Yes, I am totally going through the horrible story of gaining.
I have been off this site for about 2-3 years and have gained all of the 60+ pounds and I was even below 200 2 summers ago and everything is lost is back.
I feel awful and gross about 2 days ago. I restarted my life style 2 days ago and just walking the dog for an hour and not binge eating is a total success right now.
I can't wear ANY of the clothes I own, and am stuck wearing the same 3 outfits with stretchy waist bands.
I have also been yo-yo dieting since I was 12 so I think this time I have come to terms with the fact that I am not on a diet. I am on a lifestyle.
I know other people have noticed my gain and it kills me.
I am also a self - sabotager. If I eat one thing wrong I automatically go into a binge---- and I think more often than not this is what gets in me trouble.
When I am eating too much food it is away to remind myself that I don't deserve any better than this, or to make myself momentarily feel better only to swim in guilt moments later.
Like my quote in my signature says, I have to first figure out what is shaping my relationship with food before anything can be fixed.
I cannot run to food to make me feel better, whole or complete. Those feelings must come from within.
h4 wow. Your post really hit something home with me. We are really in the same boat. I am also an athletic and climbed my first 14er when I was a size 16. We have so much in common -- let's not beat ourselves up but pick up and began we where we left off. <3
Oh wow, this thread is perfect for a day like today.
In middle school I weighed 140. I was bullied a lot so I finished my education online to escape it. This caused me to grow to 160 by 19. I decided that was a ridiculous weight and began working out. I managed to lose 30 pounds to reach my lowest weight in years, even lower than when I was in middle school.
I met my now ex at this time and that turned out to be disastrous, not just physically but emotionally and even academically as well. First things were okay. He told me I shouldn't worry about working out and eating right so much, he called me obsessed. I loved him and trusted him so I did as he suggested - I relaxed. Way too much.
Then things started getting bad. He hurt me a lot, hid things, ripped my heart out, and yet I stayed. For way too long. My weight began to climb and my mood plummeted. I was so depressed that I'd binge some days, starve others. My GPA after my first semester was a 3.9. My GPA after my second was a 3.01 and none of my classes were any harder than the previous.
We finally broke up in June of 2011 after he cheated on me. This happened after almost 4 years of dating. Four years and he threw it away for one skank. Really… By then I weighed 181, my highest ever.
I made my second attempt at weight loss starting in September but it's been rocky. It took me months to get fully on the bandwagon and my self-esteem has been pretty low. I met a new guy that I have really strong feelings for in August and it's been a horrible wreck. He's been off and on with a girl who doesn't treat him right and is currently single because she has, once again, dumped him. He won't tell me to back off, I've asked him to just tell me if I have no chance, and yet he refuses. He's basically told me that I have a chance and yet his actions say otherwise. That small glimmer of hope has been enough to make me continually return, however. It's painful. I miss him when he's not around.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, "If I weren't so fat, he might want me…" or "If I didn't have stretch marks maybe he wouldn't find me disgusting…" He's never really indicated that I'm unattractive and that it's why we're not together but that's where my mind goes when I feel bad which is, unfortunately, fairly often.
I went two weeks without contacting him. Two. Then I caved. I've been texting him since the 23rd. My last message, however, will hopefully be my last for good unless he reaches out to me first - I told him that I feel stupid so I'm just going to leave it up to him to make a move. I doubt he will and it'll hurt just as much as always.
On top of that, my weight held fast this week despite all my efforts to shed a pound or two more. I've been walking/jogging/running almost every day and yet I'm still 153.6. Once again, I feel bad, like a total loser, and so very unattractive. It doesn't help that the weather is bad again so I can't even get any uplifting energy from being outside, it's way too depressing.
I'm looking forward to hanging out with a friend tomorrow, though. I enjoy my time with him and it gets my mind off the more negative aspects of life for a while.
Haha - I definitely belong in this thread...
I'm using a website called StickK.com to put money on meeting my goals and I'm trying to get back into journaling how I'm feeling and what I'm eating.
I love StickK! I took a bet with them on February 1st at 174lbs to lose fourteen pounds in fourteen weeks (160lbs by May 9th). As of this morning, I am 159lbs! I met my goal two weeks ahead of schedule. Let me tell you, putting money on it was a big motivator. I bet an amount that would hurt if I lost it ($20 a week, $280 altogether) for donation to a charity supporting values I vehemently disagree with. I was so disgusted by the idea of supporting them that I never had a single unsuccessful period. I have about 14lbs left until I reach my initial goal weight, so I may decide to go back for another round. Best of luck!
I love StickK! I took a bet with them on February 1st at 174lbs to lose fourteen pounds in fourteen weeks (160lbs by May 9th). As of this morning, I am 159lbs! I met my goal two weeks ahead of schedule. Let me tell you, putting money on it was a big motivator. I bet an amount that would hurt if I lost it ($20 a week, $280 altogether) for donation to a charity supporting values I vehemently disagree with. I was so disgusted by the idea of supporting them that I never had a single unsuccessful period. I have about 14lbs left until I reach my initial goal weight, so I may decide to go back for another round. Best of luck!
Awesome - glad to hear it's working for someone else! I have two "commitments" going right now:
1. To work out 6 days a week for 4 weeks, and
2. To give up fast food for 4 weeks
Combined, I have a total of $200 on both bets, which will go to a charity I seriously disagree with if I don't make my goals - you better believe it's motivating
This is my first time trying it out, so I figured I'd start small. I was nervous that my weight loss wouldn't be steady enough to commit to 1 lb per week or something like that, but maybe I'll try it for my next challenge!
first of all, woohoo minnesota! whenever i'm living in ohio (it's where my boyfriend lives..usually i go back to mn for summers on the lake but probably will have to stay here majority of this year due to low income..boo economy) i get overly excited about my home state. comfort thing maybe? unhealthy obsession? i dunno. whatever.
anyways, this is a great thread. i've never been a posting member here until now, but my weight has yo-yo'ed greatly ever since 7th grade. highest 220s im guessing (was too scared to weigh myself) and lowest being 165ish. i struggled with depression throughout this whole time and was in a bad relationship (i dunno if you can call it that) where the guy would only "date" me when i was skinnier. ***. by the grace of god i found an amazing guy who accepts me for who i am 4 years ago and has helped me reshape the way i think about myself.
now, i finally feel like i'm mentally ready to take on this weight loss thing for good. i lost 25 pounds 2 summers ago and felt great, but when i moved back to ohio i got a job at panera and gained it all back in a matter of like 2 months. poor college student + free bread = bad news bears. starting over at 203. excited to meet everyone/form a solid support group
Back in fall of 2009 I had lost 20 pounds which officially put me at 199. I was so proud of my weight loss that I ended up letting myself having a few treats....which resulted in over a 2 year period gaining the 20 pounds back and adding 25 more. I felt that I *deserved* to have ice cream after dinner because I was working so hard or I deserved to skip a work out because I was tired. You know what I really deserved? To be healthy. I deserved to be able to love my body and who I am. I have come to terms with the fact that I have gained weight and I am working to change that now. I feel like my weight loss won't be "real" until I hit under the 200 pound mark. I know that being under 200 is a huge milestone for me but my weight loss should feel real before then. I shouldn't constantly be writing off my weight loss as "well i'm not under 200 yet." With a starting weight of 245 getting to 199 is going to be a 46 pound journey for me & I think it is a pretty BIG deal! I am working on being more positive about my weight loss thus far and am trying to reconfigure my brains thinking habits. There is a book called "Operation Beautiful" by Caitlin Boyle that I recommend reading through if you have negative body image issues or if you feel like you are never good enough. I still struggle with it but it is really helping me in my weight loss efforts. Sorry for the novel but I just had to get that off of my chest.
This is exactly the thread I need....I have been on and off trying to get back on track since the beginning of the year and it hasnt happened yet...I gained about 25 lbs in the past year and want to get it back off and get back on track...I was down to 155 lbs last April and was really happy with where I was then there was a lot of stuff that happened and got in the way so here I am.....It seems like when I first started and was a lot bigger I was more patient about losing the weight and now I have NO patience at all, I just want to be where I was last year...I feel so self-conscious about the weight gain and it has made everything really difficult...But I started out changing my diet and working out last Monday so hopefully I will be able to get this weight that I gained off!!!
this needs to be the last time i lose the weight. i have cried way too much over this and have let extra pounds keep me from living my life and having fun! i'm in college, but haven't gone out with friends at all this semester because i told myself i was "too fat" to. I told myself i'd go out with them again once i'd lost the weight... but then every night when they went out and i stayed in i would binge eat. now i'm up fifteen pounds (probably more, as i've been binging for the last two weeks but too afraid to check the scale) and can't fit into ANY of my clothes. i am so tired - seriously i just want to sob i'm so exhausted - of hating myself and not changing. i just make things worse for myself. i completely understand what you were saying about being scared of actually having to live life and to have no excuse for not living it anymore... but i don't understand how to move past that fear. i lost forty pounds last year and have regained 15 - nope lets be honest, probably 20 - pounds. i am afraid to go back home to my summer job and be unrecognizable to the people i worked with. i work with my ex boyfriend, so the thought of seeing him looking like this is even more terrifying.
i NEED to change.
My senior year of college (2008-2009) I was at my heaviest ever and very depressed. I would sit alone in my dorm room and binge on mac and cheese, chips, brownies, anything that was starchy and filled with fat. One day I had just had enough. I had gained about 10 pounds each year of college (I'm not sure of the exact numbers, but I went to the doctors every spring and that's what I remember thinking). I had never been in a relationship and had felt unhappy with my body since the age of 12. One day, I just decided that I needed to make a change and I joined weight watchers. I weighed 220 pounds. I wasn't shocked when they weighed me, I was pretty aware of how big I was. I was actually grateful that it wasn't more. I had been trying to eat healthier for a few weeks before I actually joined so I think my high weight may have been closer to 230.
I loved the program, felt great about myself and lost about 30 pounds. The summer after I graduated, I entered into my first relationship which lasted about six months. While we were together, I tried to keep up with losing, but I was less motivated. When that relationship ended, I went straight to a new one. Both guys were good to me, but they were both overweight and because of that, I was constantly surrounded by food that I would not have chosen on my own. I gained back some weight, and when the second relationship ended I decided that it was time to do this for myself.
I rejoined weight watchers in January of this year and it feels different this time. I have had a couple of times when I have fallen off the wagon and it has been easier than I expected to get back on. I just have to remind myself that even if I have a rough meal/day/even weekend, I need to get back on track with my plan. It feels different this time.
I also heard something recently that I would like to share; the food will always be there. You don't have to eat it today.
I too am a self saboteur. I keep thinking back to last summer when i was at my lowest weight since jr. high, 235 pounds. Then I gained and ended right back at 258 pounds. But, Im back on track now and as the title of this thread says, I swear "THIS IS THE LAST TIME IM DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Im not giving up again, i may gain a pound here and there, but i willl reach goal this time.
I'm so glad this thread is here! I need this to be my last time, too. Everytime
I get into the 160s I have a mental block and gain back. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. Why am I afraid of success? This time I need to bust through the 160s. I feel so determined(today) I will come to 3FC and myfitnesspal whenever a binge attack starts. I'm so thankful for this thread.
I can't count how many times I buckle down and really concentrate at losing weight and expect it to be the last time I struggle with weight loss.
In high school I hovered at 150 lbs and would diet and exercise to get smaller, but I just stayed in that range. By my sophomore year in college I went up to 170 lbs, lost 15 lbs by the fall, and got to 200 by the spring. One year after I graduated I went up to around 240-250 lbs. I was able to lose enough to get down to 175-180 for my wedding, but a year later I was back up to 247 lbs.
What frustrates me the most is that the more times I vow that this is the last time, the less support I get from my friends/family. They say with their mouths "I know you can do it" but with their eyes they say "yeah, whatever." I read everywhere that successful weight loss depends largely on a good support system, so if they don't believe in me what chance to I have? Not to say I don't believe in myself, I wouldn't be trying if I didn't think I could do it, but it really sucks to not be able to discuss the highs and lows of this journey with people in my life that are supposed to love me unconditionaly.
What really motivated me to lose weight for the last time was last December my mom and dad had an intervention for me. Without me. They called my husband over (while I was at work) to urge him to convince me that I'm slowly killing myself and that I really need to get a handle on this weight issue because I'm to young to be this fat, diabetes, I'm only 5'1, quality of life, blah, blah, blah. But the worst part is when my dad told my husband that he can no longer stand to look at me because I have gotten so morbidly obese. As I type this my eyes are welling up with tears because that is the most hurtful and humiliating thing that he has ever said about me; AND HE SAID IT TO MY HUSBAND!
Even though I come from a black family, my people aren't big; mom and dad are both petite and my extended family are all normal weight. So what's my problem? I guess I have a terrible, terrible relationship with food. I would rather run till I puked than to give up carbs ( which I did-- it worked breifly). Exercise is no problem for me. I just am addicted to food.
So this time, I'm doing something I vowed I would never do: I'm counting calories. And exercising, of course. I just hope this will become a lifstyle so that I can quit yo-yoing.
About two years ago, I went on a diet after my mother broke down and cried because she didn't want me to die! I Was probably in the 230s, maybe 240s. So I followed her advice and went on Medifast. Great, right? Lost 80 pounds. Was a skinny minnie. Went down to 135, my lowest weight ever. Was way proud of myself.
Yeah. Gained it all back--plus some.
I hate that I gained so much of it back. I know my coworkers are probably like "that fat *** gained all of the weight back!" I was ashamed--still am. I don't think I had a 'eureka' moment; it was lots of little things. My feet hurt. I had terrible pack pain. Nothing was fitting. All those moments plus more were probably the straw that broke the camel's back. I just couldn't do it anymore.
So I went back on Medifast on 3/31/12. Lost 26.4 pounds so far. Lost an underwear size (that's always the weirdest thing to me! Who knew?!), two pant sizes, and a shirt size.
I'm not doing this again!
Last edited by scarletlily23; 05-18-2012 at 05:27 PM.
first of all... PERFECT THREAD!!! this really us it for me! I have been overweight my entire life and now it is just out of control! I have never truly stuck to a diet. January 2011 I was doing well eating 1200 cals a day and lost 25 lbs in two months and then I got pregnant with my second child. That was the best I had ever done. I tried again after she was born with not nearly the same motivation... That quickly failed. I I'm so disgusted with myself and unhappy with my body and my life. I have no self confidence, I avoid doing certain activities due to my weight and lack of self esteem. I deserve to be happy, and I have finally realized that. I feel like my hubby deserves a "smaller" wife. I want to set a good example for my girls. This time is different, I know it. I have been counting calories for 5 days and I have gone from 305 lbs to 289 lbs! Yes... I know most of
It is probably water weight, but I don't care I am still losing weight. I am going to continue to lose weight. I can dk this and so can all of you! I wish this thread were more active!
Best of luck!
