how are you doing, Musical?

I had something similar happen to me several years ago. My bf broke up with me over facebook...yes, facebook. I was looking at his page and it had changed to read "single." isn't that lovely? I tried to call him, and I got no answer....I had just talked to him the night before and he ended the phone conversation like always, "goodnight. I love you." and then nothing. He finally sent me an email simply stating that he "couldn't be in a relationship anymore" and that's all I ever got. He was the one that cut all ties, and I realize now that it ended up being a good thing for me. I never realized while I was dating him (and for quite a while thereafter) how much of a jerk he really was.

I would advise on the side of caution for any contact. You don't want him stringing you along for any reason at all. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he shouldn't get to be with you at all. I know it is your choice, but I would beg you to please guard your heart.

Bless your heart. I wish I could give you a great big hug.

Remember that a broken heart still keeps beating. You will get through this. Give yourself the time you need to heal and move through the grief process. You are mourning a lost relationship.

It may be that he cares for you. It doesn't necessarily mean that towards the end it was "all a lie." He may care about you, but it's hard to know that you are not in love anymore and have to let a person you once loved and still care about go easy. To be a good breaker upper is hard too. To me that he waited til the end of the apartment thing -- that seems to ring a bell in that direction. He's trying to pick the best time to do a thing he knows that he needs to do but trying to let you go as easy as he can. There is no real best time for a break up. But there's times that are less stressy than others. Smack in the middle of finals would stink!

Have you ever broken up with someone? How did you do it? How would you like to be let go of if you are the one being broken up with?

I don't think you need to drive to see him just to talk. You don't HAVE to talk to him, but if you want to, there's the phone. Talk there.

Perhaps it would help you both have better closure and part on good terms -- to be able to talk about the break up.

But if you are not ready for that conversation, just ask what the talk is for. If he doesn't know -- don't go there when you are emotionally vulnerable. He too needs to learn how to lean on other friends rather than you. You are not the person any more.

And if you aren't ready to have contact with him, say so. It's totally ok to need space to digest and let this level of relationship end before moving on to being friends post break up. That's a whole other relationship.

The "stages of grief" might be something you want to google and learn more about. It's normal not to want to eat, have trouble sleeping etc.

You are going to be ok through this. Really. :hug:

A.

This. I totally feel for you Musical. A couple of years ago, just before I took off the majority of my weight, I had a VERY messy breakup with the man I thought I was going to marry. Turns out he had a second life away at school, complete with second girlfriend. It was awful and the absolute worst days of my life... until we finally split, moved him out, and then sent him one final text telling him exactly what I thought of him. I've never spoken to him again. I even got him to block me on Facebook before that last talk, so I couldn't creep him while I was lonely, and I am so glad I did that.

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm happier than I ever thought possible. Not yet at goal weight, but utterly satisfied with everything else. New man who loves me and treats me like gold, who would never do that **** to me, who is just as glad to have me as I am to have him. **you will find a man like that too, and settle for nothing less.**

Obviously I don't know you or your situation... But closing the book and starting new was among my best moves when it came to protecting my heart.

Good luck and warm hugs from someone who's been there!! :hug:

I would think that he's feeling like a pile of sh-t about the break up. He might feel guilty and the fact that you aren't talking to him might be driving him crazy. Some guys have this weird thing where they want to be like the same as before but without all of the romantic stuff and they think that you should keep talking to them as if nothing happened.

Totally fair to make him drive to you. He's the one who wants to talk, it was his idea, let him have that 45 minute drive home allll alone to think about what just happened if you do decide to talk. If you don't want to talk, I'd just tell him "Look, you broke up with me. I've left you alone, can you please leave me alone? I don't have anything to say to you."

Good luck in whatever you decide to do! And in case you didn't see, I PMed you that link I mentioned.

In the past, when a boyfriend would break up with me, I would picture in my mind a heart..well more specifically MY heart and visualize my feelings that way. For example, the week he broke up with you, my heart looked like texas chain saw massacre...but as the weeks and months went by, a healing heart took its place...a few bruises there, a bandaid here, until when I was finally over him, I pictured a perfect, content heart. It always helped me to see how I was feeling..or sort of gauge my emotions that way.
My ex from high school who I dated for 5 years dumped me AFTER he slept with some frat girl while he was rushing in a fraternity. We actually got back together afterward, but it was never the same, and the inevitable 2nd breakup was easy and just proved that the extra time we spent together was a waste of time.
Now, Im engaged to the love of my life, who would NEVER EVER pull that ridiculous **** on me.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! Its hard now, I KNOW, but it will absolutely get better and you will be a stronger person because of it.

I hope you are doing alright today.... ::hug::
As every other female on here has said, I know how you feel. When my ex told me he didn't want to be with me, it felt like I fell down a black hole. Everyone deals with grief differently (and it truly is grief because it feels like someone died with the added pain of feeling like you weren't good enough and that's why they stopped caring about you). For me, I had to embrace the sadness for a while. I listened to music which I felt spoke to me. I bawled my eyes out (mostly while listening to Adele and Florence and the Machine). I needed to feel the emotions that were brought up. I think that we learn the most about ourself when we deal with pain and adversity, but you have to accept and deal with it. Don't try to ignore it or busy yourself so much that you "don't have time to think about it". It will come up sooner or later.

I also suggest looking up things on the internet about breakups. There are all kinds of quotes, articles, etc...that really help.

Take care of you. Try to do small things that make you happy. Get a pedicure. Go see a silly movie. Go read a book in a park on a nice day.

I know it's impossibly hard right now, but try to remember...millions of women have gone through this and made it out whole again and you will too.

Also...

From personal experience, I cannot tell you how much I advise against trying to be friends with him right now...maybe in a couple of YEARS.

I tried that with my ex...I cannot tell you how much I wish I hadn't. It messed with my head so much. I feel like I lost a year of my life trying to act like I was okay with it, but really it was tearing me up inside. Especially when he started dating someone new...I kept torturing myself because I told myself that I really cared about him and it was worth it to try to have him in my life in some way. God, I wish I had blocked his number, facebook, etc... as soon as it was over. I realized I have a hard time letting go of things...so dealing with this was definitely a life lesson I had to learn.

He and I ended up having a HUGE blowout with numbers blocked, etc...if he and I do try to be friends again, it won't be for a few years. I kick myself everytime I think of how stupid I was to do that to myself emotionally for so long.

Sorry for the extra rant, I just know how much pain you are in already and I wish somebody would have slapped me HARD across the face when I started claiming I could still be friends with my ex right after we broke up.

THIS. He is doing this! WHY would he do this? Why does he think this is okay? Sorry James, but I am MAD AT YOU. I sent him a mad message today. I wish I hadn't. :( But another part of me thinks, why do I give a crap about what he thinks? I don't know. I wish I hadn't done it. But also, it was his first taste of the fact that I'm pissed. So maybe it was a good thing and he'll leave me alone until I'm ready to talk?

It's good to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. :( Because right now I feel like everything is pointless. Why dress nice? I dressed nice for him. I don't care what I look like, I never did. T-shirts and jeans have been my wardrobe my entire life until I met him. Then I cared about what I looked like. I'm not going to renew my prescription for the pill. I took it for him. I got giftcards for clothes for Christmas...I have no desire to go shopping. I just moved home and I have no friends in this city because I haven't been here for 5 years. I know I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's good to hear from you guys. :/ It's what I really need. To know that he wasn't the right guy for me and some day I will find someone else...it's hard to believe right now but maybe at some point I will.

As for being friends with him...I think you're right, somethingnew, I think it's a very bad idea right now. Because I'm not over him, so hanging out with him will only upset me. I don't have the strength to tell him to leave me alone though. I'm still afraid of "losing" him, even though I already have. But at least I have made the decision to not go to him or call him. If he wants to talk so badly he will have to come to me. Though I don't think he will. It's too much work. He said when he broke up with me a long-distance relationship would be too much work. Before we broke up but when he was in the "mean" stage (that apparently guys go through because they're trying to get you to break up with them...) he basically said that driving up to visit me wasn't going to happen because it would use gas and that I would have to go visit him. So even though he's bugging me to talk and he wants to immediately go to being friends, I don't think he's actually going to do it.

As far as being afraid of "losing" him...here is what my ex told me when we first broke up. I should have listened to him. But instead I was stubborn and claimed I could do the just friends thing since we both did care about each other. My ex told me that when two people have a lot of history together...and if there ever really was a personal relationship between them, then you can't "lose them" if you don't want to. You always have the option of looking him up in a couple of years. I am SURE that you know people who could get you back in contact with him later if you really do want him to be a lifelong friend eventually. You may find that after a while you don't want to be friends after all. But, if you do still see a place for him in your life later, there will be a way to make that happen. And, if you think that he cared for you in a meaningful way, then i'm sure he will feel the same way.

I wish I had taken that advice. I wish I had just taken some time for myself, to heal and to get over it. Instead I kept scratching and scratching that wound until now it was probably deeper than it had been to start with by the time we really stopped talking.

Different people work different ways, but I would definitely say to be weary of trying to be friends right now. I think it's possible when it's a mutual breakup. But in cases like these where one person loses that feeling and the other one is left in pieces, it just doesn't end well in my experience.

Keep on keeping on...that's what I had to tell myself for a while. Keep moving and let time do its thing. You need to remember that you WILL feel better and this feeling WON'T last forever :)

When my boyfriend left me for another girl two years ago I thought id be done off. I thought I had nothing left and nothing to hold onto. But it was then I began to realize that now it was the time to finally focus on myself. To finally achieve. Oddly.. the morning it happened I was driving to school and told my mom "I think he is going to break up with me and five minutes later he did.

A friend of mine wrote this quote for me and hung it on my wall and told me that whenever I get up I should read and remember my purpose. Here it is:
"I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from my bad choices... and even though there are some things I can never get back... and people who will never be sorry.. l'll know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve."

Write this down, stick on a wall in tour room or on your door.. and don't forget it for anything. Its still on my wall to this day. We eventually got back together and I forgave him and we have been great ever since. Just remember that whatever decision you make make sure it is right for you. You deserve better and of he wants to talk its all on him mow not you hunny. Don't forget that.

I've decided that on Saturday I'm going to his (former our) apartment to get the rest of my stuff. I'm nervous about it. I'm so torn between missing him and being angry at him. :/ Any advice for when I get my stuff?

do it quick. it's gonna be awkward and unpleasant, and you're gonna cry on the way back.

these things suck. bad. i'm sorry girl. big hugs.

i had a similar situation to what Daki mentioned earlier... my bf broke with me totally out of the blue (later learned he was bipolar... ha!) and i was so devastated i didn't eat for a month. that's right, a whole month. my mom had to force-feed me Ensure/Boost drinks (the kind for sick people that have to be on a liquid diet) and i would force down one or two a day. all i would do was cry, sleep, and chain smoke. when at work i would just randomly burst into tears and would have to go hide in the back for a while... it sucked. real bad. i thought it was the end of the world and i thought i would never get over it.

but hey, look at me. i did. took freakin forever but i did! so you will. my best advice would be to try to distract yourself... spend time with friends, don't stay alone. try to find movies that have zero romance in them (i watched the first season of LOST with almost no sleep in two days that first week. lol) and distract yourself that way. stay away from music because you will find that every single song makes you wanna cry. try self-help books if that's your thing. eventually it gets easier.

as for the seeing him/being in contact with him again. i would say STAY AWAY! he doesn't deserve your friendship (or in any case, not now) and you need to be able to heal by yourself first. it's not gonna happen if he's still in the picture. also, guys have this tendency to try and making themselves feel better after a breakup, by making sure you're ok, but that is so stupid and annoying because it just refreshes the pain for us each time. i had a boyfriend who. after dumping me, would text me every month to check up on me... and every time i would just hope stupidly that it was because he had realized he'd made a mistake and wanted me back, but nope, just checking up on me. i ended up telling him i didn't want him to do that anymore cuz i was still not over him and he was like "what?! you're still not over me?!" like all shocked. that made me fell so much better :/ .... men!

Musical-take someone with you. You need a friend there for you. Keep a journal that way you can voice your anger but not send it. I went through a marriage separation for a year. We are now back together and doing good. I was so broken hearted, I cried all the time, lost a lot of weight and learned alot of lessons about life. A. Do not respond to anything for 24 hours. What you might say today is not what you would say tomorrow. B. Do not share any websites with him. It only hurts. C. Dont count on any mutual friends to stay that way. D. Do something for yourself. Woman for some reason loose themselves in a relationship. Give yourself permission to feel the way you feel. But always keep in mind people do care and reach out to those that do-they will be your lifeline.

oh, the journal's a good one! i remember i did that too :p

Get a copy of the old song......."I got along before I met you, I'm gonna get along without you now!"

My friends and I did this years ago; we had it dedicated to the scoundrel on our college radio station, and it worked wonders!!!