Ok, I decided to take the plunge yesterday and put a profile on a major online dating page. Anyone else doing online dating and have any advice? I feel like a fish out of water and haven't dated in over a year. I've got a few guys who already emailed me back and forth and one asked for my number to take me out on a date....and I gave it to him...ack! I'm out of my element here, ladies.
I've met both my ex and my current boyfriend online. I love it! I definitely think it's is the way most of our generation does it now (especially in more metro areas). I like to call it "shopping for a boyfriend." you can be picky and expand your horizons simultaneously. Just make sure you are being 100% representative of who you are and follow your instincts. There are always the bad apples, creeps, and guys just looking to score. But there are just as many good guys too.
Hmmm...I've been online dating for longer than I care to admit. I could tell you a lot. What would you like to know? My best and most important advice is to always take your time getting to know someone before you meet them and always agree to do so in a neutral, public location (restaurant, coffee shop, ice cream parlor, etc.) until you feel comfortable. I've noticed a lot of men saying they are looking for xyz but really, it's just a place to find sex. Be careful, take your time, and above all else, have fun!
And ... to be the old lady here ... the first time you meet them, let a friend know you're going to meet them and give that friend the guy's name/number. I actually left a note on my counter one time when I had forgotten to let someone know I was going out that just said "Out with X, here's his number" in case something happened. Clearly, if i had an INKLING he was not a good guy, I wouldn't have gone, but ... you just never know
Everyone has had great advice so far! There are a lot of great guys online, but you do have to weed through a lot of them too. Also, don't expect immediate results. It can sometimes take months to find a guy that you like enough to go out with. That being said, it's easy to get TOO picky with guys sometimes. You never know who you're going to fall for, so having a super long list of qualifications can really limit you from finding a great one! I've had to learn to give guys a chance that I wouldn't normally (as long as they aren't a total creeper obviously).
I agree with all posts above - be safe!. Also, after you first email back and forth, it's a good idea to talk with them on the phone a couple of times - I've found that you can pick up certain personality elements by voice that you can't by email. The other advice I would give is that you will find way more serious guys on sites like eharmony than you will on those free sites, as they have a demonstrated interest in meeting women who share their values. It costs $, but it worked for myself and some friends (I'm in a ltr with my bf from EH).
I have not used an online dating site before, but I did happen to meet a man on a random website, we started chatting, and ended up connecting. Neither of us were 'looking for' someone at the time, but we started e-mailing for about a week and a half, and after that we exchanged phone numbers, and after 3 weeks he came to meet me (somehow we happened to live only a couple hours apart)... and 3 months later I married him!!
You can really meet the love of your life online, and though I never thought I would, I did. My advice would be to simply e-mail for awhile first, and then move onto phone conversation... wait a few weeks before meeting someone. It will make it less awkward and feel less like a 'blind date' that way. You also can get a good feel of if the guy is actually worth meeting. I love that I met my guy the way I did because simply from seeing his emails and phone conversations, I was already able to tell that he was a great communicator, he called and wrote when he said he would, and we had a lot of interests in common.
I also have had great experience with online dating. I will be marrying the last guy I met online this July. I agree with the other posters about safety definately but I do disagree on emailing for a long time before you meet someone. There are GREAT guys online but there are also Jerks, and creeps, and weirdos, and nice guys who really just aren't for you. It's a little bit of a numbers game. I think that you should talk to someone and then push for a meeting quite early on like in the first few weeks so that you can find out right away if you have chemistry. Too many times I loved how someone seemed on "paper" that I built them up to be perfect for me but then I met them and the spark just wasn't there. Not a good match. No ones fault. I just think its better to meet them sooner and find out one way or the other so that you can move on.
One other piece of advice that I just gave to my friend the other day as well if you are going to do online dating you can't be too *nice*. I am a really nice person but like I said before about online dating being a numbers game you can't be tooooo nice and give your number and spend your time emailing with EVERYONE you'll go crazy. There will be people that will want to talk to you that are just not what you are looking for. There has to be certain characteristics that you are looking for... education level, has a job, no kids, or others... if someone messages you and they do not have your "non-negotiables* you should not spend your time talking with them just to be nice. You may be wasting your precious time on guys who aren't right and miss out on the one!
I met my best friend online he and I have had what most people would cal a romantic relationship. Me? We are best of friends nothing more, nothing less. We have been together, even had a pregnancy scare but we aren't dating. We see and date other people...we are plan friends. That being said he lives in england, I live herein the states, I know his famly and all that. We have known each other 4 years. I didn't even think about meeting ppl online, since then I have met many more awesome friends around the world online. Meeting people in general online can be scary..Be safe and careful, whenever I go to meet someone I have met online whether its overseas or down the street I make sure people know. Safety always first. However, all precautions aside for a sec, you need to just have fun with it. If you are smart about it and have fun. It can be a rewarding experience.
This is some really great advice. Is it normal that some guys push for a date so early (i.e., you've e-mailed twice)? I will always meet in a public location and will always let someone know before I go on a date and who I am going with.
Ally- You hit the nail on the head...like you, I am WAY too nice and will talk myself into giving a guy a shot when he has one of my non-negotiables (i.e., kids, age limit, etc.). Gotta toughen up on that.
ToniDMB- How did you weed out the ones that just wanted sex?
Every boyfriend I've ever had has after four or so dates asked me to be exclusive (and then we would have a relationship ranging from 4 months to 3 years). This time around I want to navigate the pool a little longer but am also not going to "give it up" so to speak without exclusivity (I am old school that way I suppose). Any perspective/advice there?
I've been dating online for about 5 months. I personally hate it. I can't wait until my subscription expires so I can stop! I generally find the guys to be such jerks, I can't stand it! And I've had guys email NONSTOP with no effort to ask for my number or ask me out. What a waste of time.
I've heard so many people say they've had good experiences with online dating but I think it's just not for me.
I met my boyfriend online, through another real life friend who was also his real life friend back in the day, about 5 years ago. We started getting serious about 3 years ago, and 2 years ago I made the plunge and went across the world to see him. We've been happily together ever since. Don't know what I'd do without him in my life, despite the fact that we've only been able to see each other about a month out of every year. He's my best friend.
That being said...... like some chicks above said.... make sure you always meet in a neutral place and ALWAYS let a friend or family member know where you are, how to reach the guy and who he is.
online dating is just like face to face dating. you meet a few good ones, you meet a ton of fakes, and you meet a bunch just looking for sex. no different than any other medium, other than you can shop around and talk to them sitting at home in your pajama pants and old sweat shirt.
i've met jerks online and face to face. i've met good guys both ways too. i met my fiance online. we started talking in november of 2008, talked online and on the phone for a month before we met mid december of 2008, and then decided we were dating exclusively in january 2009. he proposed in july 2010, and we're getting married next month. i couldn't be happier that i took the chance of meeting him.
online dating isn't for everyone, but if you've got an open mind, and are careful about who and where you meet then you should be fine. good luck!
I haven't had any amazing experience meeting guys online. Sure some are nice but there was no Za Za Zu and like someone said it's pretty much shopping for a boyfriend. If I don't find you attractive in your pictures, I'm not going to meet you or give you the time of day. Plenty of guys email me and I have to say if they don't have anything corky or funny to say (if they aren't a looker) I won't reply back. If they're cute I'll reply and and if he can keep a meaningful convo with me they don't get my phone number or the next step. Also sometimes I'll just email people for the **** of it, but the second they are all like "Let's meet up, let's meet up!!!" I turn them down and continue to fish. It's fun at first...then it get's boring, then I meet someone and stop going on, then we fight and break up and I go back on and it's exciting again. hahaha.
Online Dating
