Ammi made a comment in our weekly thread I wanted to talk about, but I wanted to bring it out into the main area, because I think a number of people might have something to say about this and may not see it there.
The comment touched on something a number of us experience, namely we get into a groove, are very successful losing, say, 100 pounds, and then suddenly find ourselves struggling. Not just a brief struggle, but from weeks and into months of not getting the scale to move lower. Maybe we sabotage ourselves, or things just feel harder, or we freak out because we don't recognize ourselves or whatnot. I'm not saying everyone experiences this, but it seems pretty common in the 300+ area.
So, of course, we start to feel like failures. "I was doing so well and now I'm not! There's something wrong!" My fear is that we start to think we can't do it anymore and start down the slippery slope (or in this case UP a slippery slope) back where we came from.
My hypothesis is that this is NORMAL, but that we don't have much of a frame of reference to know that. After all, most of the research and information about weight loss is about people who have a lot less to lose than we do! And people who need to lose 50 pounds don't experience the same kinds of extreme body changes we do, and all the other stuff in our heads that goes along with reducing ourselves from morbid obesity, to merely just "obese" (which we feel like celebrating), to overweight ...
So, I wanted to start a conversation about this. IS it normal to struggle at some point along the way, and maybe especially after hitting one of those big milestones??
If so, is the hangup mental, physical (my body needs time), or both? Actually, I suppose that a) we can't really know that and b) it might not matter WHAT the problem is...
My main purpose is to get us all thinking about the possible trajectory of this journey so that the people who HAVE lost a lot and are struggling see they are not alone. AND for the people who are just starting to see, realistically, what might be coming down the path for them.
My thoughts on this area, as I journey down this leg of my weight loss, is that I am reducing my calories to get down to around 200, and I'm planning to stay there as long as needed to get used to it. Get fully comfortable with that way of eating, enjoy my success there, and determine what more I'm willing to do at that point. I may be happy at that weight for 6 months to a year, before I'm willing to cut the calories down again. Or I may be ready to jump in and do more right away... but I DO feel like I'm prepared to stall, if I need to. Is this kind of what you are talking about?
Heather,
I am wondering if it has to do with us working so hard to reach the milestone and realizing that there is so far yet to go, myself I am still only halfway after a year and a half. I know in my case it is mental more than physical.
Brenda
Yeah, these are exactly the kinds of things I'm talking about.
My story is that I lost 100 pounds and stumbled a little, and then got to 179 -- which for me was the cutoff for being overweight and not obese. And then I stalled. I sabotaged my efforts and undercut myself and I felt like I was flailing and failing.
After several months, I finally just gave myself permission to "just" maintain my weight loss (115 pounds!) and see what happened. I have lost a little since then, but am trying to focus on things other than the scale.
Brenda -- I think that feeling of "I've come so far and have so far to go" is sooo common. I remember feeling like that when I'd lost 70-80 pounds. I was feeling great about myself until I tried to go shopping and realized that despite all my efforts I still could only shop in plus-size stores. Of course, just being able to shop IN the stores and not only online was an accomplishment, but I wasn't seeing it that way at the time.
I think we have to acknowledge that the weight loss journey IS a long one and may not be linear. "Maintenance breaks" may be an important part of this for many of us.
Also, we may end up with goals really different from people who don't have a lot to lose. I don't know if I will lose a lot more, for instance. I obviously still have quite a bit of fat on me, and the point I'm at now is many other people's "before" point. But can I compare myself to them?? I don't know. I may never weigh a "normal" weight. Right now I'm okay with that. I feel like I've already accomplished something huge. And someday I may want to lose more, but I can't handle the mental stress of really trying to focus on that right now!
I definitely think what Brenda mentioned has something to do with it. When we have so far to go, and we get so excited about having lost 50 or 100 pounds, but then we stop and look around and think, "my god, I've come so far--but I'm still fat." That's true for me, anyway.
I lost about 50 pounds at one point (gosh it was almost 2 years ago now--seems like it was yesterday). Although I was soooo excited to have lost so much, I hadn't gone down even a single pants size, and I was still morbidly obese. It just really got me down, and I couldn't get back into the right frame of mind to continue. Since then, I gained almost all of it back and have been bouncing around between 280 and 300 for about the past 2 years.
Hello,
I don't post much, but I read the boards every day. I lost 100 lbs last year - 114 at one point but have struggled big time since then and am now at about 103 lost. I would like to lose 40 more. I sabotage myself a lot and also struggle with binging. I am either 100% perfect or very, very out of control. I can wear a size 12/14 when my largest size was a 28. You would think I would be happy. But I grow tired of all the counting calories and exercising. I know I feel 100x better when I do it, but I want the journey to be over and maintenance to begin. I am very short and every extra pound looks awful. Wanting to lose more weight seems like a never ending battle.
I don't have any words of wisdom except to keep going. I think this extended winter for most of the country has not helped either. The dreary weather makes me want to eat. Also, my skin has not bounced back as much as it did in the past (sadly, this is the second time I have lost 100 lbs in the last 15 years). I want to wear shorts and knowing that I might not be able to is disappointing.
PS. I get a lot of inspiration from these boards. Thanks for bringing this topic up.
Ann
Thanks for posting I am having the "skin" issue too and it bothers me everytime I go to the mall to buy clothes. That is the only time that I look in a full length mirror without clothes on (only because there I cant avoid it) and it IS upsetting.
I too have been up and down on the scale many a times. About 6 years ago I lost almost 60 pounds. I felt great but hit a stopping point. I just couldn't get the scale to move no matter what I did. I got frustrated, gave up and have gained all of that back and then some. It's just so sad to me how we work so hard for something and then just give up when the frustration sets in. I've made a solemn vow not to let that happen 'this time'
Why do you think it's so hard to see anything less than "reaching goal," as success? I mean, if I never reach 135 how close do I have to get to feel successful. Considering I started at nearly 400 lbs, even getting to 250 would drastically change my life. Even the small loss I've had so far has made incredible changes in my health (sleep apnea disappearing, being able to sleep on my back, being able to shower standing up and wash my hair without pain).
For me, I almost have to look at weight loss, good eating and exercise as skills like martial arts or playing an instrument that aren't a matter of "simple" success or failure, but as skills that get better with practice (and also can reach plateaus where a lot of extra practice is needed to reach a higher level). If I keep practicing, I will get better, even though I may never get a "black belt," or never play Carnegie Hall.
Why do you think it's so hard to see anything less than "reaching goal," as success?
I know it's all a mental game. The problem is that we work so damn hard and come so far--and we're still not "there." Of course every single pound lost is a success, and 95% of the time, we're (or at least I'm) able to see it that way. But there comes a point when it all just builds up--you celebrate a major marking point (50 or 100 pounds or your driver's license weight or whaever), and it's so exciting and such a success! But then you come down from that high of celebration and realize there's still SO FAR to go. That's what it is for me, anyway.
This section of 3FC is truly a godsend for me. I really feel that for us, having been around 300 or higher, it's an entirely different ball game than for those who have, say, 50 pounds or less to lose. I'm not saying it's easy to lose weight no matter the number of pounds you have to lose--it is always a challenge--but I can't help but sometimes get frustrated when I get advice from others who have never even been 200 pounds and they give me these tips as if we're in the same boat. I know we're both trying to lose weight, but again, I really think we're in a different league, and it really just makes me want to grab them by the shoulders and scream, "I already know EVERYTHING you're going to tell me! I've already tried EVERYTHING you've ever heard of! You don't know WHERE I'm coming from!" Of course, I don't do that, but you know what I mean It just doesn't seem like a level playing field when here some of us are having lost HUGE amounts of weight, more than most people will EVER have to lose, and yet we have more road that lay ahead, when others would have reached the mini-goals we have and would be done and moving on to maintenance.
I don't know...I may just be babbling now, so I'll stop
Bravo Jilly, Bravo!
You're preachin to the choir! Not that long ago I had that celebration. 100 gone. Then I said out loud, 100 more to go. It made me really sad. Some days are good, some days are awful. Most days I have motivation but its those ones that I don't that are the killers. They dampen your motivation and the need to succeed.
I know what you mean about others and their opinions. Most are awed when they hear what I have lost and what I still want to lose. Unfortunately they dont understand the mind games that we play on ourselves. We ARE in a different league. But we are in it together.
Heather, What a great thread! Whether it is normal or not, I know that your post sums up what I have been experiencing to a large extent. I have been experiencing this struggle for the last three – four months. I persevered until 3 weeks ago, still losing 1 – 1.25 lbs per week. Finally, three weeks ago, I knew that I needed a maintenance break, or I was in danger of burning out. It has been such a feeling of relief to take this break. Very little has changed for me. I’ve added 200 – 300 calories per day some days, not even every day, but it is still such a relief to know that for this period of time I don’t have to focus on losing – only on maintaining.
Is it mental or is it physical? I don’t know, maybe both for me. The mental part relates to what Brenda and Heather say. “I’ve lost 145 lbs and I still weigh over 200 lbs” has gone through my head more times than I care to count. “I’ve lost 145 lbs and I’m still larger than most people’s before weight” – said that too. But I don’t discount that my body has felt like it needed the break also.
Ohhh yes, the skin issue. Ann, I understand where you are coming from. Somedays I don’t think it’s so bad. Other days, it seems awful. No matter what day, I will have an “apron” if I can ever get rid of most of the fat there. That is discouraging at times. Other times I can tell myself that most 40 year old woman don’t have perfect stomachs and get over it.
My biggest fear regarding weight loss it that I am still not where I want to be. Sure I feel better and look better than I have in ages, but it’s not where I want to be. I will feel “unfinished” if I do stop here. Of course I realize that losing 145 lbs is a great success, but it’s still not where I want to end it. (Have I said that enough, lol.) I just hope I can restart when the time comes. Tentatively, I have said that I’m restarting by May 1st. That will have been a 6 week break. Not sure if that will feel like enough then or not.
It is certainly normal for me but it happens at specific points. Losing 100 is enormous and when I got to that point, I started struggling. I also started struggling at other points like getting below 300. I don't know why exactly but it seems as if my mind just can't wrap around the idea and then I start self sabatoging.
It is something that we can get past but it does require some emotional work. I can also see how we can be tired and it may feel as if we just ran a marathon but then we are told we have to run another marathon. So we sit down and take a break and work things out before we can ramp up again. I don't know
I can so relate to so much of what everyone has said. When I read a post from someone very frustrated with their weight (whether it be their starting weight, or just a not yet at goal weight) and they're feeling unattractive at what I consider a gorgeous weight, I have to hold myself in check. I think no matter our size, we all can relate to that so close, yet so far away feeling, and yet I had to stop from posting how I would be running around in a bikini and generally offending the neighbors if I were at the person's current weight.
I worked with a girl who weighed 190, and was around 5'9," she was absolutely gorgeous, and ok losing 20 lbs would not have killed her, but she was athletic and sort of had a "Xena warrior princess," thing going for her (Maybe I wouldn't have killed for her body, but there are plenty of illegal things I would have done for the chance). Maybe a bikini wouldn't work for her, but I bet men would fall all over themselves for her at the beach anyway. She hated that she couldn't lose 40 lbs. Ok, I know I'm a bit biased, but I think she would have looked a little bony at 150 lbs.
I think what I love most about this thread, is that no matter where I am physically and in my head, there are people who have been there, not only understand, but can boot me in the butt, when my thinking gets too out of whack (especially if I keep connected). I think it is what keeps me posting regularly, even when the weight loss isn't going so well. I know that coming here keeps me from backsliding, and backsliding is the only thing keeping me from eventually hitting goal (though sometimes it feels like I'll be 60 before it happens).
When I dipped down below 300 for the first time, I finally felt like maybe I was on the right track. And then I got lazy, because at that point, I'd lost nearly 75lbs, and I was just sure I'd never see 300 again. Although some of my problems have been due to health, the number one problem was that I became lazy and content, because I'd gotten lower than I'd been since grade school. Sad, I know, but I felt great, looked better than I'd ever looked before as an adult, and I could say that I'd lost a significant amount of weight. I knew I wasn't done, but I'd lost enough weight to equal a couple toddlers and that was pretty fantastic for me.
I think if I hadn't become content, I probably wouldn't have nearly as many health issues as I have now. Granted, my thyroid would probably have been a big hurdle to contend with eventually, but I would have had a lot more "jumping" room to give the medication time to adjust had I not gained back so much weight.
Now that I can't lose weight at all, I think I'm scared enough that losing 100lbs possibly won't be a stumbling block for me. I know now not to be content until I'm a lot closer to goal. I can be proud of what I've lost, but I can't be content with morbidly obese. I will always have to watch everything I put in my mouth, and how much exercise I do. I think that's probably the most intimidating part for me. I will never have a real "break" from this lifestyle if I don't want to immediately begin gaining again.
Losing 100 pounds and then stumbling...normal?
I am having the "skin" issue too and it bothers me everytime I go to the mall to buy clothes. That is the only time that I look in a full length mirror without clothes on (only because there I cant avoid it) and it IS upsetting.
It just doesn't seem like a level playing field when here some of us are having lost HUGE amounts of weight, more than most people will EVER have to lose, and yet we have more road that lay ahead, when others would have reached the mini-goals we have and would be done and moving on to maintenance.
