Ok folks...since overeating and weight problems are so related to emotional issues, I'm thinking maybe we could have a thread where we talk about these things.
So, does anyone want to share what kind of messages they grew up with regarding weight and food?
I grew up in a family with a mother who always struggled with her weight. She joined weight watchers and got to goal, and then in her late 30's and into her 40's started gaining weight. She probably weighs 240 right now. I also have aunts on my mother's side and all sorts of relatives generations back that were either extremely obese or overweight. My family ate tons of food at every meal, and quickly. Huge portions, rarely any vegetables besides corn or potatos, and lots of meat and processed foods. My mother never felt good about her body. My family rarely exercised, although when I was younger we were in swim lessons and gymnastics. I think I was taught that fat genes run in the family, and that no matter what you do, you will always gain it back. I think my mom suffered from low-grade depression most of her life and really hated her body. Unfortunately, I seem to have embraced those thoughts!
Now when I am with my family, I am horrified when I watch the food being gobbled down. I have one overweight sister (200 lbs) and one thin sister (she's always been thin - maybe 110 to 115 lbs), and my dad is thin but has heart problems. I have really been working on changing my eating habits and body image issues. I probably eat the healthiest out of everyone in the family, and probably exercise more than anyone (although my thin sister goes through phases). I find that my mom tries to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I think she has just given up on herself.
Let's see....I grew up being told I couldn't leave the table unless my plate was clean and that they can't afford to be throwing food away. I also was brought up that I couldn't have dessert unless I finished everthing on my plate. My mom made fattening food but I never had a weight problem until I quit smoking 6 years ago. My mom is overweight and my sister is too. My mom has type II diabetes and could control it if she went on a diet but she refuses to and eats all kinds of junk food.
My mom has had both her knee caps replaced and says she can't do ANY kind of exercise because her legs hurt. And I want to tell her that maybe if she didn't have so much weight on her legs they wouldn't hurt. So I bite my tongue.
British parents, British food. Busy, older teacher parents. Roasts and potatoes and bread every day. Plain/bland fare. Except for the days in the '60's when we ate a lot of fried food. Fried fish and chips. Fried chicken, chips, and corn fritters for a Saturday night treat. Fried liver and onions. Actually, all of that stuff was bland, too. And we ALWAYS had dessert. It was "the civilized thing to do".
So at the age of 16, suffering from depression (unbeknownst to anyone, myself included), I started devouring a large bag of spicy corn chips and a book in my room every day after school. I used to sneak them up to my room. Once I couldn't slip them past my parents, so I lowered a rope out my bedroom window, went outside, fastened the bag to the rope and hauled it up. How pathetic. But I was still slim!!
Oh, and more comfort food after school... bowls of cereal. Maybe three bowls. Now I have terrible salty/sweet cravings.
These bad habits didn't catch up to me weight-wise until I was about 23. And I've been struggling ever since.
My sister was fat while in high school, but she lost weight about 12 years ago, and works out like a maniac to keep in shape. She's beautiful. I'm so glad for her and so incredibly jealous. (have to keep reminding myself of how miserable she was when I was slim and she was fat!)
My parents are both in great shape. They've been eating healthy for about 20 years. (hmmm, ever since I moved out?) My Dad will gain 5 pounds over Christmas, suck in his breath sharply in disgust, and promptly lose it. Mom's had a bit of a struggle with about 25 pounds for years, but she's MUCH slimmer than I am, and she's a babe.
So I completely blame my parents for NOT recognizing that I was suffering from depression. But I'll never tell them, because I love them, and they did the best they could in a generation that chose not to recognize depression. Parenthood is ****... none of us are perfect. God knows I'm not. (still can't help feeling a LITTLE resentful towards them, though! ****, I'm only human!)
Gee, Sojo... that was good for ME!! Therapy is right!!
OI812... my mom has knee problems too and uses it as an excuse to not exercise! I have bitten my tongue plenty of times and try to encourage her to go exercise in the pool. She had knee surgery awhile back but still has problems. It is very likely she will have to have both knees replaced. Everyone now and then I get pains in my knees and I start to panic... I DO NOT want to become my mother! The genetics are all in place for me though... but I'm fighting this one!
Ellis... oh my! You actually pulled up a bag of chips with a rope through your window!! HAHAHAHA!!! That is the funniest thing I've heard in awhile! Why was that generation so ignorant and uptight about acknowledging depression. And it used to be such a taboo to see a counselor... you had to be really messed up. It took me YEARS to get over that.
My family is very critical. Your never perfect enough no matter how hard you try. Both of my parents have struggled with their weight. I have 2 sisters, both are petite in height and fram size. I have always looked like a huge akward moster in comparision. I am the tallest at 5'8, with a medium frame. My sisters are 5'2 and 5'4 with small frames. My dad was the first one to say something when I was 13 (and I believe at 5'8 135 lbs) that I had big thighs. Some day I will post a pic of my legs. I do not have big thighs. In fact it's a wonder my anorexic legs hold up my big fat body.
My parents always know that picky little thing to say that will crunch to your soul. I was at a 123 lbs and my mom says, "I didn't think you would lose that much on your waist" and "Thank god you lost some weight we were really worried about you". Her most sucessful diet? Fen-fen. Oh the health problems and loss of color vision is a small price to pay to be thin. My dad drinks Slimfast for lunch everyday and takes every supplement known to man to maintain a size 34 waist. I think the price is too high (Slimfast ewwwwwwww)
The low grade depression especially from my mother is still there. She could benefit as much from the Prozac as I am. She also picked on my belly when I was in OK last time. The only way I will get a flat belly is with a tummy tuck and I could never maintain 127 lbs. is what she told me. I think this is making me angry so I am going to stop.
There has never been a time when I was not considered overweight. My dad was incredibly overweight and very abusive. I think I ate because of that. Then, of course, he did the obligatory "degrade the child so she will shape up" act. So, he'd call me names and make me feel generally terrible about myself. That only caused me to eat more. My mother was very thin and in shape and she did not approve of the way my father talked to me. So, she was pretty awesome.
We were pretty poor so you had to learn to totally eat whatever you could as fast as possible. If my parents bought real cereal, I'd have 3 bowls of it for breakfast because my dad would probably eat it all as a midnight snack. So, I have a lot of food rationing issues.
In high school, I was only about 50 pounds over weight but I thought it was like 200. I have great self-esteem but really thought I was the fattest girl on the planet.
After high school, I got involved with someone who reminds me a lot fo my dad and I gained 100 pounds. Holy crap!
I dumped him 5 years later and lost about 30 pounds.
I see a lot of really screwed up behavior now. Binging, portion size, screwed idea of what a meal is, eating all the good stuff in the cabinets at once. That kind of thing.
Luckily, I love exercise. I always have. So, I'm hoping that will be my saving grace. I'm finally in a healthy relationship and away from the unhealthy biological family. Life is good. I just keep holding my breath to see if it falls apart right before my eyes. But I'm sure I'll get over that.
It has been very interesting to read all your responses.
My issues have to do with depression, but not much to do with my family.
No one in my family is small. We all just enjoy food. A few of us are trying to lose weight, and that's ok. The few bad things we do are for family gatherings, everyone has their favorite food and they get it. So we always have enough food to feed about 30 people, even if there are only 20 of us there. We are always willing to do/make something for each other. We are generally very supportive of each other. When I talk about my family it is my immediate family, and my aunts, uncles & cousins.
My weight that I have been trying to lose came from one year when I was very depressed. Why I was having a bad year is a very long and involved story. I was away at school, and didn't see very many people. Due to a fight, I had lost all of the people I had spent most of my time with over the last 2 years. I was living with people I didn't know very well - girlfriends of people I wasn't seeing any more. I didn't do much of anything but go to class, go to work, eat and sleep. I would try and avoid my roommates, which meant I spent even more time in my room, and would eat what was around in there because I didn't want to go down to the kitchen. I ended up eating alot of junk food.
Food and eating were a major stress point in my family. I'm an only child. My mother was tall, slim and very beautiful. When she did put on weight it was around the middle and not very obvious as she was tall and otherwise slim. My father was obese in my childhood, was overfed as a kid and overweight all his life...now he has lost about 60 lbs and though will never be thin, is very conscious of his diet (though cannot exercise due to other health issues).
I inherited my father's build (medium height, big boned, muscular and tendency to put on weight -- thanks dad!) and we ate crummy 1960s food - lots of hamburger, potatoes, bread, apple turnovers, Sara Lee cake, grey canned green beans (I thought I hated veggies because the only ones I ever knew about were out of a can or in a Swanson TV dinner). There was a lot of arguing/anger/tension about whether I was being overfed, eating too much, how I looked etc etc. Dinner time was terrible. Lot of anger at the dinner table, tension, things not said hanging in the air, the TV in the background. Makes me feel sick just remembering...
I was about 10 lbs overweight from age 6 to 11 (around age 6 I got chubby and my parents put on weight around the same time - lots of stress). Slimmed down easily at 11-12 (was 104 lbs, 5'3") and by the time I went to college I was 5'5" and abt 125 lbs. Went up and down as a young adult but never higher than the upper 140s. Was 127 when I got married and up to 147 pre-pregnancy #1. Up to 196 then, and down to 153 after. With child #2, up to about 200 again, then to a low of 160 with breastfeeding etc. Then massive tension, the worst time in my life, stuck around 180 for a long time. Has taken me about 2 1/2 years to lose 37 lbs but here I am, anyhow.
My mother used to stick candy under my pillow at naptime when I was little and candy is my main downfall...no surprise there. It is amazing to me how much childhood has shaped us all with food - as an adult I can see that my mother WAS overfeeding me - and my father was/is obsessed by my appearance (my hair, clothes, weight) and "can't sleep" worrying about my hair or whatever - which is his right I guess but I surely wish he wouldn't TELL me. I am not responsible for someone else's sleep. Please!
Sorry this is so long-winded...what a wonderful thread topic. I love reading all your responses. It is nice to know I'm not alone - because when you are a kid you DO feel absolutely alone about this stuff.
When we were young we were very working class and didn't have a whole lot of money. Eating out at restaraunts was considered a treat... even McDonalds. I always resented not having better things, having more money, etc. When I turned 16 and got my first job, I spent every dollar on clothes and... you guessed it... eating out. Ever since then, I eat out WAY too much. Although it took me years to recognize that eating out to me was a sign of success and a treat. Restaraunt food is definitely one of my downfalls, and I still need to be careful. The last year or so I have finally been able to come to the point where I only eat half of my serving at a restaraunt, or never more than one plate at a buffet. Its amazing the basic things I've had to relearn.
I was always the skinny one, and had two fat, older sisters. I know they hated that. Now they are thinner than me, but still older. LOL
My mother is 76 and still "dieting". She does weight watchers, and has achieved her goal at least 10 times. She cannot go 2 minutes without talking about her diet. She is active, works, but is a very pessimistic person. Sometimes I wonder if that it why I try and cheer people up all the time. I don't think that she really enjoyed being a Mom. She isn't much of one now. You could never do anything good enough for her, always critical. I just hope that I learn to be the kind of Mom I wish I had, by seeing how she is to me, and not being like her, for my kids.
My daughter is a little overweight, and I have already had to tell my Mom to leave her alone about it.
My Dad is quiet, but I know I was his little "bear" when I was younger. Daddy's little girl. I used to go with him to the liquor store then. Geez, what memories! Double shudder!
Jen
I don't know what you are talking about Ellis. I have no issues. And I am sure someone who actually hauled food up to her room in a basket doesn't either. I thought they only ever did things like that in TV shows.
The really scary thing was... my bedroom window was directly above one of the dining room windows. My parents were sitting in the living room at the time, and if they'd happened to glance at that window, they'd have seen a bag of chips magically rising through the air. They'd probably have had me committed.
And no, Squeak... naturally I didn't mean YOU when I spoke of "issues". heh heh.
I was the youngest (5th) daughter of old parents. And they drank. And they were exhausted to be starting over again at age 43.
My next youngest sisters were 10 and 11 years older than me. They were always dieting. Kathy, who is now a fit 52, has had years of changing her image of herself and changing her unhealthy dieting habits into ones that are very good. I've learned a lot from her over the years.
The sister who is 51 is a thin mess. She has a huge drug and drinking problems and has never learned how to eat properly. She must be 100 pounds at 5'1" and has always been on a diet.
I followed behind these too, never really needing to worry about my weight, but aware of them and watching. My 3rd oldest sister has been overweight all her life, but is very happy.
I didn't really learn bad eating habits from my family... But I have problems of my own, with portion and not stopping when I'm full.
I think I became worse when I was in my 20's, giving in to all my cravings.
Weight became an issue after my 3rd pregnancy, when my metabolism really changed. Age 30.
I have food issues from childhood though, like no way do I cook like my mother, no roast beef or boiled dinners...
I think now, when looking back, that I used food as a child in the place of attention. I was neglected, and I was indulged by my parents who supplied me with chips and chocolate bars.
When I smoked in my 30's, I'd buy my kids treats when I went to the corner store to buy myself smokes.
Group Therapy
How pathetic. But I was still slim!!
I'm so glad for her and so incredibly jealous. (have to keep reminding myself of how miserable she was when I was slim and she was fat!)
Therapy is right!!
She had knee surgery awhile back but still has problems. It is very likely she will have to have both knees replaced. Everyone now and then I get pains in my knees and I start to panic... I DO NOT want to become my mother!
The genetics are all in place for me though... but I'm fighting this one!
oh my! You actually pulled up a bag of chips with a rope through your window!! HAHAHAHA!!! That is the funniest thing I've heard in awhile! Why was that generation so ignorant and uptight about acknowledging depression. 
And it used to be such a taboo to see a counselor... you had to be really messed up. It took me YEARS to get over that.
Another memory
