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Old 06-15-2011, 01:49 PM   #1  
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Hi all,

So today I was telling my husband about my new weight loss goals---which I thought were incredibly reasonable. I said---I'm going to try to lose one pound a month.

He snapped at me and said , "I love you, but you are nuts, certifiable." And he meant it. I asked him what he meant and he said, "You've been trying to lose weight since we first met."

After that, I lost it, and luckily I have a sweetie who is super supportive, but I just couldn't stop crying. I've been trying to lose these last ten pounds for about 3 years and it's been impossible. I keep trying though, that's what they say, right, to just keep trying.

I explained to him that he can't tell me that I don't need to lose weight and then call me "big". The other day, some men were over, and he said "Come one Amy, have a shot, you're bigger than both of these guys."

I told him it hurt my feelings when he said that. I told him if he is going to tell me that I don't want to lose weight, he shouldn't call me big like that. Sometimes, he'll even erfer to me as his "corn bred midwestern woman". It makes me feel like such a big girl, and I don't think I'm that big, but it hurts my feelings.

I just kept crying---and on top of all this---I just finished a triathlon. I had to sign up for the "heavy" traithlete category----Athena (for women 150+)----and I even came in last to that.

I am in school right now, and that's stressing me out, I am having some financial issues, and with all of that I just lost it, started crying, and kept thinking what a failure I am.

I still stand strong to my weight loss plan though. In May, I got down to 151----one pound close to my goal! And, then I regained it back, I am trying to focus on maintaince over the next few weeks, anything more is just too stressful.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:02 PM   #2  
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If my husband ever called me big, lol, oh, poor guy. He would rue the day! LOL. And 1lb a month is a really good goal... And you cant be that big, seeing as your 157/155.. Unless youre 3 feet tall!

When you say you 'keep trying' do you just...try? Or are you acting on things, DOING IT? Trying to eat x cals a day, but really blowing it out of the water?

I'm sure you'll meet your goal. Don't listen to his negative comments.. and don't let him talk to you like that! You're better than that!
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:04 PM   #3  
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:15 PM   #4  
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How tall are you? Because at 155lbs if you are 5'6" or above you are NORMAL weight according to your BMI. ONLY if you're 5'0" or below are you considered OBESE at that weight so I think your DH's perception is way off. BTW, I'm right at Obese at the moment and don't look huge by any means so I'm pretty sure you're not that big to start off with!

That being said, I think 1lb per month is a GREAT goal and I'm sure you can do it! Also if you're running a triathlon, um... I don't think you're doing that bad either! Most women out there can't do that.

Honestly, it sounds like there is some mental work that you need to do for this to happen if it's taken you 3 years. I'm not trying to sound condescending (trust me I've totally BTDT and am STILL doing that!). Stress can make things infinitely worse on top of that. If I were you I'd just try to find friends to discuss this with instead of your DH and focus on eating healthy and at least getting in some form of exercise 3x a week.

What is your current diet plan? Many of us have BTDT and could probably help you with some important tweaks.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:24 PM   #5  
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First off, the subject of your post made me laugh (so thank you!) I can relate to your story in a way… When I told my boyfriend about a realistic goal of losing 1-2 pounds a week (if I’m lucky!) he started getting on a soap box about how I shouldn’t set the bar so low for myself, that I will limit what my potential is if I cap the weight loss at only 1-2 lbs a week mentally. I blasted him with facts about the rate of safe weight loss and he pretty much shut up about it from then on

I’m glad you are able to tell your husband what hurts your feelings because sometimes guys are just DENSE. When I weighed about 140 (over a year ago) my boyfriend tried to compliment me by telling me I had “thunderous thighs”. I shrieked at him and explained why that was NOT a compliment! Men can just be so insensitive without realizing it! It sounds like you have a good partner who will listen to your feelings and avoid these sorts of things in the future.

And you’ll prove to him that you’re not “nuts, certifiable”! You’ll get there!
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:40 PM   #6  
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Wow hunny, that sucks! I hope your hubby's just plain stupid cuz any man who calls his woman "big" should be scared even if it was only a joke! It's great that you told him it hurt you, maybe he'll smarten up next time.

A pound a month is MORE than reasonable! And setting your goal low and realistic often leads to losing more than you had planned. The last ten pounds are ALWAYS the hardest, anyone who's lost weight can tell you that.

It sounds like you've come a long way. Congratulations!! The reason you've hit the plateau could be because your body has gotten used to its usual routine. Always eat 1400 calories? Try adding a couple hundred a few days a week. Clock an hour on the treadmill every gym session? Try adding in some strength training.

Good luck and keep your head up!
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Old 06-15-2011, 03:21 PM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uwfan27 View Post
my boyfriend tried to compliment me by telling me I had “thunderous thighs”.
I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how someone could think this is a compliment! I can't come up with anything.

To the OP, Amy - Your goal is completely reasonable and reachable! Keep on keeping on, you'll make it!
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:25 PM   #8  
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Oh librarygirl I'm so sorry your husband has hurt your feelings like that. I'm not sure how some men manage to make it to adulthood not knowing what you should and should not say to your fair lady. You're not "that big" but it's all about how you feel in your own skin and I hope in the future he will be supportive and more tactful. Maybe he's not someone you should talk to about weight loss?
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Old 06-16-2011, 07:49 AM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by librarygirl111 View Post

After that, I lost it, and luckily I have a sweetie who is super supportive, but I just couldn't stop crying.
Maybe I'm misunderstanding, and I don't want to sound harsh, but I'm wondering who this "supportive sweetie" is--are you referring to your husband? Because his words sound, as you describe, completely un-supportive. Maybe you mean he's supportive in other ways?

Maybe you could explain to him that you need his support, and focus on that. One pound a month, especially at your low weight, is totally reasonable.

Good luck!!!
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:17 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uwfan27 View Post
my boyfriend tried to compliment me by telling me I had “thunderous thighs”.
Haha mine said I had "voluptuous hams", which he thinks is charming but I think is comically offensive. In his defence, English is not his first language and he read it in a James Joyce novel, but still! Worse is, he still says it quite often.

However, if he told me I was "big", I would smack him so hard he would never say it again. Men! He probably meant it as a compliment though, that you could beat the men. My bf's standard reply to my 'Oh I am such a heffer, ahh my thunder thighs' rants is 'Those thunder thighs can run sub 25 min 5ks'. I'd prefer (and tbh expect!) a standard 'They aren't fat' response. Men, bless them!
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Old 06-16-2011, 03:24 PM   #11  
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Default thanks for the support!

Hi all,

Thanks for the support!

I already laid into him pretty good about it. When he rebutts on calling me "big", he says "it's because you are talll and sexy". And I can understand what he means. I am 5'10" and weigh 160. It's not a bad weight at all. But it gets hard sometimes and all the images of women on television and the way people sometimes treat me is.....strange?

I know he says that because he actually doesn't think of me as big at all (I'm about 70 pounds lighter than him). It just gets me upset!

So, after all that being said, the tears started coming down. He's supportive because he makes me feel better, and doesn't make me dwell. After I got mad, he just kept telling me how beautiful and amazing I am---he is really swell---I'd hate to paint a bad picture of him.

But I guess these things just happen, some days it feels harder to catch up with the crowd than the rest.

I do feel good about weight loss routine----2 pounds a month is my goal now---- (I feel like 1 pound is WAY too easy) lol

I just reached my 158 pound mark today! Yay! My goal for the next two weeks in June is to maintain 158. Once July hits, I'll try to start losing to get to 156, then maintain.

Maintaining a weight is a lot harder than losing it. After losing the almost ten pounds I lost, it was so easy to gain it back.

I think it's going to be an interesting feat to try to maintain.

Thanks for the support girlies. I love these message boards because it's a nice place to send your thoughts when it feels like no one else can listen.

It's nice to be surrounded by other women who want to transform.

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Old 06-16-2011, 11:05 PM   #12  
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Wait, you're 5'10? Any "big" comments are 100% because of your height and not your weight, I guarantee. That's downright svelte!
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:01 AM   #13  
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You just did a tri? Holy cow! That's awesome.

I confess I am baffled also. You are at 158 and taller than me to boot. So I don't think you have a weight loss problem. Clearly you have achieved it and you are in the fine tune / maintain place. You are where I wish I was and I'm 5'8!

You might have a tall person problem from how you reacted though. Have you always struggled with it?

I'm not as tall as you but I do get the tall chick thing. All my peeps are tiny Asian women and I tower over them. Growing up taller than all the women in my fam was weird. I know what it is to feel like some giant galumphin' galoot.

But weight wise... I think you could make peace with it. This level of emotion seems disproportionate. And height wise... make peace with that too.

You can look most guys square in the eye most of the time and that my dear.... feels just fine!

A.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:30 AM   #14  
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I have some tiny, tiny friends (height and weight-wise). Once I went out with 3 of them, the tallest was maybe 5'2". I'm 5'10". I told them I felt like I was chaperoning kindergarteners.

The fun side of it is - a lot of shorter people wish they were taller. So you may feel gargantuan, and they may be wishing they had more of your height.

The downside is when I'm tall AND overweight I sometimes feel like Godzilla descending on the terrified islanders.

The very fact that he called you "big" may be a good sign he thinks it's so ridiculous he can joke about it. Although I would definitely have called him on it (semi-jokingly) right there to make a point. "Big? Aww, honey, you always say the sweetest things.."
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Old 06-17-2011, 11:19 AM   #15  
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Default thanks all

You all are right!


And yeah, I definately have a "tall chick" thing, FOR SURE. Don't get me wrong---in the workplace---I love being taller than all my managers, lol. However, there are some guys I meet who feel that they have to tell me that tall women aren't their type. I feel like I intimidate men---and I guess this adds to a lot of reason as to why I think I need to be skinner.

I know that my BMI is good and that I am in a healthy weight, but I guess there are a lot of issues I have with being a tall-y. I don't like to wear high heels because I hate to tower over most men, and I guess being "bigger" is a scary thought to me---it's very hard to accept.

However, I'm married!!! Who am I trying to impress besides my husband anyway?

We've going out to eat tonight---maybe I'll wear some highheels for all my tally girlfriends on this message board.

thanks ladies!
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