[happytobeamomof2]

Oh my gosh I am miserable! My body is swollen for no good reason so I decide to binge!?!? what gives? I went 5 months binge free - even broke up with my bf during that time...all without binging...

then, sudden generalized severe edema (swelling) three saturdays ago... benadryl didnt work, water pills have done nothing... and now it is 11 lbs of water and binge weight and i don't know which is which anymore !!

oh my gosh i am miserable right now - everything hurts, exercise is a chore again and i dont know if it is because of the edema or my binging or something really serious or what!?!?

what i do know is that binging is NOT HELPING anything!!!! and yet, i have 'enjoyed' about 15000 calories in the last 3 weeks ...

I was soooo close to the 160's and then this...

i am miserable... i am frustrated... i just want to be healthy and pain free... and BINGE FREE AGAIN

i need will power... i need accountability... i need to know, in my heart and not just my head, that overeating and binging is NOT going to solve my edema (or underlying) problem... i feel like i need to cry... and i cannot... instead i eat... i repress the emotions with food, i bury how i feel and keep it from bubbling up ... i am scared to death that there is something seriously wrong with me (underlying the edema) and that i will not see my boys grow up... how pessimistic is that!!!

thank you for listening!!!! i am going to bed now... like i should have an hour (and a binge) ago!!!

tomorrow is day 1... i will earn it... for me and for my boys

[Cglasscock1]

If the edema persists, you should have it checked out by your doctor. Maybe nothing at all! But as you have said, you are in the middle of a full blown binge and you need to stop before you undo the great success you have had.
Get out of your house and do something else to get your mind off binging. Take your boys with you if you need to or hire a sitter so you can have some time to decompress. You know how to conquer this. Stop listening to that negative voice that is doing you nothing but harm. Good luck and God Bless.

[Gelene]

You really need to see your Dr. It may be nothing, or could be something. If you are swelling so fast in such a short time and all your methods have not worked, you need to find out what is going on. After all, you do want and need to see your boys grow up. Please call your Dr. and keep us posted (hugs)

[fcmonroe]

Go see your doctor!!

[paris81]

If I find that I'm really down about something and need to cry but can't (perhaps as a result of years of stuffing my emotions down with food...) I watch a really, really sad movie alone. And I cry and cry, and suddenly, the crying becomes about what I'm frustrated about and not the movie. My crying movie of choice is Beaches with Bette Midler. SO sad, but I generally don't cry until the very, very end. Then the floodgates open up, and I always feel better afterwards.

[happytobeamomof2]

i think that movie idea is a great idea!!!

i was in just a rant last night i failed to mention that i have seen numerous docs, that all my blood tests keep coming up negative and/or normal! even the ER couldnt figure it out!

I am worth it - i am a unique, special and lovely person and i deserve to be okay inside my own skin, even when it is fighting back... i feel like this is a 'test' and that i have 'failed' it... so i want to at least pass with a D- if i have too... so no more binging!!!! no more!!!! i can do this... i am going to earn day 1... on day 7 i will buy some scrapbooking supplies i've really wanted... kudos worked before...it will work again!!!

i am going to find something to watch tonight to open the floodgates and i will go to the basement (away from the food) once the kids are asleep...

thank you for listening to me rant!!!! i needed that last night!!!!