I have a good friend who is very proud of me for losing weight and getting back in to shape. She is a bigger girl too and has lost a lot of weight in the past with the help of Phentermine. She stopped taking them and has since gained the weight back but she says she is living vicariously through me since she can't seem to lose without the meds. Anyway, everywhere we go and everyone we meet she tells them, " My friend here...she just lost 30 lbs." Which of course I get the common congratulations but then, almost every time, I get the dreaded, "So how much are you trying to lose...?" The first time I was asked I was taken aback a bit. I was kinda like, whoa, personal question. I don't know if it is because I am really self conscious about my weight or that I'm also just a very private person when it comes to my weight but I get almost offended with that question. I guess maybe I am just embarrassed by having to say, "Oh, about 100 more..." I just hate answering that question. My usual response is just, "Undetermined right now" or "Until I'm happy."
I love my friend but I hate that she tells EVERYONE how much I've lost and I hate the inevitable following question from each person asking how much more I want to lose. I don't want to say that I'm not grateful for her support. Does anyone else get offended about friends bragging about you or better yet people you don't know asking how much more you plan to lose?
Last edited by ShellydeFlores; 10-18-2010 at 03:15 AM.
I do feel uncomfortable that my mum says about my sleeve-gastrectomy to every possible stranger and especially in restaurants. Every time we order she just feels she needs to inform the waitress about my operation.
I do feel it is her medditerranean nature's need to inform people. -_-0
I think I would have to ask my friend to stop going on about it.
I wouldn't like people asking me how much more I planned to lose - it just makes clear that I've still got a long way to go - but to be fair to those people, if I've already brought up the subject, it must seem fair game to them.
I know in your case it's not you but your friend who's brought it up but the effect on those she tells is still the same, that it's an open subject.
It's nice that she's proud of you but I'd ask her to stop talking about it now.
I think I'd be offended (or at least irritated) by my friend boasting about MY weight loss to people we meet. I know for me personally, when I meet new people, I NEVER mention my weight loss. I don't want them to know the Megan-who-was-60lbs-bigger-and-lost-weight. I just want them to know Megan, who I am now. Not that I'm ashamed, I just don't think it's something that needs to be brought up. And if I ever did feel the need to mention it, I'd want to do it on my own terms. It's great that she's proud of you, but you might want to hint that you'd like to keep your weight loss a bit more private. Something like "I'm trying to keep my actual numbers on the DL."
And the questions that people ask about weight loss absolutely astound me. As soon as it's obvious that a person is losing or has lost weight, it's like a green light turns on above their heads for absolutely anybody to ask any socially unacceptable question regarding that person's weight. I don't get it. I've gotten all of the following, often times from people I hardly knew. "What weight did you start at?" "How much have you lost?" "What weight are you trying to get to?" "Well how much do you weigh now?" "You aren't planning on losing anymore, are you?" Etc. These are just things that I don't want to discuss with 95% of the people in my life.
So yes, I think it's rude, but it's not unexpected. I'd personally curb your friend from being so public about your weight loss. And I think your response is a good way of dealing with it.
I think it is a little rude that your friend is doing that, but she also may not know that you really don't appreciate it. It might be that she's acting as she would if SHE were the one who lost weight, and assumes you feel the same way. I would try explaining to her that you are uncomfortable with sharing your weight loss with just anyone, and that if you want to share it you will do so.
I think one of the reasons people ask so many (sometimes thought of as rude) questions is that weight loss like what a lot of people here have experienced is not common AT ALL. They're curious - they may even want to know how to do it for themselves. That doesn't excuse some things, but it might explain part of it.
Like others have said, I don't think anyone is trying to be rude in this situation, but you should definitely talk to your friend about not bringing it up. It's lovely that she's so proud of you, but she's just inviting people you don't know to ask questions you're uncomfortable with, so she really needs to stop.
I have friends who'll mention my weight loss to other friends of theirs who are trying to lose weight, but they hardly ever mention the actual number and always ask me first if they can talk more about it to their other friends or if I will talk to them. I think that's a much better approach, that way you're not blind-sided by having to answer questions about weight loss to a new person.
I absolutely think it's rude. That's personal information that your friend has no right to share with anyone, let alone people you're just meeting! Great that she's supportive, great that she's proud of you, but there is no need to be advertising it to the world. I'd thank her for being supportive, but ask her to please try not to mention it to other people because it puts you in an awkward position.
That borders on rude IMO. You should have the choice whether or not to talk about such a personal topic with relative strangers. But I'm sure the "Look, I'm happy you're supportive but would you mind not mentioning it to everyone we meet?" talk would solve everything.
Is that rude??
