I'm seeking some advice or maybe just some commiseration.
When I was bigger I felt MORE confident than I do now. I was a big beautiful plus sized girl (size 20+), with lots of confidence. I received a lot of positive attention, I felt outgoing and comfortable in my skin and shopping was great! (Hitting the half off clearance at Torrid )
Now I'm a size 14 and shrinking and though my new jeans (I got in the juniors section yes!) fit and look great, I just got a promotion at work, my weight loss is going well and my relationship strong... I feel more insecure than ever.
Why don't I feel proud and confident?! It's almost as if in losing parts of my physical self, I have also lost parts of who I am.
I had SUCH a hard time with identity when I lost weight the first time - I went from 275 to 155 and had no clue who I was anymore - I'm frankly kind of afraid to go through that again.
Oh my, no. I never felt that way. But I find it quite interesting that people do. I know you're going to get some strong encouragement on this one because I have definitely seen other women face this issue. Some women really do carry fat well!! Curves, yes! They're beautiful! I have a girlfriend who was beautiful at 265 pounds! Now she's beautiful at 199 pounds. But me? I did not carry it well and was nothing but dumpy and plump and I felt like a bruised peach.
I'm sorry you're struggling with your self-image. Perhaps you could focus on the physical/health benefits?
It's just a brain rework Seattle... you are who you project out... a beautiful confident woman who has (literally) worked her tush off. Let your accomplishment shine through and people will respond accordingly.
(admitting too, I'm a little jealous.. I'm only an inch shorter than you and at 173 ish, and I'm still pulling size 16's over my hips. Lucky you! Be proud!)
It's also possible that you'll feel more confident after you adjust to your new size and shape. While I'm not particularly feeling insecure now, I definitely feel as if I have little idea how much space I take up, and I wouldn't be surprised if it takes me a year to have a better sense of that.
You could also view this as an opportunity: "Who do I want to be?" I used to have a male friend who was very small and scrawny, and he found out that, by growing his hair long and making certain clothing choices, he could be identified as a "hippie" rather than as a "nerd". Your previous self-identification as a Big Beautiful Woman was probably the best out of the choices you had a that point; there are probably several different directions you could go now, and maybe that's part of what's making you uncomfortable.
I'm sorry you're struggling with your self-image. Perhaps you could focus on the physical/health benefits?
That bruised peach comment made my day!
I am very glad I'm working toward this goal since high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer (specifically in the women) run in my family.
I wasn't prepared to combat the mental part of losing significant amounts of weight. I thought I'd be all thin and thinkn' I was hot stuff.
Now I just feel like... luke-warm stuff. I suppose this is another challenge to over come in the battle to get healthy.
JayLei... don't worry. We are all shaped differently ... and you'll get there.
Oboegal... you make a very good point. Re-defining who I am... now that sounds a little over whelming. I wish I could take a class in that or something.
Thank you all!
Last edited by SeattleLoser; 10-03-2010 at 07:36 PM.
I love fitting into my before college cloths, or nearly fitting into them that is. I try to feel comfortable with my body no matter the weight. But, it is strange to get more attention now that I'm slimmer. I don't mind being ignored really!!
I'm also with you. I'd never heard anything about the mental part of weight loss. While I assumed that part of me would change, I wasn't prepared to feel so overwhelmed with not knowing how I was going to turn out. I've read on here before that it's because... before, you weren't focused on losing weight so you were doing the best with what you had. Now that you're more focused on what you look like, you're starting to really notice more. The way your (your being used as any person) armpits wrinkle, the way your knees look silly when you stand in front of the mirror. I think when I was bigger it was easier just to focus on the overall picture of the fat. Now I am noticing specific parts... I hope that makes sense. Just know that you're not alone.
I haven't had that problem as of yet. I have lost about 40 lbs so far, but I still don't feel like I look much different at all. Maybe that's why I haven't had this conflict. But I do feel better now, and I love that. I'm much more comfortable being smaller. I was never comfortable being big, and I don't want to go back. I'm ready for a change I guess.
This is a good thread and definitely something that should be discussed. It's a really great topic that I hadn't actually thought about. Now I'm very curious about it.
Last edited by LiannaKole; 10-04-2010 at 01:36 AM.
Reason: Spelling, as always. -sigh-
You've lost a lot of weight! While your weight is in "transition" your image of yourself might be, too. I've found in my experience there are definitive, fixed points in time where the way I perceive myself shifts almost overnight and it's like having a whole new body.
I know who you are!! You are the same woman that has been hiding inside your previous body for your entire life. You are a healthy, beautiful lady.
I am standing taller and more proudly than ever.....literally because my exercise program has taught me to correct my posture! Healthy lifestyle changes have helped me to feel the best I have in years....maybe ever.
I just had one of those moments this morning. I just felt weird about losing weight. I don't know, maybe I got comfortable feeling uncomfortable with myself? Change is strange, no matter what. I did realize one thing though, I am still the same person and that's a really good person. A person who has good days and bad days, just like every other person. The only thing that will likely change is how others see me but no matter whether that's good or bad, the core "me" is still the same, the outside is just smaller. As a matter of fact, the only things that will likely change in my own private life is my weight, clothing size, and how I think I look in clothes. My health might also improve..not much to worry myself with there
Your confidence needs to come from a different place. Are you amazed with yourself for coming so far? Use that for confidence. It's not easy, no one loses weight easily.
When any of us gets our self-image too wrapped up in our physical image it always leads to trouble! Youth gives way to age, skinny girls get fat, fat girls get skinny, etc.
I have this feeling that your self-image was artificially relying on that fat girl image, when you have a vast wealth of wonderful character traits to draw from.
And remember - you are EVERY bit as physically beautiful as well. Getting more in tune with the real stuff behind your self-image will return your confidence...and it is confidence and depth that allow women truly embody beauty to its fullest.
I'm not a fat chick anymore, who am i?
)
I never felt that way. But I find it quite interesting that people do. I know you're going to get some strong encouragement on this one because I have definitely seen other women face this issue. Some women really do carry fat well!! Curves, yes! They're beautiful! I have a girlfriend who was beautiful at 265 pounds! Now she's beautiful at 199 pounds. 
But me? I did not carry it well and was nothing but dumpy and plump and I felt like a bruised peach. 
