Wow, I love that I can have these thoughts jumbling around in my head and find a lot of other people feeling the same way. I just can't say all this stuff in real life.
This issue of "success" is such a big one, isn't it??? I've lost 120 pounds, am smaller than I've been most of my adult life, and am struggling with thinking of myself as a "success". I know you know what I mean -- of course I know I've been successful, but there's this sense that not being "done" isn't success.
And then the marathon-syndrome Nelie raised. Criminey, those of us with a lot to lose have to run several marathons to even get where others start!
It sounds like many of us can identify "mental" issues. What ways have people found to overcome these mental saboteurs???
For me, the solution was to take a "maintenance break" I don't know I would have thought of it as an option on my own. (Though, I think part of my problem going below 179 was that I had that in my head as a mental goal...), and reading stories on 3fc gave me that idea.
For those thinking about these issues who don't read the Maintainer's Forum, I recommend checking it out. You don't have to be a maintainer to read OR post, and there is some great info there.
Thank you Heather for starting this thread, it's been interesting reading what others think.
For me I think it's a lot of what Brenda said, I lost 100 lbs and felt so fabulous, but then realised I had so far to go still and it really brought me down, still brings me down.
I think I have also lost one of my major motivations to lose the weight, and that is my health. I used to be in so much pain, I couldn't hardly do anything at 329 lbs. Remembering how disabled my weight made me will I know stop me from ever gaining it all back, but it's just not helping spur me on to carry on losing either.
I get so angry at myself because I am NOT happy with how I look, I still want to lose the weight, I still want to enjoy all the freedom that being a smaller size will bring me, and yet I am struggling so much to stay on track. I guess I could use this time to try to learn to maintain rather than gain, and not let this time turn into that slipperly slope that Heather mentioned. I am NOT giving up, and I have to learn to not feel like I am a failure because I have hit a bit of a road block.
Well this week to overcome my... thoughts...I had a real heart to heart with my weight loss coach on Friday. I went in on the brink of despair and once I told her about my goal and my mental crap, I felt better. Just talking about it helps get me over my fears and anxieties. By the time I left, I was thinking... "oh yeah, I lost over 100, wait till you see me after the next one!" Total attitude adjustment. I am not saying that every day from here on in I dont fully expect to be challenged, however U know I have to prepare myself for it and have a game plan. Some days I blog my thoughts, some days I pour my heart out to you all, some days I turn the music up so loud I cant hear myself think , some days it gets the better of me and I dig into the chocolate. All I know is that I have to be prepared, cause it will happen again tomorrow... and every other tomorrow there after...
Oh yeah...been there, done that, got the "Gained it all back a few times" T-shirt!
I mentioned on another thread recently that I felt like my mind had to catch up. It's the first time that I've been able to put that feeling into words, which is progress in itself. The other thing that is good for me right now is there is no man in my life to "muck it up"
The last time I lost 120 pounds about 7 years ago, I was with a man that was so excited about me losing weight. I can't really say if I was doing it for the right reasons or not, but I did notice that as I was losing weight my boyfriend was making comments like, "see that girl over there? That's what you're going to look like when you lose all the weight" or my favorite..."I can't wait until you can wear a bikini!" I found myself starting to resent those sentiments. It made me feel less than and also as if I wasn't good enough for him as is. After losing 120 pounds, I already could see there was no way that this body was ever going to wear a bikini and THAT was what did it for me. Even after all the work, I would never be what I thought I was going to be when I first started losing. Not to mention the feeling that no matter how much I lost, this man that I was with was never going to be satisfied. It kind of pi$$ed me off and depressed me at the same tine. Any way, my mind went into "what the ****" mode and never came back out until last year.
Other attempts were more around 70-80 pounds when I had the conscious thought that I was getting agitated and was struggling. I think I needed a break but without the knowledge that i've gotten here, I didn't know it.
Right now, I can't say that i'm "struggling" just yet, although maybe it'll get to that, but the initial fast loss is gone and i've been averaging about 1/2 pound a week. It seemed ok until my brain went for, "gee...it'll be a year in a couple of months, you should really have at least 100 gone in a year!" BAD BRAIN! BAD BRAIN! THAT is a sure sign I need to watch it! I think it may also have something to do with my 45th being next week.
This started for health reasons and the loss was the result. I have to get back to that space. The funny thing it is totally NOT about my food plan which has never been a problem, it's definately my brain. And I almost forgot another thing playing with my brain right now is people around me at work or socially saying, "haven't you lost enough?" or "you're average now" Wow...nice to hear, but i'm still 70 pounds over my "normal" midrange and considering the average size for a woman is 14 as I recall, that may be closer than I thought, but i'm just not where I want to be YET. I do like my curves and not sure exactly where I want to stop. With the knowledge that I will never look like I want to in a bathing suit or shorts, how do I decide...
Ammi -- You hit on some of my obstacles too. I AM so much healthier and CAN do so much more. At the same time, as Karen and you both said, I'm not necessarily completely happy where I am (which I keep finding HIGHLY ironic, I mean, come ON!)
And I really relate to what Karen said too. I know I won't ever have the body of someone who didn't weigh 300 pounds. (But weight lifting IS helping firm up some areas, which is nice).
So, it sounds like one big stumbling block is: I've come so far and have so far to go. It's flat out depressing, but, if you are patient, may be overcome.
But a related one is: I've come so far, and will never look how I want.
You know, I think many women who were never overweight are unsatisfied with their looks, so maybe I'm in good company. Maybe we all have to get over the notion that Onederland is Wonderland.
I'm still struggling with this. A big part of me wants to be happy weighing 170-something and celebrate that. Another part of me wants to lose more flab and fit in fun clothes. A third part is overwrought by the notion of forever. A fourth part is terrified of gaining it all back...and a 5th part is just tired of thinking about it all.
I also forgot to mention in my first post how proud of you I have been. You are a beautiful woman who has had to endure a lot and you lost over 100 lbs which is a real struggle.
One thing that also happened to me when I lost 100 lbs is I was happy with myself and my weight. If I didn't lose another pound, I could at least say that I lost 100 and felt a lot better than before. I have to find new motivators all the time for myself because it is a brave new world for me. I don't know what it is like to be this weight or any weight below it. Our lives change when we lose weight and it can be frightening but it is also exciting.
One more thing I wanted to add. I found a site, also mentioned on another thread, of a man that had gone through major weight loss with normal eating and exersize
(171 pounds). I don't know if he ever came to 3FC, but he has a couple of websites up called OnePhatMan and From Chunk to Hunk. In one part of his online book he talks about our brains as computers, since that's what he does for a living. He compares all these negative thoughts we have as programs that can be short circuited and gives an example...
"To successfully reprogram or delete a program that’s not running the way we desire, we breakpoint the program while it’s running. Break it enough times and it’s forever gone, which gives you a fresh slate on which to start rewriting.
I enjoy testing my theories not only on myself, but on those around me too. Earlier, I talked about people who run an “I’m so unhappy” program. If you should encounter one of these people, instead of giving them the feedback they want, take the opportunity to put a breakpoint in their program. The conversation might look something like this:
Person: “I’m so unhappy!”
You: “Congratulations! How’d you manage to do it?” (Right here is the breakpoint. They won’t know what hit them.)
Person: “What?”
You: “It takes a lot of effort, being that unhappy. I’m proud of you for doing something so hard!” (Big smile to them here)
Person, looking confused: “Pardon?”
You, smiling all the time: “Well, you’ve got to hang your head, and look down, and get your shoulders all slumped over, and make yourself feel bad, and that’s a **** of a lot of work. I don’t think I could do it.”
Person walks away, smiling.
See how that worked? It breaks their program, and snaps them right out of their unhappy state. Doing this once won’t elicit a permanent change, but continually breaking their pattern will have a definite effect — as long as other people aren’t reinforcing their program.
Breaking a program doesn’t always have to be outrageous and comical, like that one, but outrageousness can break the really firmly entrenched ones. The real key is to be able to recognize the program, so that you can breakpoint it. Once you’ve recognized it, and find yourself running it, do something loud or obnoxious that will instantly stop the program. Then, all you have to do is choose a different way to run the program, or to remove it altogether." -Fred Anderson
I try to do something similar with positive "self-talk". In the past i've had favorite comments posted up on colorful paper throughout the house to remind myself. Maybe I need to do that again!
I thought I would weigh in on this subject. I had lost over 150 pounds only to regain it 15 years ago. I never got to my goal weight. I got close, and just felt so alive that I couldn't focus on anything except getting on with my life that I had always felt was on hold. This time, since I was almost 600 when I started, that losing 100 came right after I got into the 400's, and 200 pounds lost came right after I got into the 300's. These are artificial barriers like the millennium was. Right after I lost the first 100, I had a major upheaval in my life, and went off for 18 months. I regained some, but not as much as I usually would have. After the second 100, I didn't really lose it too much, but at 250 I did. I went off for about 9 months, and gained about 50 back. I am now struggling to make progress. I go up and down with the same 10 pounds. I think that I will break through when I am allowed back in the pool, and until then, I'm just trying to tread water. It seems for me that the loss seems to make such changes in my life that things come up that I didn't have to deal with before. At 600 pounds, I knew I would never marry. At 350, I did, and all those changes got added on top. If you look around at the things you are doing/involved in now as opposed to what you were doing 100 pounds ago, it may give you some insight into the barrier.
, some days it gets the better of me and I dig into the chocolate. All I know is that I have to be prepared, cause it will happen again tomorrow... and every other tomorrow there after...
Not to mention the feeling that no matter how much I lost, this man that I was with was never going to be satisfied. It kind of pi$$ed me off and depressed me at the same tine. Any way, my mind went into "what the ****" mode and never came back out until last year. 
BAD BRAIN! BAD BRAIN! 
THAT is a sure sign I need to watch it! I think it may also have something to do with my 45th being next week. 
The funny thing it is totally NOT about my food plan which has never been a problem, it's definately my brain. And I almost forgot another thing playing with my brain right now is people around me at work or socially saying, "haven't you lost enough?" or "you're average now" Wow...nice to hear, but i'm still 70 pounds over my "normal" midrange and considering the average size for a woman is 14 as I recall, that may be closer than I thought, but i'm just not where I want to be YET. I do like my curves and not sure exactly where I want to stop. With the knowledge that I will never look like I want to in a bathing suit or shorts, how do I decide...
