I'm not doing personals tonight. Not feeling so well and will probably go to bed soon.
I also managed to twist my knee somehow and it keeps wanting to buckle on me, and when it does it's quite painful. I have it wrapped with an ace bandage and I'm trying to stay off of it tonight as much as possible.
I have decided to track and log my food for a week. I'm still a WW online member, so I will track points. My employer pays half the cost so it makes sense to keep it up even though I'm not doing WW now. I just want to see if maybe I'm eating more than I think I am, and if maybe that's why I've stopped losing weight.
Thinking of all of you and hope you all have a good day tomorrow.
Well guys today was not too bad...I was honestly dreading going back to work today...That client that was a total jerk on Friday left me in a mood that I just did not want to have to deal with him today.
I had the EXACT same Friday! I'm the CSR for a region of representatives that sell my company's product, and I have this one rep who is a complete and utter jerk. People just say "well that's the way he is, don't let him get under your skin" and I'm over here like, why are we continually letting this guy be a bully?!? I was ready to walk out on Friday!
Hi people, I am crawling out of my sick bed and back to work. I actually felt decent today, not great but decent. I think this is probably allergy-related, the pollen is very thick down here in Georgia, plus some inner ear dizziness I've acquired.
I had a 'mini-binge' this afternoon, first of the year which is a good streak for me. I say 'mini' as it was about 5 or 6 ounces of cashews instead of the 1 ounce I planned for a snack, which is 1000 calories or a little less extra. That is amateur league, on a good binge I can easily pack in 7 or 8 thousand calories or more!
Bounced back okay so far. Got home, and did 30 minutes on the treadmill as planned. I had a later and smaller dinner than normal, not to purposefully compensate, I just wasn't hungry until later and then not in the mood for as much. Probably something to do with all those cashews.
I have historically been bad at 'one mistake and everything falls to pieces' in the past and I'm trying to get better. I've been reading a book and it talks about fumbles along the way, comparing it to a baby learning how to walk and taking spills along the way. The author points out that we would be horrible people if, when a baby stood up on wobbly legs and then fell on their bottom, we started berated them, telling them that they were a failure and would always be a failure and would be a crawler forever and ever they should just give up. And pointing out that it's what a lot of people do when they slip up their healthy eating plans, start berating themselves. It was an interesting perspective!
Ah.. Tea... Found green tea that I forgot that I had. I didn't like it when I had first tried it. That was back when sweet was the flavor of choice, and I hadn't learned to enjoy more bitter fare.
Thanks for the scolding, ladies. I needed that.
I did call the surgeon's office because some of the sterilite strips came off of my incisions. One strip came completely off, and that incision is a tiny bit open and has a little bit of a bleed. I was told to bandage it, and keep it dry and clean. I'll be seeing the surgeon for a follow-up this week, and the surgeon's office doesn't seem concerned because the open incision isn't showing signs of infection, and it's not bleeding profusely. I asked about the pain meds as well. They haven't given me a refill of the hydrocodone/Tylenol pills, but they told me that Ibruprofen and Tylenol were okay to take. The Ibruprofen scares me though. One of my meds has a possible interaction with it. I'm just kinda bearing the pain. It can't last that much longer.
I did my walks even though that I was advised to wait because I let my feelings of inadequacy get to me. The surgeon and nurses inadvertently fueled that. I was asking about recovery time, and they seemed to dismiss me as a liar when I mentioned my exercise and diet routine. Their words weren't openly mean, but I saw smirks, and eye rolls. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm commited to changing. The surgeon and nurses expect little of me. They think that I'm the way that I am out of laziness and greed, and I want to prove them wrong. I feel like I'm in the wrong for being big. Thin people garner sympathy after surgery, but big people get looks of ridicule and disgust, and we're somehow expected to do more than thin people, because we're really not hurt that bad. Who cares that we just had our abdomen torn open in several places, our abdomen filled with gas, stuff moved about, and something removed, just like a thin person... I heard one nurse call me a liar when I said that I had been getting out of bed. I didn't walk the halls of the hospital because the gown didn't close in back, but I did walk around my room, and I went to the restroom alone. Did she just miss the fact that somehow urine ended up in my toilet, and I didn't call any of them? They were amazed when I didn't order breakfast and their eyes bugged out of their head when I was forced to order, and I only had oatmeal and fruit. The toll that wounds take on larger people are harder to see. The truth is that regardless of how the surgeon and nurses felt, their behavior was unprofessional, so they were in the wrong. I wasn't wrong. Whether I gain weight, or lose weight this week, won't change their minds, so why should I give a rat's *** what they think? They are seeing only a snap shot of my life, and their behavior speaks volumes about them, not me.
Edit: Just to clarify... Many of the nurses giving my care were kind and considerate. There were only a couple of bad apples, including the surgeon. I just tend to remember negative people more than positive people.
IF I'm somehow unsuccessful, what does it matter? It's appearance. It's not any of the many more important traits that make me me. At least I'm putting forth an effort to be a good person and improve myself. That's all one can really do. I'm not failing myself by being unsuccessful, despite those thoughts that have crept up the past few days, I'd be failing myself if I stopped trying.
Last edited by tootsieroll81; 04-13-2015 at 11:50 PM.
Awww, bully doctors suck! Though if the doctor says to keep it easy on walking you probably should, my mom had a hysterectomy and was feeling better and tried to get up and out of the house (she was stir crazy) for dinner out before she was really up to it. She paid for it the next day, though.
I can't remember having a bully doctor, actually. Though I had a bully dentist once, and it sucked. I hadn't been to the dentist in like 10 years and went in, and needed a tooth extracted. He kept lecturing about the horrid state my teeth were in. Well, no duh! I have a fear of dentists that kept me away for ten years and you're not exactly helping it there, buddy!
Woke up at 5:30 this morning, Its now 7:23 a.m. I need to go start watching for my bus at 7:30 a.m. I'm going to school today to type up the DA4A Agenda so that its ready for tomorrow's meeting. Then I'll come back home and just relax. I hope everyone has a fantastic day.
Location: from Houston, TXnow in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
I fell in the bathroom two times last night and once this morning. Thanks for the suggestion of the foam rubber, Betsy, but our little powder room is too small for that. I'm having to use our powder room as my bathroom because it's too difficult to climb the stairs.
But I'm going to try to climb the stairs today, because I really need a shower. Sorry if all of this is TMI, but it's what you get reduced to when your legs don't work: bathroom, shower, staircase...
This afternoon I will have MRI scans of my head and neck, and then tomorrow I see the neurologist for the first time. I don't know what my psychiatrist said to her, but she really moved heaven and earth to fit me into her schedule so soon.
Bob and I are still convinced this is serotonin toxicity—side effects of multiple psych meds adding up into one big problem—but they have to rule out other stuff, which is why I'm getting the MRIs.
Hi everyone! I need to make it a priority to get on here more often...
I've been having weak moments for about a week now. Only up one pound, so I am thankful for that. I kept using the excuse that I didn't have enough good food in the house so I was eating whatever was in sight. Well, last night I had enough. I felt extremely bloated and tired from all the junk I consumed. So, I stopped at the grocery on my way home from work and bought everything I need to finish out this week on a good note. Lots of fruits and veggies, and some light frozen meals for my lunches at work. In the past I typically binge and eventually it turns back into a normal eating habit for me. I don't want to give up....I will not give up.
I am so thankful for a friend at work that is working on eating healthier and getting in shape. He is my support. I brought a bag of chips into work with me yesterday and he immediately yelled at me for it lol. I'm so glad he tries to push me to make smarter choices.
My problem is, I cannot get full! When I'm not full, I'm not satisfied, and I tend to break. A big obstacle for me is that I have a limited like for healthy foods, and get very bored with eating the same things day in and day out. I need to do some research on some healthy and yummy recipes so I can expand my food preferences.
Good morning all. I feel almost guilty about saying that as so many of us are going through something on the medical front right now. It really made me stop and realize that my morning grumbling about my creaky knees probably wasn't anything compared to what others are dealing with.
Sam I have a feeling you're a much better cook than you realize. Sounds like I need to scan Pinterest more. So sorry that DH's grandma is going through so much. You two do have a special relationship. You might ask the gym if they'll "hold" your membership for you since you're not going to use it for the summer; i.e., extend it for 2-3 months so you're not paying for non-used gym services. Terra Glad the cramps are gone and you're back to working out. Your day sounds full and interesting. Ubee Definitely need to be in the down down and not the yo-yo. OK. It's time to close the Hotel Ubee until things get back on track. Hard to do? Yes......we've had this discussion about always putting ourselves last. Well, it's ok to just say, Now is not a good time, how about some time in........ I completely understand the I'll start tomorrow syndrome, and it always happens when there's company at my house or I'm going out to eat with friends or family or it's a holiday. Heck, half the time it starts because I want a reward for doing housework! But you of all people shouldn't have to feel sad, disgusted, disappointed etc. You are such a good person. You bring light to our little group. Cindy Ouch! Hope that knee starts feeling better soon. Tracking what you're eating is a great idea. I remember seeing somewhere that each WW point is roughly equal to 50 calories, but the new system takes into account fat and fiber. For instance a 50 calorie apple (actually almost all fruit) is 0 points while a 50 calorie cookie might be 2-3 points. MyFitnessPal is what I use to track my eating because it provides the carb count as well. For me it was a matter of tracking my eating for several weeks to find where the point was for both calories and carbs where I would lose weight. It's defnitely different for everyone it seems. I swear we all need a degree in nutrition to do this successfully. MaeCrochet Kill him with kindness. It makes him wonder what you're up to! Rabidstoat Glad you're on the road to recovery. I lived in Georgia for 8 years, and I well remember all the pollen. Really miserable if you're allergic to it. Good analysis on the cashew slip, and I loved the baby learning to walk analogy. Tootsie Thanks for the explanation of what made you feel the need to exercise, but I'm so sorry that it happened to you. Unprofessional is one word for it. Evil, mean, condescending, rude, arrogant, etc. are some other words for their behaviors. A good hospital will send out a survery -- fill it out and if you can remember the names of the people involved, specifically cite them. One of the things that seems to have improved over the last few years is the demise of the fat shaming that used to occur with doctors. You can be darn sure that if someone made rude comments/gestures to a cancer patient who had lost their hair that something would be done about it. Fi So glad that you're going to be able to get the MRIs done and see the neurologist today. Hope the trip up the steps goes ok and do be careful in the shower (sorry, preaching to the choir aren't I). We're rooting for you.
The great baseboard/trim project has finally gotten started. Yesterday I washed all the baseboards and door trim -- looks a lot better. Evidently it's necessary to do more than pass a Swiffer over them once in a while! Today I caulk and tomorrow I'll do what touch up painting needs to be done. I'm slowly whittling down my to do list.
Had a snack yesterday afternoon of one bag of low carb chips, which turned into 4 bags completed with sour cream. Then I fixed low carb cream cheese pancakes only upped the recipe so I didn't lose anything yesterday. All was not a total loss as I wanted popcorn in the evening and realized that it was after 8 PM which is my cut off time. Yet again I used food as a reward/comfort/salve/bandage because I was doing something that needed to be done that I didn't want to do. I realized that I don't like doing these things any more because it's so hard to bend and move around which is tied to being way too heavy which is tied to having too many comfort foods. Talk about circular thinking......it's amazing that I'm not completely dizzy (that was not a kind thought, Ubee!).
Off to the gym, gas for the mower, and then home to the baseboards. Hope that for many of you tomorrow means that you're doing a whole lot better.
I looked at the scale today. I guess that my body is getting rid of extra fluid and gas that it was holding onto because of the stress of recovery. I'm still in pain, but I feel better today. The scale said 276.2. I'm afraid to mark that. I thought that I was just hallucinating.
Betsy: Don't dismiss knee pain as trivial. We need knees to be able to walk, and if they are hurting, that's every time you move or stand on them.
Miss: One of my excuses was that I needed more variety because food was boring. l then I listed what I ate on a regular basis, and disproved that excuse. Maybe you need to do what I did and list all of your excuses and disprove them. Healthy eating doesn't mean that you have to eat stuff that you don't like. I'm eating food that is typically considered unhealthy, but I'm controlling my portion sizes, and losing weight. I use measuring cups and a scale to measure everything. I'm taking the approach of making small manageable changes. More fruits and veggies, more lean meats, more water, avoid trigger foods, but everything else in moderation. One small, individual, bag of chips should not ruin your diet. If you have one, don't feel like a failure. I can't stress water enough for helping with fullness. Try to drink 1-2 cups before your meal. It helps a lot. If you still are not full afterwards, drink more water. If you still aren't comfortable, go for a little more veggies. Also realize that when eating, the goal isn't to feel full. The goal is to feel comfortable. So you may not feel full, but you're completely fine. It takes a while to adjust to smaller portions. You can do it though, just keep trying.
Fi: Dear goodness. You are one tough lady.
Terra: I hope that your day goes well.
Rabid: The pain stuff at the dentist doesn't work well for me, so during any operation on my teeth, it hurt. So, I know the fear of dentists. I've been there. Glad that you are feeling better.
Cindy: Sounds like a good idea to use the tools available to you. Hope that your knee feels better soon.
Mae and Sam: Hope that your co-workers don't drive you completely insane when you work. It does seem unfair that some people seem to be away with anything at work.
Ubee: I second Betsy.
If I forgot anyone, sorry. Everyone else: Hope that life is treating you well and that you make your goals.
Terra Hope all is well and you had a good day today
Ubee Stop lying to yourself! I mean it!! You can do this!!! I have no faith in anything else, but I have faith in YOU!!! I know how you feel with the disgusted and fed up feeling...but if you feel that way only you can change it. Look at me...look how bad I was doing....and here I am, back at it, and I couldn't have done it without you guys! I agree with Betsy, it's time to close Hotel Ubee for awhile.
Cindy Hope your knee feels better darling (((HUGS)))
Mandy I hate bullies too...Luckily this isn't someone I have to deal with on a daily basis but I've done a lot of work with him this week and he still can't make a decision. I'm to the point that if he asks me one more stupid question or do type out something else in baby terms since he apparently can't read, I'm going to tell him this is all I can do for him and he needs to make a decision or go somewhere else. I can't deal with it anymore and I know my boss will back me up on this.
Rabid I know all too well the crappy pollen feeling. I'm in South Carolina so I'm right in it with you. I still am having trouble breathing and keep coughing up stuff but I feel tons better than I did a week or two ago. I could barely speak and my throat was hurting so bad I thought I was getting strep or the flu. I hope you get better soon!
Tootsie I love how your post turned into talking about how $hitty your surgeon was to how you were realizing as you were typing that it doesn't matter what they think...You are right. What matters is what you feel about yourself...We have to learn to love ourselves no matter our size and what position we are in with our weight loss. Learning to love yourself makes this journey easier as time goes on. I couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror when I first started...I hated taking progress photos but trust me they have helped me so much since I started and I have slowly become to love myself because I am realizing how great of a person I really am, and my size has nothing to do with it. When I went to the OBGYN this year I had a new doctor and when they saw how much weight I lost they were in awe at the fact that I've done it on my own...no pills, no surgery, no nothing. Not all is lost....and their opinion didn't matter but it's almost like people expect you to have gastric bypass surgery if you're really big in order to lose weight, like you aren't good enough to try your hardest and do it on your own. There was some satisfaction in the looks on their faces, but at the same time I wondered if they really believed me...and if they didn't, who the F*CK cares!
Fi Hope today with the MRI went well....Hope you were able to make it up the stairs and hope Bob was a good husband and helped you though I'm sure he did. We love you lady!! I hope you're right about your diagnosis and it isn't something worse <3
miss It's great to have a buddy to help you while you lose weight. I've had somewhat decent support as I've lost. Starting out nobody believed that I would stick with it and here I am over a year later still going. Granted the losing has slowed down, but I'm still doing it, not giving up, and not giving a $hit if anyone is here to back me up or not. I expected people not to think I would stick with it since I've been big my whole life and have failed at losing weight so many times. You can do this! Keep posting...You don't realize how much it really helps until you stop posting for awhile, trust me. Check out Pinterest for recipes, that's what I do. It's helped me out a lot and the ones I really really like I'll make over and over again throughout the month. Right now I've been in love with this creamy cilantro lime salad dressing I've been putting on top of romaine lettuce with some grilled chicken with onions, peppers and sprouts...So good!
Betsy Thanks for the love...I'm not as good a cook as DH, but I think I'm better than most....A lot of people don't seem to know how good seasoning can be lol...Most people I know under season and everything will taste bland. Pinterest has become my very best friend in all of this. If you want follow me on there I have some good boards. My profile link is www.pinterest.com/makeupjunkiesam
Posting a lot later than usual. Got home and busted out an ab workout with my balance ball...It felt great...DH helped me cook dinner tonight...We had grilled pork tenderloin with some left over steamed broccoli and cauliflower mash. I added a bit of BBQ sauce to my pork....I about died it was so delicious. I think I really need to get a thread going on here somewhere with some of my favorite recipes...but to write it all down...ahhh....Sometimes I find recipes I like and change it a bit to make it my own so sometimes it doesn't turn out the same every time lol....
I got nothing done at work today....All of the work I needed to get done kept getting interrupted by other things that came in. Sometimes I wish my boss would hire 1 CSR between me and the other girl that can do all of our scanning, filing, billing questions etc so I can work on things like new business, renewals, helping people with coverage questions, etc. We aren't usually busy enough to need someone but we both get backed up with our paperwork which is the part of being an insurance agent I hate hahaha....
Tomorrow is a scheduled rest day. I'm about out of groceries and it's pay day tomorrow so I'll be doing my usual bill paying and grocery shopping tomorrow. The farmer's market is opening back up for the season next week so I'll have to set aside some money to go there...I can't wait for the local strawberries!!!
We heard from DH's dad tonight. Granny is having her surgery on Thursday instead of next week. The doctor said she has a 70% chance survival rate so hopefully it goes well. He said she will have a maximum of 3-5 years if she makes it through the surgery. That will put her at about 90 years old. I just worry about her going through this surgery because of how my grandpa went. He only had one kidney left, had one taken out in the 90s and was going through dialysis and fell one day and cracked his pelvic bone. They did a surgery to fuse the bone together...he came out ok, but that night they think he had a stroke in his sleep and the next day he passed...I'd like to think he waited on everyone to come say their goodbyes to him. When I got there my mom and I went down stairs to meet one of my cousins and he died when we got back up there. My cousin and I had to tell my grandma that he had passed because she was on her way back up to the hospital. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do. She married him when she was 19 years old. They were married 61 years...breaks my heart sometimes because I know she is lost without him even though my mom lives with her and helps take care of her.
Anyway I didn't mean to turn this into a sappy sad post lol....I'm going to end it here for now. I hope everyone has a great night. Will see ya tomorrow! One love!
Can someone please make the world stop spinning so fast???
The more fast and out of control my life gets the more food I shove down my throat. Betsy your kind words brought a real tear to my eyes. Thank you! Leaving the dizzy comment alone but well, you can read my mind. Fi I am hoping you can find a helpful answer soon. Terra cross posting is when we both post at the same time so we do not see the others post until our post is all done and on the final page. tootsie your venting post was amazing! Open up more often you have a lot of depth! rabid one time we had not been to the dentist for a few years due to no insurance and little money. They gave us a lecture. It is bad enough to have these problems, we sure don't need a lecture on top of it. Misstoni I envy you. Every time I try to get a friend to join me we just end up enabling each other. Sam thank you for your support. I know I will work through this. Hi Cindy, Mae,...
Another busy day tomorrow. 261? days until 2016.
Have a peaceful day.
Rabid, glad you are feeling better. Interesting perspective about your "cashew binge". I had one of those last week. What is it about those tasty little nuts? I am trying to lose that all or nothing mentality as well.
Tootsie, I am appalled that the surgeon and some nurses treated you so badly and even called you a liar. Betsy is right - that is worse than unprofessional. I am glad you realize that their comments say much more about them than about you. Please take it easy while you recover.
Fiona, so glad you are going to get your MRI's today. Please let us know how that goes.
Hi Misstoni, glad to see you back. Tootsie has some good advice about drinking more water and eating what you like in moderation.
Betsy, creaky knees are not trivial. I can attest to that, as I currently have one that does not want to cooperate and function properly. Thanks for the info about WW points. I never knew, and before joining this group I had never heard of MyFitnessPal either. Amazing the things I have learned in such a short time.
Hi Sam, Ubee, Terra and anyone else I've missed. It isn't intentional.
I was in somewhat of a funk last night, upset about my knee which was stopping me from doing pretty much everything, hungry even though I had eaten a normal dinner, and feeling generally achy and tired.
After resting my knee all night and keeping it wrapped with an ace bandage, it felt much better this morning. But, to minimize walking, which seems to be when it gives out on me, my DH drove me to work so I wouldn't have to walk from the parking lot to the building, and we stopped at DD for my coffee so I wouldn't have to walk downstairs to the cafeteria to get coffee. So I pretty much had to just get to my desk. Then I found out a coworker wasn't coming in. We cover each others jobs when the other is out. Her job, however, is a lot more physical than mine, and today was not a good day for that. I got through it but don't want to repeat another day like this.
I have discovered, in tracking WW points for today and yesterday, that if I was actually following WW I could eat a lot more food. These are typical days for me, ample protein, lots of veggies and healthy snacks, but points are way below what I am allotted at this weight. I will continue tracking for the remainder of the week and maybe longer, to see how consistent this pattern is, and what adjustments I need to make, in order to start losing weight again.
I'm going to go watch a little tv with DH before heading to bed. Have a good day tomorrow.
Location: from Houston, TXnow in Maryland (Washington DC area)
Posts: 1,167
S/C/G: 351/267/140
Height: 5'3"
This is a crazy week. I don't remember what we did on Monday, but Tuesday was MRIs, today (Wednesday) I meet with the neurologist, then Thursday is my app't with my Qigong instructor, and Friday is Grace (my great niece, to whom I'm serving as art teacher and mentor). Those of you who are kindly following along with all this will appreciate knowing that I climbed the stairs yesterday and took a shower without problems, and that my MRIs went well. Thanks for thinking about me during these trials: I'm sure it helped! Now I need to go to see the neurologistMRIs and X-rays in hand. I can't wait to get my abilities to stand and walk and drive back, but I have no idea when that will be.
Good morning all. Woke up early this morning which will be the pattern for the next few months as the days get longer and longer (Yay!!!). Living this far north means that by mid-June the sun will be coming up at around 4:30 AM and setting at 9:30 PM. Anyone else totally sun driven?
Tootsie You sound like you're on the road to recovery. Hope that means you're feeling better. Good job on having a great hallucination! Sam You are definitely a better cook than you give yourself credit for being -- you sound very creative. Hope DH's granny gets through the surgery OK. With your indecisive customer, is there a way to point him towards decision making time? Something like......There's no more information that I can provide you. Let's talk through this so that we can help you come to a decision. Yet again it makes me glad that I'm retired! Ubee OK. What is out of control in your life (besides our eating which seems to be true for both of us right now)? Visualize a day where things are not spinning. What's involved in getting you to that point? Are there things that are going on now that aren't in a non-spinning world that simply must be done (you know, taking care of your daughter, fixing meals, etc.)? Even if you can't totally get to a non-spinning point, is there a way to take 5 minutes 2-3 times a day just to meditate and have some completely Ubee time? Find a hiding place -- I'm not kidding. Go someplace where you won't be bothered and let your mind flow to a calm and peaceful place. I know it's impossible to just put ourselves totally in front of everyone else, but we can at least be there for 15-20 minutes a day. Cindy Your knee pain sounds......well.....painful! Hope it starts feeling better soon. One thing I found with the new WW point system (and part of the reason I stopped doing WW) is that my losing point was at about half of the points that WW allocated. Since they changed the system and basically assigned no point values to fruits and veggies, for me using all of the allocated points actually resulted in a weight gain. But just tracking using some method where you know where your losing point is is what counts. And, of course, as we lose that losing point goes down as well.
Lots of missing people lately -- hope that everyone is doing ok.
Off to the gym and home to work some more on the baseboard project. I have definitely resolved that I will never let things get so out of hand with maintenance projects again.....until the next time!
But you of all people shouldn't have to feel sad, disgusted, disappointed etc. You are such a good person. You bring light to our little group. 
Today I caulk and tomorrow I'll do what touch up painting needs to be done. I'm slowly whittling down my to do list.
