Report: weighed (no change, still 2.6 under goal), went to class but didn't walk there although I'd originally intended to but time got away from me, ate slowly and mindfully but called an audible at lunch time, as I went to a meeting at a vegan restaurant and wanted to try the tofu wrap. So I didn't do the cleanse yesterday. Left a bite, though.

Trying to -- almost forgot today but remembered before I started drinking coffee and went back in and weighed.

So far, I've been under goal continuously. Yay, me! If I did...well, I hope I won't because it definitely would make me very anxious. I'm trying to avoid that by keeping my hard-stop doable, even if I go on vacation. We're planning on a trip over Jane's spring break, and we're flying so I won't be able to take my scale. I'd like to leave at around 111 so I can feel confident that as long as I don't go hog-wild, I'll come back under the hard stop. We're going to Puerta Vallarta -- John's college & law school roomie and his partner retired there to a condo on the ocean, and the condo complex has two guest suites that can be rented cheap by members' friends and family -- and I'm hoping to be able to cook, plus I'll likely have seafood for nearly every meal, and there should be ample opportunity for spontaneous exercise. But if I DID discover I was above goal, I guess I should try to control my anxiety, maybe do a 5-day cleanse, and try to do a lot of checking in, reading cards, practicing skills, etc. Maybe listen to the CD of the book again -- that was a great purchase, definitely amps up the motivation to listen to it. That might help with the anxiety. But it's definitely a worry. I'm not ready to intentionally go over my hard stop and get myself back under it to prove to myself I can, but I guess if I came back over it, it would be an opportunity to prove to myself that I COULD do it.

Both, really. Since I seldom eat the entire plan for the entire five days, I probably average more like 1200, and it definitely cuts the cravings.

Wow! I may have to go over there and read some of the reactions.

She's deferred to the regular decision pool, which means her chances of getting are the same as for those who didn't go ED. She hasn't given up on it, but she's definitely looking at her choices with an open mind. She's also (yay!) considering taking deferred admission and doing a gap year, which I think would be a GREAT idea.

I'm going to go see how many I can do right now...okay, back. I can do nine, though I don't dip as low as is ideal. But that can come later. Tomorrow, I'll try to do ten. I'll add that to my report! Yay, me!

Yay, you! What do you think got you over that hump?

Yow! Yeah, good makeup's really expensive. I've never learned to do it well. I've never worn much makeup -- used to wear it for work, but it always was part of my work outfit. I should at least learn how, though. Did they teach you how to apply it? The whole eyeshadow thing I've never really mastered.

Hope you have a great on-plan day! I haven't had breakfast yet and am still trying to decide whether to do the cleanse today since I didn't do it yesterday. I'd like to get down another couple pounds soon, but weekends are harder, and since Michael goes back to school tomorrow it's likely he'll want to either go out tonight or have me make his favorite spaghetti.

"Called an audible"??? Not sure what you mean. YAY YOU for getting to another exercise class. As for the cleanse, it sounds like maybe you don't need it, or at least that the sense of urgency has passed.

Good for you!

Based on my own struggles, I most definitely would not recommend going over your hard-stop just to prove to yourself that it's not the beginning of the end!! I'm just trying to get a sense of what that number means to you, and what function it is serving for you psychologically. You've done such an awesome job of staying under that weight, so I'm trying to pick your brain so I can emulate you! Do you ever find that, when you are well under your goal, you use it as an excuse to eat more because you think you have some leeway? I would be concerned about doing that, I think. But doing that while on vacation sounds like a very reasonable and rational strategy. Your trip sounds like great fun, something to really look forward to, and if you can cook on your own, eat a lot of seafood, and have the opportunity for spontaneous exercise (on the BEACH--I'm jealous!), you shouldn't have any trouble. But I am sure you will be a little anxious about not being able to weigh yourself.

A few weeks ago when I was really struggling, I toyed with the idea of living solely on my protein shakes (the ones I use to recover from my training sessions) for a few days as a means of cutting my cravings, but I never did try it. I think it would work, though.

I haven't been over there for a couple of weeks, so I don't know if it has died down. I haven't really taken the time to read up on all of the changes in the new NS program. I need to do that so I can decide if I want to continue to rely so heavily on their food. I guess I could continue to buy the food and just follow the plan I am accustomed to instead of switching over to the new structure.

I never heard the term "gap year" before. Does that have some specific meaning beyond just taking a year off? What would she do during that year?

I tried it last night and discovered that I can also do nine--although I suspect that I am not going nearly as low as I should. My shoulders are still the most vulnerable part of my body, although they are infinitely stronger than they were.

I decided that I was falling prey to my old all-or-nothing thought patterns and therefore getting completely overwhelmed. So now I am thinking of dating in terms of small, manageable steps--kinda like losing weight five pounds at a time. I also keep reminding myself that I have some control over the situation and can set limits and determine a comfortable pace to any relationship that might develop. Initially, I was thinking (and worrying) about whether or not I was worthy to be chosen. But then it occurred to me that I get to make choices, too!

I did get a quick lesson in how to apply it all, but I am sure I will have to practice numerous times in order to really get the hang of it. I'll try it Monday morning before school (first day of class).
Yep, had another good day. The crisis has passed and I am feeling in control again. PHEW. Did you decide to start the cleanse today? Sounds like it wouldn't have been the ideal timing for it.

my report: weight was unchanged (still 129.8), stayed OP all day, ate everything sitting down, took a walk, read my cards, contacted my diet buddy.

OH, Arg! Lost a post, can't recreate now, am on the road. Be back tomorrow, respond then, sorry!

Believe me, I understand! Have a safe trip!

I forgot to weigh this morning. Or, more accurately, I didn't remember until after I'd already eaten breakfast, and at that point it seemed pointless (I overslept and was rushing to get to church on time). I hope I don't oversleep tomorrow for the first morning of class! Read my cards, got no exercise, ate sitting down, ate slowly and mindfully, saved several bites for Callie, contacted my diet buddy.

I think I told you that I am an elder at my church. Today I served communion, along with four other elders, and then we had a meeting after church to discuss a candidate for a new pastor (a woman we interviewed Friday night). Anyway, there are two male elders who are morbidly obese. One probably weighs over 400 pounds and the other is probably closer to 500 pounds (and smokes, too--ACK). I was sitting next to one of them in church, and it was just painful for me to watch how he struggled to get up from a sitting position and how obviously uncomfortable he was. Then when we all (8 or 9 of us) filed into the meeting room, a ridiculous game of "musical chairs" ensued as everyone changed seats or moved over in order to leave the two sturdiest and most comfortable seats for the two obese men, all the while trying not to make it obvious why we were shifting around. That could so easily be me. Experiences like that really cement for me my motivation to stay thin!

Calling an audible is a football term -- when the team has left the huddle and the quarterback sees the opposing team line up in a way he hadn't expected, a way that tells him some new information, he adjusts to the new situation by calling a new play aloud before the ball is snapped. It means you're changing your plan on the fly because you have a different situation to deal with than you'd been expecting.


To me it's just a way of making sure I react to a gain BEFORE it gets to the point I'm also dealing with the anxiety that OMG this is the beginning of the end. Yes, I'm definitely more likely to, say, eat the whole burger instead of half if I weighed 111 that day. I don't think it's a particularly "in control" way of eating -- that is, eating more because that morning I weighed less -- but so far it's more or less working. Ideally I'd like to be eating more consistently and getting used to a certain number of calories in. Totally. It'll be the longest I've gone without weighing, and after the experience at camp where I gained three pounds in only five days not weighing after I'd thought I was eating reasonably, it makes me really nervous. Almost to the point I'm wishing I could figure out how to get a scale in my luggage. Which I probably could, actually -- we can take three bags. I might try to take it if it'll fit.

You mean just by ordering everything ala carte? I think that could work. You could also start looking in the grocery for good substitutes. There are even some people on NS board who have done the research for you to find out what grocery store items work as subs for various NS items.

It generally means taking a break to do something to explore your interests and often to travel while doing it. Apparently there's been lots of research that gap year students outperform their non-gap-year peers all four years of college, even when age and SES and other factors in the colleges' "success in college predictor" algorithms are taken into account. Many LAC strongly recommend that students consider a gap year and routinely grant deferred enrollment as long as the student is planning something productive for their gap year. [/quote] What would she do during that year? [/quote] Something like this: link

Or this: link

Some kids do stuff that costs their families as much as a year of college would -- they join a backpack-around-the-world program or something -- but others go on missions, volunteer, work as au pairs. In a lot of countries, a gap year is the norm. Here in the US, and especially here in flyover country, it's less common.

Yay for nine pushups! I did ten this morning!

Yay for realizing you were letting your anxiety take you to that all-or-nothing place! And for realizing it's a two-way street and you have the ability to retain as much control as you need.

Ack, indeed, and how awkward for everyone. I feel sad when I have this kind of experience, but it does help me remind myself what I -really- want.

Report: weighed (no change, still 2.6 under hard stop), didn't do my cleanse and am not going to do it today either. Had a rough night and didn't go to my exercise class today, but oh well. I'll go Wednesday.

Oh, FOOTBALL!!! No WONDER I had no idea what you were talking about!! I'll remember that now. LOL!!


My scale is small enough and light enough to easily fit in my suitcase, so I bet you could bring yours if it would make you feel less anxious. I do think it's healthier, psychologically (because it involves more internal control than external control) and probably physically as well, to have a consistent calorie intake. But you have found a great rhythm that is working for you. As long as it is working, and you are comfortable with it, keep it up! If it ain't broke, don't fix it!!

BTW, on the topic of consistent intake, I read a study somewhere recently that I found intriguing. It found that maintainers who eat the same few meals over and over are more successful in the long run than people who vary their meals a lot. I was happy to see that, since I have always been one to rely on my few favorite meals, and so far that strategy has worked pretty well for me in maintenance.

Yeah, I guess I would have to order the food ala carte, since there will no longer be a way to get a BBB without the shakes, and I'm not sure how I feel about those yet. But ordering that way is so expensive. It would make sense for me to start trying to find some good substitutes.

What would she do during that year? [/quote] Yeah, I'm familiar with some of that research and think a year to do something different is a great idea. Neither of my nieces took a year off (and the younger one is still at Hamilton), but both were/are very involved with volunteer/mission programs overseas during their breaks from school. Does Jane speak Spanish? I think it would be awesome to learn an unusual language, especially Chinese, which would be incredibly challenging but a really marketable skill.

OK, you win!!

So far I haven't gotten any response to the email I sent to one of my matches (after he had written me first) and am surprised by that, but totally OK with it. He is also a psych prof, so maybe he is just really caught up in the new semester beginning.



And what we really DON'T want!

Sorry to hear you had a rough night. Wednesday is another day.

I remembered to weigh myself today (129.2, down .6 from two days ago), had a perfect OP day, ate everything sitting down and slowly and mindfully, did not read my cards, did remember to save a bite of dinner for Callie, contacted my diet buddy. Had a good first day of class. Have a 7:55AM class tomorrow so have to get up earlier than I've gone to bed some of the nights over break!! Reality rears its ugly head!

Hope you had a good day today!

Believe me, I'm no sports fan. But I love sports terminology. It's right in my wheelhouse. (That's a baseball term: a pitch "into his wheelhouse" crosses a batter's body in the area he finds it easiest to reliably make a good hit. It means comfortably in your area of expertise and/or greatest interest. It actually probably goes back earlier than baseball, though, perhaps to nautical terminology -- the wheelhouse was where the captain turned the boat from, so the source of power, and a baseball player stands in a position a little like that of a captain turning a wheel.)

Yeah, I'm not sure. It feels less in control. I'd like to get to the point I'm making decisions based on habit instead of that morning's weight. But I can work on that.

I've heard that, too. Not great for me, the queen of food variety. But I'm actually pretty happy with the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day as long as I can have variety for dinner, at least occasionally. That's what I need to work toward -- a large number of low cal dinners that both give me the variety I want but also keep me on the lowish side of my calorie goals consistently so that when I DO decide to eat something different, I've got a little wiggle room.

I think a lot of the Lean Cuisine and Smart Choice entrees probably would work.

Yes, she's got five years of Spanish and always got top grades, and when she travelled in Italy with her AP European History class in sophomore year, she found she could understand a lot of Italian if people spoke slowly. I think she probably has a facility for language.

Interesting. I don't know much about how these things tend to work.

I weighed, too, no change (2.6 under goal), ate reasonably, slowly, sitting down, left a bite. No exercise. Glad you had a good first day of class, and ack on the 7:55 am classes! Why so early? Demand from students for classes that early, or space limitations, or what?

Have a great day!

Oh, I like this one. I could use this in class and amaze all of my male students with my baseball acumen! I suspect you are right about the nautical origins of this phrase. If I had been asked to guess what the phrase meant, I would have come up with that interpretation--but never the baseball application of it! I obviously don't spend enough time around men!

If your way starts to feel uncomfortable for you, you know you can work to change it. We are, after all, works in progress!

Actually, the study showed that consistency for breakfast and lunch was most important, so you are in luck! Variety is better from a nutritional standpoint, so there's a trade-off no matter what we do. We just have to find strategies that work for us, and I think we've both done a pretty good job of it.

I haven't bought either of those in a long time but noticed the last time I was in the grocery store that there seem to be a lot of new options in both brands, and some of them looked pretty appealing!

That's wonderful. Fluency in Spanish is definitely a marketable skill. My older niece is also fluent in Spanish. She studied Spanish in the hopes that she could use it as an occupational therapist. She recently got a great job in Texas (her husband is stationed at Fort Hood now), and I bet she'll be able to use her Spanish there.

Me, neither, obviously!! I hardly know how dating works, no less online. I checked my inbox right before I came here and noticed that he just wrote back to me, but I haven't read it yet!

Sounds like you had a good day! Me, too. My weight was up .6, for no reason that I can see, but that's fine. As for those early morning classes, I have no control over my schedule at all. I have to have my afternoons free because of meetings at the main campus in the afternoon, so my classes need to be in the morning or evening. And the very early morning hour is mostly because a large number of high school students take intro psych as part of the early enrollment option, and having the class so early allows them to go to their regular high school classes afterward. It's a real challenge for me to function at that hour, though, no less being scintillating and enthusiastic!

Have a wonderful day tomorrrow!

Later: Just read my email from my match, and he hadn't realized I'd written to him because he is having trouble figuring out how the site works and didn't know I had (a man after my own heart, LOL!)!!

One of the things I like about sports terminology is that it impresses my guy friends.

Yay! I've taken a lot of breakfast ideas from NS -- a common breakfast for me is a piece of lowfat french toast or a lowfat waffle used as the 'bread' for a sandwich with a couple of slices of turkey or veggie sausage. I also like one of Beck's breakfasts -- a low carb wheat tortilla, several pieces of romaine, four slices of turkey or veggie bacon, and a T of reduced fat mayo.

I've tried a few recently, adding extra veggies like I always did with my NS entrees, and they're pretty good.

Ah! And how interesting on the HS students -- Jane's taking AP Psych right now and really loving it, is considering starting out as a Psych major if she doesn't start out as an English major.



So, what did he say?

Report: weighed (no change -- 2.6 under goal), ate slowly and mindfully and sitting down and left a bite, walked to class this morning and managed to miss the rain that started just a few minutes after I got home.

Have a great day!

And that's always a good thing!

Is your lowfat French toast homemade or frozen? I haven't eaten French toast in many years, but that used to be one of my favorite foods. I never would have thought of making a sandwich out of it.

Are they pretty comparable to NS dinners in terms of nutrition and calories?

I would definitely recommend the psych major, naturally!!



So far we are just comparing notes about our career paths and our feelings about teaching. And he's funny, too. I had mentioned in my profile that one of the things I can't live without is Diet Coke, so there is some kind of tease about Diet Coke in each of his emails.

That's the first time you've walked to your class in awhile, isn't it? YAY YOU! And your weight's been steady lately, too. YAY YOU!

My weight was unchanged today, had a personal training session (not my best one; felt like I lost some ground by missing one of my sessions last week), read my cards, ate sitting down, ate slowly and mindfully, saved a bit for Callie, contacted my diet buddy, gave myself lots of credit not only for getting back in control but also for the eHarmony thing and for getting up early enough every morning to put on make-up, get dressed up, and still make it to school with time to spare!

Tomorrow is one of my early days (ugh), so I need to head to bed. Hope you had a great day!

It's frozen. I buy a couple boxes and keep them in my freezer so I can have an easy breakfast when I need it. Kroger and Trader Joe's both have lowfat waffles and french toast as well as turkey sausage and veggie sausage. NS offers frozen french toast in their frozen menu, which is where I got the idea of making a sandwich -- you're supposed to add a protein, and a slice (or two, depending on the brand) of turkey or veggie sausage has the right numbers. What I do is slice the french toast into fourths and make two sandwiches with slices of sausage. It's a very satisfying breakfast for me.

There's a woman on NS who did a comparison of grocery items that could sub for NS entrees and made charts she posted here: link They're a little out of date -- some of the NS items have been replaced -- but it would give you a place to start. Also a woman name Michelle (m2marsh) has a chart you can pm her for that shows the min/max calories, fat, carbs and protein for NS breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack entrees so you can take it to the grocery with you. She also has a set of charts showing the stats for every NS item individually so you can compare specific possible subs.

Sounds like a good way to start. When my dad was doing it, he was mostly corresponding, but partly that was because most of his matches were pretty far away. By the time he'd been matched with someone who was both interesting and nearby, he'd already started dating this woman he's seeing now, so it never came to anything.

I wonder how fast trainers say you lose ground? Maybe it depends on your age? Yay, you! I didn't weigh this morning -- got up in a mad rush because I'd forgotten I had a carpenter coming, and by the time he left to go get supplies I'd already had coffee. Oh, well. I didn't overeat yesterday because I had dental work (had a crown removed and a temporary one put on) and I was in a fair amount of pain from that, so I probably am okay. I'm somewhat better this morning, though it's still a lot more painful that I was expecting so I may call and see if what I'm feeling is normal.

Hope you have a great day, even though it was an early one!

That sounds easy and delicious--or at least the turkey sausage version does! I think the main ingredient in veggie sausage is mushrooms, right? Mushrooms are one of the foods I wouldn't eat if my life depended on it!

I will check that out. I did notice that some of my favorite NS meals, including the meal I eat for lunch several times every week, have retired. So I either need to find some substitute NS meals or some other brand that will work as well.

This guy lives 3 hours away from me, so he's not exactly nearby. If we get to the point of wanting to actually get together, I guess we'll have to figure out a meeting place halfway between us.

I don't know if age affects the rate at which muscle tone is lost, but it would make sense that it would. Sorry to hear about your tooth. In my experience, just having a crown replaced doesn't hurt much, so I hope you did investigate the reason for the pain if you were not feeling better today.

It was a LONG day, starting out with the early class and ending with a 3 hour meeting at church. I didn't get home until 10PM. I had a good day today except that I ended up eating an unplanned late evening snack (a plain grilled chicken snack wrap from McDonald's), because after the meeting I was beyond hungry and my blood sugar was really low. I was more hungry than usual all day long, maybe because I got up so early and ate breakfast so early. My weight was unchanged.

It is snowing like crazy here. I'm supposed to have a personal training session at 9AM tomorrow but am wondering if it will have to be rescheduled. My trainer is a school bus driver. If the start of school is delayed due to the weather, he will be driving the bus at the time my session is supposed to be. The last time that happened, he called me at 6AM (and woke me up, of course) to tell me!

Hope you had a good day today and that your tooth is feeling better!

Probably no mushrooms -- too many people are allergic. Let me see...the TJ brand has no mushrooms, neither does the Morningstar Farms brand. Mostly wheat and soy.

What are your favorites?

Yow, that's a hike! Especially at this time of year!

I called them, and they said between the grinding and drilling and etc., the pain I was having wasn't unusual. It's still throbbing. I got up this morning and got dressed for my class, but I just couldn't face exercising when my jaw was already throbbing.

A plain grilled chicken wrap sounds like a good choice!

We had snow here, too, but not much. Probably an inch or so, but it did stick.

Report: weighed, and I'm back up to .4 under my hard stop, ack! Cleanse! When I saw the weight, I really wanted to go to class, but as I said after I'd gotten up and dressed I just couldn't face it. Oh, well. I'll start the 5-day shakes-and-bars and this time I'll stick with it for the entire process. Bumming. A little anxious, but not too bad. Mostly just irked with myself for not sticking with it the first time instead of going off it when I saw the weight drop. So Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday-Tuesday, bleah.

Stay warm!

Hmmm, that's interesting. I was basing my statement about the mushrooms on the fact that veggie burgers usually have mushrooms as one of the first ingredients.

My go-to lunch is Pasta Parmesan with Broccoli, and it has retired. I have about 15 more of those on hand. They replaced it with something I like just as much if not more, though--Three Cheese Pasta with Chicken, which I can also supplement with additional chicken and broccoli like I always do with my previous favorite. My favorite dinners are the Penne Pasta with Chicken in Alfredo Sauce, Italian Flatbread Pizza, and Cajun Chicken and Shrimp.

Yeah, neither the distance nor the weather are conducive to getting together. For that reason I probably would not have contacted him on my own, but I'm glad he contacted me, because I really like him.

Ah, I didn't realize there was drilling involved. That would explain the pain. Hope you a re feeling better today. I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to exercise with a throbbing jaw.



We had a couple of inches here, but the timing was such that school was not cancelled or delayed, so I was able to have my training session as scheduled.

Any thoughts on why your weight was up again? I know sometimes it just happens for no apparent reason. I was up .6 this morning myself--back to 130.2, which definitely ramps up my anxiety at least a little. So I understand where you are coming from. I did a perfect NS day today and am at 1340 calories. My Exerspy says I have burned 1742 calories so far today (259 of which were burned during my training session--much better than Wednesday's). I ate everything sitting down, slowly and mindfully. Saved a few bites for Callie. Did not read my cards. Contacted my diet buddy.

How did the first day of your cleanse go? Sticking to shakes should help your toothache, too.

I'm actually going to bed shortly. I'm very tired. And my eyes are really bothering me--dry and burning. I'm not sure if it's because of the dry air in here, if I need new glasses, or if it has something to do with the eye make-up, but all I want to do is close my eyes.

Hope you had a better day today!

Maybe those are veggie burgers in restaurants, where they're making them onsite from vegetables?

I think Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones have some subs that would probably work. Here's a pasta with chicken and broccoli: link

Somewhat better. We have tickets to a play tonight, and I think I'm going to try to take a vicodin early afternoon, then take a nap, and hope I make it through. At least being at the play will make it impossible for me to eat!

It was up because I went to happy hour, had a glass of wine on top of a vicodin, then blew off the cleanse. Gar. I didn't even ENJOY the happy hour. The three women I like best weren't able to make it and neither was the one I put up with because while she's a bore, she's very kind. That left me with the one I only tolerate, and I only went because she knows she's sort of on the fringes of the group and I don't want her to feel no one would attend if it was only going to be her. In fact, thinking back on why I went off the cleanse, it was probably because I was feeling sorry for myself and "deserved" to have real food. What I deserve is to be thin. Oh, well. Move on. Weight: no change, started the cleanse AGAIN this morning. No exercise. Bleah. Not a happy camper. Not freaking out yet, but not happy.

I know old makeup can cause eye issues -- after six months, it starts to have bacterial growth, so mascara, liner, and eyeshadow should be discarded after six months -- but this is your new stuff, so that shouldn't be it. Maybe it's the dryness...have you been adding more fats to your diet?