Best Friend Problems. - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 06-17-2012, 01:14 PM   #1  
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Default Best Friend Problems.

Okay, so I have this best friend who I've been friends with since 4th grade and now I'm 27.
She has always been ridiculously skinny without even trying (she eats candy all the time, lives on popcorn, and rarely gets her skinny butt off the couch). Me on the other hand, I eat relatively healthy and exercise quite a bit, and yet here I am overweight.
It's always been this way. It would not bother me so much, but the sight of myself depresses me, and she always brings attention to how I hate photos of myself.
My problem is, she is getting married. I am her maid of honor. She is insanely skinny. All her bridesmaids (minus the pregnant one) are insanely skinny. Then there's me.
I don't want to be in front of the church with all those skinny people. I know it's selfish but it makes me cry when I think about it. I know I will have lost weight by then, but not nearly enough to not stand out. She doesn't understand why I get so upset at pictures of myself. Ugh.
I don't know if I need advice or support or what... but I just had to get that out. I don't know what to do!
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Old 06-17-2012, 01:34 PM   #2  
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She is paying you a huge honor by asking you to be maid of honor. She could have asked anyone but she asked you.
Think also of this,at a wedding everyone is looking at the bride and barely notices anyone else.
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Old 06-17-2012, 01:50 PM   #3  
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You can hide yourself from cameras and from the eyes of others until you feel you'e "worthy" to participate, or you can live and enjoy your life at any size you happen to be.

You're deciding that those skinny girls are better than you, because they're thinner.

You're wrong. They're not better, and they're not worse. They're not even prettier - because beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. There's a good chance that there are people who will be at that wedding who see YOU as the prettiest of the bridesmaids (and likely that everyone else will have a different "favorite" but they're all right - and they're all wrong).

This isn't a fashion show, it's a celebration of family and friends. You can refuse to participate - you can go and feel miserable, or you can participate and have a GREAT time.

You get to decide.

I was the fattest bridesmaid/maid of honor in several weddings - and I was the WAY, WAY fattest at my own wedding (my two skinny sisters were bridesmaid and maid of honor).

I had an amazing time at all those weddings (especially my own), because I chose to. And I thought I looked fabulous at all of the weddings except my youngest sisters' - lordy the dress was hideous - but it was the first wedding I went to with my now husband and he thought I looked fabulous (the man is blind - the dress was in a weird holographic peach that looked pink in some light and orange in others and it was made of a satiny fabric that became horribly and permanently wrinkled as soon as we sat down - AWEFUL - though the good news was that we all looked horrible, but it wasn't about us, it was about the bride and groom).

Why don't you REALLY be selfish and decide not to worry about what anyone else thinks of you. Vow to have a good time, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Vow to believe you're the prettiest, most poised woman there.

You don't have to feel inferior to thinner women, just because our culture says so. You can choose your own inner truth (I know, because I have - I'm a fantastic, confident person who is pretty darned adorable whether I'm 155 lbs or 394. I'm sure you are too).

Easier said than done? Of course, but what isn't?

Last edited by kaplods; 06-17-2012 at 01:52 PM. Reason: grammar
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Old 06-17-2012, 02:09 PM   #4  
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Your friend chose YOU becuz she loves you just the way you are. She chose YOU becuz you are her best friend. She chose YOU becuz she wants you there. She chose YOU becuz she wants you by her side on one of the most important days of her life.

You need to love yourself for who you are; just like she does, and I'd bet many others like your family as well. Do you love or not love others based on their appearance? Whether they are skinny or not? I'd bet not. So the reverse is true also.

People will not be sitting around at the wedding judging how much the brides' maids weigh. They will be there to celebrate your best friend's marriage and to have a good time -- and that should be your focus too. You will be made up with a lovely dress, pretty hair, and make-up; you will look your absolute best and that will shine through, if you let it.

Be a good friend: go and have fun -- for her and for YOU!
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:35 PM   #5  
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By the looks of your ticker you appear to have just started your weight loss journey. So right now you're at the beginning facing this daunting event thinking "oh my goose, I'm never going to look good with those skinny girls around me." But when you start losing weight by exercising and eating healthily you are going to feel great with your achievement that it won't matter what weight you are, you're going to be so proud of yourself!

Please don't get upset over being in such an amazing position. Use it as inspiration when you feel like giving up. You'll look beautiful no matter what and it's going to be really important to your friend that you're happy. So try your best to not think "woe is me because I'm overweight" think more positively, think "holy [email protected] I'm a maid of honour, awesome!"
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:52 PM   #6  
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You are all awesome... now I know why I came here. That's exactly what I needed to hear. I'll definitely keep coming back to thread for inspiration when I'm down.
And you're all absolutely right... and I have no intention of not being there for her. It's still hard, and yes I have just started my journey (well, restarted, ugh), but you're right. I will be ok, I will choose to have fun and be happy for her. And maybe take a Xanax. (J/K haha).
Thank you all, truly.
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Old 06-18-2012, 03:25 PM   #7  
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It sounds like you made the right choice!

My best friend is getting married in January and asked me to be her MOH (or co-MOH actually, there will only be two of us standing with her). There are a lot of things stressing me out about this wedding... the cost of the dress, hair and nails, a flight and hotel, being away from my two young babies for a few days, not to mention that the other MOH looks like a model, tall and rail-thin. BUT I know that it will mean the world to her that I support her on this day, so how could I say no?
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Old 06-18-2012, 07:25 PM   #8  
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I agree with the other ladies. I was the largest (by far) in my sisters wedding. 6 other brides maids and none above a size 4 but me. My biggest challenge was the dress. All the others looked great! But I didn't feel so hot. But once we were at the wedding, I was so focused on the fun times I forgot to be self conscious.

You totally gave to just live the moment and have fun!

I have my brothers wedding coming up soon so I added it to my mini goals of where I want to be for his wedding. I have found it motivates me to keep working away at my goals even when I don't feel like it.

Good luck! And have fun
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:23 AM   #9  
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Hey, is your avatar pic is Pokoyo? He's a cutie.

I hear you. My heaviest friend is 125 lbs soaking wet, and then there's me. I've always been the tallest, fattest, most mature one. Some days it SUCKS, and sucks hard. In a week I'm going to a beach vacation with friends (ALL of them are teeny tiny), where we'll run around in bathing suits for 7 days. I'm the only fat girl of everyone, as per usual.

It may not be totally comfortable the whole time, but I think you're doing a good thing by being her maid of honor. She seems to be fine with how you look, and as your best friend she loves you and wants you there. Honestly, it'll probably bother you a lot more than anyone else, if you let it.

So, I would take five minutes and hash out everything about it that bothers you, then take a breath and move on. Have a good time, be there for your friend to celebrate her marriage.

I frequently stand out as the fat one among the people I know / am related to. Sometimes I have to just shrug it off, let the fat fly and have an awesome time with the people I care about.

Last edited by LiannaKole; 06-21-2012 at 01:25 AM.
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Old 06-26-2012, 02:26 AM   #10  
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Hey! I'm in the exact same position I am my best friends bridesmade and yip! The only overweight one at that, like you the fear that seized me almost caused me to say no!!!! (how selfish!) like you I'm just starting my weightloss "journey" and will never be at target for the wedding but hey! We could dwel on that or think well either we could sit and worry about it and put EVEN MORE lbs ON between now and the weddings or realise that every pound we lose between now and then is a step closer to being ever closer to our final goal (and look even more fabulous in the wedding pictures) id like to offer you (and hopefully get some back) support in this journey to compare trials and tribulations of being the fat bridesmade (lol) and hopefully share Many successes along the way! Drop me a message if interested, Kerry x
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:39 AM   #11  
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So, I know this is an old post but I wanted (again) to thank everyone for their support.
I did lose some weight (I need to update my ticker) and her wedding was beautiful, but I felt horrible all day The girls were all gorgeous in their dresses, I felt like an absolute blob. UGH!
The pictures are starting to pop up all over facebook- it's like my worst nightmare I can't stand it!
I was so pumped because I have lost weight, but compared to her genetically skinny/ tall family I was short and round. I'm now more depressed than ever... I don't want to see the pictures... even though I know I am on track and losing and clothes are fitting... I'm even almost considering leaving facebook for a while until they all stop posting the wedding pictures. I tried to have fun for her, but I was crying on the inside all day. I know it sounds selfish, but even when I was thin I hated having my picture taken- don't know why, so seeing all these pics of me is just driving me nuts!
I just needed to vent... how do you guys get through seeing pictures of yourselves?
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:54 AM   #12  
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I use it as motivation to get where I need to go. Only you can change what you see every day and seeing yourself is a big wakeup call to keep going and reach your goals.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:50 AM   #13  
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Originally Posted by MissJessieCakes View Post
I use it as motivation to get where I need to go. Only you can change what you see every day and seeing yourself is a big wakeup call to keep going and reach your goals.
I understand what you're saying... but I was motivated and feeling good UNTIL I saw the pictures- now I'm just frustrated. I am not falling off the wagon or anything... I just want to avoid those pictures. I shut down my facebook site for a while... I'll go back after the wedding hoopla dies down I guess.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:08 AM   #14  
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I like to think of old pictures this way (.. and the ones being taken currently since I am still not where I want to be) - I see them as something that I will one day be able to look back on, laugh (with a slight cringe) and realize how much work I really put into losing all of the weight.

I here you though - facebook can be bother awesome and your own personal **** all at the same time.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:32 AM   #15  
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SaraWrites03 - I just want to say how impressed I am that you went through with standing up for your friend at the wedding. It really shows admirable character that you put your own feelings of discomfort aside to be there for your friend. Although you were not where you wanted to be weight-wise, I'm sure you looked beautiful. I agree that you should let this experience motivate you, so that at the next big event you attend, you will be feeling and looking fierce! I'm sure most of us on this site have had moments where we have had to be on display at our higher weights, and the experience has been humiliating and uncomfortable. I've been there on more than one occasion. Use what you are feeling now to fuel your progress!

I really do believe that success is so much sweeter when you have felt the sting of "failure." Although I have not reached my goal, I know that I appreciate being able to put on a dress and not appear overweight so much more now than I ever did before I became overweight in the first place. When I used to be thin, I didn't think twice about looking good at a wedding. I took it for granted. Now I take nothing for granted! It took a lot of hard work to get down to a normal weight, and I am going to work it! You will too!

Last edited by guacamole; 10-29-2012 at 11:33 AM.
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