I’m annoyed so I’m deciding to rant and rave about this because of the fact and let me know what you all think.
So I’ve been seeing this dude for about a month now and the first little while I’ve been extremely broke but of course have not want to explain my financial situation with a guy who isn’t seriously committed to me (because I don’t feel it’s any of his business anyways). So anyways I had let it slip a while back I borrow 20 dollars from my aunt on a Saturday (two weeks ago) and then she got the money back on Tuesday when I got paid.
I was sitting at his house and mentioned I went to go visit my aunt (this time it was because I wanted to and his was working so I wanted to go out and do something and it was last week.) He says to me, are you broke again is that why you went to go see her? I was like no I went to go see her because I felt like it. Why would you ask that? He said no reason. And I shrugged it off kind of annoyed thinking who the **** do you think you are to begin with asking me that. So of course the 15th came and pay day was there and I was broke again due to some extra bills I had to pay….I mentioned I was and I didn’t go into details about it all he said to me was “fix it”
It’s not like he pays for everything he’s bought dinner at a restaurant once and subway another time and A&W and usually when I’m completely broke I leave things and discourage going out and say I’ve already ate so we don’t end up going out and he feels obligated to pay. I paid half for pizza on Friday, bought dinner that he didn’t even show up to on Thursday and twice I’ve paid for subway like in the end it all adds up. Maybe he’s pissed off because I don’t take him to restaurants but right not spending 70 dollars on a meal will break the bank completely for me, 25 dollars here and there is fine because at least I can stretch it out to more than one meal you know?
Well yesterday I was over at his house and I dressed up in a pair of jeans, heels and a white shirt with a pink silk shirt underneath. Anyways he’s like lets go out to eat and I said I didn’t feel like eating out lets go to the grocery store and buy some food and cook it (I had been eating out all week A&W wed, take out all day Thursday it was pay day. Pizza Friday and so ) but he didn’t want to do that (because his brother made a mess in the kitchen and he’s tired of picking up after his brother and if we had off cooked something we would have been cleaning up the whole thing.) so my best option was Mr. Sub because it’s much healthier and he goes. “Do you have money this time?” Like wtf when have I not had money and quite frankly it’s not like HE always buys, so he paid for one night out at a restaurant it’s not like we’ve been a dozen times, and so on and I paid for dinner last night and bought dinner for us on Thursday which he didn’t show up to.I don’t offer to go out when I don’t have money I try and discourage it AS MUCH as I can without saying I’m broke…but after his comment yesterday I was like wtf seriously…
What would you guys do in this situation without having to get too in depth about your financial situation…not to mention the money I’ve wasted on this week is ridiculous…I don’t want to be eating out all the time but I also don’t want to sit there and bring him up into something that is my business since we’re not serious anyways and I sure as **** don’t want to be wasting all this money all the time when I could be doing something more productive with it other than eating it all away.
Wow. I'm with you on the 'none of his business' part. You deserve better. How dare he question your relationship with your aunt based on borrowing $20. The dude kind of seems like a pig. I'm hoping he's cute???
I don't know I wouldn't go that far to calling him anything like that. I'm just more along the lines of should a conversation even be brought up like this, this early in whatever the heck we call us thing? Also why would he say something like that and expect me not to respond in a desfensive manner. I'm sure anyone would take offense to it and be like If you have something to ask me about my financial situation then ask, but don't just assumes ****.
I know I've made huge mistake I'm trying to work at it by paying it off and stuff but I just don't feel the need to be grilled like I'm irresponsible and not doing anything about it.
This guy seems kinda like a d-bag. No offense of course! I think its your business and if he is the one asking to go out to eat then that means (where i'm from) that he's paying!! If I ask my fiance to go out to dinner I usually pay.. and if he asks then I make sure I leave my wallet at home . I think you have every right to be annoyed!! what.. he's never borrowed money from someone. riiighhht.
Oh I'm totally not offended at all. I appreciate your opinion I'm the exact same way if I ask you out for dinner I'll pay and if you ask me out you pay type thing. But the fact he asked me if I had money this time (I think he asked because we went out on saturday to london drugs and he spent a bunch of money but I left my cash at home because I'm an inpluse buyer and two I didn't think we were going shopping so I left my money at home except for enough to get us coffee to Tim Horons.) But even then for a guy who won't call me his girlfriend or openly admit to others (this is my assumption) like other girls around him that were "dating" I don't feel he has the right to make any comments what so ever about my cash flow.
Sorry dear, I didn't mean to make him out to be terrible. I would be very offended if someone made generalizations about my family relationships and my financial situation without knowing me very well to start with.
You will make the right choice, but make sure these inquiries are something you can live with now!
I'm trying to save for a house, so I'm not interested in spending too much. While my boyfriend and I go out, this is basically the extent of our conversation:
Me: I really don't want to spend money, I'm broke.
Him: Do you need to borrow OR don't worry, hon, I got it.
We are both young professionals with the bulk of my money going to daycare and the bulk of his going to a mortgage, but I can't imagine where it would be appropriate to judge or ask the way your boyfriend did.
It's perfectly fine to tell him you can't afford to splurge and he can accept it or not. You are not comprised of your money, and if you don't depend on him to support you, then it's not his business. My ex husband had some serious financial issues because of his mishandling of money before we met. I knew about some of it, but a lot of it was a shock. It was when his debt affected my financial situation that I really felt it was my business and ended up splitting our finances 100%.
This guy doesn't have any right to make you feel bad about this.
He sounds like a jerk, no offense. You deserve so much better than that. If he's already making snide comments about money then he's not worth the time AND money. It's not very gentlemanly anyways to ask the girl to pay so much (I'm not saying he needs to be a sugar daddy but he sounds like he isn't treating you right or respecting you). I'd say cut your losses and move on because guys like that don't get better.
It's perfectly fine to tell him you can't afford to splurge and he can accept it or not. You are not comprised of your money, and if you don't depend on him to support you, then it's not his business.
Amen! HUGE red flag hon!
I think you already know that, you felt it...you will make the right decision. It's NONE of his business.
Good luck! You seem like a super strong woman (from the your posts I've read over time anyway) just stick to your guns!
I think I must be older than you because I firmly believe that BOYS pay, especially in the beginning when you are still in the just dating phase and not really boyfriend/girlfriend. A bit later, if the woman is in a better financial situation to pay than the man, then fine, but otherwise BOYS pay. I am an old-fashioned, unmarried but in a long term relationshion, 34-year-old mother. I will say that I do usually pay when I bring my three kids along, but otherwise my boyfriend pays with the exception of his birthday.
Hm, well I've been seeing a guy since Feb and we're not serious either. I'm in grad school and currently on externship so making NO money at all. I haven't gone into depth with him about my financial situation and prob wouldn't unless we were really serious. That being said he does know I'm a grad student and have limited funds.
The entire time we've been hanging out I've only paid for his meal once-at Burger King. Every other time he pays. He doesn't mention my cash flow issues....the only time he did mention it was this past weekend when talking about a discout bakery that he had found and was super excited about it. He told me that I should go...and was like it's really good for people with...lower incomes and then apologized profusely for saying it. And I was like, Dude why are you apologizing? It's true! Lol. I took no offense. But he still felt bad about it.
With this guy, I don't understand why he expects you to pay for meals for him, ever. Additionally, you mentioned he didn't show up on Thursday for a meal you paid for-why didn't he show? Did he stand you up? Was there a legit reason for it? It may be time to kick his booty to the curb if he's already being so disrespectful to you...
I pretty much told my boyfriend straight up, I'm broke. Paying off school loans. If you want to eat out and you want me to go with you, then it is your call, but you have to pay. Pathetic? Maybe. But he knows I always have dinner planned for myself. And around pay day I usually treat him to a dinner or two. We are serious and have been together for over a year and it works for us. I am with the others that it is a red flag. He has no right to comment on your cash flow. I don't think it is out of line to bring it up though. Sure, it is none of his business, but if it is an issue and you want to try and make things work with him, just tell him where you are at and if he is a d*** then he isn't worth your time (or money). Good luck!
It sounds like you don't really like him. If you are continuously wondering why the F he wants to know about your life, it doesn't sound like you want him in it.
I'd move on so you can both find someone more suitable.
It also sounds like you are feeling slightly bad about your money situation, and are defensive about it. When you find the right guy, you'll be able to say "things are kind of tight right now and I feel weird about it, so I may get weird if the topic of money comes up. For now can we just eat in?"
New guy and finacial situation
. I think you have every right to be annoyed!! what.. he's never borrowed money from someone. riiighhht.
