[wannabepretty]

I have been on here and off here and on here and off here since May, but my story is still the same. I had twins 2.5 years ago and was at my highest weight of 220lbs at 5'0" tall. My wedding was coming up so I was determined to lose as much weight as possible by then. It was slow but I managed to take off 50lbs by last December 2010. But something happened on my wedding day, I had been depriving myself of so much that when I ate the amazing German food and delicious cake from our favorite bakery I couldnt stop. Now I have gained back all the 50lbs I had lost and am up to 218lbs. Im very depressed with my life. I beg for help but it feels like no one understands. It is as if I am going to die if I dont have that candy bar or box of cookies at the end of the day. I can eat an entire box of oreos in a night. Im a heavy stress eater and my life is really stressful right now but there is little I can do to relieve the stress. I am a stay at home mom which doesnt sound very stressful until you hear that my husband, kids, and I all live with my parents and my sister. Thats 7 people in the house! Plus we are having other financial problems which I am sure many of you can relate to. I have no self confidence. I look in the mirror and see this ugly fat girl who isnt worth anything, and I get all down then go and binge on a bag of mini snickers bars. My husband is working really hard to finish up his degree in History so he doesnt have a lot of time for me. I feel like if maybe we were closer I would take better care of myself, but since he is always at school studying or at the Library working till late hours I never see him until we are in bed and he is reading his books for class. My mom convinced me to try Weight Watchers and I will do great one day then horrible the next. I dont know why I just cant get it. My husband relates it to alcoholism, he's a recovering alcoholic, as the sugar calls to me and I cant control it. I try so hard with weight watchers but I keep screwing up. My sister has a new puppy so we are taking long walks everyday but by the end of the day I ruin all my progress with binging on sweets. How can I make the Weight Watchers work? How can I get over this slump of hopelessness? How can prove to myself that I am worth it? Everytime I step on that scale and see the scale go up I stoop further into depression. When I tell my husband I messed up on my diet that day and I see the look on his face I feel like I have failed him and I worry he is starting to love me less and less because of how I look. I just am overwhelmed with everything and I feel like its never going to get better, that I am never going to be thin and worth my husband's love, that I am never going to be successful. Help me please!

[Beingmyidealme]

Ok first of all your husband will and should love you no matter what size you are. You need to realize that the sugar is an addition...a drug so to speak and you know that stress triggers it. That is the first step. Any diet will work if you make the committment to stick to it. I used the ideal protein program and lost 63lbs in 21 weeks. I never want to go back to being 237lbs. Just remember why you wanted to lose the weight in the first place. Being healthy affects all aspect of your life mind, body and spirit. You personal relationships will only get better, trust me. We have all be there. Weight watchers is ok but doesn't teach you the importance of retraining yourself how to eat and what to eat and why protein is so important. You are letting food control you and you need to take control of what you eat. Your using it as a crutch. If your intersted in the ideal protein program I can help you out. Your mind set has to be there though and you have to be ready and need to give anything 100%. It is your health and you do have the twins. Your life doesn't get better by chance it gets better by change...

[Soon2BSlender]

I'm sure the ladies here will be able to give your some great advice and encouragement. You obviously need to get to the root of why you're binging and make some serious life changes. In the mean time, have you thought about changing what you snack on? Instead of taking down a box of Oreos how about a bag of pop-corn... you can dress it up with something low-cal and you'll end up will a mostly air, stomach filling, treat that should satisfy your need to binge without packing on the pounds. There are other ways to trick yourself into "binging" without really destroying your daily calorie consumption. I suggest that before you do anything else, you toss out all of your sugary comfort foods... and don't repurchase them! Get creative and try to find alternative ways to snack.

I have a rule for myself. If I crave cookies or cake I have to bake it from scratch. If by the time I go to the store, buy the ingredients, make the dough/batter, wait while it bakes... if at that point I still want to eat it then I'm allowed. Usually I start thinking about the work involved and decided not to. Or I'll make the dough and then decide that I'm over my craving.

[maui girl]

Hi, Wannabe . First Of All You Are Already Pretty. Don't Put Yourself Down. I Have Always Craved Sugar Too Especially Right After I Eat A Meal. I The One Thing I Have Found That Helps Is To Have A Can Of Sugar Free In Fruit Juice Fruit Of Your Choice. Peaches And Pears Are My Favorite, Instead Of Depriving Yourself. Give It A Try. Hope It Helps

[124chicksinger]

First of all, tight hugs to you. Your frustration is evident. Know that you are not alone.

As to the entire box of cookies, you may get some good advice in the chicks in control section because it sounds like binging, at least to me.

As to approaching the entire box of cookies, in my experience, you need to think this: This is not the last box of cookies on the earth. You know it isn't. Really, it isn't. That very notion of this "whatever it is" not being the last time I can consume it has come in handy for me. Particularly during the month of Halloween--where I daily passed bags of candy that dear hubby purchased because it was on sale--and I expressed to him that it was going to be on sale on October 30th too, so there realllllly was no need to purchase it, in mass quantities, on October 1st.

While you or your hubby can liken it to an addiction, it really is a choice. Eat it or don't. Isn't is funny that no one sits down and devours an entire bag of carrots? However, if you had some raw veg on hand, and added to that some dressing for dipping, or sour cream or greek yogurt with some added spices, you could munch out a long while, devour it all, and do a lot less damage health-wise to your body. So in addition to eat or don't, it includes this or that. The cookies may be convenient...but the veg and dip can be an equally satisfying experience of chewing and feeling full. So could a banana, or a fruit salad (sugar). Maybe you'd benefit from freezing juice and eating that with a spoon----trust me, it takes a long time to scrape through a cup of frozen orange, pineapple or grape juice. Alternatively, if you want to pretend you ate a box of cookies--eat a bag of frozen veg first---pop it in the microwave and add a dab of butter. Then, drink some water--then, have A cookie, maybe 2. Its all about limiting the damage. A bag of cookies or candy bars does way more damage than topping off some veg with 1 or 2 pieces. Food for thought there.

Who pays for the food (you mention financial difficulties), and who does the shopping? I feel your pain if someone else does the shopping and is bringing crap into the house. Out of sight, however, out of mind. Ask the buyer of the cookies to hide the cookies and ask them to bring home some healthier options for you. Ditto on the bagged candy bars.

Is anyone else in the house trying to lose weight? Does anyone else need to? If yes, there is strength in numbers....but you write that you're asking for help, and it is not forthcoming. Keep asking.

"I look in the mirror and see this ugly fat girl who isnt worth anything, and I get all down then go and binge on a bag of mini snickers bars." <---has this behavior changed anything? Made anything better? Does this make any sense at all? I worked with a girl who had a baby with a man who beat her. She wanted to leave him....so she had a 2nd baby. With 2 kids, she desperately wanted to leave him....so she had a 3rd. While she made it difficult to leave him--in her own mind, she made it impossible. So while she was professing her unhappiness (who wouldn't) she did everything in her power to make sure she'd be in deep, hopeless and stuck. This has nothing to do with your marriage or your kids or being a stay at home mom. What the correlation is....is: Looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, then eating a bag of cookies to ensure that you don't like what you see....perpetuates the cycle. You need to break the cycle.

If WW doesn't work for you, maybe it just isn't the program, plan or diet you should be following. Something else may be more successful for you. You have to do your research and write out your options. Then, try. Give it a good honest try. If snacking is your issue....find better snacks, so you CAN snack yet be successful. You lost weight before--you know you CAN do it. You write that you WANT to do it, but then you sabotage yourself, which only ensures that you will continue to ride that not-so-merry-go-round until you're ready to bring it to a halt.

There are people here who will listen and offer advice--so you DO have support. Maybe not home--but here, and that counts for something. The internet is a vast source of diet material--use it and plan your food program. Try. One day at a time. You did it before...you can do it again. It all starts with a decision. Then you build on that and incorporate more positive changes.

I hope you find the strength to begin what you say you want to do, and then follow through with your plan of action.

[jayohwhy]

You just have to constantly ask yourself- "what do i want more- to be thin and healthy or to eat too much?" thats all. You decide.

[indiblue]

So I've recently decided that my lifestyle choices (what I eat, how much I exercise) have be completely SEPARATED from my weight loss efforts.

This sounds weird, but bear with me.

You are 100% in control of the person you are. You are an amazing creation with so much potential. Some behaviors-- sitting in front of the TV for hours, eating unhealthy food-- do not contribute anything to your growth and happiness as a person. Others-- going for a walk on a beautiful sunny day, eating nutritious, delicious foods-- do.

I have decided that eating "right"- eating healthy, delicious food- is a behavior I inherently should do, because I deserve it. I find great pleasure in cooking healthy food and savoring it, in going for long walks while listening to interesting podcasts, reading amazing novels. These nourish me and grow me, and a person who is nourished and treated well is a happy person.

I hope that my healthy behaviors (moving, eating well) will inevitably cause weight loss. (I know they will- science says they will). But the minute I start connecting treating myself WELL for its OWN sake ---> to weight loss, the more likely I am to lose sight of why I'm doing it... and inevitably "screw up" "mess up" "sabotage myself" etc.

I think we all deserve to treat ourselves and our bodies with love and kindness. I think we owe it to ourselves to find ways to engage the amazing bodies we have in activity- going for a walk, throwing a baseball with a child, dancing, whatever gives us pleasure. I think we owe it to ourselves to eat amazingly delicious and healthy food- real food, not frozen, packaged food-like-things that the diet world says we need. We inherently deserve these good, wonderful things.

I have no idea if this relates to you at all... maybe I'm off my rocker and this only makes sense to me in my head . But distancing eating well and using my amazing body from weight loss has helped me tremendously. I do these things because I deserve them- and nothing less. I will lose weight because of them, but that isn't the end-all-be-all. The end-all-be-all is treating yourself well. And when you treat yourself well and give yourself what you deserve, happiness usually follows.

Wish you all the best.

[Iconised Ghost]

It could be that you are trying to change too many things at once. I cant emphasise the importance of changing on thing at a time enough. It might be helpful to go through the things that you need to do to be healthy and lose weight (might be around eating, might be around exercise, but might also be around taking care of yourself in other ways- stress management, making sure you do some things you enjoy as well) and pick one thing a week to work on. And sometimes it might take a while, e.g. you might want to make it so you only have cookies on special occassions. So you might start with having only 5 cookies a night instead of ten. And the next week 3. And the next 1. And the next 1 in a fortnight. Something like that. And then when you get that down, start on the next thing. It might take a long time, but its better than trying to do everything and not managing it, which takes a long time too! Just my 2c

[Riestrella]

Ok first things first, congratulations on getting married and having kids! It's a truly beautiful thing, and sure it's stressful at times but it's also a blessing too. So concentrate on the things in life you have that are awesome first things first. Deep breath, relax!

Secondly, you can most definitely lose weight. Don't think of it as this impossible obstacle, weight loss is a journey and a very long mental and physical journey at that.

Thirdly, it sounds like you do have a sugar addiction. It seems to me that you've crashed dieted for your wedding, ate a bit of unhealthy food and it's sent you into overdrive. You're going to hear many different opinions on this, but I hate diets. Your body is currently addicted to sugar. It's probably why you feel so fed up and depressed and hate the mirror! Sugar can have an amazing high but it can send you into the ultimate low afterwards.

I was once a coca cola addict (I never say coke addict to strangers because they think I'm talking about the white powder kind ;p) and it was terrible. I NEEDED it, I CRAVED it, I was a SLAVE to it. I knew it had to stop, and at first I started to drink Coke Zero. Soon enough I started to dislike the taste and realised I was only drinking it for comfort, so I started drinking orange juice. After that I got a fruit cordial drink and then after that I started water. So if I were you I wouldn't go cold turkey, I would slowly start to ease your way out of it.

To do this work out how many calories you need to eat in a day to lose weight. Not the stupid lets all eat 400 calories and get super skinny, the work out how many you need for your age, weight and height and subtracting 500 from it. Then after a day of good eating if you still have some calories left over then treat yourself to a little sugar snack within your calorie limits. Get your husband to help you, make him hide the snacks and then give them to you when you ask for them. That way you have to ask for them, and can't just take them all because your mind switches to addict mode!

After a while your body will start to adapt (after an awful transition period where you'll probably hate everything and everyone - but just stay strong! If your husband is a recovering addict he'll know exactly what you need!) and then you won't need those snacks any more.

Secondly, exercise exercise exercise. I eat 3 times a day, no snacks and drink water. I have cereal for breakfast, a sandwich, fruit, yogurt and a small bag of chips for lunch and whatever is put in front of me for dinner. I exercise 6 days a week rigorously and I've lost 36 lbs. I'm on no diet, I ate a frickin McDonalds last night and go out for meals where I eat what I want, but I make sure I exercise like crazy. Obviously this is MY method, yours might be different if you're a binge eater. There are threads on the forum to help with binge eating, but seriously exercise is the way forward! The endorphins will make you feel amazing and when you lose weight you'll be toning too.

So, relax, this is a journey you should be excited to start not dreading. We're all here for you, pop into the chat thread and stay accountable. You can do it!

[gma22]

Ok, let's start with, loving yourself and thinking you are beautiful as you are NOW!!! It is important to separate your body and self image and you have them all bunched together. Love the way you are now, it is very important. I know it is hard to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful, but you are.

Now, this is the very, very hard part and I know because I just did it about 5 weeks ago. You MUST quit eating refined sugar. You, like I and many like us become addicted to it and you certainly are. You must quit cold turkey, leave it behind and don't look back. Everytime you pick up a cookie or a piece of candy, think of it as being deadly, because frankly for people like us, it can be. It takes about 2 weeks of toughing it out and then you find that you don't crave it and as days go by you can see ads for pie or cake or whatever and not be tempted to rush out and buy one. I am on WW and would lose weight and gain and yo yo and couldn't figure out why I couldn't stay on the program. I always poo pooed the stories about people who a great deal of weight and always seemed to have on the list, giving up sugar until I did it. My mother died of diabetic complications, and all three siblings have diabetes and I knew being morbidly obese that I was on that train and traveling fast towards insulin injections if I didn't do something about it. I am not saying sugar causes diabetes, I am saying by quit eating it, I now can lose weight at a steady rate and not gain it back. My dh is on WW with me and has a real sweet tooth and has WW ice cream treats in the freezer and those little packages of Oreos in the pantry. I have yet to even touch one and am not even drawn to them. Since I quit eating sugar, I have lost nearly 20 lbs and feel in control again.

I know with stress, sweets would be the first thing you grab, but give yourself other stuff that is easier to snack on like apples, which can really curb that sweet tooth. Get yourself some sugar free jello pudding for those really hard days and it tastes great and helps a great deal too. Do this for you.

My husband was in the Navy for 20 years and gone a lot. I had to deal with living almost at poverty level, raising two kids practically alone, and being lonely all the time so I know where you come from. You must find time for yourself, it is imperative. Get yourself a hobby like knitting or go to the library and get some books and everyday get someone in your household to give you an hour by yourself. Demand it!!!

You can do this, I know you can!!!!!

[sontaikle]

Before you can even begin on this journey, you need to love yourself. I too, hated who I was and just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. Once I began to love myself and realize that I WAS WORTH IT, I slowly—over the course of a few years—changed my habits. Yes, years.

You're trying to change too much at once! It's so hard to form new habits that you really should do it at a much slower pace.

How should you start? That's really up to you, but I think you might do best from first either cutting down on how much sugar you eat or adding in exercise. Both of these alone will not result in any significant weight loss, but by slowing changing your habits for more healthy ones you will set yourself up for your ultimate goal.

I started with exercise when I was 16...a few years later I added healthy eating and over the course of another few years learned which foods I should be eating and which ones I shouldn't. I didn't lose much weight during that time, maybe 20 pounds to get to my starting weight listed on my ticker. A few months ago I started portion control and then calorie counting...and here I am.

That last change was easy for me because I had done all of the other things first! Exercise is already ingrained in me because I've been doing it regularly for so long. Eating healthy was already easy because I was doing it for years.

So what if it takes you years to get to the ideal you? It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your ideal healthy lifestyle, weight, whatever—just that you get there at some point.

[bargoo]

And remember this, the twins deserve a helthy mommy.

[tuende]

I would really work on yourself before you tackle the weight loss. You ARE worth it- you are worth it to make the changes and put in the work and have whatever kind of life you want to have for yourself. But you have to believe this before it will happen. Although we all believe in you, we can't believe it for you. I know... easier said than done.

I would highly recommend the book Unlimited by Jillian Michcaels. It's not a diet book, it's more of a self-help book, but it has so many valuable ideas about processing emotions, especially related to these feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. It helps you set really specific goals, figure out a plan to get there, and know that you are capable of being successful.

You CAN do this, but you have to fully believe in your own power to create these changes. You are more capable than you know. Once you understand this, the weight loss behaviors will be much less of a struggle.

(((Hugs))) We're all here for you along the way !

[Raven132]

First, take a deep breath and try to relax. I am a binge eater and have been for the vast majority of my life. Since June of this year I have been taking back control of my life a little bit at a time, with slips and a few binges along the way. Weight Watchers may not be your best bet at this point. If it were me, I would start by cutting out everything that comes in a box (or bag, or mix, you get the idea.) If you want bread, make it. If you want cookies, make them. You will find it much easier to focus on getting veggies and meat in the simplest form possible when you are truly hungry.

Eventually you cut it down to no grains, no dairy (or only on special occasions), no legumes. Mostly meat and veggies, fruit occasionally. Try to eat what's in season and make sure you are getting the highest quality ingredients possible. Not only will it make you feel awesome physically, there are no restrictions on amounts. If you want to eat a whole pound of cabbage cooked in bacon grease, help yourself. Once you get the sugar and grains out the control and amounts come easier. If you can get everyone else on board with it, all the better. Grocery bill goes way down because everything you buy is real food and nutrient dense.

Send me a PM if you would like some links or to listen to me prattle on about what I've done so far in my low carb to no carb to paleo madness.

[maui girl]

I Am Trying The 17 Day Diet. No Sugar No Carbs For The First 17 Days. This Is Day 4 . Try It It May Help.