My mother used to tell me I was "too fat", now she says I'm "too skinny" It reminds me of that saying "you can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all the people some of the time, but you can't please all the people all of the time!'' Mothers...I used to wonder why shrinks always blamed them, now I know. I just saved myself another chunk of change!
I love the suggestion to donate the jackets and let her know they were too big for you. Take motivation from her words and actions to keep you going towards that goal!
She may not have ment it to be rude. Maybe you should talk to her and tell her the jackets are to big for you to. Talk to her about possably becomeing weight loss buddys.
She may not have ment it in a negative way at all. My mom and I are both losing weight, but she started smaller than I am. So as she drops sizes and I come into those sizes, she gives me her old clothes. Financially it's a big help. And I don't see it as her trying to rub it in my face that she's smaller than me at all.
I have a feeling this was just one comment among many others from your mom. Yeah, *maybe* she was trying to be nice, but it's unlikely. For whatever reason people just can't help themselves and you know...I think it's crap.
With that said, if they are nice jackets take them! If they fit you now...they won't for long You are doing great!
Last edited by jess jp; 02-08-2011 at 06:11 PM.
Reason: typo
I also am assuming this is just par for the course for your Mom and your relationship about weight. I am sorry she is hurting your feelings! My grandma does the same thing to my mom and it drives her crazy. You should tell your mom no thanks, we don't have the same style since I am 20-some years younger than you!
I got the impression like some of the others, that this is a recurring thing from your mom. My grandmother is like this.. always saying catty remarks to my mom in passive agressive ways, and always competing w/her. Thankfully my mother didnt continue the tradition. She is the opposite of her mother. But with that said.. I would definatley send them back letting her know they were HUGE on you. And keep striving forward, you have accomplished alot, and are only going to succeed more.
It IS a recurring thing. This is something she does all the time. And I found out, that it's not just me - it's my sister too...who is the ideal weight. So, apparently, it's just something that my mom is dealing with & is projecting that onto us. I'm going to visit next month, so I'm hoping to grow a pair by that time & tell her that I did it on my own & her nagging is only hurtful. Also hoping to be down 10 more pounds...So, I want to lose 10 lbs & gain some balls.
Is she weird about weight? Or just trying to be nice and pass things on?
I remember sharing clothes with my mom and my sister when I was an early to mid teen and it wasn't anything other than we were all close to the same size. But then I grew much taller and that was the end of that except for my and my sister and our shoes. Then I got bigger feet and that was the end of that too.
I pass things on to a friend as my kid outgrows and I have another friend who is plus size but smaller than me. I cleaned out my closet and let her have 1st dibs on the smaller stuff because I really just wanted the ROOM more than the clothes. She told me as I progress on the fitness journey if I want anything back to just let her know but she was really grateful for them because it saved her some $$$.
I guess if she is weird about it and you aren't keen on how she makes you feel just tell her to donate it to someone local to her and not worry about the postage. Then that takes away some of this power of hers to... dig at you. I mean, it would be nice to save money on clothes but not if it also opens this door she can dig at you with. Go for the mental health instead and tell her to just give it to goodwill and help someone out locally.
A.
ETA: Just saw your update. Don't bother telling her it is really hurtful. That gives her a "Whee! I can get at her!" door. Just deflate her by not reacting at ALL.
"Oh, that nice mom. I do that too -- the fitness is fun. So... how's the yard/dog/grandma/weather?"
I agree with your approach and am sorry she is being hurtful.
Best way to deal with it, in my opinion, is either ignore her if she is beyond reasoning with (or if you think she gets some sort of kick out of putting you and your sister down...in which case I would seriously start to limit the time you talk to her/spend time with her) or, if you think this is some sort of temporary workout insanity, be upfront and tell her that whether or not she means for them to, her comments hurt you and it needs to stop if she wants to have a relationship with you going forward, period.
I'm lucky to have a super supportive mom. She needs to lose less than I do but we are in a, healthy, competitive kick with one another while still supporting each other's goals and accomplishments. I don't know why the people who "love" you are the most hurtful sometimes...been there done that with my grandmother (who I loved dearly but was not really nice when it came to talking about my weight or my sister's weight).
As someone who has a mom who has been less than a size 6 her ENTIRE life, I can empathize. The first thing she usually asks on the phone is if I've exercised and am eating right. One time, I had to hold my fiance' back from saying something. Sometimes it's like the 50 pounds I've lost are just not good enough, or never even happened. Unfortunately I was apparently not blessed with her psycho spastic metabolism that gives her a FRICKIN SIX PACK at the age of 61. Get over it mom.
You are doing a FANTASTIC job in your weight loss!!
If it were me, I would call her and say "the jackets were way too big on me too - do you want them back or can I donate them?"
Mothers - can't live with them - can't live without them!
It IS a recurring thing. This is something she does all the time. And I found out, that it's not just me - it's my sister too...who is the ideal weight. So, apparently, it's just something that my mom is dealing with & is projecting that onto us. I'm going to visit next month, so I'm hoping to grow a pair by that time & tell her that I did it on my own & her nagging is only hurtful. Also hoping to be down 10 more pounds...So, I want to lose 10 lbs & gain some balls.
Good girl! It is about her, it has nothing to do with you. Say your piece, but my advice (having been there with my own momma) is to not expect her to change. Do what you have to do for you, and don't worry about her reaction or behavior.
Wow, that's awful. Tell her about your victory that the jackets don't fit, and maybe set a personal goal of being as healthy and successful at weight loss as she is?
I am so thankful for my mom now. She has horrible eating habits (I inherited her tendency to "graze") but she is the most frank, self-aware person I've ever known -- even about her weight (she's a apple-ish 8/10 at 5'2"; no pixie, but not obese either). When she saw I'd gained weight over the holidays, she told me so, but she didn't make it a sign of moral failure. "You're getting chubbier!" she said. "Ah, well."
We joke that our weights fluctuate together, so her encouragement to me is: "If you lose weight, I will too! MAGIC! Hurry up and lose it!" My mother and I used to tantrums at each other all the time, but in some ways we're still each other's top cheerleaders and best friends.
You are doing great!
love that. 
