My friend had weight loss surgery and has lost over 150 pounds. I am very happy for her and she made the right decision for her. She looks wonderful! I have chosen to go the slower route and not have surgery. I am exercising and eating 1200 - 1500 calories a day. It is a struggle but I am working through it and have been successful thus far. My problem is her constant nagging. She is so happy with her decision that she can't understand why I am chosing another way. And I am trying not to become obsessed with my weight loss and sometimes I want to talk about something else! She is ALWAYS talking about what she eats, upcoming plastic surgery, or how much she has lost! How do I tell her to please not nag me? She feels she is helping me and only telling me these thing for my own good, but c'mon! Message recieved! Sorry for the rant, but I am to the point where I just don't want to be around her any more, and that is a shame! What shall I do?
I also have a friend who had WLS and her husband did as well. Everytime we all get together they talk about their surgeries and how I should really think about having it. In addition they tell me what I should eat and what way I should eat it. I don't know what to tell you to get your friends off the subject of weight loss but when I told my friends that I could not have surgery, my insurance would not pay for it and my credit was too bad to try to finance it myself especially since the downturn in the economy and that I was just going to have to deal with losing my weight the old fashioned way they finally stopped bugging me about it.
Give it a try, who knows it might work for you too.
WLS surgery is not alway successful and there are many who have regained afteri going thru WLS . Are you willing to take that chance ? Can you afford the cost if your insurance will not cover it? I think I would tell her flat out that while you are happy for her success , you want to do it your way and please don't talk about it all the time .
Would you have the courage to print off what you have written here and hand it to her?
Is this a really close, valued friend, or is this someone you only see casually?
I'm sure she is utterly thrilled with her accomplishement, regardless of how she reached it, but a good, mutual friendship is usually based on more than one topic.
To be frank, I think topics like WLS and that decision making process starts and ends with you and your doctor. Someone else nagging you about having WLS is just out of bounds to me and I would kindly mention that to this person as they may not realize what they are doing.
You can say very simply, "I do not wish to discuss WLS as my doctor and I have elected an alternative route for my weight loss journey."
In my opinion if you are a person who has had WLS you know or should know rather, the facts, the figures...etc. So her nagging you isn't just out of bounds it is totally inappropriate because at the end of the day it is your body, your life, and as a friend she has to respect that.
How to change this behavior? You can be blunt and bring it up and how it makes you feel. You can change the subject, if she talks about WLS bring up some other method of weight loss...or just change the subject entirely. Why not bring up something else?
I tend to talk about weight loss too much as well oh and food. lol. I catch myself doing it and try to talk about other things/topics.
I would just talk to the friend though, but that is me.
If she hadn't gone through this process, would you even consider tolerating a friend who constantly nagged you about needing to lose weight and told you that doing it wrong? You deserve better than that.
I totally agree with Jacquie668, it's your body, and your right to treat it as you wish. Weight loss surgery is a mixed bag and a huge decision. I know people who've had it and had great results, but the person I know best who had it suffered terrible complications, and was in great pain and had to be re-hospitalized for about a month after her surgery.
To get her to stop- tell her (again?) that this is a personal decision and you don't wish to discuss weight loss with her. If she persists, leave the situation and stop talking to her. If she persists the next time you see her, repeat as necessary until she stops or you decide you don't want to be in her company anymore.
She is jealous of you, your success, and the fact that you are able to do it without WLS.
She wants you to be jealous of what she has accomplished to help negate her own insecurities.
WLS helped her with her stomach issues and now she needs to work on the issues in her head.
But, if I could lose 150 pounds I would probably celebrate and drive people crazy for years to come too!
I applaud you for your decision not to have WLS
and
I applaud her for her decision to have WLS
and
I applaud us all for our decisions to do whatever it takes!
WLS surgery is not alway successful and there are many who have regained afteri going thru WLS .
That is very true. I had an aunt who had it done, I am not sure of her weight when she started, but she wore a size 52!! ( I peeked at her shirts one time hanging in the closet) She managed to get down to a size 18 which was amazing considering what she was before...... but over the years, she regained most of it back. She went back to alot of her old eating habits, and from what I had read, that is doom to fail you.
Godiva............wonderful post!!!!! Couldn't agree with you more. Some people chose to lose the weight thru diet and exercise, and others chose surgery.... what ever they chose, kuddos to them for making the choice to make their lives healthier!!
But you know, some people boast about their weight loss and accomplishments and don't think twice about how it makes others feel, when you are trying to accomplish the same results. And they have every right to boast, I mean, it is an accomplishment. But sometimes, you just don't want to hear it anymore. U know, my dad was like that a little bit. He lost weight low-carbing and would constantly tell me how much he has lost and would lovingly tell me that I needed to try to lose weight, but just to make me a healthier person.. he didn't make me feel like he was belittling me or anything. And I love my father with all my heart, but every time he would talk about his weight loss, it would make me a little mad. I don't know if it was because that is a lot of what he talked about when he called, or if deep down inside, i was a bit jealous myself. To this day, I still dont know LOL. But so far, there is some pretty good advise on this page hun! Good luck in the rest of your journey and congrats on the weight you have lost so far
It drives me nuts when people act like THEIR way is the ONLY way! There are many ways to go about weight loss. Surgery is one of the options. Not THE option. Diet / exercise has many benefits that surgery doesn't. Explain to her that you need to do what fits YOUR lifestyle best. It's a personal decision!
Here's my rule for the weight loss conversation: If someone asks me, I'll answer, otherwise I just keep it to myself. And if that is the only topic of conversation your friend can come up with, maybe she's not who you thought she was in the first place. To be pleased with your success is one thing, to have in dominate conversation for selfish purposes is another. The intent in her heart is wrong, sadly her surgery and weight loss couldn't fix that.
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. I think it's time to draw the line with my friend. Next time she starts speaking at me about weight loss, I will tell her plainly that I appreciate her love and concern but I am doing it my way and I am happy. I will tell her that it is not open for discussion and I would not like to speak about weight loss. Then I will ask her about the weather and current events and move on!
I love everyone's responses and hope your talk with your friend goes well.
I have a friend who everytime she sees me asks me how I am losing weight. Then she tells me that she has lost weight, too. But she is losing her weight without any effort, she says. And her grand total of weight loss is 132 pounds. However, she looks exactly the same and wears the same clothes as she has for the past 5 years.
I do not contradict her or act like I don't believe her. It makes me wonder why she tells me these things.
what to say to my friend about surgery?
To this day, I still dont know LOL. But so far, there is some pretty good advise on this page hun! Good luck in the rest of your journey and congrats on the weight you have lost so far 
