Good Morning, Coaches.

Glad we are near the end of the week. I have never wanted to be that kind of person - the counter of hours to the weekend. But acceptance is the answer to all my problems - not approval just acceptance. I am what I am for today. What is the saying, "I can do something for 24 hours that would appall me if I had to do it for a lifetime. So for now - credit that I show up each day, plan for the students, hug DS, make a small lunch, and just keeping walking. There is a great deal of comfort in knowing that no matter what, the day of the party will be over. It is out of my control. The 100% rain prediction on the party is a spiritual exercise for me. I am embarrassed by the fact that I have invited people to a party that might be ruined,yet it is out of my control. I feel bad. But I think the word is not "bad" but maybe "vulnerable." What is Mary Ann if she is not perfect? I have eaten a lot of See's candy contemplating that question.

I can follow the scenario through - my college friends of 38 years will come anyway; a few cherished in laws have flown in and will hang out. DS and DH will be there. We will huddle around a heater eating pounds of tri tip - enough for the 75 people who didn't show. I will have more time to talk to everyone. I will be enough. But I forget this and become anxious. The anxiety has kept me overweight my entire life but it has also kept me from complacency. I have made progress every time. I remain catastrophically human but never alone. That is certainly something.

Exercise today even if it is just sit ups by the time I get home around 7:00 pm.

Wave to all.

My structures disappeared and my good eating along with it. Worse, I'm in that place where I know I'm likely to get back to better eating soon, so I "need" to eat all the bad stuff now. Which just sounds insane when I write it out. And, there's a clue. It would probably help if I tended to my mental health in the next 24-48 hours to see if that puts me in a better place.

How's this for a surprise? I'm sticking with the tuna since DB and SIL said they liked tuna (i don't do with mayo, just lemon juice, mustard, cukes, onions, bell peppers over greens) ... and DH isn't doing tuna - and he's the one who likes it. Haha. No quick confirmation that it was worth it. This is teaching me to stick with it even without the scale benefit. I'm wondering what will kick me off plan. I know I'll choose to go off plan in Italy next month - wow that's going to come up quick. I've not even brushed up on my Italian. But plans are to return straight to program when we get home. By then, maybe the modified program.

DH got two job interview calls today - how odd is that - he's to start the new one on Dec. 1. All or nothing, I swear.

Friday - Standard time zones adopted (1883, U.S. & Canada)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Another day with no snacks, CREDIT moi - this time without the little DGD to help me along. Dinner was rotisserie chicken after DW announced that it had been decided that I was to go fetch one. The walk was the best part.

Walked, CREDIT moi, to my class and back where I learned a few more ways that the culture that surrounds me alters my brain where I don't know about it. I begin to feel like a minority voter on the board of directors of my body, LOL.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Just amazing that our feeble brains can think of eating all the bad food to get ready to eat sanely. Yay for jumbled neurons.

maryann - The good news is that tri tip freezes well. Thanks for "I remain catastrophically human" - I'll take that for next time I face my limitations.

nationalparker – Gelato is the expected way to go off plan in Italy. Fortunately, it can be purchased in a small size. Ciao.

Karen (karenrn) - Good luck with the start of your bathroom renovation today. May it go better than expected with no surprises.

Readers -

Rough day today ... DB stopped by to see the mother of his oldest granddaughter (11) and while the kid's parents aren't together, the bond between him and the ex-DIL is strong. She was crying in racking sobs, tears streaming. He was trying to hold it together, but just so hard with the emotions. We were all crying. How to tell the DGD will be tough - I know books are out there and that might be an option. Waiting until we know more from next tests anyway. We came home to a very late lunch and I had a few sprouted grain pretzels on the way home, forgetting that I didn't "get" a grain at lunch. Everything else was OP. Selfishly, I missed seeing the scale [hopefully] drop after the phase 2 days. I feel drained and melancholy and it's hard to hear him talk about stuff when he's gone. I can't imagine the day. It makes you think, well, if this is the case, then you get to say goodbyes unlike a tragic accident. Today was one of the harder days, but he does feel a bit better as the days pass. Hoping the next procedure doesn't impact his pancreas as painfully.

Sorry to unload. Thanks for listening. First day I've wanted to turn to food for comfort - but it's after lunch and I'm not hungry ... but the thought passed through, have a few more nuts to feel better. No choice. That would be sliding back into that pattern, even though nuts snack today is fully allowed on the plan.

Bill - We just watched one of the four-part episodes of Cooked by Michael Pollan - covering Air, Fire, Water, Earth. Very well-shot and intriguing coverage of a few different foods by several cultures. Last night's discussed the many organisms in our foods - that without them the food and our guts wouldn't exist. If you've not viewed, sounds like something you'd enjoy.

Saturday - Sojourner Truth born (1797, Ulster County, NY)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, with only an afternoon snack. I was so pleased that I had organized my walk, CREDIT moi, to include three errands: a flu shot, a prescription pick up, and a library pick up. Big success. Then I remembered that I had two books to return to the library that still sat on the table by the front door, visible so they'd not be forgotten. Oh Well. Being forced on another walk to the library is my briar patch for sure. At the supermarket, I bought a 12.98 pound turkey (“Absolutely no more than 13 pounds”) so it’ll fit in the pan with room for basting. And way too much lettuce (actually, lettuce/spinach mix) since I'm assigned salad.

Have to admit that DW and I were so smitten by the Bach B Minor Mass a few weeks ago that we went to a different performance last night, this time in a cathedral. We were, again, just blown away. The chorus brought in were the Royal Conservatoire The Hague, who knew their Bach. We unexpectedly ran into a next door neighbor who we didn't know was into Early Music, but learned she's a big fan and knows of some performances that we didn't know about. Made it an intimate occasion all within the grandeur of the cathedral. I said that we should do this every year and DW told me of a performance in January, "That's next year," she laughed. So much good music; so little time.


maryann - Waving. Thought of you last night. The chorus walked off the stage just before the Sanctus without explanation or intermission. The orchestra did another tune up as if wondering what was up. But they returned, perhaps after a sip of water, to a loud, rip-roaring Sanctus and all was well. (Is it OK to use 'rip-roaring' about a sacred mass?)

nationalparker – Powerful emotional stuff you're doing with your DB. It's not "selfish" to also service your own existence even while supporting your brother. Continue to send supportive thoughts from here as you find your path forward. [I'll add the Cooked TV series to my list - sound good.]

Readers -

Good morning coaches,

Food was over calories on Thursday, but under by about the same amount yesterday, only because I did a 10 mile hike. Credit for the exercise, but I have got to get better about the food plan, since I am not losing any weight. Yesterday I left for my hike about 7:30 and thermometer in the car said it was 44 degrees. I kept driving toward the trailhead for awhile, but then realized I had better come back home and get more clothes. I put on tights under my shorts and then removed them half way into the hike. There was not a soul where I was hiking in probably 6 of the 10 miles I did, or more. It felt great to be out as usual.

The bathroom repair/construction is going well. There was quite a bit of water damage, but is mainly just a part of one wall which is being replaced. Thank goodness for that. He thinks he may be finished with the bathroom by Wednesday and then won't mess with the laundry room until the cabinets arrive in about 5 weeks. Sounds good to me.

Bill I am envious of the wonderful music programs that you attend. I'm sure we have some here too, but getting dh to go would be like pulling teeth. I do it once in awhile anyway and need to see what's available. We do have a church musical at Christmas time which is really excellent and I'm looking forward to that.

Nationalparker My heart goes out to you. It must be so difficult to witness what your brother is going through. I remember being with my sister in law and the emotional aspect was exhausting. I hope the tests next week will provide better information. It would be so hard not to have a plan.

When I wake up two weeks from now, we will have our little pup. Life as I've been knowing it was the past 13 months will be entirely changed. I've looked into puppy obedience classes and will start that after the first of the year. From some of the things dh has been saying I'm worried he will be extremely over protective of this puppy. It will be interesting to say the least.

No big plans for today. Probably out with friends this evening. More tomorrow.

I look forward to checking in here each day and I thank you for the caring thoughts. It's hard to "live" in someone else's home for more than a few days. A few issues today between DB and SIL and she snapped at me. I understand there is so much stress, though, so I have to let things roll off my back. She tried to recruit some of the "boys" (30-yo's with own families) to "help" us clear a few filing cabinets in his office. Not needed yet - so he had to run interference on that. He was mad, she was mad and I felt in the middle. I think I'll try to get out for a walk tomorrow when they go out for awhile.

Still OP - last night we had stuffed sweet potatoes. I baked them up early in the evening and SIL topped with onions/peppers/black beans seasoned combo. Very good. It's hard to want to cook in a good cook's kitchen :) Don't want to step on toes! This is a long time to not be in my own kitchen for the food prep. Tonight will be off plan (but planned) if he feels up to making his grilled thin crust pizza with fresh toppings. It's mid-70s here and 17 with the wind chill at home for DH.

Bill - That musical performance sounds just wonderful. I love hearing about them, picturing myself there. Enjoyed a film noire last night - "Out of the Past" with Robert Mitchum. We have to go back and rewatch a bit before picking it back up tonight. I love black and white movies, and DB loves film noires, so it was a relaxing evening after dinner before add'l serious talks resumed.

Karen - you're right, the unknown is just hanging with no treatment set yet. Not until after Monday after Thanksgiving. Seems like a good medical team but they have to type the cancer and get the extent of it before treatment plan is set in place. I will be leaving right after that, which seems WRONG. Will discuss and see if I should adjust my departure. SIL has been working all week - me being here has allowed her to keep working. I guess she'll be off work during the chemo and if they do the surgery. I shouldn't have looked up images of the Whipple surgery online (not that THAT'S set ... just told it was a possibility, etc.) because it looks very invasive, painful and scary to me. They're saying two week hospital stay if that after chemo. I will set a return trip soon after I get home or right before I leave here ... to know I'm coming back soon. Sorry, blathering here.

Sunday - American whaler Essex sunk by sperm whale (1820)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – On the morning bird walk, CREDIT moi, we saw one Double-crested Cormorant to help me feel that winter is upon us. Despite just having gone out to hear music it was our regular opera night with Greek. I'm pleased that the modern music didn't drive me bonkers as it so often does since I could follow the plot with super-titles of the London East End dialect translated into recognizable English.

Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, where I declared a FREE sample at Trader Joe's to be my morning snack. It was non-turkey loaf - a vegan concoction that looked, smelled, and tasted like a turkey loaf coated in a battered something and filled with a creamy veggie something. I was impressed, even as a 12.98 pound turkey sits in my fridge. On Friday, I bought Red Bell Peppers and hummus for our Thanksgiving appetizers. Great! This morning, I read that Sabra Caramelized Onion with Smoked Paprika Hummus is recalled for Listeria concerns. Jeepers. Listeria was only found at the plant, but it's not a nice pathogen to consume, so out it goes into the compost. I duly filled out the online form for a replacement chit - perhaps for use next Thanksgiving, LOL.


nationalparker – Keep the faith that you can keep it under control during such difficult time. Kudos for recognizing that you can recover from "snapped." [Thank you Wiki for reminding me what films constitute film noire.]

Karen (karenrn) - Yay for a private hiking trail. Glad to hear that the bathroom reconstruction is going well.

Readers -

Hi!

A brief check in to say I'm still alive and working on taking care of myself. Life has become ultra busy negotiating everything around everyone and this road project. Now we are dealing with weather, too. Spontaneous exercise always seems to be how to get my mom in and out. Wednesday evening I went to Denver late to pick up my sis then had to come back home and walk and talk in the dark to get her car out. It involved taking down crew placed road barriers and putting them back up. We are heading to Glenwood for Thanksgiving which will entail yet another maneuver to get my mom out. Food has been not so great the past few days but I am holding on. We have a healthy as possible plan for Thanksgiving. Credit. My back/leg issue is getting better. I am still working very hard outside but being very careful.

I think of you, Nationalparker, often. A walk sounds good today.

Karen, glad to hear the bathroom project is progressing.

We have a beautiful day here. I have accomplished all my indoor duties and am moving outside while I still can.

DH had a meltdown yesterday, which always happens around the holidays. His family of origin was not very functional. I'm determined to take care of myself whatever path he chooses yet I am hopeful as he is doing better today.

Take care everyone!

Phone Check in
85 people showed for Pecan Picking. My worries were for nothing as is usual. The rain stopped for just long enough to pick. There is always an impressive multicultural buffet potluck with Japanese, Indian, Mexican influences. My life is rich in history and comaraderie. The trick is for me to remember it. Food has been way too high in sugar. The weigh in tomorrow will be ominous. Listening to gardenerjoy, I do not have to eat poorly today so I can start clean tomorrow.
I would like to rest today and not worry about visit with dad for TDay. Maybe today can just be a day.

Good morning coaches,

I can't even tell you how bad yesterday was food wise. When I went to the grocery store and was craving something sweet, I probably should have had something from the Starbucks in the grocery store. At least it would have been a small serving. Instead the day went off the rails. Today I started with a very healthy breakfast and even want to stay with it. Believe me I should have a hangover from both some beer and the sweets; fortunately I don't.

Dh is golfing today with friends who are in town from MN. He is definitely in his happy place. He has exactly the same feast or famine that I do with friends available and in town or not. I never ask him to forego golf, even if it is multiple times in a week, because it won't last.

My plan for the day includes some errands. I need to purchase a soft sided pet crate for Otis to come home in on the plane, or if I can't find one I like order it from Amazon. I also lost my earbuds at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I sent an email to the rangers to see if anyone turned them in, but I will go buy a cheap pair today. I was able to listen to my book without them on the hike the other day, but only because no one else was on most of the trail.

More work was done on the bathroom yesterday and he is really coming along. I'm so glad because my brother and sister in law will be here 12/8 for 4 or 5 days and even though the hall floor won't be replaced, it will be okay. I really look forward to seeing them and they will be here for the church musical which is great entertainment.

Maryann I'm so glad the pecan picking party went well. Isn't it the way that we worry so often about things that don't come to pass. It sounds like a wonderful event. I imagine most of the people that come really look forward to the annual event.

Lexxis You have had some crazy weather up there this week, haven't you? Otis's mother (human type) had videos on the FB site one day of the little ones out in the sun and a day or two later they were out in the snow. I will say they didn't seem to be too keen on it. I wish you were here to make a to do list for me. If I could accomplish 1/4 of the things you do I would be quite proud.

Nationalparker Boy that is a tough situation. I'm sure it's good that your sil can work right now. Handling the stress you are all under would be tougher than tough. It seems it will be good for you to get home when you can to regroup and probably they need the time to assimilate all the information as well.

I guess I'll get a move on now. All I can say is, Lord help me with the food plan today. I hate to feel out of control and that's about how it was yesterday.

I hope to have a good report for tomorrow.

Clear the decks
 

Coaches! Hello!

I have been working, and stressing over working, probably all month and the preceding two months. The big juggernaut in my life has been the approach of the guild potter' sale. ugh. What a lot of trouble it is. So many arms to it. Like a potter's hydra!

Anyway, colourful use of language just to say it's been busy here and I am in the thick of it but the commitments are being ticked off the list and the week is a bit looser than it has been. Yay for that.

My food has been horrible to bad to all fast food to leftover halloween candy left at the guild that I eat at will to overeating large quantities at home. Just unwilling to stop myself. Until the past two days. I've eaten myself into a sorry state of feeling crappy and worried about what I am doing to myself and why and a mild stomach bug yesterday forced me to rest, really rest and this morning I still have a queasy tummy somewhat but I feel better mentally and feel ready to get back on the wagon. I did weigh myself and I am 273 today so it's not the 280 I had predicted and that I feel. At this weight though I cannot "suck in my gut". When I was at 262 in August (?) I was doing that. Such a weird difference to notice but it is true.

Coming up, to seriously help me out, is my Intensive Dietary Management appointment on Dec 7. I am going to re-read The Obesity Code this week and start to put into place that program once again. It's come back to me in full colour that I want and need to drop this weight as I have 2 winter coats that I would love to wear but can't. They are classic fake fur coats, long coats, I love them but they don't fit. They haven't fit for years and one I BOUGHT thinking it would fit "soon" and it never has. I refuse to let it go. Or to give up the thought that some winter I will wear it. But, for now, I have NO winter coat AT ALL! Lucky for me the weather has been ok but today we have snow here and a howling wind and I will be starting commuting into the city to teach next week so I need a coat or jacket. I'm off to find that today (fingers crossed).

So here I am am re-committing.


Bye for now. Off to shop.

nationalparker: How odd that I read you mention the Whipple procedure. Yesterday a potters' guild member was telling me of his horrendous summer and part of it was how his 80 year old never-sick-a-day-in-her-life MIL had the Whipple procedure a few years ago. Her life was prolonged by years with that surgery. He was amazed by it.

karenrn Great you are still hiking. What's your favorite part of hiking? When you think of hiking somewhere new, what part do you really look forward to? I ask cause I don't have any feeling about hiking at all. No real desire, but ask me about swimming in a lake and I get all happy inside!

Billblueeyes Such a kinder, gentler way to notice the change of season. For me it is the dusting of snow that remains on the car at 10:47am and the sound of the howling wind. Where were you when you saw the Double-crested Cormorant? Do you feed the birds in your yard in the winter?

LexxissDisassembling road barriers is serious business. Those things are heavy.Wow. Spontaneous weightlifting for sure. Be careful! Happy to hear you are managing all your challenges. Will you be able to enjoy the hot springs anytime soon??? *finger crossed that's a yes!*

maryann Very happy you had a good pecan turnout and a nice celebration (is it a "harvest festival" of sorts??). It does sound super interesting but I have no idea what goes into harvesting pecans. I think when I picture a pecan I am picturing an almond. Green and fuzzy. I'd better go look them up. Do you make any special things with the pecans?

gardenerjoy How are things? I feel we have mirrored each other these past few weeks. I hope your schedule has lightened up.

Briefly
 

Hello! Another 20 minutes until his night pain med...hanging with him for company to get his mind off it. On plan today with the exception a 2" piece of panettone. Nice treat. I thought the whole dinner might be a bit off but not so. SIL made a veg/garbanzo tomato soup, so that worked fine.

I was a slug today. I started out on a walk and a car drove up in the driveway so I turned around to host as they got out for a brief time alone....personals tomorrow.

Monday - Emperor Franz Josef dies (Austria, 1916)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Eating got diverted when we took a visiting relative to see parts of the city. Some walking offset the calories, but dinner was fish and chips at a place frequented by students. The servings were humongous. I did leave about a pound or so of French fries on the plate, LOL.

Standard Sunday walk, CREDIT moi, in the brisk air was neat. (There's a dusting of snow outside as I type.) I took a path that stopped by two micro-libraries. No books brought home. One of my assignments before the tribe assembles for Thanksgiving is to resolve several stacks of books. They're stacked because the shelves are full. One might have to . . . hard to type this . . . let some read books find a new home.


onebyone – LOL at "Like a potter's hydra!" Neat that you can always produce a visual image of your conundrums. Hope that stomach thing passes quickly. [The Double-crested Cormorant was at a nearby reservation. Our tiny yard only supports the standard yard birds. We're in the don't-feed-the-birds camp, fully recognizing that there's an ardent feed-the-birds camp.]

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Amazing that you have to wrestle construction barriers to get around your road work. Kudos for being in good enough shape to do this. Sending supportive thoughts to your DH during the stressful season.

maryann - Congrats on yet another successful pecan picking picnic. Doesn't sound like there's going to be tri tip left over to freeze.

nationalparker – "Veg/garbanzo tomato soup" sound good to me - wish I'd had a reasonable serving of that instead of the restaurant serving that I had last night. Continuing to send supportive thoughts to your family.

Karen (karenrn) - The bottom of the Grand Canyon is an awful place to lose earbuds. Maybe they'll get found and used by one of those super guys who hike down and up in the same day. Yay for having your bathroom ready for guests.

Readers -