What Would You Do? - Page 2 - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 10-24-2005, 12:09 PM   #16  
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Okay, here I go. Honestly is the biggest key in any relationship. I know this because I can't tell you how many times my marriage has gone kaput over a few little "white lies".

Tell him that you weigh slightly more than you told him originally, but you are working towards that goal. And then so he knows you are serious about losing the weight tell him how far you've come, he's sure to know that you want to be at his "ideal" weight. And like the other girls said, men have no idea how much weight is from one person to the next. I would tell people how much I weigh and they don't believe me. I would tell them what size my pants are and they don't believe me.

If you don't feel like you can tell him, then that is something that you need to think about going into a relationship, but from what is sounds he is a great guy. I wouldn't kill yourself over a man. Part of the weightloss journey is to realize that you are doing it for yourself.
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Old 10-24-2005, 01:23 PM   #17  
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Everybody is right on the ball here. It comes down to character and whether or not you want to be with someone that will judge you everytime you put on a couple of lbs. IMHO if I were in your shoes I would think long and hard before getting involved with this guy. You have your son to think about as well and I would also consider what type of guy I would want influencing my child. The way men view women is so deeply rooted through childhood and I'm sure you want to raise a caring, loving gentleman who would look beyond a womans curves and not judge someone because they're overweight.
I do know where you're coming from wanting to look good before you meet and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do think honesty would have been a better foot to start out with if you're truly considering a relationship with this guy. And remember, there are plenty of men out there that would love a woman with a little extra here and there. I truly do know where you're coming from, but I think your goal could be dangerous in such a short amount of time. Keep up what you're doing and take the time before you meet to consider if he truly would be "right" for you.
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Old 10-24-2005, 02:32 PM   #18  
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You say he doesn't like big women, but does he like normal women? Because that's what I would consider you right now. I agree that most men can't tell the difference anyway. When you meet him, he's most likely not going to be looking for how much you weigh. He's going to be looking for shape, muscles and toning, personality, smile, eyes, specifics. He's not going to care about 5 , 10 or 15 extra pounds. He's going to be looking at YOU, whether or not he's attracted to who you are in general, whether you mesh well or not, if you can relate. I know it's easy to focus on losing weight to give yourself the best chance of connecting with him, but attraction is about so much more than that, and two people either have it or they don't.

I worry about you focusing so much on an arbitrary number. I know that you know that losing weight slowly is more healthy, and I know that right now that won't matter to you because you want this to go well. I've been there. My advice would be to focus on working out and being a gym bunny like you said, but with fueling your body frequently with healthy foods so that you can meet him looking healthy and full of vitality. I was shocked at how much one month of weight training changed my shape. People were congratulating me on losing, but I had actually gained 2 lbs from water weight. I lost 5 inches and felt healthy. I think that something like that would give you a boost while still being healthy and not jeopardizing your future losses.

Anyway, it's still really early in the game and you haven't met him yet, so personally wouldn't worry about full disclosure about weight issues yet. If things get more serious then it's important that you're completely honest, but you're still in the early stages. I also disagree that he might not be supportive about these things. He's said that he's not attracted to big women, but if he is attracted to YOU then will he be a supportive guy in general? And how big is his idea of "big" anyway?

Do what you can for now, but don't push yourself beyond what is healthy, and try not to stress about it. Focus on consistency and don't get discouraged. If this guy is as nice as you say he is then I don't think an extra 15 pounds will be an issue.
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Old 10-24-2005, 03:18 PM   #19  
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Hi Amanda,

Well it sounds like to me that you have already given this 'perfect guy' way to much power. He's just a guy, with opinions of his own. First off he said he doesn't like big women. Well all the men that I have known that will admitt to that are truly not attracted to women with any extra weight. Even to the point of only being attracted to very 'thin' women. I guess if you are so buzzed by him and you think he is worth the effort of this 'full speed ahead' approach - then go for it. Maybe he will be great motivation for you. I just don't want you to be upset if you make your weight goal and then it doesn't work out.
I also agree with whoever said, not a good idea to take Jobe on the first date. Why not meet the guy by yourself, get to know him and see if he is worthy of meeting your child. I don't think that is something you can really decide over the internet.
Hope it all works out for you......
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Old 10-24-2005, 04:25 PM   #20  
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Hi Amanda,

I have to agree with what a lot of other people here have said. Sure this guy seems perfect for you except that he doesn't like bigger women. I don't agree with trying to hide your size. Of course continue trying to lose weight and be healthy because that's what YOU want to do, but do it for you, not to please other people. What are you going to do if you two do get together and then it comes up, burn old pictures of yourself where you weigh more? Lie? That's no way to start a relationship. He should love you for you, whatever your size, and you've already given him too much power over you. I hate to say it, we all do, but what if you regain any weight (like someone said, if you have more kids and don't take the prego-weight off easily). There are several women in this 20-somethings forum who've talked about how their marriages are having trouble because their husbands don't like their weight gain.

I also don't think he'll be able to tell the difference between 140 and 150 or so, especially if you're strength training for exercise and not just doing cardio.

Also, I agree that you should get to know this guy in person and make sure he's really good enough for your son before you introduce him.

That is just my humble opinion. Let us know what you decide. We are here for you!
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Old 10-25-2005, 10:34 AM   #21  
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Broken record much? I agree with most of the previous posts--if he doesn't lik you for you, then he's not worth the trouble! I know this is easier said than done--when you want a man, and you find one that seems perfect, then you want to do all you can to please him. However, that should only be an initial response, ya know, before reality kicks in. In reality, he needs to be supportive of you and your personal issues or else he's not really so perfect, is he?

I met 3 guys through the internet. One met me, then when we were home, he sent me a message saying he didn't care if we ever talked again What a jerk--I assumed it was my weight that turned him off since I had never shown him any pictures, just said I was heavy (but never admitted just how heavy). The second guy met me for dinner and a movie, and things went really well. The next weekend, he met another girl from online, and now they are engaged (that was a couple years ago). Not as much of a jerk, but still annoying! Then I met my Jeff. I told him before I met him that I was ovrweight and made sure I showed him pictures that showed my body, not just my face. After that, he still wanted to meet me, so I knew he would be worth at least a weekend trip to meet him. Turned out he was worth a lot more, since now we live together

I guess the point is that if you feel the need to lie to him in the first place, then it's a messy relationship waiting to happen, ya know? I know these aren't the answers you wanted to hear, but they are coming from women who have had similar experiences and who know that the good men are worth the wait. Oh, I also agree that you probably shouldn't bring Jobe along the first time you meet him. What if it doesn't go well? Would you really want Jobe there to witness his mother's heart getting broken? As long as he already knows about Jobe, I think the first date should definitely just be the two of you. It will make it a lot easier to be honest and open with one another without "little ears" around

Should you choose to ignore all of us (as I'm thinking you might--the lure and prospect of love can make us do silly things), good luck with losing .5 pound a day and keeping it off! Since you're already trying to stay at (or below) 1200 calories a day, I'm not sure how you're going to accomplish that, but hey, anything's possible! Just please don't do anything so drastic that you end up making yourself unhealthy--no man is worth your health!
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Old 10-25-2005, 12:03 PM   #22  
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I only have a moment to respond, as I am late for a group meeting at class...but thank you gals A TON! You've really given me a lot to think about. I'm going to be popping on tonight to get caught up and everything (when I actually have time). To make a long story short, I had food poisoning and have been sick for the past 48 hours. I'll update y'all later, and thanks again!!!
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