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Old 04-16-2011, 03:06 AM   #1  
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Default Ex BF just got engaged...

My ex just got engaged to an absolutely adorable girl who looks like Audrey Hepburn and is working on a PhD.

Excuse me while I eat an entire year's supply of chocolate. Ugh.

The only thing keeping me from that is the hope that one day, I'll lose the weight and then be able to show him what he's missing. I know, so petty. Do you guys feel like you have to 'win' breakups? Right now, he looks the same as when we were together and he found someone beautiful and smart (and thin!). I, on the other hand, have gained twenty five pounds and am still single.

Probably the universe telling me I should stop stalking my exes on FB. Sigh.

Last edited by firefoxy; 04-16-2011 at 03:07 AM.
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Old 04-16-2011, 03:41 AM   #2  
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Men marry the woman they're with at the moment when they start thinking they want to be married. I know it's hard, really hard, but don't take it personally. Your realtionship with him wasn't right for you.

Being single doesn't mean you're not enough. Because you are enough, all on your own. Look in the mirror. There's a whole woman looking right back at you. Be the best woman you want to be. Then someday, you'll find the person who loves that woman completely.

You're worth waiting for...
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Old 04-16-2011, 05:32 AM   #3  
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I completely understand that feeling of having to "win" break-ups! For me, this usually manifests as a desperate desire to start dating someone before the other person does and some sort of crazy new hairstyle. It is a little petty, but if you can use it to your benefit, I don't think it's really that horrible of a feeling. So he's won round one. But round two is yours! Maybe you can use this to motivate you in your weight loss. Take some time for yourself; becoming the person that you'd like to be is a much better victory than getting engaged, no matter to whom.
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Old 04-16-2011, 09:26 AM   #4  
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Hi, haven't been on here for ages, but really felt that this is something I can offer my 2 cents and a little support on.
I have just been through the same thing, but I've deleted the ex off FB and put all our common friends on the hide setting, don't need anything to do with him hurting my feelings or knocking my confidence.

I found the best revenge is just becoming the beautiful person you really are and come on here, join different challenges and get support to stick with your new lifestyle. You get so much confidence when you stick to following whatever plan you're on just for that day and before you know it days turn into weeks and months.
Big hugs and you can do this!!!
Also agree with Nienna, this is round one, but you can win the war
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Old 04-16-2011, 11:59 PM   #5  
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Oh, hon, big big big hug!

Losing weight can't have anything to do with him. This is for you, and you alone. And even if you gain 50 more pounds, you are still a wonderful person. Your body, whether you are 100 or 300 pounds, does not affect your value. He's missing out because he isn't with a damned good woman, regardless of her dress size!
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:27 AM   #6  
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Don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason why they never made it to your future! Big hug!!
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Old 04-17-2011, 08:07 AM   #7  
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Probably not what you want to hear but let him be happy and accept that the relationship wasn't right. You're dwelling on it when he has moved on and look what he has to show for it!

You are going to find the person who is right for you. In the mean time, concentrate on yourself. If you really want to 'win' live well!

And for all that is holy, delete from facebook.
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:11 PM   #8  
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*hugs*
i always think that everything happens for a reason!! you will know the reason sooner or later!! just keep smiling and love yourself!
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:40 PM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MadameZombie View Post
Probably not what you want to hear but let him be happy and accept that the relationship wasn't right. You're dwelling on it when he has moved on and look what he has to show for it!

You are going to find the person who is right for you. In the mean time, concentrate on yourself. If you really want to 'win' live well!

And for all that is holy, delete from facebook.
Ita with this! His getting engaged just shows that he wasn't the one for you. It doesn't reflect on you in any way. You're going to find that person for you.
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:43 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geoblewis View Post
Men marry the woman they're with at the moment when they start thinking they want to be married...
I disagree with this. Perhaps it's because I'm married, but it take offense to the idea that my husband marrying me is just a random result of timing and had nothing to do with us being right for each other or in love, etc..
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Old 04-17-2011, 12:57 PM   #11  
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*big hug* I'm sorry to hear that! It sounds like it's hard to not just say "whatever" about this girl because, dang, she sounds intimidating. Just use it as motivation though! I'm doing the same too (my ex cheated on me with a girl who's slutty, size 0, and I think prettier and now some girl's claiming she's pregnant by him so he's trying with her while still trying to get laid by me..idiot). I'm using all the feelings from ex's and their girl's to motivate me to be the best I can be and not let them keep me down.

and yes...fb can be deadly for self-esteem (at least in my experience) and so is talking to ex boyfriends
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:48 PM   #12  
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Thanks for all the support, everyone! It's really helpful to hear that a lot of you know exactly where I'm coming from.

You guys are right. I need to just defriend him on FB, and let them be happy, and work on improving myself for myself, and not for everyone else.

Good luck to everyone else on the same journey!
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Old 04-17-2011, 08:43 PM   #13  
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I totally get this. It's hard to just blow it off, but you're right, Facebook is detrimental to the moving on process!!

You will find the one. He is not the one for you! Focus on YOU. Your health. Your family. Your life. Your friends. Your puppy (if the gorgeous doggy in your profile happens to be yours-- Is it a Shiba Inu??).

It is SO much better in life to do something right than to do it right now.

Good luck. !!!
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Old 04-18-2011, 09:57 AM   #14  
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Big hugs to you. I know exactly how you feel...I joke with friends that if a guy wants to get married all he has to do is date me then break up with me (almost all my exes found their wives right after dating me). It sucks but I try to remeber that I could have married a few of them if I wanted to compromise what I wanted/who I am. You'll find the right guy, just hang in there and don't settle.
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Old 04-18-2011, 10:56 AM   #15  
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Ex boyfriends are stupid, if he's on your facebook. Just delete him and move on with your life. No reason why you need to torture yourself over it. I know how you feel when I got a nice slap in the face from my ex on Valentines day to say the least. (but I know he misses me and just sucks donkey balls) Then a creditor found me and I finally just blocked his damn email address so I never have to hear from him again because it reminded me how much debt the facker put me in. Focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and forget him.
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