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Old 06-29-2009, 03:52 AM   #1
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Default Have you re-gained a "significant" amount of weight & then gotten back on track?

So, I am fairly new here and have been messing around for weeks now after initially telling myself that I was "ready" to recommit and get the weight off (again). Clearly I was not.

I lost a spectacular amount of weight in a spectacularly short period of time and had no trouble keeping it off for about 5 months while I travelled and started a new job. During this time I think I gained around 5 out of the total 114lbs that I lost . . . and the extra 5 didn't sit well with me. I had never before understood how people could moan about 5lbs, but I can in all honesty say that it emotionally & to an extent physically felt as bad to me as when I was at my highest weight.

Long story even longer, after a number of things that happened in this past year, the way I felt about myself even with "only" 5 extra lbs was so bad that I slipped back into the way that I used to always cope with life . . . by using food. The result has been that in the past year I have gained back a lot of the weight.

I am feeling better than I have in many months but am now finding that old habits do die hard . . . so I find myself snacking excessively and overeating in general.

I want to lose this weight and more than that finally win the battle. Part of that I know is doing it slowly . . . I do think that will be important for me.

I would love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar and what you did to get yourself back in the right headspace and get to a place where you had forgiven yourself fully so that you can move forward.

It is this that I am struggling with . . . forgiveness.
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Old 06-29-2009, 07:25 AM   #2
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I sympathize, and I congratulate you for being back and doing it This time, This time for good! Don't beat yourself up, do forgive yourself, try to chalk it up to a valuable learning experience. Yea right, I know.

I lost 106lbs 2002-2004 and got to 16lbs off target before I regained 89lbs over the next 5 years. I've currently lost 46lbs of that 89 (woohoo, just realized, lost in 5 months over 50% of what I gained in 5 years, never saw that before). Because I didn't get to target, I still use my 2002 startweight of 242 on my ticker, so it shows 63lbs lost. It's like the last 5 years was a very, very long bad patch in the middle of an ongoing process.

You are right that doing it slowly is the only way but all I'm offering is empathy. On 0/27/2009 I woke up and did it, and have done it every day since. I don't know why I didn't on 01/26 or on any of the 1546 other days.

I know that what has helped has been 1) taking it one day, even one meal at a time; and 2) Trying to divorce the process from the emotion - trying to look at it scientifically, and to understand that if I eat X and expend Y, then Z will be the answer, it can't not be.

Do you know what you weigh now? Your choice not to post it, naturally, but getting on the scales and seeing the (literal) size of the problem was helpful for me too.

Good luck!
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Old 06-29-2009, 07:39 AM   #3
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Thank you for your post Ailidh Its very helpful to know that other people have been through the same process.

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Trying to divorce the process from the emotion - trying to look at it scientifically, and to understand that if I eat X and expend Y, then Z will be the answer, it can't not be.
I love that! Just keep the emotion out of it. Getting tangled up in the couldashouldawoulda's doesnt help with moving forward, does it...

Oh dear God I weighed myself this morning and about fell off my scales.

But . . . knowledge is definitely power and seeing the number on the EMB (evil metal box) kinda slapped some sense into me. As a result today was a really good day full of fresh food and moderation. Now to just repeat it all again tomorrow . . .
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Old 06-29-2009, 12:18 PM   #4
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Hi, Danni! Good for you for being ready to recommit to your healthy lifestyle!

I lost a total of 40 lbs a couple years back (not sure of the exact time frame). In January 2008, I went back to school, but kept a full time job to pay the bills. I think I've always had a problem with binge eating, and the stress of that situation seemed to be a trigger for it to become much worse. I gained all of the weight that I had lost back.

I'm still very much in the beginning stages of this journey, but I'm definitely working hard at it! Today is day 8 binge free

Wishing you all the best!!
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Old 06-29-2009, 03:06 PM   #5
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Unfortunately, yes. We sound very similar!

I lost over 130 pounds 9 years ago and gained it all back plus 17 more, then lost 75 pounds about a year and a half ago and gained that back plus another 20. I have to say it boggles my mind to know that I'm capable of doing that. Each time I felt amazing when I was lighter. I felt like I had made life altering changes I could stick with forever. And I still managed to lose control and ruin all my hard work.

My biggest problem was not realizing how much I turned to food when I was stressed or depressed. Food has been my primary coping technique for situations where I felt I was not in control of my life.

How odd that in the face of feeling powerless, I gave up control of the one thing in life I DO have control over - what goes in my mouth.

Argh. This go around, I am seeing a therapist to help me with new ways of coping. Intellectually I know food isn't the answer, the trick is to learn to apply that in my life.

I'm a perfectionist, very much a black and white thinker. There are few gray areas in the world I've created for myself. So I'm learning to live in the middle this time around and stop with the all or nothing thinking. It makes life so much harder than it needs to be...
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
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I'm still very much in the beginning stages of this journey, but I'm definitely working hard at it! Today is day 8 binge free

Wishing you all the best!!
Congrats Penelope! I know that when you get into a habit of inhaling too much food how HUGE it is to go 8 days without using it as a crutch. That's awesome!!!!

And I totally understand how the stress of work could set you off . . . it was starting full time work after a year of getting out of the rat race that was part of my trigger . . . you know it starts with a few drinks after work . . . my boss taking a few of us out for lunch and not wanting to offend . . . add to that the late nights and normal work stress and on and on

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Old 06-29-2009, 06:22 PM   #7
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Began losing weight April 07 at 302 - By July 08 I was down to 186 - By May 09 I was all the way up to 239. I'm down to 220 now which is a good 20lbs loss and I am determined to get close to goal and STAY there.

I've gotten myself involved in hobbies that will help me with this goal. Why did I start regaining? Well I had been training for 2 Triathlons and then I did them... and took a break... a way too long break. I'm back to training again it helps me keep on track because I need to lose weight in order to do the longer ones I want to do.

Hey at least I didn't regain it all. It feels more manageable even if I'm still 35lbs up from last summer. The important thing is to catch your slip ups and quick as possible. Forgiving isn't easy but time goes on right? Might as well just get started again so You can look back in a year and be really pleased you caught it when you did.

Danni you can do it. You have the tools and know how already!
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:24 PM   #8
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My biggest problem was not realizing how much I turned to food when I was stressed or depressed. Food has been my primary coping technique for situations where I felt I was not in control of my life.

How odd that in the face of feeling powerless, I gave up control of the one thing in life I DO have control over - what goes in my mouth.

Argh. This go around, I am seeing a therapist to help me with new ways of coping. Intellectually I know food isn't the answer, the trick is to learn to apply that in my life.

I'm a perfectionist, very much a black and white thinker. There are few gray areas in the world I've created for myself. So I'm learning to live in the middle this time around and stop with the all or nothing thinking. It makes life so much harder than it needs to be...
Ahhhhhhh CC we do sound very much alike!!!!

I am seeing a therapist on Wednesday ... like you, I know intellectually that you cant solve non-food related emotional problems/issues/anxiousness by eating (just like you cant fix a toothache by eating pizza . . . ) but in practice!!!! The perfectionism thing . . . I feel you on that . . . even at the time when I felt awful with 5lbs and then 10lbs extra my head was saying: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ITS 10LBS. But it felt crappy. I felt like I had failed already at that point bcos my size 8 pants were snug.

I am amazed that I feel so much better now than then even though those size 8 pants are curently in archives

And I so hear you where you said that each time you felt fabulous and really did think that you had made lasting changes. So did I!!!! ha! Hopefully going about it much slower and just making some small intuitive changes to start with (more fresh food, less stuff that comes from packets) will be helpful.

Well, I have had one good day and its 7am Tuesday now and my focus is just on one good day. That's all we have really, one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for your input - it really does help to know that its not just me . . . and that other functional amazing women have been through this!
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:33 PM   #9
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Danni you can do it. You have the tools and know how already!
Thank you!

You have such a great attitude! I love that you are doing triathalons!! I have always thought that you need SOMETHING ELSE to focus on as the weight "loss" part of the journey comes to an end . . . you cant lose forever (unless you do it my way - ugh!!!!!!!!!!! OK that is enough of my shenanigans and beating myself up. Done.) Eventually you do need to focus on other things that make you feel physically good and proud of yourself

You rock!

And your comment above that I can do it . . . its so odd that I see other people who have been in the same situation as me and I have NO DOUBT that they can get back on track and then when its about me I am all about the self-doubt.

As Ailidh said earlier, just leave the emotion out of it!

One of the things that has been key to each attempt at losing weight over the past 25 years (I think I realised I was fat or started to feel that way at 11 . . . even when I look back and see pics and I was very normal-sized) was that I believed. I comletely suspended disbelief and just behaved as though I would be successful.

Thank you all . . . I think I feel some of my old energy & confidence coming back
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Old 06-29-2009, 06:57 PM   #10
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"its so odd that I see other people who have been in the same situation as me and I have NO DOUBT that they can get back on track and then when its about me I am all about the self-doubt."

I understand this ALL too well. After all... we only have our own experiences in the past as a guide right? I used to look at people who hit goal and stayed there and think we'll that's awesome for that but I'm not sure I ever could.

Somewhere along the line this time something seriously has been altered in my thinking, and I don't have the doubt demons. Part of it is the huge # I lost as opposed to other times, (only as much as 50lbs in the past) but I think the Tri's had a lot to do with it.

A 302 pound girl doesn't even kid herself into thinking she could do such things... I had never ran a mile in my adult life! but shockingly... I'm proof she can. I was never a sporty person either... and to be honest I still don't identify that way, but I love how training and accomplishing goals that were unfathomable before make me feel, besides being a great way to keep on track with exercise.

My wish for everyone on 3fc is to find that one thing that makes the change and for each of us it's different. It's sad it's taken me to 35 to get to this place, but it's all those past experiences INCLUDING the gains which made it possible. So maybe think of your gain as that learning process.... its frustrating but if you believe you can do it. You will.

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Old 06-29-2009, 07:01 PM   #11
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Danni - love 'EMB'!!!

and yes, 'all' (hal) it takes is to have one good day, then repeat it tomorrow.
and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
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Old 06-29-2009, 07:17 PM   #12
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Well I weighed 140 when I got pregnant with my last son 1990, I gained 80 lbs, it took a couple of years to realize the weight was not going to fall off as easily as it did the previous pregnancys. It took me about two years to loose that weight, kept it off for several years, then when I was about 35 I can remember the day that something very traumatic happened to me, by a very close family member , and from that day on I guess you could say i purposely gained weight, now 9 years later I weighed in at my all time highest of 250. Now 10 years later coming to terms with that trauma thru counseling, I am ready to lose weight and be who i used to be. The journey to be physically and emotionally healthy, So in answer to your question in a nutshell YES!! I have.
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Old 06-29-2009, 09:05 PM   #13
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Azulfire - yay for getting back on track too!!! You sound like you are in a great head-space!

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I am ready to lose weight and be who i used to be.
Me too!!!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Idealmuse View Post
Somewhere along the line this time something seriously has been altered in my thinking, and I don't have the doubt demons. Part of it is the huge # I lost as opposed to other times, (only as much as 50lbs in the past) but I think the Tri's had a lot to do with it.

. . .

So maybe think of your gain as that learning process.... its frustrating but if you believe you can do it. You will.
I think its that which has been spurring me on and has stopped me from re-gaining ALL the weight lost (which I have done in the past, but as you said, smaller numbers). When I think about someone (me!) taking off 100+ lbs its an incredible achievement. And as my aunt says to me . . . when you decide you ALWAYS achieve what you want, so just decide.

And that last part is definitely true, there is clearly something that I didnt 'get' and I needed to re-learn . . . self acceptance and that perfection is for the birds perhaps?

Quote:
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Danni - love 'EMB'!!!
LOL me too! I heard it on another site a long time ago and use it often.

Happy to report am feeling very good about this . . . focussing on the present and my healthy future and not dwelling on the past and keeping my energy in a negative state.

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Old 06-30-2009, 12:40 AM   #14
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I went from 204 pounds to 137. You bet your bunions I felt accomplished.. for a little while. It wasn't enough, and I still felt ugly. Eventually, the strict dieting and exercise and the constant bashing at myself took its toll and I coped.. by eating. I ended up gaining 23 pounds in the process. Not fun.

For me, the biggest hinderance is low self-esteem. It's critical to my progress towards a binge-free lifestyle. Any major cracks, and I'll overflow and binge. I hiiighly reccomend checking out as many different self-esteem related books at your library as possible! I loved reading on feminism too. Empowering myself and coming to this forum has got me back down to 152 already, and I'm not stopping there. But I'm not going to let that number affect my happiness. I feel beautiful and confident, even at 152. I think people are more attracted to me now that I'm wiser and I have that confidence then they were ever attracted to the Negative Nancy I was when I was 137.

Work hard, and you can do it. I'm cheering for you!
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Old 06-30-2009, 01:00 AM   #15
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Ahhh that's a great post!!

I love hearing the different reasons we veered off and the ways that we have come back from the brink . . . I think it does make us a tad wiser if we choose to learn from our past mistakes . . . and what you said about self esteem is correctomundo! You are right - you can feel good at any size, and when you do the size of your rear seems to match how good you feel too.
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