I'm alive and hanging in there. Mom's BP has been a major topic in the family. I think the doctor has convinced her to stop taking her BP and just take the meds and go on. We are all convinced she's making it go up unconsciously because of the anxiety of taking drugs.
Just a couple personals...
Annie, I feel your pain at work! My problem is I work for the feds and the person they have in my boss's position won't ever be fired for incompetence. I've had the worst 3 weeks because of her at work. Yesterday I pledged not to eat AT the stress and that helped. I stayed OP, despite a horrid headache.
Debbie, I echo what Catherine said about your son. He's miserable. Time is on your side as you wait out this phase of his guilt. Hang in there!
Heatherdw, I beg you, listen to Catherine. She is very wise when it comes to these issues. In the meantime, I am sending you special *hugs*.
I am doing my best to baby step back on track. I know my lack of motivation is a normal process of this weight loss journey and I've been through it before. Feelings are not facts, they shall change despite or in spite of me!
Debbie: I am sorry you are having problems with your son. Although I don’t know the ins and outs of what happened between you to, I am sure one day he will come around. The guilt mother's feel sometimes can just be overwhelming. I know. Even if it is not our fault. Hugs to you.
HeatherDW: I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I don’t know what to say other then, this too will pass. I know how it feels to have someone always focusing on the positive in someone else’s life and not on mine. Long story but I have been there.
As for me: Well I got through the weekend with my niece. She is such a sweetie. I don’t think I have bent, stooped, and cleaned as much as I did last weekend. BUT Monday morning Tom arrived. I have not heard from him since November so it is a BAD one. I hope he leaves soon would like to get into a good grove with exercise again.
My oldest son graduates next year from high school.. lol and we asked him where he wanted to go like for a special trip. We have told him since he was little his Senior year we’d go somewhere special. He has thought about a cruise.
Anyone know of any good ones???? We live in Arizona so it would need to be one that leaves from maybe San Diego??? I’m going to search online but was wondering if anyone has went on a good one.
Time to get ready for work..lol..WORK sometimes such a bad word.
Heather dw...my heart goes out to you love. As I read your post, I was STOPPED in my tracks....when you said....
IF there is a God He Hates me...
surely you truly don't mean that....and your heart is just speaking out in anger and frustration.
Life has many disappointments for all of us ... death, illnesses, betrayals, tragedies, and feelings of worthlessness and despair. Sometimes life can seem so very grim, and so many times we tend to wallow in pools of self-pity. So often it seems that all we can focus on are things to worry about.
In the past I have found that I have experienced tremendous personal growth during those times. It must have been God's way of fine-tuning me so that I could become more compassionate, more caring, more loving, and more aware of others' pain. After all, how could I ever dry the tears of others if I had never cried myself? Life does have a way of balancing the sorrow and the joy in our life. I know you have heard it before, when you feel like your own life is the worst it can be, look around and you will see someone whose journey is much more difficult than your own.
The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears.
Many years ago I was studying a verse in the bible...Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
It soon became my constant strength. People often said to me, just wait. In God's time. I was so tired of hearing that. I was tired of waiting. Then one morning somthing happened. I read that verse and something inside of me saw that verse in a different light. WAIT....I decided to just look up the word "wait" in the dictionary. To wait...to linger, delay, abide...to remain inactive......described as a verb, somthing i was doing...ok Lord I've BEEN WAITING....how much longer???
I read more...The term "to wait" can also be used as a noun. To describe something or someone....like a waiter or a waitress. They WAIT ON us. To Wait Upon...to perform the duties of an attendant or servant for....more reading...to call upon or visit (a person, esp. a superior): to wait on Her Majesty at the palace.
To wait upon....was ACTIVE....not PASSIVE. OMG!! Lightbulb moment!
From that point on, I began to WAIT on the LORD....as I feel that the verse indicated to me. I began to work harder in the ministry of giving. I became a foster parent and was a foster parent for just over 12 years. I started delivering Meals On Wheels. I volunteered at the Local Children's Shelter and eventually became emloyeed there. I became a Guardian Ad Litem which is an advocate for children. I became a mother. I became a Sunday School teacher....learning more from teaching that I am sure I ever taught! I stopped focusing on what I thought I didn't have...and instead gave what I did have. I gave of myself. I took in stray dogs, stray cats and yes stray kids and stray families.
My parents divorced when I was 4. I never saw my dad again until I was 9. He refused to have anything to do with me. To this day, and I am 46, I have only seen my dad on three occasions since that time. Still he refuses me. When I was 14 my mother sent me away to live with an aunt. When your own parents don't seem to want you, you develope a sense of unworthiness. A feeling of being the "black sheep" of the family. Did I know how these wayward displaced children and families felt? YES! If I could do one thing to ease their mind and let them know that just one person in the world cared enough about them to ask how they were doing, then it would be all worth it in the end.
There is something about giving of yourself...just giving in whatever capacity that you can....that suddenly changes the way you see life. Waiting on others...surely gives you inner strength to not be weary and to not faint...as the bible verse indicates.
If I have any advice for you at all, I would say, stop focusing on what you think you don't have or can't have and start focusing on what you do have to give...and then start giving.
peace to you and I hope I didn't offend anyone.
rainbowsmiles
1- 10 hour day down working on my 11 hour day today
life is crazy I am crazy it is all good lol
Heather please hang in there hun.. I promise we all have had hard times. one miscarriage here plus a disabled son. we can chat more later.. pm if you you need to.
Heather dw, wow, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling right now. Thats gotta be tough. But don't give up the faith, please. Things happen for a reason. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but really, it does. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I don't know what. All I can do is give you a big and say to take care of yourself.
Heather, thanks, you never know with these computers sometimes. They have a mind of their own!
Sharon, just hike your fanny back up on the wagon girlfriend...that's all you can do!
Carol, YAY on the 1.25 lbs gone!!!
Ratkty, I miss you!!! My DDR buddy, how have you been? I'm sorry to hear about the stress at work. It's so hard to work for someone that is miserable and takes it out on everyone else. Hang in there. Good for you for not eating away the stress!!!
Cyn, thanks so much. It means alot to me to have people sort of understand what I'm going thru.
I'm on my way out so hope every one is having a great day
Heather...I am so sorry that you are feeling the many ways that you are. My stepsister is 8 years younger than I am and is and always will be a brat. She has always loved to one up everyone..especially me. I took her to Disney for our birthdays (12 days apart) one year and then she asked her dad to take her to Epcot Center that weekend.
So she got engaged before me....and then right after they got engaged, she got pregnant (unplanned at that time). So they moved the November wedding up to April. At the end of February she lost the baby...and I didn't get a birthday as a result. So we went to her wedding (no comment) and then Jason and I got engaged and married. One summer My stepmom and I had planned a trip for her to come out to visit..and then 2 weeks before I was informed that the step-sis was coming with. At one point, she turned to her mom and said "come take a picture with your daughter." My step-mom is AMAZING and has always called me a daughter...never regarded me as 2nd rate.
Fast forward to my wedding...I invited step-sis and her hubby..but he didn't come. Within weeks she was asking me when we were going to have a baby. Before that she had been nagging us about getting engaged.
BUT NOT ONCE HAVE I EVER BEEN ALLOWED TO ASK HER WHEN SHE IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Even now..2 years after her miscarriage...I can't mention it, I can't ask her to stop and I can't comment back.
Heather - hugs to you - try to absorb what has been said here. These are very wise women. I was unable to have children so I can't chime in on that front. I can second what Catherine said though to use your skills to enhance a childs life. I am the best aunt anyone could ever want - don't believe me - just ask them. It sounds like everyone here has been somewhat invisible in their families at times - remember Heather - you are a beautiful soul - love yourself first.
RK - bout time you showed up - we've been missing you like crazy - just not the same.
Great workout tonight - I think my trainer is as excited about the water sessions starting on Sunday as I am.
Normally on Tuesday nights DH is a sweetie and always fixes grilled chicken salad - tonight it's shrimp stir fry - can't wait - smells great.
Good morning Peeps - all of a sudden it's very quiet here. Where's all the cluckers? I hope all those who haven't been feeling well are on the mend - there is a nasty bronchial flu going around here that is keeping people down nearly two weeks.
Annie - you motivated me in January to take my measurements - now I am excited as that I will only do once a month and Friday is the day - I honestly feel like there will me a big difference there even if the scale doesn't say so. Yesterday I wore a sweater I hadn't had in in about a month and it seemed so much bigger than I remember.
Debbie - how goes the DDR? I'm hoping that will be the Valentine's gift tomorrow - but I haven't said anything since before Christmas so he may not remember - it would entail buying the game system too since I think we have the original nintendo version from the 80s. Maybe we can have a DDR challenge - since RK talked about it I've thought it would be so nice to have one.
Susan - good luck on the WI today. Wishing you the best.
Battle - when do you go for the second interview with the CEO - is it making any sense yet or still a hodgepodge in your head? I'm sure you are busy playing catch up too after being gone last week.
Time to head to the office. Everyone have a fantastic day.
The Feds open 2 hours late, so I'm going to be accountable and post! I'm not running around like a chicken getting ready for work this morning and even got to finish my tea.
These last 3 weeks have been killer between work stress and Mom's BP woes. Lack of sound sleep hasn't helped either. Despite being on meds, I still ended up slightly depressed and wanting to soothe with food!
Here are my struggles:
My head tells me that stress and life happenings are part of this weight release journey. My head tells me that feelings are not facts. I know in my head that this too shall pass. Meanwhile, I'm cringing when I see the consequences of my poor eating choices and trying not to panic. It doesn't help that my sister got some fire under her and started dropping weight consistently for the last month. She deserves kudos for her efforts, but all I want to do is moan "poor me" because I've gotten so unmotivated.
I haven't even done my favorite DDR! I get motivated spurts during the day, but by the time the day is done and my boss has sucked the life out of me, all I want to do is feed the zoo and go to bed.
So that's me in a nutshell for the past 3 weeks. Written down, it seems a bit petty considering the struggles other folks have met here. It's hard to pry myself out of myself when I'm in this type of funk.
Just fyi, I love reading about everyone's successes and I do get motivation from reading about them. Any kicks in the tailend sent my way are appreciated as well.
Catherine: I still have one more boss just like the "screamer". lol. WE are supposed to hear if our company got the contract or not today or tomorrow. The higher ups sure are counting their chickens with a mandatory training on Sunday and Monday of this next week. I hope we do hear soon and if we don't get it they cancel the training.
Carol: Woohoo on your great weigh in. Congrats on all that exercise. I hope that your measurments go well too!
Debbie: Hugs to you.
HeatherdW: I won't add my 2 cents as I feel that you have gotten some amazing advice. I honestly could have written your story a few years back. All I wanted to be growing up was a mom and I was not able to have children. I know now it would have been wayyyyy more possible if I had lost weight. So, Hugs to you hun.
Nancy: Glad you are back on track.
Sharon: Welcome back.
Rat: Hugs to you on your mom's problems and also work stuff.
Cyn: Glad you had such a nice time with your niece.
Rainbow : You are a doll
Tina: Hi girl.
Okay, time for work. I have been leaving tons undone when I leave at the end of the day but I am getting out of work after 9 hours max. Slowly but surely I am getting better with my flu bug. Lots of nose blowing. I taught my first class all by myself yesterday at work. I was nevous but I think I did just fine.
I hope you all have a great op, exercise filled, water drinking and happy day.
Blessings,
Annie
Cyn - a Mexican Baja Cruise is probably your best bet. Carnivale runs 5-day cruises from San Diego. The only thing is that they usually stop by the end of May (you didn't mention time frame). They are tagged as the 'fun' ships and might be very suitable to taking a teenager. I've had friends on Carnivale and they enjoyed it. Royal Carribean runs the same type of trips from Los Angeles, but I've never been on them (and can't think of anyone who has at the moment).
I had friends who went to Belize with them (and I've had them bookmarked ever since) and they thought they were wonderful. In Baja they do small trip cruises with (what looks like) most of the activities included. It also looks like they have a special on airfare from Los Angeles for: Baja: Among The Great Whales, and Baja: Where Desert Meets The Sea. I've seen the gray whales in Baja, and it was fantastic. (It was from a motor boat, rowed the last little bit into the middle of the mothers and their calves.)
Hope some of that helps. Travel, at one point, was my business. In the end I decided I like the actual travel rather than booking annoying business travelers.
Thanks guys.
It really hurts right now. Maybe losing more weight will help me but ugh... it's hard to wait.
I haven't been exercising because I've been sick but at weigh-in, I got 325.2 and then I got 324.8 twice. I'll go with the second one. If it gave it to me twice, it can't be wrong, right ?
I am supposed to be working on a book report for my mid-term assignment. It's about the magisterium, and not the one in the "Golden Compass." I snowed a bunch last night, and is supposed to continue today and clear on Friday. It can snow a bunch in that amount of time. At least it is still pretty at this point. It won't turn brown until at least tomorrow. The best part of it, is that I'm not the one shoveling it this year. I actually could be, and may even do some to be nice, but I don't want to strain myself before tomorrow. Himself arranged tickets to one of those expensive fundraiser kind of dinners. I don't know where he got them, but I know he didn't pay $300 for them like everyone else. It's going to be a Valentine's day, 5 course Mediterranean with Lamb, and a champagne start before dinner. We're going on the bus, so I can get as silly as I want to. We'll probably be the only people arriving on the bus in fact. Mediterranean costumes are optional. It's a little cold for belly dancing clothes. I'm just going in my tan suit with a red shirt, and my hiking boots. I never used to get to do anything on Valentine's day, so I'm looking forward to it.
Imagine if we were all on the price is right show...but it was called The Loss Is Great Show....and every time we lost weight....someone yelled....
c-o-m-e o-n d-o-w-n.....thats what i feel like today....as i was fortunate to move my ticker down...4 pounds!
If I can keep this up....at this rate...I will reach a mini goal of getting that BIG "3" off the front of that scale...and by the end of March...my birthday...I can see a "2" there! Now THAT would be an awesome birthday present. I have tried hard not to make expectations...just do what I can do, stay consistent....and watch the ticker move....but I just feel so elated that I want that 3 gone! Maybe if I tell all of YOU ... MY FRIENDS... I can hold myself accountable. SO...here goes....my first real goal set....to be under 300 by March 29th!
How do all of you feel when you set a goal like that? I don't want to set myself up and fail and be disappointed, but I want to challenge myself to work a little harder, focus a little better, do just a little bit more.
Annie....KUDOS....on teaching your first class. That's AWESOME and I know it makes you feel so wonderful. Thanks for the compliment. I am glad you are feeling better. I recently purchased some Puffs plus with lotion and vicks...and now I am addicted to blowing my nose! haha I just love the smell of them. Nigel laughs at me and said he was going to enroll me in a 12 step program to detox me from the vicks! hahaha I said, hey now, there are NO calories in those tissues! HA! My nose feels better!
Anne....I have dreamed about going to Belize. I have read articles and seen some fabulous pictures and OMG it looks gorgeous there. I'd love to go deep sea fishing there. I have never been on a Carnival Cruise but I have been on Norwegian twice and Royal Caribbean & I love them both! Cruises are a great value for the money. How is your week going?
Alright Kitten….what do we need to do to help you out of your FUNK???? I wish I knew the key to staying motivated all the time. Perhaps for me right now, I am still somewhat “new” and still “high” on just being able to start, make a plan, learn more, and apply what I am learning to see results. That in itself is motivating me the most. I have stopped thinking that there are foods out there I “can’t have” and have started focusing on all the fabulous wonderful foods that I CAN HAVE. I love food. I love to cook. I love presenting the food in a beautiful way. It is like art to me. So finding new ways to prepare foods I like is rewarding to me. I also do not ever compare myself to anyone else. I am me. Just me. My body is not like anyone else. I won’t have the same response that someone else will have. Instead, I can only learn and adjust MY Nutritional Take In for ME…and focus on the good things that are a result. It’s not about the scale…it’s about feeling better, about making good choices, about knowing that if you keep making those good choices, good things will happen. Try to find at least one thing about your weight loss journey today to be thankful for and then focus on that thing. Hope that helps just a little
Carol…woohooo another 4 pounds! Thanks for “weighting” for me to catch up with you! I know your plateau was just your body saying, give Susan a chance to catch up! Haha Now we can motive each other…and do this together. Thanks for always being such a positive influence on me. I love that about you….you always tell it straight! I NEED THAT! Hope your day is going splendidly. Hugsssss
Debbie….how are things going your way? Have you moved that ticker? Do you have a specific weigh in day? I like have Wed. Weigh Ins. I bought an outfit that was a size smaller than I can fit into and soon I am hoping to fit into it! I finally posted a mini goal. It does intimidate me a bit I will be honest, but I want to stay committed and be accountable. I hope you have a wonderful day. Write when you can. Hugs
Peggy….did I say that….I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!!
I look forward to joining that 100 pounds lost club with you one day! Keep up the terrific work. YOU LOOK AMAZING!
Voodoo…great to hear from you. Don’t fret over that itty bitty gain…you’ll have it back off in no time. Just focus on all the progress you’ve made…you look so sexy!! Just get right back to the basics and keep me posted on your progress next week.
Ami……WHERE ARE YOU?? I miss your posts and your smiling face
Juleeee….NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL 2ND RATE UNLESS YOU LET THEM. You are a strong and amazing woman, and your recent post surprised me a bit because in the past your posts always seemed so upbeat and you seemed so confident in yourself and I admired that. I never thought that you would let others “get to you” like that. I hope you change your outlook and don’t fret over what others might think about you. Look In the mirror and see that confident strong woman that comes across here in the posts…she is there looking back at you. Have a great day.
Tina, sorry things are so crazy for you right now…are you taking time for just you in there somewhere?? It is so important to just make time for you. How are your weight loss efforts going? Did you move that ticker down yet? Hugs
Hi Cyn….Is this Damian or Justin that is graduating? How cool is that! I remember as mine all graduated…how exciting it was and to know that soon they would be starting their own lives! I have been on several cruises, although never on the Carnival Cruise Line, or out of Calif. I have been on the Royal Caribbean and Norwegian. I like Norwegian the best. I have heard that Carnival was more of a younger crowd and more of a partying type…lots of college kids, etc…because the cost is a bit less. Royal Caribbean Lines were an older crowd in general. The activities reflected on that age range. Not many young children aboard. Nice, relaxing and quiet a good bit of the time. Norwegian was a bit of both…the younger and middle ages, but not many college age or under. I am not much of a partier, so I wanted a cruise that had an older crowd. I agree with Anne, you might check into one that would have younger kids. Nonetheless, whatever cruise you decide on, I know you will have a blast! I can’t wait to go on another one! Hugs
Catherine…how’s the book report coming? Maybe that job opening is open for a reason…for your knowledge and expertise. I love reading your posts…there are always words of wisdom among them.
Nancy….KUDOS for getting right back into your routine on Monday. I love Cracker Barrel too! How goes your week so far? Hugs
lol and we asked him where he wanted to go like for a special trip. We have told him since he was little his Senior year we’d go somewhere special. He has thought about a cruise. 
and say to take care of yourself. 
