think it'll work
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Old 01-10-2011, 08:14 AM   #3  
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I think it's vital to get to the bottom of why we hate ourselves, burying ourselves in fat - for what! Most eating disorders are born of feeling out of control - lost of anorectic young girls often have dominating mothers and eating, or not eating, is the only way they can basically defy them! Many young girls who gain tons of weight are doing so in ORDER to appear unattractive - very often they are being abused and are hoping to repel and abuser. There is very little that's "pretty" rooted in over-eating! Something makes us feel so ugly and hopeless that we pile layer after layer of fat on ourselves until we "disappear" I need to lose more than 50 lbs, and know that I basically "let" myself gain all this weight. I used to be very thin, though not from healthy eating! I ruined my thyroid in all the years of yo yo dieting, and paid the price during the last twelve years! I'm now down 7 pounds since New Year's Eve, and am hoping that I'll have the courage to keep it going, this time. I managed to lose nearly 30 lbs over a year ago, and gained 15 of it back! Still, I'm choosing to take the attitude that I'm at least not starting from the same point! Try to get out an walk with your daughter! Look at the food that's tempting you as poison. It is - to you!
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