Rat - you are right. There are many contradictions living within us. It can be confusing!
The scale is still stuck 306, 308, 309, 307. Had one bad day this week but again, overall I am definitely eating well and operating at a sizeable calorie deficit..I've been at this long enough and through many attempts to know how to count my calories...so it's not "user error." Why oh why does my body hold on for months, refusing to give up one stinking pound! I am the ULTIMATE in having an internal survival mechanism! Hardy peasant stock x 1000--I'll outsurvive ANYONE in a famine.
If anyone dares to say it's a simple formula, calories in vs. calories out, 3500=1 lb., I may get violent (not really).
Oh well, if nothing else I swear that my face looks thinner and my complexion is a little better.
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Last night I had dinner with some friends. We went to a Japanese restaurant and the food was outstanding. Even better, they had a number of delicious, unusual, and light selections to choose from. I stayed within my plan with no problem whatsoever. Tonight will be more of a challenge at the restaurant I'm going to, but I am in the right frame of mind. Coming here helps so much. Remembering that we are worth it keeps me in touch with the reason for the commitment to healthy living.
I have only read a few posts about our feelings for ourselves, but I just wanted to post a quick message before heading off to work - it's Friday and I am SO glad!!!!!
When I was speaking to my clinical psych one day she asked what my goal was and I told her, through the tears, "I just want to see myself as Neil (hubby) sees me."
Neil loves me SO much and he doesn't seem to see the horrible person that I sometimes see in myself. I know that he may have slightly rose-coloured glasses on when he sees me, but he still sees someone a LOT more special than I can see.
It is the same here. I see a group of amazing, strong, confident women, but then you tell us all that you have the same insecurities as the rest of us. I wonder where we lose our TRUE sense of worth and start basing our sense of worth on our size and other people's comments, looks, snears, laughs etc.
That is going to be something I will look at over the next few days.
It is the same here. I see a group of amazing, strong, confident women, but then you tell us all that you have the same insecurities as the rest of us. I wonder where we lose our TRUE sense of worth and start basing our sense of worth on our size and other people's comments, looks, snears, laughs etc.
That is going to be something I will look at over the next few days.
I'm not sure if this is something to respond to, but I thought I would try. I might be one of those people who do know when I lost my own sense of worth and for me it was when I was a child, no older than five. Abused as a child and growing up...in later years I was constantly told how worthless and ugly I was. How I wasn't pretty enough nor good enough for my step mother and father. They constantly reminded me and the ONLY reason why I have anything good to say about my past is because of my Mother, who taught me how to love without strings attached. She never took her love away if I wasn't the most popular or smartest or even thinnest. She just loved me for me. So, in a way that inner me that I hide away is the child she had...unfortunately she is no longer here as she passed away years ago.
So, I battle those demons as we all do. I think people split for survival. I honestly believe that we hide ourselves so we can protect ourselves. My issue now is trusting myself and the world..I mean it is scary to bring yourself out of hiding. Does anyone else feel that way?
I Had Stated Earlier Today That Today Was My WI at My Weight Watcher's Meeting And That I Would Come Back And Tell You Dolls About It. I Am So Happy At This Moment Becasue With My Head In The Right Place, And Focusing On My Positive Eating And Just Life This Week, I Am So Happy To Imform You All That I Released Four Whole Pounds!!!! This Has Given Me A Boost To Keep On Keepin On And Why Cause I Am Worth It. You All Are Worth It Too!!!
Love To You All,
Ags
Last edited by colormerd47; 06-19-2009 at 03:13 PM.
I have had a pretty good day. Got a call that hubbys blood is thin enough we didnt have to go get the shot. He has had chest pain today so i am not letting him out of my sight.
I talked with the nurse and she said to keep him out of the heat even though the dr had said no limations on activity for now.
I went out and spent almost an hour working on getting our tomato plants tied up again. We had horrible storms overnight and had pulled the stakes out of the ground. OUr plants are loaded and we even have a few that are showing signs of starting to turn.
I did my walk dvd today with my daughter but truly worked up more sweat working outside tonight. I was drenched ..the humidity is horrible!!
Oh exciting new..they are starting on our roof tommorow and painting next week maybe.
hugs to all and be sure and drink extra water in this heat!!
So, I battle those demons as we all do. I think people split for survival. I honestly believe that we hide ourselves so we can protect ourselves. My issue now is trusting myself and the world..I mean it is scary to bring yourself out of hiding. Does anyone else feel that way?
As children, we cope the best way we can in chaos. It's when those irrational coping mechanisms remain when we are adults and don't need them anymore that they start causing trouble.
My rational mind sees this and I nod my head when I hear the above statement. But how do I stop responding to stress as if it's the end of the world and the only thing that will save me is a cookie? I'm working on convincing my bratty inner child (said lovingly) that I can live without that sedation.
ok I posted last night but HAVE NO idea where it went??
Zelma: you took the words right out of my mouth. That is how my family sees me. As a great person and not the 313lb unhappy person I am. Guess that is something to work on.
Today: my allergies are kickin my butt! I am driving today so no benadryl for me. ;( It makes me sleepy!
I go to the Dr tomorrow. The front office said my estrogen and testosterone are elevated..have no idea what that means. I guess I will find out tomorrow.
I am at work and so don't feel like working. I am hoping to lose a little more weight, or at least not gain any between now and Sunday, because I have 90 pounds gone now. Yay! Come on 100!
Jacuquie: I hope your family visit goes better than you think it will.
Debi: Such good news that your DH is doing a bit better with the meds. Hugs. Congrats on being at an all time low!
Catherine: I love, love your stories of working in the food booth. Keep em coming. Your antics make me smile. Thank you for always being so open and sharing with us.
Letstry: How was the dinner with your friends? I hope wonderful.
Zelma: Hi and how is Daryl?
Aggs: Woo hoo on the -4. Way to go girl.
Angie: I will be rooting for you to reach that next goal. You are doing so wonderful so far. Hugs.
Well, I am dropping the weight from TOM slowly. I don't understand why I gain so much over night and it takes a week or two to drop it all. Oh well, it is what it is. I got a phone call today for the Dept. of Health and Welfare wanting me to come in for an interview on Wednesday for their Child Support division. I think it would be a great place to work. I would mostly be doing research and not dealing with the public face to face. I am looking forward to the interview and praying for the job. It is such good pay for this area like $9.05 more per hour than min. wage is here with tons of benefits like retirement etc. It is up to the Lord.
I hope that you all have a wonderful and blessed day. I am planning on doing some housework, light and laundry then putting together my dressing table that Joel fixed up for me and stained. I painted some flowers on it and it turned out really cute. Now I have my own makeup table! Yipee. lol.
My book got picked up by Amazon. I'm still not sure how to process that. No customer reviews yet, or picture of the cover, but it like official in some way.
No frozen hotdogs this time. The crowd was big, but so excited for the first game, that they were pretty well controlled. They just about ate anything that wasn't tied down, but didn't get out of hand.
update: Dr switched my thyroid meds to a symthetic one. She said my blood work looks good. My Estrogen and Testoterone is elevated but still in normal range. SHe said this could be from my weight. The microsomal that was soo high..is because of my thyroid. She said that tells them I am having thyroid problems, which they knew. It is something I have to keep an eye on, but basically it is my body making antibioties against my thyoid. She said that it has prob always been that high. She wants me to start the anti depressants. She said that they will help me level out. She said that she does believe that most of my problems are because of my weight.
Sooo my main focus right now is to get this weight off! I am at the sink or swim part of my life I believe. I have known this along time.
OTHER NEWS:: my oldest son last night told me that his girlfriend is pregnant. I didnt freak out because I was a teenage mom. Her parents on the other hand basically told her that my son was no good and that he would loeave her. NOT TRUE! She is 17. They had plans on moving in together after she graduated. Being that I have been there and was told the same thing..I can releate to then. And my hubby is still here. Although they have a long hard road..they will make it. We all will. I always wanted to be a grandma..just not this soon. BUT life has its own plans. There are worse things that would happen to our kids then being pregnant.
