[Jen Jen]

And I don't mean that in a good way!

I have had the same scale for five years. A great digital one, that gives everything from weight in pounds, body fat, and recommended calories. I've never thought much about it at all.

Until today.

Today, it simply said "O L"

I'm assuming that means "overload" since I looked it up in the manual and it simply says "exceeds weight limit".

Ugh.

HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?!?!

[dcapulet]

Jen, I'm sorry!

[beginme]

You can't change what is today, but you CAN change what is tomorrow.

YOU CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, hop to it!

[Kitcherella]

Don't worry about it too much, just start afresh tomorrow.
This can be your first mini-goal!

[pluckypear]

Jen Jen you already heard great advice from those above. I am sorry you are disheartened. I hope you post your progress and it begins now.

[xJox]

{{{hugs}}} I understand 100%. At the begining of Jan I too had to buy scales that would weigh a higher amount. Was it fun? No. When I got on the scales and saw what I weighed, was I happy? No. Did it make me determined to do better for myself? Absolutely! You can do better for yourself too! You deserve it! Now get up and do it! I have faith in you!

[Justwant2Bhealthy]

JEN ~ hey, when I started this "back to good health journey", I was weighed on a big hospital scale by a nurse (and thank GOD she was/is a sweetheart), and she couldn't get a reading at all!!! That darling just said, "oh, just forget that" and went on to something else real fast!

Of course, I felt mortified -- but she handled it so kindly, my dignity was left in tact (although, just barely). It was a "rude" awakening for sure. Between that, and a picture a special little girl had her mother take of me -- I was determined to get healthier and get my life back again.

Yes, we know how you feel, becuz we've been there; but, we've also overcome, and so can you!!!

BTW, my DH went out and found me a large analog scale so I could weigh myself at home. Oh ya, and the next time that nurse weighed me, it did register; and I was down exactly 25 lbs -- and, that has continued on down every since!

[mascara blue]

use this as a motivation. In a year's time you'll look back and think that this was the best thing to happen to you, because it motivated you to take action. Think about it this way... if you lose 1kg per week (sorry, not sure what that is in pounds), which may not seem too much, in a year's time, thats 52kg. which is huge! xo

[Tiaras and Tenacity]

Hi there. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Your name caught my eye because I used to call my little sister Jen Jen, which I think made me want to read more about your life.

I read your previous thread and I can relate to the feeling of just wanting to disappear. (To re-roll, I call it. Just.. be someone else, you know? Try again, maybe.)

I'm 33 years old and my last weigh in was 356 lbs (on a 5'7"ish frame). It's too much weight and I sometimes feel like it's never going to go anywhere. I'd gone from 365 to 329 over the course of two years by making an effort (not a crazy strict effort, but an effort nevertheless) but it seems like the first time crisis strikes, I call up my old abusive boyfriend (which is what I call cookie dough) and cling to him like he's magically healthy now and NOT going to try to kill me this time.

I find solace and comfort in food. When I am feeling stuffed to the gills, I am not feeling anything else. I am not sad, I am not grieving, I am not worried, but I am not really alive either. I'm just.. existing. How many years of my life have been spent just existing? It's ridiculous, really.

Last week my mom (she's 54) went to her endocrinologist and was told that A.) She may still have cancer (after a thyroidectomy) and B.) He does not intend to treat it until her weight and blood pressure are under control.

Her primary doctor had her on the max dosage of 1 of 2 of her blood pressure medications but increased the second in order to try to regulate. I have known in my heart that she has been lying and justifying her way to a very large coffin for years and I have been sitting beside her, doing the same.

Her endocrinologist told her that she was a ticking time bomb and could stroke at any minute. He told her that she shouldn't even exercise right now, her blood pressure is so high. 1000 cal/day diet, lean meats, veggies, fruits and minimal amount of whole grains. Do it or die, he said. And this time, he really means it.

She's scared and she's trying now and it's hard. Her heart has been working so hard for so long. Her limbs don't want to hold her. Her lungs fight for breath. And you and me, we're looking at our future in her struggle, I'm pretty sure.

When she got the news, I promised to do this with her. I'm trying, but I'm not as scared for me as she is for her. Fear, the greatest of motivators, is not truly on my side yet. So I slip. I ate two corn dogs and a buncha wheat thins for dinner last night instead of the tilapia I'd put down. Who is this person who takes such lousy care of me and who the heck put her in charge?

Today has been better. I had a good breakfast, a good lunch, I ate a small piece of chocolate which didn't make me feel any less empty or miserable, but gave me a pretty pink foil bunny to unwrap for 1.2 seconds of my life.

There's a second one here in my mini fridge at work, but I don't even want it. I just want to be better. I want my right knee to stop searing and making me wish for pain killers. I want to not feel dizzy sometimes. I know it's the weight. I know I'm only 20 lbs away from not feeling dizzy anymore, I was here before, remember? But even 20 lbs seems pretty far away right now, you know?

Above all, I know that only this moment matters. What I did with the previous 12,240 days of my life cannot be changed. It cannot be altered. Ever. EVER. It is. It is what is. I need to keep saying it because I feel like I haven't accepted it just yet. 33 years have passed. They have passed. They are not hiding anywhere, they are gone. I cannot reach back through time and acquire them, live them over, redeem them for a better prize. Nope.

Nor can I reach into the future and pull out a 180lb version of myself to enjoy today. I can't even promise myself that there will ever be a 180lb version of myself.

But here's what I can do. I can throw that second chocolate bunny in its perfect pink foil into the effing garbage can.

And tonight? I can take my dog on a (albeit short) walk and cook tilapia and an artichoke for dinner.

I can worry about what I'll do tomorrow... tomorrow.

You and your struggle are in my thoughts.

P.S. I just threw the bunny in the garbage. Baby steps.

[Ratkitten]

Come on over to the Lifeboat (10 days at a time) thread. Set your own baby goals and sit with the warm floofy towels if you get a little wet. We have life rings and buoys too!

Hugs,
Ratkity

[Amy23]

Originally Posted by Tiaras and Tenacity

Hi there. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Your name caught my eye because I used to call my little sister Jen Jen, which I think made me want to read more about your life.

I read your previous thread and I can relate to the feeling of just wanting to disappear. (To re-roll, I call it. Just.. be someone else, you know? Try again, maybe.)

I'm 33 years old and my last weigh in was 356 lbs (on a 5'7"ish frame). It's too much weight and I sometimes feel like it's never going to go anywhere. I'd gone from 365 to 329 over the course of two years by making an effort (not a crazy strict effort, but an effort nevertheless) but it seems like the first time crisis strikes, I call up my old abusive boyfriend (which is what I call cookie dough) and cling to him like he's magically healthy now and NOT going to try to kill me this time.

I find solace and comfort in food. When I am feeling stuffed to the gills, I am not feeling anything else. I am not sad, I am not grieving, I am not worried, but I am not really alive either. I'm just.. existing. How many years of my life have been spent just existing? It's ridiculous, really.

Last week my mom (she's 54) went to her endocrinologist and was told that A.) She may still have cancer (after a thyroidectomy) and B.) He does not intend to treat it until her weight and blood pressure are under control.

Her primary doctor had her on the max dosage of 1 of 2 of her blood pressure medications but increased the second in order to try to regulate. I have known in my heart that she has been lying and justifying her way to a very large coffin for years and I have been sitting beside her, doing the same.

Her endocrinologist told her that she was a ticking time bomb and could stroke at any minute. He told her that she shouldn't even exercise right now, her blood pressure is so high. 1000 cal/day diet, lean meats, veggies, fruits and minimal amount of whole grains. Do it or die, he said. And this time, he really means it.

She's scared and she's trying now and it's hard. Her heart has been working so hard for so long. Her limbs don't want to hold her. Her lungs fight for breath. And you and me, we're looking at our future in her struggle, I'm pretty sure.

When she got the news, I promised to do this with her. I'm trying, but I'm not as scared for me as she is for her. Fear, the greatest of motivators, is not truly on my side yet. So I slip. I ate two corn dogs and a buncha wheat thins for dinner last night instead of the tilapia I'd put down. Who is this person who takes such lousy care of me and who the heck put her in charge?

Today has been better. I had a good breakfast, a good lunch, I ate a small piece of chocolate which didn't make me feel any less empty or miserable, but gave me a pretty pink foil bunny to unwrap for 1.2 seconds of my life.

There's a second one here in my mini fridge at work, but I don't even want it. I just want to be better. I want my right knee to stop searing and making me wish for pain killers. I want to not feel dizzy sometimes. I know it's the weight. I know I'm only 20 lbs away from not feeling dizzy anymore, I was here before, remember? But even 20 lbs seems pretty far away right now, you know?

Above all, I know that only this moment matters. What I did with the previous 12,240 days of my life cannot be changed. It cannot be altered. Ever. EVER. It is. It is what is. I need to keep saying it because I feel like I haven't accepted it just yet. 33 years have passed. They have passed. They are not hiding anywhere, they are gone. I cannot reach back through time and acquire them, live them over, redeem them for a better prize. Nope.

Nor can I reach into the future and pull out a 180lb version of myself to enjoy today. I can't even promise myself that there will ever be a 180lb version of myself.

But here's what I can do. I can throw that second chocolate bunny in its perfect pink foil into the effing garbage can.

And tonight? I can take my dog on a (albeit short) walk and cook tilapia and an artichoke for dinner.

I can worry about what I'll do tomorrow... tomorrow.

You and your struggle are in my thoughts.

P.S. I just threw the bunny in the garbage. Baby steps.

I loved reading your post.

I wish both you and your mother all the best on your journeys. I know there's nothing like the sharp slap of reality to finally get your a*s into gear. Good luck, you can do this!

[Amy23]

Originally Posted by Jen Jen

And I don't mean that in a good way!

I have had the same scale for five years. A great digital one, that gives everything from weight in pounds, body fat, and recommended calories. I've never thought much about it at all.

Until today.

Today, it simply said "O L"

I'm assuming that means "overload" since I looked it up in the manual and it simply says "exceeds weight limit".

Ugh.

HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?!?!

Don't worry, OP. More than a few of us have been there.

When I first started this, I stepped on my old analog scales and the dial flew right past the heaviest weight and just kept on going until it read something like 40 lbs!!! I was too heavy for my scale and had to buy one with a 330 lb capacity.



Everything's going to be okay! Keep those scales and in no time you'll be able to use them again!

hi - yeah - the ol' wake-up call is never fun. mine was my very gentle, very sweet elderly chinese doctor actually looking frightened as he searched for the kindest way to tell me i was halfway down The Final Slope. i wasn't taking him very seriously - i was only 43! - and said jokingly "well, will i live long enough to see saari graduate college?"

and he didn't say anything.

i waited... i waited... and then realized he couldn't answer me. so i said, not quite so jokingly "ooookay, will i live to see her graduate high school?"

and he said "i can't be sure you'll be there to see her even start high school."

so yeah - hello ice water slap in the face.

i used to be highly fit - powerlifting and bodybuilding - and i forgot the general rule of thumb: the fitter you are as an athlete, the more horribly you crash and burn. it's like driving a car - if you hit the brakes while driving the speed limit (ie, normal life, normal activity levels, normal health, everything normal), it's bad - but if you've revved your engine up to 120mph and THEN jam on the brakes? it's youtube.

keep committed - motivation is all well and good but motivation without commitment is like keeping the engine in neutral while revving it. commitment without motivation will still get you there even if you do grind the gears once in a while.

don't think "i have to lose weight" - think in terms of specifics: "i have to stop buying little pink foil chocolate bunnies" or "i have to change my route home so i'm not passing rotten ronnie's" or "i have to eat salad once a day".

believe me, it's way easier.

[Amy23]

Originally Posted by threenorns

hi - yeah - the ol' wake-up call is never fun. mine was my very gentle, very sweet elderly chinese doctor actually looking frightened as he searched for the kindest way to tell me i was halfway down The Final Slope. i wasn't taking him very seriously - i was only 43! - and said jokingly "well, will i live long enough to see saari graduate college?"

and he didn't say anything.

i waited... i waited... and then realized he couldn't answer me. so i said, not quite so jokingly "ooookay, will i live to see her graduate high school?"

and he said "i can't be sure you'll be there to see her even start high school."

so yeah - hello ice water slap in the face.

i used to be highly fit - powerlifting and bodybuilding - and i forgot the general rule of thumb: the fitter you are as an athlete, the more horribly you crash and burn. it's like driving a car - if you hit the brakes while driving the speed limit (ie, normal life, normal activity levels, normal health, everything normal), it's bad - but if you've revved your engine up to 120mph and THEN jam on the brakes? it's youtube.

keep committed - motivation is all well and good but motivation without commitment is like keeping the engine in neutral while revving it. commitment without motivation will still get you there even if you do grind the gears once in a while.

don't think "i have to lose weight" - think in terms of specifics: "i have to stop buying little pink foil chocolate bunnies" or "i have to change my route home so i'm not passing rotten ronnie's" or "i have to eat salad once a day".

believe me, it's way easier.

Doctors -- I know it's their job to watch out for your health, but I feel some of them go way over the top with their fear-mongering. Using your BMI to basically insinuate you're on death's door is wrong.

People don't die simply because their BMI is high, but from the complications which arise from being very overweight.

Now if you have sky-high blood pressure, triglycerides, cholesterol and heart problems then I would wholeheartedly agree there is cause for concern. And of course, being overweight, there is anyway. But if all of those things are in a normal range, I would be horrified if my doctor told me I was going to die and would demand to know exactly how and what was wrong with me!

blood pressure labile, bouncing from 170/120 down to 100/60 - it's not treatable.

hip socket shot from scarring (slip and fall when saari was a newborn, undiagnosed fracture consequences scarring) - if i don't get the weight down, it's a hip replacement.

looks like the T2 diabetes is coming back so i might end up with blown kidneys.

the urine test 4wks ago was the first one in six years that had no protein (i had toxemia when pregnant and it never went away).

he's not a fearmonger - he's very laid-back in his approach, uses both western and chinese medicine.