How do I change this way of thinking. I can do well with all or nothing but once I start to allow myself certain things like that ONE slice of white pizza it starts an avalanche.
Obviously its a trigger, but will I ever be able to allow myself a controlled portion without completely blowing it and gaining everything back for the zillionth time?
I have the same problem. I have managed to get through it by just doing things one day (and today one minute) at a time. At first, I had to completely eliminate anything that may cause an avalanche! With time I am learning to get through the triggers and the temptations. Maybe instead of a piece of white pizza, you make some roasted peppers and throw a bit of Parmesan cheese and olive oil with basil? That is sorta pizzaish :P Basically just maybe exchange things that you like and cause trigger avalanche effects for things you like and do not?
I do NOT have the answer, but want you to know you are not alone. My thinking on this shifts from day to day. Some days, I think it is just best to accept that some foods are off-limits. Like cigarettes - I know they aren't good for me, so I choose not to have even 1.
Other days, I feel POd that I have to elimiate foods that are not necessarily unhealthy if consumed in regular portions. If I feel brave & in control enough to partake, I will chose to not put the entire pizza on the table. I leave it on the stove & take my 1 or two pieces. AS SOON AS I see others are done eating, I get up & put leftovers away in the fridge (or throw them in the trash) or if it is for company, send them home with them. It is the only way to not eat the entire rest of the pizza(s).
I also do not allow myself to be alone with the pizza. Sounds ridiculous - like the pizza can get me or something - but I cannot be trusted. So if it is in the house, I am not to be alone in the kitchen until it is out of the house.
I still end up eating more than I want, but I have had instances of small success with these strategies. Most of the time, I simply avoid it. It is easier in the end...and typically, on my indulgent days, I find it doesn't taste as great as I remember it.
This journey is different for all of us. You will find your way.
I'm the same as you, Odonnela. I think- ok, my day is ruined, so why not go all out. It can't get un-ruined now.
But what I've realized is that I can go a little off-plan, or a little overboard, and still lose weight. What I've done is readjusted my idea of what "ruined" means. If I over eat a little bit, it's not the same as full-on binging.
My problem is that I'm trying to hold two opposing thoughts in my mind:
One is the cop, the other is the convicted felon.
Cop says: This food is bad for you. You should NEVER have it.
Convicted felon says: Oh my God, really, I can have some of THAT? Then I'd better eat all I can, as fast as I can, because it's so heavily restricted, I may not see it again in like, forever.
The felon tends to act up when the cop turns his back for a moment.
But yeah, how come I'm either a cop or a felon, never just a rational, law-abiding civilian, who'd represent the moderate path between them?
I feel you. I have this same struggle. It got the best of me last night and I binged...I was able to stop the damage after about 400 calories, but I still feel like crap that it happened. As far back as I can remember this has been the way things are for me...I'm really not sure if it is something that can be changed 100%.
I have also been a victim of the all or nothing mentality. I never understood it, but once the feeling of defeat set in (which was usually with that first bite of whatever-sinful-indulgence I'd set my sights upon), my self esteem took a nosedive and vanished. And with crappy or no self esteem comes crappy decisions, at least for me. "Just couldn't say no, could you? Just haaaad to eat it. You're weak and silly for trying and might as well give up now, eat the whole thing. It's not like you're actually going to be successful anyway!" (That's the inner witch, in case you didn't recognize her.)
I think sometimes I was so strict on myself that ANYTHING felt like an indulgence, excessive, too much too much too much! Dangerous territory. It was easier for me to trigger a landslide when every bite felt like a cheat.
I'm just easier on myself now. And I'm letting the rational part of my brain have more of a voice. I heard somewhere once that "a candy bar does not a diet break" and this is the TRUTH girls. Eating an entire bag of miniature candy bars in one evening, however, can very much your diet break! It's almost sad that we become so driven and emotionally invested in our diets and the way we eat that we let our common sense fly right out the window. When I eat something "off plan" now and I feel the creep of self defeat...I engage in a very firm inner conversation with myself and remember that one is ALWAYS better than 4 and so on and so forth.
I also struggle with this same thinking. My husband tries to encourage me by telling me if I ate that piece of cake it doesn't mean the whole diet is ruined. But I never listen to him. And I never stop eating either.
So now my goal is to moderate myself in every aspect of my life. Everything gets out of control so I think it's related to my core personality, much to do with how I was raised, without a sense of boundaries and without a sense of moderation. Understanding this is helping me to reshape my thinking. Though it's really hard for me to get through each day without sabotaging everything.
@Cherylmn I'm like this with a few things. I can't be alone or poor little me will be attacked by the big bad food.
At one point I couldn't have ice cream in the house at all. So I would go to the super market and buy the mini versions. Drive away and eat it. My ex is staying with me and has several pints in the fridge, I don't eat any of them. I still do my super market routine because I know I won't just stop at one scoop. Weird, but seems to be working.
@Cherylmn I'm like this with a few things. I can't be alone or poor little me will be attacked by the big bad food.
At one point I couldn't have ice cream in the house at all. So I would go to the super market and buy the mini versions. Drive away and eat it. My ex is staying with me and has several pints in the fridge, I don't eat any of them. I still do my super market routine because I know I won't just stop at one scoop. Weird, but seems to be working.
My poor hubby is limited to ice cream flavors like mint and banana....things I would never eat if I was on a desert island so I won't be tempted. At least he likes them.
I tried those mini Skinny Cow ice creams - they are great after 3 or 4....so I don't buy them anymore
I think I am having a personal lightbulb moment... your posts have got me thinking! ehmmmm
If I want to get back to and maintain my target weight I have to say goodbye to all the "junk" food think I can eat in moderation I don't need chocolate, pizza, cakes, dessert. I have had enough for them for a lifetime!
Of course there is the moderation arguement - a little of what you want can't hurt you - yes, I have tried that, over and over again and I find that it just leads me to a binge or feeling lousy.
I am not denying myself because from here on in I am choosing to get into the best shape ever. I am not going to hold myself back but allowing myself to reward myself with bad food choices.
If you can do moderation then good luck but I now realise I can't. Its just not working for me.
I think some of it stems from how I was raised. In my family, if you weren't about to bust you didn't eat enough. My whole life I've been watching my family pull away from the table and could hardly breath and unbutton their pants. They're all obese with diabetes.
We had restaurants with buffets. My mom never cooked for us. She told us to order from the menu or get it from the buffet.
Then all the psychosocial problems of my childhood and let me not get started there.
My family never moderated a thing...except their time off so they could go to Las Vegas instead of spend my 16th birthday with me...ahem..their kid. Yeah, like I said, let me just not start. Serious issues but I've dealt with all except this eating problem...which I think is related to all the stuff through all the years.
I WISH to be like my husband.. I truly admire him. He's so even in everything. Bores me to death sometimes, but even
I'm an all or nothing person too. It's all about control for me, I didn't have any! That's what caused me to binge twice a week for the past year. For about 3 mo. now, I have been thinking in a totally different way than in the past. I feel stronger w/ my control issue, I am in control of what I put in my mouth. I am stronger than any food is. I'm making progress little by little, I went from 5000 calorie binges to just overeating and stopping when I'm full, 3500 cal. I'm working on it, still needs to be perfected, but at least I'm aware and trying.
All or nothing mentality.....
If I have a history of overeating that food, it's not "just one". Ever.
Good analogy, I've missed your wisdom!
