I had a really bad night last night emotionally. I got a call from my younger sister and she was in a tough situation w/ her bf, who suffers from depression. Luckily everything was OK in the end but I felt really rattled and off kilter all night. I ended up eating a regular size piece of whole wheat garlic bread and an extra 1/2 of a chicken basil sausage w/ my dinner when I don't even really like garlic bread to begin with. For a few seconds I wanted to eat more to stuff my feelings down but I just didn't. I told myself that if I did then I would have zero chance of meeting my New Year's Eve weight goal. I refuse to be overweight for another year. I absolutely refuse to. So, I went to bed w/ some water. I'm still in a weird mood this morning due to some arguments w/ a couple of family members but I ate my 2 eggs for breakfast and that was it. I have a goal and I am not letting anybody or anything get in my way. Not even myself. And I'm working on Day 35 today. Scale is holding steady at 157 but my body fat percentage went down another point, according to my Tanita scale.
Debo, even though I don't always respond to everybody I do read what all of you have to say. Thanks for cluing me in about the text lingo. I love the quote about courage. I saw that in somebody's signature and have never forgotten it. Hope you are continuing to be binge-free.
Skyra, I'll be rooting for you to stay binge-free too. Do you have a plan for the party? I find that eating some protein beforehand (cottage cheese, turkey, chicken, etc.) really does help to curb mindless eating. The party is about socializing, not food, afterall. Amazing how easily we forget that.
Paris, congrats on your 33 days! And you've lost almost 20 lbs so far. That is so fabulous. You're right about how doing the work will get rid of the stress. Bingeing definitely won't. My advice is to just make a plan to get your work done and get through it. Make sure to take exercise breaks to destress and clear your head. Plan your meals and snakcs and eat them on time. BTW, what are you in grad school for? Good luck!
Hope everyone else has a great day and, if I don't make it on, a great weekend. Sending to everybody to stay binge-free.
Last night I was in the grocery store, very tempted for sweets: I should have not gone down the sweets aisles, but I did.
However, looking at how many calories even small portions had, kept me from buying anything!!
So I stayed 200-something calories under goal yesterday.
Sorry, didn't see your post when I was typing. You deserve a big for averting a candy binge! And yes, the calories in candy is atrocious. Not worth it at all!
I haven't binged since the day after thanksgiving. So what is that? I have wanted to though. A couple times. One of them was today.
I found out I got a B in Pharmacology. NO more 4.0 for me. I kept my A all semester until the end. And then Kablooeey. I have the highest grades in the class, but that doesn't console me. I had a specific goal and I failed. What is even more raunchy to me, is that my best friend didn't pass! A lot of people didn't pass. So everyone tells me to be happy with a B. Or that I am complaining or sad for nothing. This is DISENFRANCHISED grief. I am genuinely sad and want to eat chocolate and lay in bed....and nobody seems to care.
Oh well. I realize there are things I could have done better. But I can't beat myself up over it.
Congrats on all of you ladies that are doing so well with the binging. I am using more and more of my NEW coping strategies.
Want something to chew to relieve stress: carrots
want a chocolate bar: hot cocoa
have a headache and think I need to eat to get rid of it: hot bath
really upset: jog on the rebounder.
Sad: write about my feelings.
Jen -- I'm sorry that you feel sad. I know not reaching your goals, no matter what they are, is always disappointing. I feel obliged to quote the old advice I've heard, though, "treat yourself like you would treat your best friend" -- you wouldn't blast your best friend for a B, so perhaps you shouldn't blast yourself either.
I'm impressed by the fact that you know you have specific triggers/feelings and that you have specific ways to redirect them. That's awesome! I may try a few of these myself, especially the exercising-instead-of-eating thing. Thanks.
skyra thanks for the advice. I do treat myself alot more rough than I treat my friends...it's the whole goal thing though.
I did alright. I did have seconds with dinner, but caught myself with negative feelings while eating. I finished my second bowl of soup. Stopped and went ahead with dessert.
Which was much more satisfying than another bowl of soup....
I have got my fasting blood sugar down to normal range. No weight loss, but getting control of incipient diabetes is the big thing right now. Have not binged, though I haven't always stayed within plan. I really need to get a handle on planning for meals more proactively with my on call work.
Jen: I feel for you. When I was in nursing school, I had great marks, and worked really hard. Every time I didn't get top marks, I felt I had failed.
There was one module that only one other person in my class passed, but I only got a 75, not a 90, so I felt like I may as well have failed. It was really hard to get past this idea.
Even now, years later, I get a bit uptight about it. Of course now the marks mean nothing. But your post sure twigged those memories.
THe upside was the pride I took in my abilities, and the good marks and good clinical evaluations really built me up and built up my self-worth. I hope you get those good feelings when you get the good marks too.
Whew. My roommate made cookies -- homemade, chocolate chip cookies ... and offered me some. Obviously not an ideal situation. I ate two. Which I am not thrilled about -- I feel a little bloated now -- but when I think about it...
When fresh-baked cookies used to be around, I would have two or three in the company of others, and then sneak off a few more to eat by myself. I could easily devour a dozen cookies with barely a thought ... just shoving them in my mouth to finish them as soon as possible, stuffing myself until I felt sick. I felt totally uncontrollable. Given how much I think I like cookies, I barely enjoyed them.
Do I wish I had turned down the cookies completely? Well, yes. But I noticed some good habits this time:
1. I ate the cookies slowly and really thought about how they tasted.
2. I only had two.
3. I didn't sneak off to eat them alone.
4. I felt satisfied after two cookies, like I didn't want any more.
5. I ate fewer calories earlier in the day, because I knew it was Friday and wanted to save up a little calorie cushion in case of treats tonight (and there were! hooray for forethought!).
Even after the cookies, I'm at my daily weight-maintenance calories. Not ideal, of course, but much, MUCH better than what I've done in the past.
Sorry for the novel, guys, but this feels like a big step for me, so I really wanted to share it. Cake and cookies have always been my biggest binge foods, and I feel like I'm finally starting to show some real control. Exciting!
Jen and DogMom-I study literature, and I've been playing around a bit with gender studies. All very interesting, but sometimes too intellectuall and I feel that the other students get more than I do! I just have to work at it I guess! And Jen, I'm so sorry about your grade, that is so hard! Can you maybe do some extra work to bring it up? Some places let you, others don't. I know a B sounds not great, but just think about how it was the highest grade in the class--so from that perspective, you got an A! May not show as an A on your transcript, but it's impressive!
Esperanza--Thanks! I have been making sure to take time off for all kinds of things, which is helping a lot. This is the first year since I've started school that I'm giving myself some (very limited) oppurtunities to socialize during the paper writing process, which helps keep my sanity. I'm sorry about the troubles you've had, but good job going to bed and not letting it turn into something bigger! I really think that we can both make it to Christmas (one day at time--I always have to keep saying that, or else Christmas sound overwhelming!)
Skyra--only two cookies, in public, that sounds like a victory to me! I appreciate the whole not sneeking off thing, that's what I would have done too.
Fatmad-good job with your blood sugar! That must be a relief, and incentive to keep up the good work!
Peachy--keep it up!
I feel like since lately, my weight has been coming off well ever since my main focus has been not binging (at or just under 1 lb a week), which is crazy good motivation. Although sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions, like last night especially.
Last night, it felt like if I couldn't binge, I didn't even want to eat. Does anyone else ever feel that? It was like, what's the point? But obviously, I had to have dinner, and I had a sensible one (fish, pasta, veggies). But it was hard to motivate myself to cook it, even though it was super easy and quick. I knew that if I just didn't eat, I'd probably wind up binging because I would get very hungry eventually, and I was already on the edge...
I'm back. I love reading everyone's posts b/c I need the support and relate to the despair, frustration, determination and optimism.
I was away from my computer until this am - very very busy wkend and was fine til last night - I ate three potato pancakes (what are they 300 cal ea?)
But today is another day. I glanced at my sister's phone and her banner says "just for today".
So. Just for today I will follow my food plan from my dignity of choice. Commit myself to feel my feelings and not eat them.
Good luck to everyone today!
to everybody to stay binge-free.
for averting a candy binge! And yes, the calories in candy is atrocious. Not worth it at all!
Exciting!
