Oh I can so relate to that story! I used to date a guy who ate only the amount of food that would compensate for the exercise he had done at the gym --which is a form of OCD, then I learned--, and who would pinch me where I had excess fat for me to notice I needed to lose weight. Passive aggressive, then I learned. He even introduced me to a woman he used to be in love with and later commented on how hot and thin she was. Funny thing is he was the worst lover on earth ever, but I never let him know that, but (read this) FAKED in bed for two years for him to be happy. After two years, I was ready to let go of him, but never forgot how ugly he made me feel.
He DID have a tiny weeny thingy, btw, and now I think: why didn't I ever tell him he was abnormally underdeveloped, and pinched him there???
Let's forget these guys... we deserve better!
Firstly, ...I do have loose skin and I don't like it but I'm much more happy with that than I was with having an extra 150 lbs of fat on my body.
....
Well this last guy I dated changed all that and my self esteem has just taken
Your first statement tells what a wonderful, healthy state of mind you have. Furthermore, it indicates strong self esteem. It's probably these aspects about that empowered you to accomplish the weight loss on your own. My guess is the athletes admire your strength of character and appreciate you on a level because of your accomplishments. Whereas Loverboy was likely a bit intimidated by you. IMO he can't take rejection because of his self esteem issues. He begged you not to breakup with him because it wouldve crushed him. HE needed to breakup with you because he's weak. So he kept it together just long enough to be the one calling it quits. Then, because he was still scared and intimidated by you rejecting HIM, he slapped you in public in a passive-aggressive attack of the one aspect of you that is your healthiest accomplishment. HE doesn't have the strength of character to accomplish as much as you and that makes him feel small. Abusive behavior IMO is a defense for a person's fear of their own weakness.
My advice is to forgive him for being weak, scared, and feeling the need to attack you. Let it go. Realize you dodged a bullet by breaking up with him and thank God it's over before more harm could result. You are an awesome woman and will meet a good guy eventually because you have a good head on your shoulders. Chin up and keep strong!!
Good grief words fail me! Well, they don't but I'd probably get banned if i wrote what actually popped into my mind!!
What you've achieved is phenomenal and what you deserve is not what this plank gave you. He certainly doesn't deserve even the amount of thought that's already been given to him. Put him and his nasty negativity out of your mind and concentrate on being fabulous and finding someone who is worthy of you!
if we're calling them battle scars, then my carcass looks like i got drug through WWII behind a tank across a minefield, lol.
but seriously - he's a chubby little boy still looking for the woman who matches the ones in the sears catalogue bra section he no doubt still whacks off to.
by allowing him to affect you like this, you are saying he's right - his judgement is correct - he has evaluated your worth perfectly and all those other, hotter, better looking, in-better-shape guys AND all your friends AND all your family AND all the other ppl in your life who love you and value you are just plain wrong.
personally, i'd just consider him a bullet dodged.
He probably has an unrealistic idea of what normal women should look like if he has an obsession with porn stars and actresses with perfect bodies. I know how it feels though, I lost 150 pounds as well and I'm in my early 20's and dating pretty regularly. I was dating a guy, and had on a spandex type thing to suck in my stomach because the dress I was wearing kind of required it, well later that night me and the guy were just messing around, and he felt it and was like "uh what is that?" and I was like "Umm? really? Spandex." And laughed it off. Well a couple dates later I realized he was extremely immature, and changed my mind about him. He was drunk one night and texted me saying he was "glad because he doesn't want to date a 20 year old who has to wear a girdle". Haha, oh immature men.
Don't let it get to you, although that's easier said than done! What a jerk. Definitely a bullet dodged there! And I like that "battle scars" thing. I'll have to remember that
I lost 150 pounds as well and I'm in my early 20's and dating pretty regularly. I was dating a guy, and had on a spandex type thing to suck in my stomach because the dress I was wearing kind of required it, well later that night me and the guy were just messing around, and he felt it and was like "uh what is that?" and I was like "Umm? really? Spandex." And laughed it off. Well a couple dates later I realized he was extremely immature, and changed my mind about him. He was drunk one night and texted me saying he was "glad because he doesn't want to date a 20 year old who has to wear a girdle". Haha, oh immature men.
I read something somewhere, I don't remember where, that the chick from those sparkly vampire movies wears Spanx as it slipped below her hemline during an interview. From what I remember she's pretty freakin' thin! Guess he wouldn't date her either huh?
Also, a quick google revealed Katy Perry, Lindsey Lohan, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Alba, etc. all wear them. Hm... he's gonna have some really slim pickings if that's his criteria!
ETA: Also, I wouldn't call them men. Over-grown, immature boys.
Last edited by XLMuffnTop; 03-20-2012 at 04:08 PM.
Please say a little prayer of thanks before you go to bed tonight, because you dodged a bullet!
I truly feel sorry for any woman who winds up with this man. When my husband met me I was 120lbs and fit as a fiddle. Now...well...ummm..... Thank goodness he still finds me pretty with all the flaws...he finds my inside beautiful and that influences how he sees my outside. Your ex might meet someone hot and fit for now - how will he feel in 10-20 years when she had popped out a few kids and aged? Is he that shallow? I don't see a happy future for him or his future wife.
My boyfriend said some pretty mean spirited things to me recently about his ex girlfriend who lost 125 pounds while they were together. He poked fun at her boobs mostly, which apparently sagged quite a bit after her weight loss. When I confronted him about it he admitted that he said those things because it made him feel better about the fact that she had cheated on him and left him. Sometimes we lash out at others to make ourselves feel better, and physical appearance is a really easy thing to pick on. My boyfriend is a great person, he was just really hurt by this girl. It wasn't really about what her body looked like at all, but rather about his disappointment and sadness over things not working out. Not trying to defend your ex necessarily because he seems like a jerk but my guess is that this is more of a reflection on him and how he feels about the situation way more than it is on you and what you look like.
My boyfriend said some pretty mean spirited things to me recently about his ex girlfriend who lost 125 pounds while they were together. He poked fun at her boobs mostly, which apparently sagged quite a bit after her weight loss. When I confronted him about it he admitted that he said those things because it made him feel better about the fact that she had cheated on him and left him. Sometimes we lash out at others to make ourselves feel better, and physical appearance is a really easy thing to pick on. My boyfriend is a great person, he was just really hurt by this girl. It wasn't really about what her body looked like at all, but rather about his disappointment and sadness over things not working out. Not trying to defend your ex necessarily because he seems like a jerk but my guess is that this is more of a reflection on him and how he feels about the situation way more than it is on you and what you look like.
This does not make me feel better. lol.
I tried to make things work with him harder than I tried with any man before or after him. I didn't cheat on him. I treated him well and I gave him just about everything that I had that I could give at that time. If he is resentful because things didn't work out that means he basically resents who I am as a whole person because I never "did" anything to him. I would rather him be revolted by my sagging skin than repulsed by my soul.. lol. And if I hurt him, it wasn't by anything I did. It would be that we were just that incompatible. And that makes me feel guilty and like I should have moved on when the problems first started instead of dragging them out trying to make it work...
Congratulations on your weight loss. You're inspiring. Bye is clearly a jerk.
I've read some things recently online and in a few local newspalers said about me and know the feeling. It is horrible. I stopped reading the comments but it hurt for weeks. It hurt again when my 9 year old had a friend mention to him at school. His friend was sticking up for me but it still sucked.
