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Old 01-24-2010, 08:21 AM   #1  
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Default DH is a moron....

Ok so me and my husband have been doing very well, but I have done better. He's lost 5 pounds and I have lost 12. I could tell yesterday that he was feeling unmotivated and discouraged. He talked about having a cheat day then said he wasn't going to do it. Well last night when I was asleep (it was seriously like 2 or 3 am) he comes in and wakes me up to ask if I wanted to cheat with him! I'm like um no. And he starts talking about Ihop. If I was going to cheat it would be with something WAY better than Ihop. I know he's jealous that I'm doing better than he is, but I feel like it was a sabotage. It totally pissed me off. Now I woke up this morning and there is Ihop stuff all in the fridge right on top of my diet food. Grrrr.... I am pretty irritated and just needed to vent. You guys have anyone who isn't helping you out any?
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Old 01-24-2010, 09:03 AM   #2  
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OMG! Do you need help digging the hole? I would be killing him this morning!! I have only lost 10 pounds so far and that was because dh is very helpful. I can't imagine how you are doing it. All I can say is you go girl.
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Old 01-24-2010, 09:16 AM   #3  
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Although my family was very supportive initially, once they saw that I grasped that control, they did start to bring some *bad* stuff into the house. They have been encouraging in other ways as well. But in the end it's up to ME.

I have found weight loss to be one of the most solo acts in the world. No matter how much support one gets, it's still up to me, me and me. I am the one doing the planning, shopping, chopping, dicing, cooking, preparing and what have you. I am the one who chooses to eat the right things and avoid the wrong things. Temptation is all around us, not just in our homes (though it sure as heck would be good to have a totally *safe* environment) and it it up to me all day long to say no to it. It's up to me to stick with my convictions and stay on plan. It's up to me when we go out to restaurants to not make poor choices, but to make good ones. It's up to me to exercise and move myself. We are responsible for what we put in our mouths and what we don't. It sure would be nice to have everyone on the same page all the time, but that will never happen. *sigh*

Congratulations on your weight loss thus far and for sticking to your guns!! Hopefully your husband will be inspired by you and start making those better choices - consistently - cause' that's what it's all about. I wish you continued success.

Last edited by rockinrobin; 01-24-2010 at 09:17 AM.
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Old 01-24-2010, 09:24 AM   #4  
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Well last night when I was asleep (it was seriously like 2 or 3 am) he comes in and wakes me up to ask if I wanted to cheat with him! I'm like um no.
Anyone who wakes you up from a sound, restorative sleep -- during which you are not wanting food & don't need food & aren't hungry -- and tries to get you to become his "binge buddy" is definitely exhibiting saboteur behavior.

There are people who think that if they're eating something with a lot of calories in it, or something unhealthy, that the calories magically disappear & the thing becomes healthy & okay **if someone else is eating it alongside them.** It's the herd mentality. The thinking goes: As long as everyone else's head is down & they're grazing alongside me, we're all safe & okay.

Yeah, right.

He's not ready. You are. He's not going to be of much help. This is one part of your life you can't share. There will be others, but not this.

Last edited by saef; 01-24-2010 at 09:24 AM.
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Old 01-24-2010, 11:38 AM   #5  
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Let him do what he wants.. you just keep on your journey.
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Old 01-24-2010, 12:12 PM   #6  
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I'd be ticked that we woke me up. That's a *major* no no in our house.

I agree that your lifestyle change is going to be up to YOU. My DF is not on board fully (he's eating WAY better but not ideal), so I deal with the food issue. *shrug* Temptation will always be around, why not face it now?
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Old 01-24-2010, 12:34 PM   #7  
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Yup my husband is definitely not helping but he is getting better. He is in the Army so he doesn't have to watch what he eats and stays healthy plus he's 6'2. He bakes cookies and stuff and loves junk food like chips. I just measure out a small portion and enjoy every bite. It has gotten easier to not give into that stuff. Im finding it easier to eat 1 cookie and then walk away feeling fine.
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Old 01-24-2010, 12:35 PM   #8  
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I would be livid. I was doing my measurements yesterday and told my hubby to do his. Well I was all excited that the inches were disappearing and he was not so happy. His tape only moved a little. Needless to say I have been more strict about my eating than he has and we are very competitive. He wanted to do a competition and I said no we have to do it together. Especially since I have way more to loose than he does.

I think your hubby is mad because you are having more success and that is hard for them.

cause you didn't buckle!!!! Keep going, you are doing a great job!!
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Old 01-24-2010, 01:41 PM   #9  
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Not so much the waking the other from sleep to do so, but this kind of stuff happens between hubby and me. Not so much as in the past, but it still happens, and it can be either one of us being the instigator.

It's not intentional sabotage (I think intentional sabotage is a lot rarer than is often assumed). It's just that dieting is usually fairly hard work, and sometimes that sucks. Wanting company in off-plan eating isn't very hard to understand. It can't be "too wrong" if it's easy to get someone to come along with us (bad logic, but it's the way the human mind works).

For hubby and I, initially we were more often a bad influence than a good one. If one of us wanted to go out to get food we shouldn't be eating, we'd both go. If one of us didn't want to exercise, we both didn't go.

We've talked about it a lot, and we came to the realization that we wanted to be good influences on each other, but we didn't want to nag or become the exercise and food police for the other, either. We are essentially on our own whether we like it or not, because we can't count on the other to be strong in our individiual weak moments. I don't think that makes us evil saboteurs, we're just not able to always "be strong" when the other may wish it.

We are getting much better at letting the other go solo in counterproductive behavior, but it still is hard. Hubby added a bag of potato chips to the grocery cart the other day (a much smaller bag then he used to get). I didn't ask him whether he really wanted the off-plan food (which I sometimes do for him, and he sometimes does for me), and when that evening he opened the bag, he asked me if I wanted some. I said "no," and that was the end of it (in the past, he would have asked "are you sure" a few times).

It would be grand if we could always be a good influence on each other, and never led the other astray intentionally or not, but it doesn't work that way. So, instead we each have to be responsible for what we put in our own mouths, and communicate our requests to the other for our support. Sometimes one of us says "It would really help me if you would....." and sometimes the other says "I can do that," and sometimes the response is "I'm not sure I can do that, but I'll try."

Ultimately though, because we're both struggling, we can't count on the other to be our lifeline. If you're struggling to keep your head above water, you can't expect rescue by latching onto someone in the same condition (you're likely to both drown).

Last edited by kaplods; 01-24-2010 at 02:46 PM.
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Old 01-24-2010, 02:41 PM   #10  
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jigglefree.. Men and women lose weight differently. I would stop comparing for his sake
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:26 PM   #11  
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Oh my gosh!!! I would be upset too! lol it reminds me a lot of my boyfriend!!! He is over 6 feet, and has a nice body. He works out every once in a while and eats soooo much food! like 5 or 6 FULL meals a day and eats I'm sure well over 4,000 calories a day. But still has a nice body! For example, yesterday he was begging me to get lunch for us. He wanted Carls Jr. So I reluctantly went and got their original salad (with no dressing) and I got him a huge hamburger, 2 chicken sandwiches, large fries, and a large drink. When I got home with the food and started eating with him after every bite he took he would put the hamburger or sandwich in my face (nicely) to have a bite! And I'm like geese I'm on a diet!!!!!! grrr it makes me so mad. Every single time we eat together he tries to feed me some of his food. Don't get me wrong he does it in a nice way, but it still aggravates me! It does make me stronger at resisting temptation but still!

So I definitely know how you feel, maybe not to the sabotaging point, but I get it.

Just keep strong!!!!
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:41 PM   #12  
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Mini- You just keep rocking. And don't let him sabotage your goals and mission. He is probably feeling threatened. Men do that, my hubby even though he is very supportive, will want to help me give into my cravings or offer me food that he knows is restrictive for me. We were also eating buddies. So he feels lonely, but in a way he is supportive. It's struggle, but you just keep rocking along hun!
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:45 PM   #13  
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Just wanted to say, good for you for resisting temptation and staying on your path in spite of everything! You are doing great!
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:52 PM   #14  
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All I can say is if my DSO did that? I'd kick him in the shins.
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:52 PM   #15  
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Originally Posted by Alecto View Post
All I can say is if my DSO did that? I'd kick him in the shins.
LMAO!!!! Yeah... he was sound asleep when I got up at 7 to go to work. Otherwise I might just have kicked him in the shins. While I was at work he called me a few times and I hit ignore. After the 3rd time he texted me "Are you ignoring me?"... DUH! I called awhile later to let him know that I was NOT happy and why. He gave the left over Ihop to his mom so it isn't in my fridge anymore. Sucks though that now I have cheating in my mind. Grrrr... I had been doing SO good not really thinking about cheating at all. Now we went to pick up some meds for his mom and I ALMOST had him stop at Taco Bell but I decided that no I wasn't going to cheat, and if I was going to, I wouldn't waste it on fast food. So I came home and fixed myself some good on my plan lunch. And I feel good about it! So, I'm still being good and I'm gonna ignore the cheat thoughts and push them out of my mind. And now he is back on board. His itch has been scratched and he has his motivation back. He said he had horrible shame when he woke up, and when I chewed him out I added. lol So he should behave for awhile. Thanks for the support guys!
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