So, I know I am overweight and morbidly so, and that it isn't good for me. But, I think, like many of us, i have adjusted to it, and when i look at my face in the mirror, it doesn't look so different to me than 80lbs ago. But, when I look at pictures, then I see a HUGE difference in how my face looks.
Today I had to get out of my car on the passenger side, and it was a bit difficult. I found myself holding myself up by the top of the car door. It felt weird and awkward and I just realize how my weight is affecting me. I also found myself winded coming up the stairs. this is way more than just having to go up a dress size.
When did you feel or what experience did you have that made your feel like your weight is at a point that seems to be too much and did you find it hard to get motivated even with those feelings?
I lived in denial-land when it came to my weight, I avoided anything that would remind me just how big I had gotten. If I was reminded I would basically stick my head in the sand and pretend it didn't happen. I didn't gain the weight overnight, and I slowly went up a bit over 100 lbs in 10 years. As I got bigger, I made gradual adjustments (like keeping my sneakers tied & loose so I could just slip them on and not have to bend over). I always wanted to lose weight, but losing 100+ lbs seemed way too daunting (and freakin' impossible) so I never tried.
I never 'hit rock bottom' and had a moment where I decided I had to lose weight. For me I started my weight loss journey not to lose weight (it wasn't even a possibility at that point), but to deal with my food issues alone (emotional eating and binging). After a few weeks, it came as a huge surprise to me that I lost weight (I had went down a full pant size). It was then that I decided to begin my weight loss journey. And as you can see, it is not impossible to lose 100 lbs.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what you asked, but basically I lived in such denial about my weight and all the adjustments I had to make were just a part of life, not because of my morbid obesity. My weight was always a challenge, I just choose to ignore it.
I never hit 300 lbs. but on one evening nearly four years ago, I found myself on the scale weighing 281 and knew that 300 would be just a few more fatty meals away! My weight became a challenge when I realized I couldn't keep up just walking side by side with someone. I would feel embarassed because I could hear myself breathing hard just from walking!!! Then came the pain in my knees and legs. Aside from physical ailments, my emotional state was horrible. Just felt bad all the time. Bad, sad, depressed.
In a better place now! Hope you are, too. We CAN do this. We CAN.
I have been watching a lot of shows lately about love and relationships and I feel like if I were smaller, but still big, I would be considered more marriage material. I worry about marriage---my bf and I haven't been talking much and I am not even sure what he wants anymore in regards to our relationship.
I think I am the biggest person at my job, with the exception of one older person who has kids.
I knew it was becoming a problem for over a year. Someone that hadn't seen me in awhile asked if I was pregnant. When I said no they joked and asked if I just didn't exercise anymore. I cried the whole way home. It still took me a year after that to really get to my low point. I had to buy jeans every couple of months because I kept gaining weight. I'm getting married in July and all my bridesmaids are thin so I knew it was time to get my act together.
I knew it was time when my calves were as big around as my thighs and I could barely walk. That's when I knew it was time to just change everything and quit killing myself with delicious treats.
Gosh it was over 10 years ago..I have never been thin..but I knew I was way over wieght when the stores didnt carry my size anymore..scared the you know what outta me.
I still don't buy clothes at regular places like walmart or target..BUT the places I do go have my size.
I remember going home and crying and say that even the size 5 X barely fits. I wouls say once I wore a 3X things like tieing my shoes, washing dishes, walking became hard for me.
Seat belts on airplane were beginning to barely fit. Doing ANYTHING was tiring (washing dishes etc). While my health was good I was starting to show signs of problems to come. I'm sure there are a lot more things just can't think of them now.
I felt and looked pretty good up to 250, honestly 300 became physically and psychologically uncomfortable and 333 I felt like I was seriously disabled; everything hurts and moving around isn't easy, nor is fitting into most spaces. I still feel that way at 319. I'm really looking forward to 285 and below.
Last edited by Passionista; 02-07-2010 at 11:00 PM.
My situation was a lot like Gracie's. I knew I had problems getting around and stuff like that because of my weight, but just didn't think about it. If I was able to find a way to cope with the problem, then it wasn't really a problem.
Couple of things that I noticed:
-Getting into and out of a car on the passenger side, I was used to shifting my weight and how to move to get into and out of the driver's seat, the passenger seat was problematic.
-Getting into a seat belt. I would have to make sure to tuck the lower part of the belt under my gut, even then I couldn't always get it buckled.
-I also ran into some of the TMI ones from Rat. The first one was huge for me and really kinda wound up ruling my life. I was afraid to eat away from home in case I had to use the bathroom. So I wound up eating once per day, in the evenings after getting home from work, which of course just made the weight problems worse.
-Still have this problem, but chairs. Never being quite sure if a chair would hold me, and being completely unable to get comfortable in a folding chair. And you can forget about the normal plastic outdoor chairs that seem to be everywhere now. Also chairs that had arms that connect at the front of the seat. My legs were always way too wide to be able to comfortably sit in those chairs, some I couldn't sit in at all.
What finally motivated me for the weight loss was 4 things.
1) Missed a trip to NYC with friends because there was no way I could fit on a plane.
2) Missed a friend's graduation party because it was being held outdoors and I had no way of knowing if I could find a place to sit or not.
3) Missed a friend's ordination because I didn't have any dress clothes that fit
4) (and this was the kicker) Had one of those "I'm attracted to you mentally and emotionally, but not physically" conversations.
Those 4 things all combined just made me realize that losing weight for me wasn't an option. I'd felt for a long time that I had no real reason to live, and nothing to really look forward to. But now I see that was because of the weight. If I lose the weight I could do all of those things, I could go camping again, I could go canoeing again, I could start cycling again.
I realized I have rambled and may have gone off topic a bit, so I'll stop there.
Wow, this really had me thinking over some pretty depressing points in my life. But that's OK, I need to reflect on those.
Rat-> Totally could have some of yours on my list.
Flying gives me cold sweats. I wonder who will be in the seats next to me and will I be able to snap the seat belt. I will be flying in 2 weeks to Florida and I am seriously having anxiety even with my weight loss over this one.
Last year I hurt my knee which of course being at my weight didn't make recovery any easier. I still can not get down on the floor without having to hold on to something first, or get back up without help. This has gotten MUCH better but still isn't easy.
Going out to eat at a restauraunt and not fitting in a booth. I only had this happen once but it was with a group of friends I work with and it was humiliating.
I know there are many points over the last 20 years I have felt the pangs of guilt over my size but none have pushed me into gear like this past October. My family was vacationing at the Beach and we decided to walk a little further that day from the condo so as to escape a few of the crowds directly in front of our condo. Once we found our spot I sat and basked in the sun that day and watched my 3 kiddies and DH splashing in the waves and collecting shells and after about 2 hours we decided to head back in for some lunch. We had only gotten about 50 feet when I realized the walk back seemed much more difficult than the walk there. I am sure sitting in the sun had something to do with it, and the fact that it was high noon and the sun was in full force. I would have to stop along the way and rest and I even walked close to the shoreline to walk on firmer sand to relieve myself from walking in the 12 inch white sand of the beach. My legs were burning at this point and as we reached the front of our condo I began to walk toward the stairs and I seriously did not think I would make it. This area of the condo was very crowded and I was determined to not let so many people see me struggling so I kept going. When I made it to the stairs I thought there is no way I would make it up to the top where the outside showers were. However there were people behind me so I just kept moving. When I reached the top I headed straight for the bench and collapsed. My DH came over and asked if I was alright. I told him through tears that I thought I was going to pass out and he said I turned ghost white. I started to feel myself falling over and he grabbed me and supported me up. My worst nightmare was coming true. Here in front of my kids and all of these strangers I was collapsing. My kids sat with me and kept asking if I was OK because they were scared. I had to sit there for about 20 minutes and my kids brought me glasses of cold water from the shower to pour over my legs to help cool me down. I eventually felt good enough to attempt to stand. We made our way to a shaded area of the pool area and I sat and relaxed until I could get enough strength to go upstairs.
This was one of the worst things I can remember about my weight and my physical shape that caused a change in me to begin my journey on 10/26/2009. I haven't looked back. I can't wait to go back to the beach and see/feel the difference in taking a walk on that beach. I may not be at my goal weight but I will have come a long way.
My problems are very similar to a lot already listed here.
I have been in complete denial for the past 5-10 years. Finally, just this past year, I've started to see and feel the complications from my weight. I still am gaining though, and NOW it's time to do something about it.
I honestly feel like it is with me and on my mind 100% of my day... the way I feel physically, tired all the time, not sleeping well, heart palpitations, hard to get up from sitting, afraid to sit in a chair I might break, don't fit in all chairs with arms, hard time with seatbelt on the plane, heart racing when I go up the stairs... just feeling miserable all the time about it, physically and emotionally.
Wow Kristi. I can really relate to your story. I had a very similar experience, though it took another equally as bad scare for me to actually get myself in gear and lose the weight. Thanks for sharing your story. I was almost in tears reading it. I know how scared you must have been, and am so thrilled that you are on your way to better health.
Wow Kristi. I can really relate to your story. I had a very similar experience, though it took another equally as bad scare for me to actually get myself in gear and lose the weight. Thanks for sharing your story. I was almost in tears reading it. I know how scared you must have been, and am so thrilled that you are on your way to better health.
Thanks Lori! Your Goal Story is an inspiration to me that it is possible!
When did your weight become challenging
300 became physically and psychologically uncomfortable and 333 I felt like I was seriously disabled; everything hurts and moving around isn't easy, nor is fitting into most spaces. I still feel that way at 319. I'm really looking forward to 285 and below.
