Well, a lot's happened. The interview went really well. They wanted me to talk to the hiring manager but she was in a meeting so they said they'd have me come back in the next week to talk to her. That was Wednesday afternoon and I haven't heard anything, but I'm not too worried. If I don't hear from them by Friday, then I'll be worried.

I also went to get my stuff and talk with James. There were a lot of things to talk about, and I realized that the things I had been assuming & hearing from friends weren't what was really going on. He also had the same thing; some stuff he though was true about me wasn't. I can't go into details or you'll be reading a novel, but we talked about a lot of important stuff and I know that he is the same guy I thought he was. We hadn't talked like that in months and I think that's one of the issues to us breaking up. We just didn't know each other very well anymore. We also both said that we think if we ever get back together again, it will be in like a year and it'll be from scratch. He has growing up to do (and he said it first, not me) and I need to get settled in my life. Also, religion is important to both of us but I've sort of drifted away from the church and he struggles a lot. So those are things we need to work on. I just wish we could work on them together. We talked for about 4 hours. First we yelled a bit, then we both realized we had been thinking things that weren't true and we talked for a long time. Then I cried, he cried (harder than me), and he said he didn't realize how much he had missed me and he was very conflicted. At one point we broke the touch barrier and we held each other and cried more. That was hard. Because it's like, we could have done something. Kissed or gotten back together right then or something. But we didn't even though we were both really hurting. I think it was the right thing. I still love him I think, and I think he still loves me but he thinks we need to work through our issues on our own. I'm not so sure about that. But we agreed to meet up 3 weeks from that day (so on Feb 7th) and talk again. I don't know exactly what about. But we also agreed to not contact each other. I don't know if he's trying to get over me by doing that or make up his mind by not having me making it harder. When did life get so complicated? In all my other relationships you just broke up, and that was that. We didn't talk again. But none of them were like this one. This one was longer and I loved him. Love him? I don't know. But I do know that after talking to him I miss him differently. It's almost like my brain, instead of being in denial about us being over, just does not think we are over. I can't explain it. It's like...I want to call him. Not to cry or beg him to take me back, but just to say hi. What is wrong with me? It's like the normal missing him. Like when we were dating and he'd be gone for a week; that sort of missing him. We went swing dancing a few times while we were together and I went to one tonight and I wished he had been there. I wanted to call him or text him and tell him about it. Anyway.

I don't know what we will talk about when we meet up in 3 weeks. I wonder if that's too early to bring up us getting back together, even if I mean eventually? I think it is. What do you think I should try to talk about with him? I was thinking maybe I would suggest we go to a swing dance 2 or 3 weeks after we meet again. Just to have fun together. But I don't know how he'll react to that. I think he was scared by how much he missed me, if that makes any sense. How could he not realize that? I knew how much I missed him. But it took him seeing me for him to realize it and be unsure if he made the right choice. Anyway. If you have any advice for our next meeting, please share.

That's great that the interview went well! I hope you hear back from them soon with good news! It sounds like your meeting went pretty well even if you both might be even more confused than before. I guess just take things one meeting at a time. Good luck with your next talk. Sorry I can't really offer any better advice!

After a week, I decided that us not talking is what got us into this mess. So I sent him an email asking if we could discuss things over email, and he said yes. I sent him a long email on one topic that we talked about last week. I like email because we can both think about what we really want to say. I think taking baby steps like this will be best for us, whatever ends up happening in the long run. If us talking through email goes well and our meeting on the 7th seems like an appropriate time, I'm going to ask him where we're going with this. Is this him trying to get us to drift apart, or is it is working towards something? I don't know if I'll be brave enough to ask that. But I think I need to.

So, after all his talk to "I just shouldn't be dating someone right now" and "I need to find out what God wants from my life" and "I can see us getting back together at some point in the future" and "I haven't been seeing anyone new and neither should you", he started dating some other girl. Someone who we met when we were together, in the last month of our relationship. Clearly he was talking to her and decided he'd rather have her. This must be why my friend Simon has been so terribly awkward around me. He introduced them. How did I swallow all of those lies? Am I an idiot?!

You're not an idiot. He's a wimp.

Honestly, the dude wasn't good enough for you. If he can't man up and say something when it needs to be said, he's got no balls.

Truth be told, you're better off without him.

It's important to love in life, but make sure they really deserve it first. The best things about breakups is they're great learning experiences.

PS If a man ever says something like "maybe in the future we can be together" to you again, tell him to shove it because you won't be waiting. It's so arrogant and cold hearted of a thing to say. It's like he's inviting you to wait on your *** for a year in case he decides he MIGHT want to be with you? WELL F THAT SHEET! You're better then that. So if a guy ever says that crap to you again, you have my full support to b*tch slap the sucker.

yyyyyyyyyyyeah, guys are such nightmares when it comes to the drama.

my second daughter by my second husband - yes, that's right, husband: when i found out i was pregnant, he insisted he had to "do right" by me immediately - took off with the other woman he'd been with the whole time we were together when i was precisely 20 weeks pregnant. seems he doesn't believe in abortion. mercifully, when i initiated divorce proceedings, i found out our marriage was invalid anyway so that saved me a lot of trouble (my first husband was/is an idiot, too - long story full of vaudevillian circumstances but when my lawyer said "consider yourself divorced" and i promptly pulled up stakes, turns out not so much bec hubby #1 never actually signed anything - couldn't be arsed to drag himself in to do it so the divorce fell through).

i spent a year in a near coma zoned out on anti-depressants, sitting on the couch watching the TV guide scroll up, one hand with a cigarette, the other in a bowl of ju-jubes or wine gums.


couple weeks before our daughter's first birthday, guess who comes sashaying around to mutual friends (or who used to be mutual friends but were now loyal to me as they were the ones who had to hold me together when i realized what he'd done) saying it had been a mistake to leave me, he wants to see his daughter, and blah, blah, blah. Mike, who used to be his number-one man, asked him if he had child support ready to be handed over and when Steve gave the big "oh, um... " and it transpired he wasn't actually working right now... hadn't been working at all, actually.... didn't have a place to live, either.... Mike immediately showed him the door and the business end of a motorcycle boot and didn't tell me until many months later.

it's a good thing, too - i would've totally welcomed him back with open arms, i was so emotionally messed up.

but time went on, my kids grew, and i built a life for myself and one day when i found a picture (i thought i'd destroyed them all) i didn't feel bad at all - i just showed it to caiti and said "that's your father". she looked at it emotionlessly and said "oh. can i watch barney now?"

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear about that. How are you doing?