Noodles, good ones, oh i so needed the laugh right now.

Those were great!

True Story -

The ex and I were watching ESPN Sportscenter one Sunday night - which is (or at least used to be) a live broadcast. There are two anchormen on the show. The first anchorman was doing a report on injuries that had taken place during the weekend in football and who was going to be out, etc. He said "Blase Blase (I forgot the players name) is going to be out for the next six weeks. He is suffering from a bulging DIC*, I mean DISC"

They immediately switched to showing footage of Sundays earlier games and as the announcer tried to talk about the injuries, you could hear him laughing, he even apologized for laughing. When they finally put the anchormen back on the camera, the second anchorman's glasses were lying on the desk and he was wiping tears from his eyes.

That had to be the funniest blooper I have EVER seen.

Tiki.

hahahahaahhaha too funny.

Tiki

The year is 1904...one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1904:

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents,

California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist
$2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.

Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all
Americans had graduated high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at
corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the
complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and
bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

... And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself,
and sent it to all of you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what
it may be like in another 100 years .. it staggers the mind.

Wow Noodles that sure was interesting....

TOP 5 ADULT JOKES.....

Number 5
A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive
me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Number 4
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It
says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the
best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Papadopoulos." He replies. "Nice to meet you."

Number 3
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Number 2
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of
years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that
something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh... she got fired too."

Number 1
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast
table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds
fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know,honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are
as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may
not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the ****
alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ***...Then things
get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big
deal about your birthday...around age 11.

30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.

A woman comes home from work and finds her husband in bed with another girl. Full of rage she grabs him by his "private part" and drags him downstairs, and throws him into the garage. She places said "part" into the wood vice and kick it shut so not even he can undo its grip. She starts to rummage around, finds a hacksaw and walks over to her husband, smiling. "Please, please don't cut it off" he whimpers, to which she replys "oh i'm not going to cut it off, you are. I'm going to set fire to the garage........".

Hi Everyone!!

We haven't said anything to anybody about this until now because we wanted to wait until everything had been completed. We purchased a one bedroom home near Hanalei Bay in Hawaii as an investment property.

Escrow finally closed this week and I thought I would let you know in case
you're interested in renting. It's available for weekly or monthly rental. Initially I will be handling bookings until I find an agent in the area to manage the property.

In order to offset the closing costs, weekly rentals will cost approximately
$400 (family and friends' rate) for seven nights, and $1000 for the the month. But, I can only give out these rates until June 1, 2004.

It's a one bedroom high rise unit that overlooks the ocean, nestled among lush greens, and has a lovely ocean view from every window!

I am taking reservations as early as next week.

Simply Breathtaking!

Attached is a photo, so let us know if you are interested.

Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One
would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved
on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand
what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."