[librarygirl111]

Hi all,

My husband always does this to me when I finally get down to a weight I like, he starts to tell me I am obessed, and so I stop. The strange thing---is that I don't think I am obsessed. He's mother sends him boxes of fudge and they didn't exactly grow up with a healthy diet, mostly of meat and potatoes.

I finally have lost 5 pounds and I've been really excited about it! He tells me that he thinks there is something wrong with me, that I might be doing emotionally well since I have fallen into this fitness craze. But I don't think so! I am feeling better about myself everyday on this new adventure, and I honestly think when I start to lose weight, it intimidates him.

I guess he's just sick of hearing me talk about weight loss. When we started dating, he weighed about 200 lbs, and he has gained about forty pounds. I feel like he gets angry when I want to make a change, and I really have. Now that I have finally gone at this with full force, I feel like he is starting to see the results, and it intimidates him?

I just want his support, and he doesn't really help me out. I tell him I am on a diet and then he goes and makes homemade frenchfries (so good). I know he does that because he know I will eat them, and it's sweet on some level, but strange on another, because he knows I am trying to make a change in my life.

Am I crazy for being on a diet?

I'm don't have an eating disorder or body image problem---I just want to lose a few pounds, and he makes me feel crazy for feeling this way.

The only solution I can think to cause less trauma in my marriage is to not talk about my weight loss goals with him, but this makes me sad, because it is a big part of my life right now, and I'd like to share that with him, but he just doesn't want to listen.

I'm not crazy, right?

Is being on a diet crazy?

Because I don't think it is, and I do it the healthy way, but he sure makes me fell that way sometimes.

Thanks for reading.

[PrimeTime]

Have you ever asked him to help you and go on it with you. ( not that you need help), but it might make him feel better to know that you need his support to make your weightloss more successful.

[beerab]

It sounds like there is a lot more going on here- he probably feels threatened by your weight loss efforts and feels he has to sabotage you to keep you around. But at the same time he doesn't realize that what he's doing is really hurting your marriage.

I think it would be good to have a talk about this- you and him- about how you feel and ask him what his fears are- maybe some reassurance that no matter what weight you are that won't change your relationship with him but to feel a lack of support from him will definitely hurt your marriage.

If all else fails an impartial 3rd party might help him understand more why you need his support and help him understand more that you aren't obsessed and that all that will change is your weight.

It might also help to tone down the weight loss talk JUST a bit.

[nationalparker]

Also consider the fact that he's not consciously trying to sabotage you, but maybe he think you're trying to please him by doing it. My husband often says, you DO know that I love you how you are - it's not tied to your body. I say I KNOW, but I am not happy at this size, so I'm doing it for me and my health. I always add it the fact that it's not healthy for our organs to be surrounded by fat, that diabetes hits easier when you're heavier, etc. So for health-sake it's wise to be on track.

While it's best case scenario that he supports you, maybe turn more to others for the support you need and keep the weight loss talk to a minimum. I think a lot of guys say we're obsessed (and perhaps sometimes we DO get a little obsessive), but that's what it takes at certain points.

Good luck - bypass the fries instead of enjoying them - he'll be less apt to do that too often.

[librarygirl111]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I can see that it is better to tone down the talk of weight loss---LOL. One reason I love my husband so much is because we both love to talk! LOL, we talk about everything, so the girlie talks about weight loss are probably a little boring for the guy, I should cut him some slack, he is a great guy.

Plus, something just hit me in all of this, I do love my husband no matter what weight he is. I should stop talking about weight loss because i think it's making him feel bad about his own weight. I didn't even think about that in all my flurry of weight loss.

Poor guy, he needs a good back rub tonight.

On another note, it's good to know that I'm not really obsessed, just a girl. I can stop with the weight loss talk with him, for sure. I have tons of girlfriends who would love to talk about this stuff, and it's probably time I focused those conversations to them. LOL-----thanks everyone!

[Arctic Mama]

Glad you figured out a workable solution for you . Most men aren't active saboteurs, I promise! Tone down the talk and just let your confidence shine. That generally separates out the men who want to keep their women 'less attractive' to outsiders from those who just want to reinforce that they love you regardless of your weight!