I know I've talked about this a little on 3FC, but I can't remember where it came up. Anyway, it's come to my attention lately at school that MANY students are talking about my weight loss and are spreading the rumor that I had surgery to lose the weight. I'm more annoyed by this than I thought I would be.
I lost about 90 pounds during the school year of 06-07, but the students and teachers saw it happen gradually, one to two pounds a week, so some of them didn't quite realize it was happening. When I came back after the summer break, I'd lost another 15 pounds or so. I know the last 15 pounds made a big difference in how I looked, but not THAT different. When I came back this fall, you'd think I had lost all the weight over the summer, with the way people responded. Well, apparently that's what many of them think. It keeps coming back to me that students (mostly ones I haven't ever even taught and don't really know) are saying that I had surgery. They're telling people this as if it's FACT. The weird part is that these kids see me running all the time and most kids know I started running last year (I'm a cross country coach now, after all).
Anyway, the point of all this rambling is that I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but for some reason it does. I don't want to sound judgmental about surgery, because if people choose that route there's obviously nothing wrong with it. I just didn't choose it -- in fact, I never even considered it. It's a different kind of challenge, and one that I simply wouldn't have done unless it was an absolute last resort (I just won't be cut open unless I have to be -- that's just how I am about such things!) I guess I just feel like I deserve credit for all the hard work I've done. I've run 800 miles in 2007, after all. 800 miles! Sigh...
Am I stupid for caring that this rumor is being spread? Has this happened to you? I've had other people ASK me if I had surgery, which I'm fine with because I know that people sometimes assume it if someone has lost more than 100 pounds, because some people can't conceive of how to do that. But it annoys me that people are just SAYING it as if it's fact.
You are NOT "stupid" for caring!!! You worked your @$$ off (literally!) to get where you are, and the flippant and incorrect comments undermine your progress, which is a result of continued efforts, not a surgical procedure AND hard work together.
My perspective - The truth is the truth, regardless of what other people say. I can absolutely understand why it bothers you, and you have every right to be upset. At the end of the day, though, you know the truth, and what anyone else might conjecture is irrelevant.
People who have lost a ton of weight WITHOUT surgery are oddities. Very few exist, honestly, in any one community. So people, to make themselves feel better about the fact that they or their loved ones haven't lost weight, convince themselves that one must have had some kind of help to succeed. It is because those people aren't prepared to accept that ANYONE can lose weight, they just have to decide to do so and put in a lot of hard work.
I've had people ask, but no one I know of has assumed it. I don't really know what people are saying behind my back, though.
Oh yeah, there were all kinds of rumors about me after I lost the weight, especially about "The Surgery." I don't remember being upset by it, in fact I think I thought it was pretty funny, because it just sort of showed how clueless some people are. It was pretty obvious to me that the rumors would never be stopped anyway--people just can't conceive of anything out of the ordinary. FWIW, after a few year, it becomes boring, people stopped thinking of it as being so dramatic, and the rumors died out.
My sister faces a similar thing, having had children who are identical triplets. She is forever asked the fertility drugs question. Identicals are not the result of the effects of fertility drugs, but that isn't the "right" answer so people discuss it as if it was fact.
BTW: I think medical intervention can be a wonderful thing, and doesn't take away from any of the hard work people have to do before and after. We all do what we have to do, and despite the 'ah, has' when the rumors surface, it stuns me that somehow there is shame in this. Or that having help, somehow makes it public business.
Perhaps there is a "No, I didn't, but so what if I did" T-shirt out there for us all.
I think you are completely justified in being angry the rumor is spread though. It is an extremely personal thing, and if people are going to pry they could at least get it right. I think the reality is that they probably won't, but time is on your side.
In the meantime listen to us. We know what you did! We know how hard it was and how hard it continues to be, and we are proud of you. You have done a great, life-altering thing. I for one am so impressed with how your running has developed, and how that has changed your outlook on life and your career. No rumors can take that away from you, because you have truth on your side.
No one has asked me if I had surgery even though not everyone who knows me knows me from my highest weight. So if I say I've lost 160 lbs, they may ask me how but they don't ask me if it was surgery. I do think I'd be a bit annoyed as well for a few reasons including the fact that surgery is not the only way to go.
I do think we are an oddity though because you don't hear about big losers much any more unless it involves surgery. Surgery is everywhere and there are tons of shows about it.
Unfortunately, you may have to endure the rumors because there may be some that won't believe it wasn't surgery. You know the truth and that is all you can tell people. You can't control what they may assume.
Rumors will be around no matter what, could be about anything , and it is so frustrating when the rumor is about and it is completely untrue. It is nearly impossible to combat these things, for some reason people will believe these untruths no matter how much we tell them the true facts.I sympathize with you , and only remind you that you know the truth.Some rumors are really harmful to innocent people, I wish I knew how these things could be stopped , unfortunately I don't.
For one thing, having the surgery is a last resort and far from easy. It was the one thing that I felt was too drastic for me, and I did not consider it an option.
I am so supportive of anyone who does make the decision and I sure know that it is no easy way out. 1 in every 200 people who make that choice loses his/her life. There is no shame in it, only a decision to exercise (in mho) an option, and for most, the last hope. No shame--great courage. I give encouragement to anyone considering and going through this life threatening procedure. So then, the question is, and I hope this is helpful to you, the question is: if people think and say you went through that, so what? So what? If people say it, judge you for it, so what?
When I finally got full, ate less, and lost about 5 #s a month, and maintained an 80# wt. loss for over a year (am now only maintaining a 60 # loss @$^%@%^^) for the most part, if someone wondered if I had had the surgery, I am such an open person ( I never hid for a MINUTE the fact that I had a face lift) ..they just point blank asked me.....several did, and I said, "No, I just got full. I ate less and lost wt. Who knew?"
Hope my 2 cents helps....now, if anyone can find a way to get me back on track to take off this !$!%^@%$ 20 #s, I am ALL EARS!!!!
LisaMarie, I feel for you honey. And boy oh boy can I relate. BIG TIME.
This is quite a touchy subject for me right now as this has just come up for me at work. My boss informed me that some people were talking over the weekend and questioning her as to whether or not I had surgery. I can take it even one step further. My before picture is up at work. Apparently I am so unrecognizable that they were even doubting if my before picture was really me at all. Lovely, huh? I had tears in my eyes as she was telling me this. My boss was raving mad. She defended me through and through. As she was telling me the story yesterday afternoon, she was so angry and screaming so loud that I actually had to quiet her down.
People ask me all the time whether I've had surgery or not. Or make that they just start talking to me as if I did have the surgery, they don't even bother to ask me. They just assume that I did. I quickly set them straight and go into the whole eating healthy plus exercising bit and how determined and consistient I was. Like has been said already, I truly believe there's nothing at all wrong with surgery - but that's not what I chose to do.
You can't let it get to you. There's nothing you can do to dispell the rumours, short of lifting up your shirt and showing them that you have no scars. And even then, there will be some who just find it more tolerable for THEM to believe that you had the surgery. You know the truth, and your loved ones know the truth, and unfortunately, that's just going to have to be good enough.
I think you should whip off your shirt in class a la Brandi Chastain during the World Cup and show off your scar free torso, but then it would probably be all over youtube, so maybe not!
In general, there is a lot of stupidity out there. It can be hard to rise above it and to try not to let it hurt you. We all know how you did it.....vent anytime, sweetie.
Thanks a lot for all the support, you guys, and I know a lot of you know exactly how I feel because you've gone through the same thing. (Especially you, Robin, because you lost your weight so quickly, which I know people may have a hard time accepting).
Believe me, I know I shouldn't be upset about it, and I'm not THAT upset...but I'm surprised that I'm upset at all. Of course it doesn't matter what people say. It never really did. I guess I just want credit for the route I DID take. That doesn't mean I think surgery is an easy route and I took the harder one, necessarily. I suppose I could make a case for that if it mattered, but it doesn't, and I haven't had surgery so I have no idea what people go through with that so I'm sure they could make a case on the other side. That part doesn't matter. I suppose I'm just petty and I think if people ARE going to talk about my weight loss, they should understand what I did to bring it about. I think it's just because I feel like such a completely transformed person, particularly because of the running, and it surprises me that people would look for another explanation for the transformation when it's so obvious. It would be different if I weren't so visible as a runner here at school, maybe.
I believe I know which kid started the rumor, and he happens to be a rather obese kid. He has difficulty walking because of his weight, and I've worried about him for years. This may be his response because he's defensive about his own weight, and like some of you said, people sometimes don't want to believe that ANYone can do this if they just work hard. That would mean they're simply choosing NOT to do the work, instead of choosing not to have surgery. Don't get me wrong - I know after surgery you have to work (I keep making that disclaimer because I know some of my posts sound like I believe surgery is the easy way out, and that's not what I'm saying -- it's a DIFFERENT way out that I would never have chosen).
Lisa, I know exactly how you feel. The last time I was very sick and had to have a CT scan, the radiology people knew me from before. Even after doing the scan they asked me if I had weight loss surgery. I do have Abd. scars from 3 hernia repairs and my open Cholecystectomy. It seems to me they could tell by the scan that it wasn't wt. loss surgery.
What's even worse is my general practitioner asks me if I was on drugs or using prescription diet pills. This really made me mad and I changed doctors. Even that Dr. couldn't conceive that a person can really change the way they eat and add exercise and lose a lot of weight.
I, also agree that having wt. loss surgery is very courageous and still takes a lot of work to lose the weight and keep it off. For me, it was never considered due to my health issues.
I never had this happen to me, but I guess I can sort of understand. A few years ago, I happened to be in the English class my uncle was teaching at the time, and even though we were careful about it, once the word got out, there were rumors of me having good grades because "it's family". Which was not true at all (actually, he did what he could to be uber-severe when grading my papers, but what do you want, english is just one of my strong points and one I work my *** off towards).
It's really frustrating. It's as if people are trying to downplay achievements due to hard work and dedication, as if this wasn't worth anything, because, hey, "surgery is soo easy, snip here and there, and voilą, magickal-shrunken-stomach will help you eat less and lose weight in a snap of fingers. So she MUST have had surgery, there's no way she could have done all of this by herself". (I know, surgery is a heavy procedure and not easy *at all* to go through, before, and after; but I'm pretty sure that in lots of people's minds, it is, and they view it as a solution for 'lazy folks' or something like this.)
Unfortunately, save from showing that you have no scars or doing your best to ignore the rumors and let them pass above your head, I'm not sure if anything can be done...
My GP hadn't seen me for quite awhile ( I go to the NP and my Endo most of the time). He took one look at me and started flipping through my chart. Did my checkup and then when I was leaving he was walking away talking to another doctor and he said "that is a great example of a successful gastric bypass". My NP was walking by at the same time and corrected him by saying" Nancy has done it with diet and exercise - she never had surgery".
I think many ASSUME it must be - how could someone who is so overweight have enough strength and willpower to lose weight the "hard" way ?????
Just try to ignore and be proud of what you have done.
In a weird sort of way I enjoy it when people automatically ask me, "Did you get the surgery?" I take great pride in explaining how I did it, "The right way, the hard way". I discuss how I have educated myself, my dieting habits, my exercising, etc. I am living proof that with the right mind-set anyone can lose weigt
Why do we have to be so JUDGEMENTAL??? Why do we have to be so SUPERIOR??? Why is it so Q$@^@^%^%@&^&#@%^@ important to us that we were somehow better than everyone else because we did it the HARD WAY/ the old fashioned way??? WHY?? What difference does it make how any of us decided to change our lives??? Gastric bypass is no picinic, no easy way out, no walk in the park...in fact, I was not willing to do anything that drastic as much as I wanted to.........How DARE we judge?????
I am feeling guilty here because I posted a "Woe is me" post about body lift surgery being available and paid for by their insurance companies to those who had gastric bypass surgery ...you can look it up and read my post....I said it, I posted it..and it still bugs me a little.....only that I can't get the lifts/tucks that one needs after significant wt. loss.......
But for any of us who have had success losing wt. ...however we did it..what the &))^#^$$##(^$^@% difference does it make to us who is saying, or what is being said about HOW we did it???? This is a burning question for all of us..........what !#%$@%^$^ difference does it make ???
Surgery Rumors
Kudos to you for doing such a great job!
