Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 09-11-2007, 11:30 PM   #1  
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Question what causes bulimia and who gets it?

I've been getting weird lately and I have no one to confide in about it. I thought I simply had a collection of bad habits, but it's getting to where I want to stop it and don't know how. And I don't want to ask for help because, 1- I don't want anyone to think bad of me and, 2 - I don't think I fit the category correctly. Can anyone here offer advice or insight because I really have only found a little bit of info on this.

I didn't have a weight problem until I was 26, and then I got over 200 pounds and stayed that way for over 12 years. My highest weight, which I was only at for maybe 3 months, was 265. I lost 145 in a year and a half, just diet and exercise and have been at 120 for 2 years now, no yo-yo dieting, no problems, haven't ever gained anything back. I decided to try 6 months ago to lose 15 more pounds because I feel fat all the time now, I don't know why, but it is so hard. I haven't lost anything. I haven't gained anything either, I'm still the same. But I feel like I'm starving all the time and I don't understand why after all this time it's becoming a problem.

I eat and can't stop. Then I feel sick and I throw up to be done with it. No one in my family knows, they are all proud of me for losing weight and I couldn't bear it if they even suspected this. But my eyes are bloody looking, my jaw and cheeks are getting puffy, my nose is always stuffy, my teeth and gums hurt and my knuckles are chewed up looking. This can't be bulimia, I tried looking it up on the Internet, but the general consensus is that only women under 25 get this.

What is happening to me? Why can't I stop and why is this happening now? I don't think I ever binged this much when I was obese. I am terribly ashamed and thinking someone will figure something out soon and how will I face them if they ask me? Why can't I make myself stop?

I don't want my family to know anything about this. I tried, in a roundabout way, to ask my doctor for help by mentioning how hard it was to be good about eating and he gave me the answer that most of us who do this wind up gaining it all back and more. Like I was bound to fail, like I was a stereotype, and I was ashamed that I admitted to feeling weak at all.

I would still rather throw up every single day for the rest of my life than gain back anything. Anything, even sore teeth and a swollen face is better than being fat. But I was fine before I was doing this and doing this doesn't cause weight loss anyway, so why is it hard to stop? Every day I wake up and say I'm not going to do it, I'm going to be good and by lunchtime, I'm almost insane with wanting food. I have my own fridge, I don't eat with the family, I lock the pantry, I have all kinds of rules for eating, I chew food and spit it out. I have nightmares that I wake up and am fat again and all this was a dream.

Can anyone tell me what to do? Or what causes this? I really don't want to get professional help. No one will love or trust me anymore if they knew I'm not as good as they think.
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Old 09-11-2007, 11:53 PM   #2  
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I've been getting weird lately and I have no one to confide in about it. I thought I simply had a collection of bad habits, but it's getting to where I want to stop it and don't know how. And I don't want to ask for help because, 1- I don't want anyone to think bad of me and, 2 - I don't think I fit the category correctly. Can anyone here offer advice or insight because I really have only found a little bit of info on this.

I didn't have a weight problem until I was 26, and then I got over 200 pounds and stayed that way for over 12 years. My highest weight, which I was only at for maybe 3 months, was 265. I lost 145 in a year and a half, just diet and exercise and have been at 120 for 2 years now, no yo-yo dieting, no problems, haven't ever gained anything back. I decided to try 6 months ago to lose 15 more pounds because I feel fat all the time now, I don't know why, but it is so hard. I haven't lost anything. I haven't gained anything either, I'm still the same. But I feel like I'm starving all the time and I don't understand why after all this time it's becoming a problem.

I eat and can't stop. Then I feel sick and I throw up to be done with it. No one in my family knows, they are all proud of me for losing weight and I couldn't bear it if they even suspected this. But my eyes are bloody looking, my jaw and cheeks are getting puffy, my nose is always stuffy, my teeth and gums hurt and my knuckles are chewed up looking. This can't be bulimia, I tried looking it up on the Internet, but the general consensus is that only women under 25 get this.

What is happening to me? Why can't I stop and why is this happening now? I don't think I ever binged this much when I was obese. I am terribly ashamed and thinking someone will figure something out soon and how will I face them if they ask me? Why can't I make myself stop?

I don't want my family to know anything about this. I tried, in a roundabout way, to ask my doctor for help by mentioning how hard it was to be good about eating and he gave me the answer that most of us who do this wind up gaining it all back and more. Like I was bound to fail, like I was a stereotype, and I was ashamed that I admitted to feeling weak at all.

I would still rather throw up every single day for the rest of my life than gain back anything. Anything, even sore teeth and a swollen face is better than being fat. But I was fine before I was doing this and doing this doesn't cause weight loss anyway, so why is it hard to stop? Every day I wake up and say I'm not going to do it, I'm going to be good and by lunchtime, I'm almost insane with wanting food. I have my own fridge, I don't eat with the family, I lock the pantry, I have all kinds of rules for eating, I chew food and spit it out. I have nightmares that I wake up and am fat again and all this was a dream.

Can anyone tell me what to do? Or what causes this? I really don't want to get professional help. No one will love or trust me anymore if they knew I'm not as good as they think.

OK, first of all....it is absolutely not true that no one will love you if they knew. I personally know this to be true because I have purged...and people know that, and still love me.

Second...I am not qualified to give medical advice, but the ONLY thing that helped me is professional help...and getting honest. What you are describing is bulimia...just because the internet says only women under 25 get it....doesn't mean crap. I know because I really never purged until after I was 25. Don't kid yourself that because you're over 25, you can't get it. I believe anyone can get it no matter what.

Now, I know being fat is terrible. I've been fat all my life...but really....is being dead worse than being fat? I don't think so.

And I guess, another question I have is about what your weight was before you decided to lose that 15 pounds....that's none of my business, and I don't expect you to tell us...but, I know that our body image in our minds can be really distorted...and what we see in the mirror is not necessarily what anyone else sees. I am trying to lose weight, and people tell me how "thin" I look, and I do compared to where I started. But I have at least 50 more pounds to lose, and I still see myself as extremely fat...even though I've lost about 50 pounds.

I apologize if this post sounds a bit harsh....but truly....you are killing yourself, and you deserve to live, and live free of obsession from food!!!! Good Luck!!!!!
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Old 09-12-2007, 06:00 AM   #3  
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I would still rather throw up every single day for the rest of my life than gain back anything. Anything, even sore teeth and a swollen face is better than being fat. But I was fine before I was doing this and doing this doesn't cause weight loss anyway, so why is it hard to stop?
You are describing bulimia and you need to seek professional help. The thoughts you are having as above are not normal thought patterns of a healthy person. Sure, I hate being overweight but not at any cost as you seem to feel.

Hope things get better for you soon.

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Old 09-12-2007, 09:10 AM   #4  
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all i can say is i'm sorry for you what you're describing is everything my sister went through... i hope you get enough courage to find some help
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Old 09-12-2007, 10:43 AM   #5  
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You are bulimic - you throw up, you binge, it makes you unhappy, it has physical side effects, its related to weight concerns. Accepting this is the first step!

Women of ANY age can get it. And men too.

The biggest causes of it..well, there are many conflicting theories. I'd say the biggest cause is anorexia, but its widely accepted that emotional factors are the main thing to look in to.

It was interesting to read that you maintained your weight for ages and then this all started. Did any life changes -either good or bad - happen around the same time these behaviours did?

You need some kind of help - very few people get out of this hellhole on their own, alive and intact. There is no shame in having bulimia, if people react badly it is through ignorance or fear, I promise you. Its a medical condition that, with the right education, people don't react with scorn to.

Yes, its a tough road to recovery, but its **** to keep on like this!

emily
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(anorexic then compulsive over eater/bulimic, now ED-NOS/anorexic)
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Old 09-12-2007, 11:01 AM   #6  
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Please dont feel so bad about yourself. We all have our little secret demons we dont' want people to know about. You are definately not alone. There are countless number of people who suffer from this disease, and yes it is a disease, which means you really need to get help for it. Try to get up enough courage to seek outside help, professionally. Don't worry about what others think, you come first. Princess Dianna had Bulemia, and many others.....you definately are not alone. Please seek help, for YOU.
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Old 09-12-2007, 01:33 PM   #7  
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Perhaps google some bulemia success stories online. Those stories will show how hopeless and lost those suffering from the disease felt, how hard it was to get help and finally how happy they are they finally went and got the help they needed.

You can't live the rest of your life the way you're living. That's no way to live!! The sooner you take the steps you need to take NOW the sooner you can be on the true road to recovery and have so much more self-esteem!
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Old 09-12-2007, 10:09 PM   #8  
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I wanted to say a very heartfelt thank you to all of you who replied to my post. I went out to the bookstore today and read, but didn't buy, part of a book on these disorders and it was upsetting how they described the same things I have been doing. And I googled "success stories" and found some decent websites that offered advice to try before seeking professional outside help, which is something I really would like to not do. Then my family would have to find out, or I might get in trouble - I don't know, can they put your kids in foster care or something for this? - the whole thought of it is extremely upsetting.

Someone asked what my weight was before I tried to tackle these last 15 pounds. I am 5 feet tall, and I weigh 120. My body fat is 15%, I lift weights, and I have some tummy skin to be removed. I'm saving for surgery now and expect to get it by spring. The only thing I can think of that upset me was a friend getting angry at a Jenny Craig commercial, saying why did it seem all the "success stories" were still fat? And he said to me, "No offense, you look a lot better, but you're still pudgy." And other family members made the comment that I was "close to beautiful". I thought everyone was thinking that of me and I got embarrassed. Why was I proud of myself when I was still no good? I weighed 105 as a young adult, so I thought to try to get back to that weight. That's when I started having trouble.

I just thought everyone was laughing at me, thinking I couldn't be normal. And I get angry, because I try so hard in everything in my life to be perfect. My house is spotless, my budget balanced, my children get straight A's and are well behaved, I do everything right, why can't I do this?

That's all I can think of, really. No big thing. Just a few little things.

Thank you all very much for your replies. You sound like a sweet bunch.

Last edited by kimchi559; 09-12-2007 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 09-13-2007, 04:22 AM   #9  
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If your body fat % is 15%...you are NOT fat by any stretch of the imagination!!! Regarding weight...if you are fit, and exercise, particularly weight training, you may weigh a bit more because muscle weighs more than fat. This sounds like the case with you.

Sometimes well-meaning people will say things and not realize how it sounds. My husband does all the time. He would never intentionally hurt me, but sometimes he says something thoughtless. That sounds like what happened with your friend (who obviously thinks Kirsty Alley is still fat...but isn't it more important that she's happy at the weight she's at?) and your family.

I don't believe they can put your kids in foster care for something like this, but I could be wrong. You won't get in trouble for seeking help that you need, and I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. This is not something that people generally can tackle alone!!! Good luck to you!!!!
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Old 09-13-2007, 10:07 AM   #10  
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"No offense, you look a lot better, but you're still pudgy." If you said that to the guy who said it to you, do you think he'd get upset? NO! so he obviously doesn't realise how much damage saying things like that causes. As for your family members saying you're 'close to beautiful'... well i can't understand that because surely that's going to upset anyone?! Maybe have a chat with them and tell them that saying things like that hurts. Maybe they just don't realise what they're doing I wish you all the luck in the world, i really do. I'll pray for you.
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Old 09-13-2007, 01:56 PM   #11  
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I just thought everyone was laughing at me, thinking I couldn't be normal. And I get angry, because I try so hard in everything in my life to be perfect. My house is spotless, my budget balanced, my children get straight A's and are well behaved, I do everything right, why can't I do this?
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No one will love or trust me anymore if they knew I'm not as good as they think.
I'm not a professional, but I think that you need to seriously look at your thought processes. You seem to have an ongoing theme here of "if I'm not perfect, no one will love me". Are you striving for a perfection that is unattainable? No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Love comes when you love and accept someone flaws and all. Admitting you need help, which I would say you do, is your first step.

I have a lot of the same thought processes. Down to the fact that I push people away because if they get too close they might find out I'm not perfect and reject me. I've also struggled with eating disorders my entire life. About 3 years ago I couldn't take it anymore and I told my family "I need help". They still love me, they still think I hold it together pretty well, and they still admire me for trying. No one is an island and everyone needs help sometimes. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you reach out to those that love you and let them help you through this. You wouldn't expect to survive cancer or a heart attack without help, an eating disorder or depression is no different.
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Old 09-14-2007, 10:46 PM   #12  
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Everyone has great things to say here. The only thing I might add which has helped me is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. This can be done through a professional but there are also tons of books out there about this subject. I found it helped to change my thinking process and that was a big link to my eating disorder. Books really helped me. I dont know if you have read the secret but I found that one to be a great new way to think. I also have to say that professional help is not something to be ashamed of. If everyone got professional help for themselves I think the world would be a much nicer place. I found that once I finally told my family about my disorder and actually sought professional help, it took that pressure off me. It was easier just to work on the problem. The secretism is a huge element of eating disorders and if you dont have that element, it is easier to normalize your behaviour. Every time I came out of the Psychologists office, I honestly felt great. THey are a totally impartial person who has no judgement. It is so different from telling anyone else and I found it really helped just to think through issues with her. I really hope things get better for you. But as someone else said it is a disease and I think expecting yourself to fix it on your own is a lot of pressure that might just make things worse.

Lots of hugs.
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Old 09-17-2007, 01:11 PM   #13  
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sweetie, you need to see your GP

The 'only people under 25 get bulemia" is complete and utter twaddle (the word I would've liked to use wouldn't be allowed here, lol) I know a lady in her 30s with it. Age doesn't mean anything in medicine honey, it's like saying only people aged between 16 and 20 can get an STI - not true at all!

You're making yourself poorly, because you're already poorly, see your GP - if they can't help directly they can sharp put you in touch with someone who can

(((hugs)))

Abd your family will love you no matter what x

Last edited by mynxie; 09-17-2007 at 01:13 PM.
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