[spaghetticat]

Lol, i used to delete guys numbers and write down the last 4 or something (or area code depending) so I wouldnt text them a lot. That being said I don't really care if i text too little or too much. I never text when I am at work and try not to have my cell phone glued to me when I am around other people. If they dont respond or I am feeling anxious about it, I delete their number.
If they text back I readd it. (most of the time

[spaghetticat]

oh and i agree with Ms Ballerina- i text or fb my friends and tell them- i am feeling **Wahtver* explain the situation and then they usually talk me through what I am over thinking- or tease me but usually gets me to realize I am just being silly!

[somethingnew912]

I've done quite a bit of online dating and I know it's easy to get excited if you meet someone who you think is a really good fit for you. And, I am similar to you in that I over think things. I've gotten much better at it by working on my confidence and developing a more nonchalant attitude. The first thing I suggest is that you get more dating practice...beyond texting. I went on lots and I would tell myself the worst thing that could happen is that I have a funny story to tell my friends about how dreadfully awkward it was. If you go into it like that, then you put less pressure on yourself and you will end up being a lot more comfortable.

Whenever I get nervous about something that has to do with my confidence I ask myself "what's the worst that could happen?"....If I can think of that and be okay with it then I know I can handle whatever.

I know it's hard. I was about your age when I really developed my confidence and people are 100% right that guys are attracted to confidence.

One more thing...I'm not saying to play games, but I have started to make a point to not make myself so available in regards to texting. I don't have to always text back the second that the guy texts me. In my opinion it lets them know that you are busy and have a life and you aren't hanging on their every word.

Keep your head up and you will find some awesome guys...or at least you will get some free food and drinks

[Quiet Ballerina]

somethingnew brought up a great point....it isn't necessarily about playing games, but you don't want to make yourself too available to a guy either.

One day I left my phone in my purse for an hour or so...when I finally checked it, I saw I had missed a couple of texts from a guy I'm into. The first had asked me a question. When I didn't respond after a few minutes, he followed it up with a 'hope work goes well. text me later when you have time.' type text. So later on when I had some more time I sent him a message and we were able to text a lot more. It worked out well.

Flip side to that is one guy I had ONLY talked to online/via text. One Saturday I slept in (like, til 11am) and my phone was on silent. He texted me at 8am...and from 8am his texts went from "Good morning" to absolute psycho. "Why aren't you answering? What's wrong? What did I do? I can't believe you're blowing me off like this!" type stuff. SO scary and creepy. He apologized a bunch afterwards...but we never wound up meeting in person. He completely freaked me out by his reaction.

So think about how you'd react if a guy was texting YOU the same way you are thinking about texting. It could help a lot. I try and remember this when I want to spend my entire day texting a guy I'm crushing on.

[Pinkberrry]

Guys like the chase probably more than the actual "prize". After dating quite a few men, Ive realized that they need to feel in control at the beginning of a relationship. For my fiance, when we were first dating (we met at an engagement party and exchanged numbers), I waited for him to contact me, then I responded once. He replied, and I did and when he didnt text me for a few days, I assumed he wasnt interested.
Turns out, he didnt want to seem too clingy so he stopped texting me to prevent that. A few days later when he DID call me/text me, he asked me out to dinner, and we have been inseperable ever since.

[Elliemar]

Ahhh the joys of being a female and overthinking things! I'm a genius at this

I think quiet ballerina makes great points. I avoid txt like the plague because a) It doesn't really help a conversation to flow (I find online chat much easier) and b) there's the danger of the meaning of a txt being misconstrued. For instance - your "it's been nice talking to you" txt would, in the UK at least, be a signal that the conversation is now over and I'm off, goodbye. It's much harder to speak to someone by txt than in person, so I try to avoid it.

Good luck

[CrystalLynn]

I totally get where it's pretty scary to open up to someone new for the first time, in an online environment especially. Then add already apparent confidence issues into and it gets even more scary.

What I can say though is, even though you seem very interested, just try to set some small boundaries that even you can stick too. I think that often times if a girl has confidence issues it can make guys think you're even more clingy when you get impatient over responses or " OMG does he like me.. he won't answer me for like hours". Do your best to NOT DO THIS. It's one thing to let a guy know you're really into him, but it's a complete different ball game when you make a guy seem like you are crazy without him messaging you constantly. What I mean by setting small goals is, and this I suppose only applies if this gets more serious, is to set some time boundaries. Set a time for yourself that is your bedtime, workout time, or " I need to do this time" and stick to that as much as possible. This will be especially helpful for you with your weight loss as well because you'll be more likely to *keep* your workout time because you'll want to use that time to distract you, since I know how being REALLY into someone goes. :P You having these times that you are always unavailable can really help you keep your emotions in check, and him understand that you have a life and goals separate from him.

This is all very long winded and crazy sounding, but I give you this advice as a woman who is currently in a loving and supportive relationship with someone I met online 7 years ago. Who when my Mom was very sick moved across the world to be with me and help me take care of her until she passed. Online relationships CAN and DO work. You just have to be more patient because you are missing that physical link. Be confident and independent, he will notice! <3 I wish you the best in whatever future relationships you find.

[Nocturneluna]

Best book to get.. flirt testing. Omg love it and it works! For future reference. Also, don't get into it too fast. Not worth it to be focusing so hard on finding a guy. I've done that for so long before o met my boyfriend. And it was when I finally stopped looking and began focusing on myself one popped up. Odd how things turn out that way.
in there end, there will be others and of he doesn't want to talk it is his loss! Remember you deserve nothing but the beat but don't suffocate him. Men like space. Give them that or don't act so interested. If you play hard to get they want you even more.

[Nocturneluna]

Flirt texting*

[knoxie]

Also in a more general sense, try not to take it personally when an online flirtation fizzles out. I know it kinda is personal because it's about you obviously, but I mean in the sense that it takes a long time to get to know someone (both good and bad) and after a few hours/days you can't really know enough about someone to decide whether you like them or you don't. All you have is an impression, and that's not always true to who a person really is. So if their impression of you isn't to their taste it doesn't mean you're not an awesome person because they don't know you well enough to know that.

It made sense in my head, not sure if it translated so well into type!

[bandit bear]

The best piece of advice I can give you is to not overanalyze things. Guys, for the most part, are simple. Most guys avoid drama (and the ones who are involved in it aren't worth your time to begin with), and most don't tend to think too much either. And they hate it when women overanalyze things. If he doesn't respond to your text, oh well. He may have gotten busy suddenly. Maybe he was at work at got distracted. 9 times out of 10, it's something completely innocent.

Show your interest, but don't show too much. Most guys don't like pushy women, they like to be the ones who are in control so if you are always the one initiating, it gets boring and easy.

Case in point. One of my friends whom I work with started dating this girl and things were fine starting out. We both work in retail and he's a manager so the hours are crazy. Anyways, mid-November she starts like texting him like crazy, where are you, we never see each other, blah blah blah. She even showed up to our work on a super busy day to see him and when he was busy working and couldn't see her, she got mad. He only got busier at work, she got more clingy, so he broke up with her. He also told me that she kept initiating everything and it was bothersome because a lot of men simply want to be the ones to do that. He said she didn't back down and it got desperate. She still calls and texts him.

Anyways, I'm not trying to freak you out, but just be cool about it, don't think about it, and don't worry. Once the conversation ends, it's over. If he wants to talk again he'll text you. There are times when it's fine to say something like you're thinking of them, or you cant' wait to see them next, and have that be that.

[xLindsay46]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the advice. Since I don't have much experience with guys, I guess I just don't understand them and their tendencies. I could never see myself being bothersome to the point where I start texting "where are you?! why are you ignoring me?!" etc. like it seems like some girls do. As for the whole, waiting for him to text me thing-- I know I should definitely do that, but it's tough! Like last night after I said I was going to bed, I said "I'll text you tomorrow if you want" and he said "surely"...so I obviously offered to be the one to text him. Of course, I'd be flattered if he initiated texting because it would show that he really does want to talk to me. As I'm typing this, I'm coming to realize that I like to be in control as well lol. My impatience probably has something to do with it too. The last couple of guys I've talked to, I've been the one to suggest hanging out and meeting. From reading all of these responses about how guys like to be in control, I'm beginning to think that me asking them out is probably the reason that nothing more serious has ever developed. I guess I kind of ruin the whole "chase" part for the guys? But again, me not being patient enough to wait for him to ask me out.

[MissGuided]

Before meeting my boyfriend [whom I met online, non dating site], I was a texter. But even for me, it became far too difficult to explain myself. They would either read too much emotion in a simple text or do the complete opposite and laugh at something that was meant to come off serious.

There are far too many mixed signals when it comes to texting. If you want to be taken more serious, try actually speaking to them.

On the flip side, if you'd rather hide your confidence by texting, it may be your method. Just don't expect anything more to develop if you never plan on taking another approach.

[xLindsay46]

In the past, I have started off with texting, then meet in person. I find I am more comfortable when we meet in person after texting for a couple of weeks (or however long)

[MissGuided]

Well, hopefully you'll be able to with this one?
Best of luck!