Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

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Old 02-12-2012, 06:48 PM   #1  
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Angry My ex said a horrible thing about my loose skin... long

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting in this community but looking through the forums, I think I will be visiting often!

Here's my problem.

Firstly, I'm not done losing weight but over the last two years I went from 303 lbs to 150 with just diet and exercise. My end goal is 130 and I have no doubts I will get there eventually. I do have loose skin and I don't like it but I'm much more happy with that than I was with having an extra 150 lbs of fat on my body.

I'm not particularly self-conscious about the skin but of course I can't wait until I fix it or save up enough money for the surgery. I've had a pretty active dating life for the last year and I've never really had an issue when it comes time to show off my body to my new friends. I've dated some very good looking athletic type guys who actually found it kind of hot. One guy even called it "my battle scars" and would go on and on about how amazing I was because I did what I did.

Well this last guy I dated changed all that and my self esteem has just taken a nose dive. I actually really liked this guy too. He wasn't super hot or athletic like some of the other guys I dated. He was 5'10 and 205lbs so pretty chubby himself. But when the clothes came off with him, he just kind of froze. It was absolutely apparent that he was not happy with the way my body looked. He kept his eyes tightly closed the whole time, he barely touched me, he barely did any work. After the first couple of times we had sex I decided that it was probably best to cut things off since I could feel myself getting more and more self-conscious about it and my self esteem was taking a hit. No man is worth that. He was also kind of obsessed with porn stars and strippers and actresses with perfect bodies and stuff which exacerbated the problem and frankly made me resentful... it was just too much. I told him that I just thought we were incompatible and he begged me not to leave him. He begged. But nothing changed in the bedroom. Things just took a nose-dive and he ended up dumping me about a month later saying that we were incompatible. My heart was broken but hey, it happens.

This was a few months ago that the break up happened and I moved on. Plenty more fish in the sea. Last night I got an e-mail about a new message from a website forum that I used to frequent when we were together. He actually convinced me to sign up for it. He must have forgot that I had an account because I was scrolling through the threads and there was one there about dating girls who used to be fat but are now hot. I was reading all the comments and there was one that said (this is copy and paste) "Hold off on calling them hot until you get their clothes off. I dated a girl that lost 150 lbs in a year and a half and she looked awesome in clothes but when they came off she had loose skin EVERYWHERE! She was really self-conscious about it. And with good reason. It was pretty revolting." Looked at the name of the poster to see who would post something so mean spirited and lo and behold it was my ex.

Ok, seriously??? I mean that guy was cute and funny but he wasn't anything that would make you break your neck, ya know? Plus he was kind of a weirdo and really immature so I'm not thinking he has lines of girls banging down his door to get in.

My skin is already better looking than it was when I was with him. And it's only going to keep getting better the more I keep working at it. His personality will probably be sh*tty for the rest of his life.

I don't know why I care so much. But I have a feeling this is going to rear it's head with the next guy I date now.

Has anyone here ever had to deal with such a mean comment? How do you bounce back from something like this?
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:54 PM   #2  
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WHAT AN A$$!!!!

Girl... there are enough wonderful, kind, HOT men out there who won't give a second look to a little loose skin. You don't need to be wasting your time on jerks like this. Please don't take what he said to heart. He obviously have self esteem issues of his own.

You did an amazing thing and got yourself healthy. Your skin will continue to improve and he will still be a moron.

Pat yourself on the back and let it roll off. It's not worth your frustration. *hugs*
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:57 PM   #3  
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Really, his comments say A LOT more about him than you think. He sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues. And his comment tells me that he'll do whatever he can to feel better about himself. I would consider the break up a god send. He liberated you from future emotional abuse that could have impaired you much more than you think.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:07 PM   #4  
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Losing 150 pounds is nothing to be ashamed about, loose skin or not! It's an accomplishment, nobody should make you feel lesser because of it. I'm glad you got rid of him, he obviously has his own insecurities, which is the only reason I can see him being so mean about it. You'll find someone way better who accepts you for who you are and loves every bit of you.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:23 PM   #5  
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First, You are a ROCK STAR!!!!!

My guess is that you got that "kicked in the stomach" shocked thing when you read that. I am so sorry that disgusting excuse for a human being did that to you. I bet there are others that read his post and aren't thinking very good thoughts about him. Not only is he shallow, but he's an idiot. I'm really glad you got rid of him when you did.

Don't give him one more ounce of energy. He's a loser.

Remember - his actions and thoughts don't have anything to do with the next guy you meet, so don't let that poison you.

You are amazing.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:37 PM   #6  
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Congratulations on a fantastic weight loss. Forget this guy , he is a jerk.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:39 PM   #7  
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That hurts, but remember he's an ex for a REASON.

Not just being incompatible in the bedroom, but being immature and kinda dorky out of it. Honestly -- NO PERSON is perfection after early infancy! We get all kinds of dings and bangs and whatnot. As soon as we start moving around we're clonking ourselves on things.

The weight loss you did was a phenomenal HEALING thing -- and your body responded to your care. You totally rock, and the other ex BF who called it your battle scars has a much better attitude.

Hopefully your next will be as realistic and good attitude as the better ex, but have the special "spark" to make it click the way you want in a relationship.

Fooey on the immature weirdo ex. Thppppt.


Last edited by astrophe; 02-12-2012 at 07:40 PM.
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Old 02-13-2012, 12:51 AM   #8  
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omg(( i can relate to being kicked in the stomach by reading the internet((( unfortunately there are men like that. i'm wondering where these guys are who don't care about the excess skin??? and it has no bearing on what they themselves look like either.

i dont have alot of excess skin (yet) because i've lost really slowly. because that's the only way my body will do it. i still have some fat on my body and i still get rejected for it omg.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:05 AM   #9  
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"Hold off on calling them hot until you get their clothes off. I dated a guy that looked awesome in clothes but when they came off he had a really small penis! He was really self-conscious about it. And with good reason. It was a real teeny peeny."

Last edited by Glory87; 02-13-2012 at 02:05 AM.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:23 AM   #10  
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Oh, that last post was LOL good!

Honey, the guy has issues and is a jerk. I hope for your complete healing and freedom from that damaged relationship.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:23 AM   #11  
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Oh, that last post was LOL good!

Honey, the guy has issues and is a jerk. I hope for your complete healing and freedom from that damaged relationship.
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Old 02-13-2012, 03:06 AM   #12  
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You said lots of really hot nice guys didn't have an issue with your skin didn't they? why listen to this one guy instead of them?
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Old 02-13-2012, 03:22 AM   #13  
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You are so much BETTER off without him!
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Old 02-13-2012, 12:47 PM   #14  
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't give him the power. Some guys would think the post perfect hottest woman had something about her he should nitpick. Some guys think your flaws are hot. Focus on the other type of guys. There will always be a-holes in the world, lucky for you you aren't in a relationship with one anymore.
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Old 02-13-2012, 12:56 PM   #15  
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Congratulations on your weight loss!!

I know everyone else has said it, but that guy was an *******. Do NOT listen to him and know that there are guys out there that just want YOU for YOU, not what you look like without your clothes on. You accomplished something amazing and any guy who can't appreciate that needs to take a hike.

I agree with the guy who said they were "battle scars!" That's how I refer to my stretch marks and extra skin Sure, it would have been easier to never get fat in the first place, but the point is that we got to another place through blood, sweat and tears and unfortunately our bodies show signs of it.
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