I just ate ultimate tater tots from sonic thinking about everything everyone has said

Late night is the hardest time of the day for me. During the day I'm busy working, so I really don't think about food much. But at night, when I'm relaxing, watching TV, etc., I always had the habit of snacking. Its a struggle to resist the habit. Some nights are harder than others. Fortunately -- knock on wood -- I have been able to resist so far. You'll get there too... when you're ready.

I know some people have shown some tough love, but it's all from a place of caring I think everyone has a different kicker that gets them to that place where they FINALLY are ready to commit to weight loss. For me, it was 1) going from blonde to brunette, I didn't want to wear black clothes AND have dark hair, and none of my colored tops looked good. Oddly enough....that did it, and 2) finding a sports bra I could run in without needing to use my arms to hold up my girls!

You need to find your inner motivation. Not the guy you used to talk to on facebook, not for your man, but for you. I suggest focus on setting small goals, not an entire overhaul on your life. Like today, my goal was not to eat carbs (in the form of bread, pasta, oatmeal, stuff like that). Not because I think carbs are evil or because I want to never eat carbs again, but because I know I turn to carbs to feel full and I want to show myself how I can get full off proteins and veggies.

Loosing weight is full of challenges. In order to be strong enough to face and overcome them, you have to believe in yourself. Can I make a suggestion on where to start? Can you change your user name? Do you want to be fat and depressed....or do you want to be healthy and happy?

Having friends is so important....I hear that. When I moved to TX a few years ago, I left all my friends and family behind. In the almost 5 years I've been here, I've only recently begun to have a few really good girlfriends. Look for common interest groups, start reaching out to people in your area. With New Years around the corner, many people have goals to get fit. Are you ready to join a group with that mindset?

Ultimately, it starts with you. Are YOU ready to change?

Big hug! I hope you don't mind me sharing my story which is similar to yours.

I was in College (UK equivalent of last 2 years of high school) and at the time MySpace was a thing. I met this guy on there who was the ex boyfriend of a girl I knew and also a friend of my close friend. So we got to talking somehow on MSN and we really hit it off. We have similar taste in music, film and we both appreciated stand up comedy and he was so excited about me. He would link me to pictures I had put up on MySpace and say "WOW, you're beautiful."

The pictures I put up were obviously flattering ones, which I told him over and over, but he was having none of it saying he was sure I was that gorgeous in real life and "it's not about that anyway." So a few days after talking and texting loads we meet up in person. I'm super nervous since I really liked him, and we met up for 1 hour on our break and then parted ways. He never spoke to me the same way again. We had planned on meeting up and watching some stand up comedy together, he cancelled it on me at the last minute after he met me.

It was because of how I looked, no doubt about it. It sucked, he really hurt me, but sometimes when I'm back home and walking past where he lived (I knew because it was above a pub in town) I sometimes wish he could see me now and see how I've lost weight. No, I didn't start losing weight because of him, but now that I've lost a decent amount I wish I could flaunt it in front of his face!

The point is, don't use this meeting with an old flame to motivate you to lose weight or to make you hate who you are now. Find healthy goals, realistic ones that have nothing to do with anyone else but YOU. Losing weight is about living healthy and strong, about being comfortable in your own skin not about wishing you were someone different so you could have said hello to someone who looked at you weirdly. I know how it feels, I could sense the awkwardness in the air when that guy saw me in person and how it felt when he never spoke to me much again, but you can't dwell on it. Drop it - move on and start afresh.

Hey, fatanddepressed0319, I just wanted to say I appreciate your candor. To be honest, I feel the same way a lot of the time. It became a self perpetuating cyclic of eat to feel better, feel worse for eating, repeat (all while hating the weight I was gaining). I got a grip on myself, but I'm not even really sure how/why. I just tried and failed over and over, but at some point I got a little better. Then slightly better than that.

It took the same sort of thing to get my *** in gear. I've seen that look, and it isn't pleasant. But I didn't immediately get off my butt. I had to grieve that hurt and get to a better place before I was strong enough to take the first step. I cried into a lot of lasagne first.

You're gorgeous, and you're worth the hard work you're about to do. Just look forward to the first look of shock that you've gotten so healthy!