I confess:
~ I blame myself for my boys being overweight. If it were not for my bad influence and gene pool they would not be single right now, and would have more confindence to go out and look for a girl friend.
~ I thought I'd be happier once I lost the weight, but I wasn't because I expected perfect!
~ I blame the doctors for why I gained the weight back because none of them would listen to me about getting a referal for skin reduction when I was thinner. Now I have a referal, but it came to late. Deep down... I know it's my fault but it's easier to place blame than to face shame.
~ I also look around to see if I'm the fattest in the room, and I'm shamefully happy when I'm not.
~ When I'm desperate for candy, I sneak in my kids (they're adults now) rooms and steal theirs.
~ I wait until my family is asleep and sneak out, buy 20 dollars worth of junk and eat it all before anyone wakes up.
~ I've been battling bulimia since I was 13... I'm 44!
That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

I have to think hard about how to express my confessions. Some are simple but some not so easy to put into words but here I go.

I confess that like many others I worry, no I know that I am responsible for my son already being overweight and that he struggles with any strenuous activity. His doctor keeps saying he's within the range for his age, though on the upper end, and don't worry. I say any fool can see he weighs more than he should, why in the world would I wait until he's an obese child before we work on it and i'm not sure how to help him lose the "beer belly" he has going on without some input. He's only 9.

I confess being secretly angry with my 62 year old mother who has never weighed more than 21 pounds more than she did pre-pregnancy with me(and that was 40 years ago!). And that right now she is still at her pre-pregnancy weight. I was annoyed that when she was 5 years OLDER than I am now she rode 450 miles on her bike for charity, and yes if she took the time to train she could do it again today. I love her, but she makes me sick. And of course she's the voice in my head constantly saying you need to lose weight, you're getting bigger and bigger, you need to be around to take care of your kids...its really depressing.

I confess that I believe, without a doubt, that I can lose this weight. However, that will not solve the real underlying issues I have always had with low self esteem. I had those issues when I was 15, had a perfect hourglass shape, and weighed 113lbs. I am afraid that I won't know how to deal with the real problems so that my life can truly be better, and i'll always be unhappy.

I confess that I have never been asked out, never felt attractive and never been on a date and i'm afraid I never will. I'm even more afraid of what would happen if someone did. I'm 40 years old and would have no idea what to do. I'm terrified of being alone for the rest of my life because of this fear. Loneliness is stifling.

I confess that I used to be happier, I used to smile and laugh but now i've turned into and apathetic shrew, negative almost all the time. And i'm afraid i'll never get back that person that I once was. I don't even know where to begin to try.

I confess that i'd like to just close my door, keep the windows covered, wrap up in a blanket on the couch and never move again. If it wasn't for my children, i'm almost sure that's exactly what I would have done long ago.

I confess that I envy anyone that doesn't have to work. I hate that I have no choice.

Believe it or not I still have hope that things can get better, but every year that seems more and more difficult. Bringing me to my last confession. Last year I turned 40 and for the first time in my life, I felt old. Other people that are 40 aren't old, just me. Big, fat, lonely old me. I hate that I even think that.

You are all so brave and I want to be brave, too!


These 2 are vrey true for me. I turn 45 next month and I'm...horrified. Obviously it's better than the alternative but....what the heck? 45?? I've been in the worst depression I've experienced in over 13 years these past 6 weeks, and I have to think it's related.

Understandable. Probably something you'll need to let go of (don't ask me---I'm no expert on letting go!) but 100% understandable.

These are also true for me.

Almost every single day, I have a period of time---anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to all day---during which the pull to go somewhere and hide is so strong. I'm lucky I have an office door to close because some days I just have to close the door and cry.

As for the work thing...it goes beyond envy for me at times. I'll admit that sometimes I am actually angry at my sister that she is incredibly wealthy, with a beautiful home and fancy cars, all of which are fully paid for. She gets to travel, go to exercise classes every day, and pamper herself. I hate feeling so petty, but I do.

As for me:

I know, deep down, that getting back in control of my weight isn't going to cure the issue. This time, it's my weight, but other times the 'symptom' is different but the issue is the same. I am deeply, deeply uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like a horrible, awful person and I chase those feelings away with whatever my obsession of the month is. Once I get my weight down again, I'm sure to start overspending again or drinking too much or escaping some other way...unless I fix this. But who has the energy? Who has hope?

Final confession, changing from the high drama I just posted to just an observation:
I'm like the anorexia police on baords like this. I see posts from women (always women) who are normal or underweight, trying to skinny down and wondering why people in their lives are nagging them, and I am all over their business. I'm not sure why it grinds my gears so much, but it does.

Registered to commiserate with you all. Okay, here goes my confessions:

I got fat by massive binge eating, and it's a struggle every day not to resort to this behavior whenever I'm feeling stressed, bored, angry, happy, ****, whenever I'm feeling.

Even though I am a very sexual person and have a high sexual appetite, I haven't had it in 12 years. It wasn't planned; I stopped having it when I had too many issues with my body, and I was so busy feeling sorry for myself over it that I looked up and noticed a decade plus went by without it. Not that I haven't had offers, I just didn't want to at this weight, and not with the kind of people who were offering.

I ate myself out of the option to have kids. I have fibroids, which are affected by weight, and they had grown to the point where even if I could find a doctor willing to operate to remove them, it would leave my womb looking like Swiss cheese. Not a sturdy environment for a growing fetus.

I am terrified that when I lose all my weight, I will actually look my age. I am constantly mistaken for being in my mid-twenties (or younger depending on how I'm dressed) even though I am 43, and I have no idea whether it's the fat making me look younger or my family genetics. The women in my family typically look 10 to 15 younger than they actually are, but stress and hard labor (like rigorous exercise) can also age us pretty quick. I have seen some women's before and after pictures and they honestly looked way better (age-wise) in their before pictures. That frightens me sometimes, especially since I have so much to lose.

I am the laziest person you will ever meet. If it were up to me, I would stay in bed watching television until the end of time and I would b e happy. I wasn't always this way, but I haven't a clue as to how to get over myself and do the work to get my life back.

Those are my biggest problems holding me back. Hope it helps some of you ladies feel not so alone.

Reading this thread made me cry. Your confesions have moved me so much. I feel like a relate to just about everything that has been written here but I have been afraid to admit to myself. For years, I have been hiding behind my size. I have battled with self esteem issues since I was attacked at the age of 15. Things spirraled after my divorce. I was already overweight at that time and decided that I was good enough for any man. So I haven't dated for the past 12 years - no one has asked me out and I tell myself its because I'm fat but the truth is I don't put myself out there to meet anyone.

Thanks everyone for being brave enough to share your stories.

Confession time again -

I have gained 13 lbs over the last 9 months, and I am afraid that I am back on the road to obesity.

I find myself not wanting to go out in public, as I felt during my highest weights.

I used to feel like one of the thinner people in a room last summer, and now I no longer feel that way.

My rolls and folds are starting to come back, and it scares the bejeezus out of me.

I am starting to become more of a couch potato at home, as in the "old days" of obesity.

I don't like my DH to see me naked in bed or otherwise - a blanket or sheet is my best friend! He can't understand why.

I no longer enjoy the thrill of clothes shopping like I did last year when I was going down in sizes...in fact, I feel fearful to try on new clothes because I don't want to see that I am in a larger size.

I feel like I am ruining my health with each passing day that I eat off plan and put on pounds, and I feel powerless to stop myself.

Big , guacamole!!

@Guacamole - I can completely sympathize with how you're feeling. My weight gain has been about 13 pounds over 2 years, and just during this past year I got into some bad habits of not staying active and getting USED to that feeling and just doing a lot of habits that I do not associate with my thinner years! *hugs*


My confession: Whenever I anticipate eating off plan, I get such a huge thrill, like I'm about to go on a fun carnival ride. It's paired with a feeling of "**** you" toward dieting and eating "healthy" and "clean" and I get downright giddy. Like last night, my ex (who is visiting for the summer and who has been an awful influence on me eating-wise) wanted to order pizza. I was so thrilled about it, even though I had told myself that both cheese and wheat are really bad for me lately and certainly not good for my waistline.

Hey Guacamole,

You are so brave and amazing - to start this awesome post in the first place and now to show us all the really scary feelings. Thank you for making it possible for all of us to reveal our own gremlins.

Before I share some of confessions though - way back in these posts somewhere you said you want to write a book, or that you have partly written one. When I read it I wanted to reply and say "do it!" you express yourself so eloquently here that I think your writing would be magic.

So for my confessions:

- I confess I'm a bit scared of this online environment. I'm scared I'm going to be an overkeen newbie over poster or that I will say something that reveals my true identity and be horribly embarrassed by what I have shown

- I confess that I think my kids are fat and that I want to change that and not just for them

- I confess that the only time I have ever been successful in losing weight was when I was newly single and desperate to get laid so I am scared that without that driver I won't have enough motivation

- I confess that I am scared that it is too late to create good life habits for my girls

- I confess that I love the "scan it yourself" aisles at the supermarket because I can buy lots of junk without anyone having to show it to another person

- I confess that I am worried about the loose skin factor at the end if this all

- I confess that a big part of me thinks I'm totally kidding myself and there is absolutely no way I will ever, ever, weigh 65kg

- I confess that I am insanely jealous of women who are fit, strong and lean

- I confess that I am a workaholic and that this gets in the way of leading a healthy life

aspen13 - Thanks so much!

olehcat - Oh, I feel that food euphoria too! I know most of us have been conditioned as children to think of food as a treat. Now any off plan food or larger food portion is thought of as a treat for me.

ForMyGirls - Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot. I almost feel afraid that I will die before reaching my goal of finishing a book. I would hate for that to happen, but it's like I am paralyzed. My husband keeps getting on my case about why I am not writing. He keeps thinking I am going to make us rich by writing a best seller! It's a lot of pressure, and it seems so far fetched. Great confessions! Love the one about the "scan it yourself" checkout lanes!

Like you, I also fear I have missed the boat with some of my kids about good eating habits. Luckily most are thin right now. One of my daughters is my main concern. I brought her up in my first confession, I think. I do feel that my daughter is starting to adopt some of my better eating habits, and I think she has started to stave off any further weight gain. She seems to be more concerned about her weight without me having harped on it. Her best friend lost a lot of weight and I think it is inspiring her to do better with her food. Now that she is a teen, I think she feels more peer pressure to keep her weight down, because many of the girls in her class are skinny. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I do feel guilty that we have not been bike riding this summer as we had planned. I like to ride in the morning, and she wakes late. In the afternoon, she works. We have gone for a few walks, but I would like to do more with her.

Guacamole - I have been partnered with two "creatives" in my life and have learnt that there is such a fine line between encouragement and nagging. I think (hope!) I get the balance right these days. My current partner is a writer and a huge devotee of "The Artists Way". Seems to be a very powerful antidote to the writer's block stuff. I have also recently discovered an amazing piece of software for writing called Scrivener - I use it for boring technical writing(!) but it seems like it is used a lot by creative writers. I find it makes it possible to write a little bit without getting overwhelmed. Anyway - hope this hasn't crossed that fine line :-)

Thanks too for sharing re your daughter - I found that part of your first confession so moving! I really empathise with the stuff about working out how to do exercise with kids - my motivation to exercise is so precarious that I have to do it when I am motivated or it just won't happen. Hoping that losing weight will give me the energy that I need to get out with my girls as well as doing my own thing. Actually this has got me thinking. A couple of months ago I got an indoor trainer for my bike so that the fact that it is cold or raining won't stop me from exercising. My older daughter keeps saying she wants to do it too - I have been a bit resistant because I don't want to have to take my bike off. But maybe I should. Taking the bikes on and off will just be bonus strength training after all :-) I could even get a second one and then we can pump it out together :-)

The main reason I need to lose weight is for health and mobility reasons. But there is a part of me that wants my ex to drool over me. My weight was never a spoken issue in our relationship. He was actually quite cool about it. But the immature part of me wants him to SUFFER MY HOTNESS for other reasons.

Amy Remixed - "SUFFER MY HOTNESS" What a great line!!

I have no doubt that he will! However, it's important that you stick to this journey for yourself....sometimes the hike to the top gets to be too much to keep up with just for revenge....it's got to be for the love of yourself.

ForMyGirls - No lines crossed here....I appreciate your suggestions and encouragement. I also love the idea of a bike trainer, because I took months off from bike riding over the winter and cold spring. This might be something for me to consider as the weather gets colder....

Hi Guacamole,

97.5% of my resolve is to be healthy and active for the rest of my life. But the rest of it is petty. I know he regrets that we're not together. But I want him to lose sleep over my hotness.

I've been gaining weight for a year and a half. Thankfully I haven't gained all the weight I lost.

My confessions...
- I have re gained 45 of the 113 pounds I lost and I feel awful
- I've had a hard time accepting responsibility for it.
- I've tried some the quick weight loss methods that have been epic failures
- I think about working out but never do anything.
- Even though I know better I figure being 49 gives me an excuse to be lazy.
- I wait until my husband and daughter go to bed then I eat everything I can

TIME TO CHANGE IF I PLAN TO MAKE GOAL!!!