So, when you're not the fat friend anymore, who are you?
I went out last night with my friend, I have know her since we were 12. She has always been very tall and thin, and has always been the one who always got hit on. Long story short (btw, I am engaged and she has a serious bf) last night she drank and I was the DD by choice due to not wanting excess calories (but people just understand better when you say you want to be the DD). End of the night came and the guys we went with (2 old friends from high school) left and about 5 guys preceeded to come over and hit on us. It was kind of flattering I suppose, but of course they were drunk and smelly at this point. About 3 of them were talking to me and I told them I was engaged and they said "all the one's we like are taken". My friend got kind of butt hurt because not all 5 of them liked her, no joke, she even said it in not those exact words. I have never had friends bigger than me. I have always been the one watching my friends get hit on and never me (which for the most part I never really cared about because I always found that to be annoying).
So my question is, when you are no longer that safe, fat friend, how do you find your new identity among your friends?
I don't think you necessarily *find* your new identity. It comes and finds you. Hopefully, most of your girlfriends would be supportive of the fact that you are getting some attention (smelly and drunk or not, it's kind of flattering) and appreciate what you've accomplished. In other words, they are just going to have to get over it! After all, you aren't going to gain that weight back to make someone comfortable... Also, that's a comment ("all the ones we like are taken") that would have offended me if I were that friend. I don't think her being hurt had much to do with you, only her own insecurities.
I had kind of a different problem in that area. I *used* to have a ton of guy friends (mostly hockey players I met through work) and the moment their girlfriends laid eyes on the new me, I was treated like the plague. I have an amazing boyfriend I wouldn't dream of leaving, but it made a lot of people really uncomfortable all of the sudden. I think another issue is that people are jealous by nature and while you may not have changed much personality wise, they may have a knee jerk reaction to your physical change like, "just because she lost weight/got new boobs/drives whatever car, she thinks she's all that". I know I've certainly been guilty of that. Human nature is a b*#$%.
I have a friend just like yours Stephanie. she was always the size zero while I was always the "fat" friend. She doesn't know how to handle it when guys hit on me (we both are in serious relationships as well) and to be honest we aren't very close anymore. I think she just hung around me to get all of the attention because I was fat. Too me that isn't a true friend. They should be happy for you that you have lost weight and are healthy. My friends that I hang around now are all very supportive and don't care what size as you are.
Kind of the opposite happened to me, I have a friend and we have been friends for like 12 years, and we have ALWAYS been fat, together. Well I lost weight and she is now trying but she acts like she doesnt want to be around me. You know, when you were the fat girl ( I have been heavier than she is) no matter how much weight you lose you always feel like a fat girl, until you see a mirror and then you are like oh, ok. Even still you look so hard at yourself you see every bulge, every bit of flab. I know that I shouldnt make comments around her, but I dont do it intentionally to make her feel bad about herself, and I dont ALWAYS do it, and I never realized I did it, until she jumped on me about it, and I was like oh yeah, I remember what that was like. But anyways, its been really hard for me to feel like my friend doesnt like me because I lost weight and she hasnt, well she has, just not as much as I have, and quite frankly I miss her, and I wish she wouldnt have any ill will against me, I cant gain weight just to make her comfortable, I just wish she would have done it with me. So I know how you feel just in a different way.
So, when you're not the fat friend anymore, who are you?
