Hi gang,
Well, I am here to come clean about eating dirty. If it was bad for me, I ate it. Since Christmas Eve I have been in a binge-a-thon (I shall update my ticker on January 1st). Today I ate LOTS of cashews, chocolate, pizza, chips and dip. NOTHING to feed my body. Only somehow trying to soothe my (bored?) mind. I have been very unproductive, which is nice to recharge, but good lord, this has to stop. I have some plans tomorrow which includes eating clean (I sometimes forget how much food you can eat when it's not crap), hopefully ~3 mile walk, cleaning the kitchen (can you say bomb when off), spend a little time doing some work, and cleaning. Plus DH and I will be parked in front of the television / computer to witness the Steelers game (of which I now have Steelers PJ bottoms, crocs and a jersey, so I should be set), the Chargers/Broncos game (go Chargers for DH) and the Northern Illinois University game (my avatar....and my alma mater).
I have my new years resolutions decided, and I am ready to go. Hopefully I will get a running start.

I have also been pondering buying a Sensewear (like a bodybugg but has more options). It's a lot of money, so I am still undecided. And I don't really want people to "see" it. But why not? Because they have no idea I am fat, and wearing it would be admitting it? PLEASE. They know I am fat! Because wearing it admits I am trying to stop being fat (to the public), and then failure is more humiliating? PLEASE. Is it more humiliating than being my weight? Is it more humiliating than not fitting in airplace seats? Is it more humiliating than them thinking I don't know I am fat? These are thoughts that have been running through my head.
DH got me misc weight control things for Christmas. He got me the Wii My Fitness Coach. Let me tell you, she can work you out!!! Right now, my mind isn't ready, but a few days of clean eating a nice walks / rides on the exercise bike and I wil be up for the challenge. He also got me a heart rate /calorie tracking watch, but it is very manual and guesstimates, like the computer does. I will be returning it (and he is ok with that). I may save that money for the Sensewear. Or a balance ball. Or who knows. He also got me "You on a Diet" book. Very fast read, completed it Christmas day. It's great to understand what is going on in your body. Being a biology major, it was a nice refresher course.

I must admit though....I am addicted to food. It doesn't really deal with that. It does stress eating clean (without saying those words). DH is a fabulous guy who just wants me to have good health. And I love him for that and many other reasons.
Carol and I were talking today about 5Ks and things like that. I mentioned there is a very big race (55,000 people) who do the "Bolder Boulder" the weekend of Memorial Day. It is a 10K though. I told her I wanted to do it someday. But I told her I didn't think this year was someday. She told me I can do it. How can someone else believe in me, and yet I can't? I am confident that I can walk a 5K right now (walk, not run, and my legs would be grumpy), but a 10K? That's a lot of miles (to me)!! But it got me thinking about it may be something I should train for. It's ~ 5 months away. There is a 5K in town that I will do in July. Again, walking. But that is ok.
I will be spending time in the coming week to get myself caught up on work (we have the week off), as well as organizing and cleaning the house. I will start the year off in a good state of mind. Work will be VERY demanding this coming year with two regulatory filings for the drug I am working on, regulatory agency inspections, travel (ack), and just lots of general stuff. I can plan to use that as an excuse, or I can plan to plan around work and still take care of me. I think it will be plan to plan around work and still take care of me. And that will make this coming year super successful. I would like to be 50 to 60 pounds lighter this time next year. Is that "at goal"? Nope, but it's a **** of a lot healthier than I am now, so that's ok. And on my rather tall frame, it will be ok.
Wow, that may just be my longest post. Why you ask? Multiple reasons...one, I ate too much pizza and my tummy has no desire to go to bed. Two, DH is sleeping because he has a cold. Three, I need to try to not always have fly bys on this board. I truly respect some of you ladies, I truly don't get some of you ladies

, and I truly need to get myself into the right mind set.
With that, I should go.
Take care and be well,
Angie