Oh dear! Watched Bruce Springsteen last night and my evil sister Ruthless forgced me yo finish the bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream. Ask me if I care! Sigh!!! (Well he is younger than Prince P.!
My step mom can't have sugar anymore thanks to diabetes, so my dad has been sending all the junk he doesn't like this way! I will not eat the designer chocolate bridge mix. Well, no more of it anyways!!!!
I had a really bad day yesterday. I was fine (even great) all morning and then my 5 year old said something to me that just turned everything around for some reason. It wasn't anything horrible, just your typical little kid lip. After that I was very irritated all afternoon and wanted to drink very badly. As some of you know...I'm in recovery so that is not an option for me. I tried reading, watching t.v. etc...nothing made me feel even temp. better. I took her to the sitter and went shopping with my oldest son...that didn't even help. By the time night rolled around I was still in the same state, so I decided I'm either going to eat or I'm going to end up drinking. So I ate. Pizza, ice cream and chocolate. I felt very badly about this, like beating myself up. I mean why can't I be normal and just be happy with me and what I have...etc...etc.. Well, it all ended with me making myself throw up, which I'm not proud of either. As sick as it sounds, it did make me feel better to eat then purge. The purging part is something I've hardly ever done (meaning, I've done it a few times only if what I ate made me feel icky). Is anyone else this insane? I'm trying not to beat myself up, but it's amazing to me that I can be fine all week and then bam! crazy mixed up emotions slam me into total wacko-ville. Maybe I just needed to vent, maybe I need psycho therapy, wait I am in psycho therapy.
Here's to hoping today will be better.
blackbird
I think we all have been where you are, if we are honest. Who know what the triggers are, **** if we knew that we wouldn't be here. And I think if you weighed it all out, you made the best of all posible choices. After all, you could have smacked the kid around (like my parents) and then felt guilty and gone off on a bender. But you wisely took the kid to another person and distanced yourself from the problem...good for you! How many others would have the strength for that??? We are all taking this trip one step at a time, and we all will do things that seem 'not right' for the "regular" world (whatever the **** that is!)
but we gotta do whatever we have to do to live in our own skins. Purging, probably a symbolic cleansing for you, now you can start over, all clean and healthy. We are with you and no one here will ever chastise you for the choices you made. I think you did your best, and that is all we can do!
Blackbird
Don't beat yourself up over this hun. You made the wisest choice you could at that time. I think you handled it pretty well. Like Ginya said, you did not hit the child even though I am sure we have all really felt like it several times. You have admitted to your problem and are asking for help and that is half the battle won. We are and always will be here for you, you can contact me here or or PM me too if you wish. I am always willing to listen , anytime. Good for you and your choices!
Virginia
Blackbird-I think all of us have "been there" or somewhere similar!! The others are RIGHT. You gave yourself some space, which was the right thing to do. My kids (especially my younger child) get me to that point FREQUENTLY, and I eat in reaction more than I care to admit. I DO think that eating was a better choice than drinking by the way!!! Also, I used to purge occasionally too. Be really careful with that option. I think it is better to "swallow it" and start over the next day because of the long term health concerns if you get hooked on purging. This may not be a problem for you, however. I had YEARS when I had to fight the "urge to purge", so it makes me VERY nervous. Remember ALWAYS that you are not alone!! ALL of us have felt at some time or another that:
"Is anyone else this insane? I'm trying not to beat myself up, but it's amazing to me that I can be fine all week and then bam! crazy mixed up emotions slam me into total wacko-ville. Maybe I just needed to vent, maybe I need psycho therapy, wait I am in psycho therapy."
Or that we are alone in this "craziness." But you ARE taking care of yourself. You are in therapy, in AA, and doing what you can. (By the way, I'm on meds and HAVE been in therapy.) I think the main thing is to forgive yourself your "slip", see what you did RIGHT in this situation, and keep on keeping on. We are ALL right here with you!!
The girls have said it all, Blackbird. You did the right thing, and we're very proud of you. Hang in there, sweetie. And don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it...
xoxo
Absolutely, I agree with all the rest of the chicks. For sure I have been there too - I would get SO mad at one or both kids, and then eat whatever I could find - I know my parents did this as well, esp. my father.
I send you a big hug Blackbird, cuz I have had so many times just like you, and it feels like you are the only one, and you are NOT ALONE!
Oh and by the way, I don't think I actually started this thread - I have never started one, I am working up to that you see! So I don't know why it says I did. If I did I must have been half asleep!
Lidian-if our threads get too long, the moderator will cut and past the last page or so, you must have been on the top of that page, so you get credit!
That wasn't my car that you may have seen at the drive thru at Sonic!!! Blackbird-we have all looked to food for comfort when we thought the world was against us. It is better than the alternatives! We just have to be aware of it.
YUP!! I just did it again last night. I was helping DS pack for a trip, and he was sniping at me. Then DH was short with me and I felt angry and hurt and started cramming food in. YUCK.
1.) What does DH mean? I think it means 'significant other', but I have no ideas about the initials!
2.) By goldfish, do you mean the crackers? ( I sure hope so!) I have a box of chedder ones right now and I thought they were supposed to be 'good" (baked not fried, and so on.) Have I been duped?
There are some BAD girls in Alternachicks! 
Nasty boys.
