This boggles my mind. Dating is simply that...a series of dates, spending time with someone, out and about, to see if there is chemistry and the right mix for a potential relationship. If a man is going to "court" a woman, it comes out of his pocket. I'm old fashioned in that sense. When I am in a relationship, I believe everything should be 50/50. I don't always have the extra money to go out and on those nights, I would have absolutely no problem with staying in, cooking dinner together, and watching tv.
Until a relationship is established, he buys your time. It shouldn't be the other way around in the dating phase.
It sounds like you don't really like him. If you are continuously wondering why the F he wants to know about your life, it doesn't sound like you want him in it.
That's your opinion and that's fine considering you don't know anything about the rest of the relationship. All I'm saying is the way he is asking stuff, it would be different if he asked me what was up with my money situation other then assume I went some where to borrow money, or the fact I didn't have any money. That's where I step in and say what the F, because he's not asking about my life he's assume stuff and there is a difference. Besides he isn't always asking what's up about my life **** the doesn't ask much about my life other then if it has to do with money.
As for the other ladies I agree but at the same time don't agree. I guess I'm not old fashion due to my last ex boyfriend who made me pay for everything so I kind of get like I feel obligated to pay. Plus he brings up "Are you going to pay?" So then if I have the money I do it and if I don't I say no you are this time around.
Here's how I dealt with money issues when I started dating my husband:
I was a very poor college student and was E5 Airman in the Navy. Needless to say his income was triple mine. When we first started dating, I tried to pay for my own food or alternate. But when he kept suggesting ordering pizza, going out to eat, bars, etc. I just told him my income didn't allow for it and I was more than happy to stay in and cook, watch a movie or whatever.
He understood and started footing the bill for alot more because he could but we stayed in a bit more as well because I didn't want him to feel like I was dating him for some weird sugar daddy/financial reason (I was 21 he was 32). He never made me felt crappy about it or made snide comments though. ****, we only knew each other 6 months and my roommate/apartment situation fell through and he offered to let me move in with him.
I think you'll have to figure out he defines your relationship with him. If it's slightly more serious (you know, boyfriend/girlfriendish) you should address this straight away. If it changes for the better and he's more understanding that's great. If not, well, what can ya do besides move on?
Just tell him straight up. "Look I have bills and obligations I need to attend to first. I made some financial mistakes in the past and we met at a crappy time because I'm working my *** off to catch up. When I have the extra money I'm more then willing to pay for stuff" if he was really into you, he wouldn't care about WHAT your doing so much as just doing anything with you.
That's your opinion and that's fine considering you don't know anything about the rest of the relationship.
No, and it is impossible for us to know anything more about your relationship, but this is obviously an issue for you. It also seems to be an issue to him that your money is tight.
IMO money is the absolute worst and everyone seems to fight about it. I think money ends many relationships.
I personally made myself a promise to never let money be an issue in my relationship.
If he is already making comments about money this would be a huge red flag to me, but that is me. I could not live with someone who tries to control my money. Or questioned me about if I can afford something.
Hmm, maybe he's just really bad at communicating and those comments are his weird way of trying to broach the subject. I know a lot of guys who make stupid comments that irk me but they actually think that they were "asking" about the situation.
Maybe I guess the only way to come off with it is to talk to him about it, and as some of you had said if he has a problem with it too bad. I don't ask him for money, I don't need his help I can take care of myself so if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is. It's thats simple. I was just wondering what other people thought about it, and how they over come stuff like this in their relationships. Also how to approach a conversation like this?
Maybe I guess the only way to come off with it is to talk to him about it, and as some of you had said if he has a problem with it too bad. I don't ask him for money, I don't need his help I can take care of myself so if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is. It's thats simple. I was just wondering what other people thought about it, and how they over come stuff like this in their relationships. Also how to approach a conversation like this?
If he says anything about your aunt again, you could just say something like, "I don't think it's very nice to talk about my relationship with my aunt like that. Please wait until you know us better to judge."
Or before you guys go out, let him know you're low on funds or that you just paid a large bill and that you'd be happy to cook at home. If you really like him, you'll be able to make the words come out. Best of luck to you!!
I mostly agree with what everyone else said- at this stage in dating someone I don't think he needs to know your financial business. But I don't think he sounds like a jerk or anything, either.
He may be concerned about you and wanting to "help" you keep yourself afloat by making comments like that, maybe not realizing they come across as judgmental?
I think if you're comfortable, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about your situation. But maybe instead of giving him the details of it, sum it up and let him know if makes you uncomfortable when he comments like that, and you'd appreciate it if he just wouldn't concern himself with it at this point in time...
I dunno! Good luck though! I'm sure it's got to be aggravating!
I mostly agree with what everyone else said- at this stage in dating someone I don't think he needs to know your financial business. But I don't think he sounds like a jerk or anything, either.
He may be concerned about you and wanting to "help" you keep yourself afloat by making comments like that, maybe not realizing they come across as judgmental?
I think if you're comfortable, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about your situation. But maybe instead of giving him the details of it, sum it up and let him know if makes you uncomfortable when he comments like that, and you'd appreciate it if he just wouldn't concern himself with it at this point in time...
I dunno! Good luck though! I'm sure it's got to be aggravating!
Yea I fully get what your saying thats why I come on here for advice sometimes because I think I over exagerate alot haha especially when its around TOM.
As for the cooking dinner thing I always cook dinner especially at my house and when I go to his and he's grocery shopped. He doesn't want to have the comittment talk so thats why I'm more about not explaining my financial talk but I'll just say to him, Once a week we'll do date night I'll pay for one, on one week and he can pay for the other because I'm simply watching my weight and eating out every day is not my thing (He knows about my weight loss journey from the beginning.) and eventually we'll go into the whole reason for debt but as people have said if he really likes me he'll understand. If he doesn't well it wouldn't be the first time I was dumped hahah.
Kinda mean, but i get it. I make sure my bf is not paying all the time because I feel weird even though we have been together for more than 1 year. Yea its cute 1-3 times in the beginning when the guy pays.. but I don't like to eat all the time if he is the one paying.
I feel its a mutual relationship, so why should he pay. I like your idea of treating him when you get paid
Thats good, during those times--dont even make him feel like he needs to pay.. offer your card/money right away.
And other than that, yea just talk it out maybe--like when I get paid, i feel better about spending money, but you asking me if i have money today is rude..
hope talking out helps
He says to me, are you broke again is that why you went to go see her?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen
all he said to me was “fix it”
Quote:
Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen
“Do you have money this time?”
No, no... he doesn't seem like a jerk at all!
He is a jerk. Leave. If he is already being this rude to you one month in, there are going to be loads of problems down the road. Your financial situation is yours and yours alone. If he was a good guy, he would understand that things are tight right now and that you simply cannot afford luxuries like eating out. His responses should be "Oh, that's nice you're going to see your aunt" and "Oh I'm sorry you have extra bills. We can stay in tonight" and "If you cannot afford to eat out, we can just make some food at your/my place."
He is being rude to you -- outrightly rude. And you deserve much, much better than that.
P.s. No, I do not know your whole relationship. But I definitely know jerks. When he's a jerk to begin with, he will always be a jerk. Period.
P.s. No, I do not know your whole relationship. But I definitely know jerks. When he's a jerk to begin with, he will always be a jerk. Period.
I can spot jerks too, haha just not in my own relationship or I just ignore it and I question myself why I do. As for the relationship comment that wasn't directed to anyone but whatever her name was for telling me that it was clear to her I didn't like him and should move on. When obviously if I didn't like him I wouldn't care enough to ***** about this and would have already dumped his ***. The majority of the whole thing was me ranting, and wanting to know what other's thought when it comes to explaining money issues to the person they are seeing when it hasn't been long.
I see your point and I obviously thought it was kind of a jerkish thing to say or else I wouldn't have been like wtf.
I can spot jerks too, haha just not in my own relationship or I just ignore it and I question myself why I do. As for the relationship comment that wasn't directed to anyone but whatever her name was for telling me that it was clear to her I didn't like him and should move on. When obviously if I didn't like him I wouldn't care enough to ***** about this and would have already dumped his ***. The majority of the whole thing was me ranting, and wanting to know what other's thought when it comes to explaining money issues to the person they are seeing when it hasn't been long.
I see your point and I obviously thought it was kind of a jerkish thing to say or else I wouldn't have been like wtf.
Okay I am very happy to hear that you do realize he is kind of being a jerk. I was afraid there, for a second! I really look up to you as a 3FC veteran and you were kind of the first person I started to notice popping up on 3FC posts.
As far as talking to him... I really have no idea. I know that's no help, at all. But honestly, you should not have to explain yourself when it comes to finances. If it comes up again, just say something like "I'd prefer not to talk about my finances" or "Eh, I just cannot afford it right now. But you can go to xyz restaurant." Just brush it off if he makes rude comments, you know?
Maybe you could sit him down and just say "You know, I'm struggling right now. I have some financial messiness to work on and I'm going to need your help. I cannot go out to eat, anymore. If you want to go out to eat, you are more than welcome to go alone but I just cannot afford it right now. I apologize that I will not be able to go out anymore, but there are plenty of fun things we can do at home/on the cheap."
I hope whatever you chose to do works! I'm pullin' for ya!
