That's funny, I've heard men zero in on the fat chick as the easy target before the small chick. Small doesn't make you a non-threatening target (small girls are super sassy!) Having a low self-esteem does, and men can sniff that out quick.
This is the girl the OP was talking about:
Quote:
I have a shy friend, even shyer (lol and thinner and shorter) than I am, and guys just approach her by the dozen when we go out because "omg she is so cute when she is shy".
Definitely not the sassy type
But you're so right about the low self-esteem. I think shy girls like the OP's friend can get away with being withdrawn because their looks are a natural magnet, but for all us normal gals, we really need that confidence to project what a great catch we are.
But you're so right about the low self-esteem. I think shy girls like the OP's friend can get away with being withdrawn because their looks are a natural magnet, but for all us normal gals, we really need that confidence to project what a great catch we are.
Oops, lol. I have a tendency to speak before I've read everything
I have never had a problem getting a date (some good some, not so good), at 150 or 330 pounds. Is it confidence, physical appearance, fashion or something else? I don't know. I do know that not every man is attracted to the same things in a woman and that sometimes love comes a knockin' when you least expect it.
Anthropology, huh? Excellent. I love me some social science.
From "Are sociable people more beautiful? A zero-acquaintance analysis of agreeableness, extraversion, and attractiveness," Meier 2010: " Participants high in the self-reported traits of agreeableness or extraversion...were rated more attractive...The results suggest a kernel of truth to the idea that sociable individuals are also attractive."
From "Assessing attractiveness on online dating profiles," Fiore 2008: "For men’s whole profiles, high masculinity ratings predicted high overall attractiveness...For women’s whole profiles, high extraversion ratings predicted high overall attractiveness."
And here's a graph from "More than just skin-deep? A pilot study integrating physical and non-physical factors in the perception of physical attractiveness" by Swami et al. 2007 ("Mean Ratings" refers to the attractiveness ratings given by males to different female figures in combination with personality traits):
Unfortunately, body weight does correlate as well, but exuding confidence definitely gives you a leg up in the dating world.
You are my new best friend on this website. Thank you so much for posting those graphs!!!
You are my new best friend on this website. Thank you so much for posting those graphs!!!
I'm wondering if the confidence might help on some level because it makes you women more comfortable displaying sexuality... very interesting conversation we have here.
I know just how you feel. I am 29 and have been telling myself for years that some guy wont like me because I am fat. but thats not true. I have a friend who is larger then me but has this great personality and she is dating a great man, good looking too. the diffrence is that she looks for the oppertunitys, she notices guys noticing and makes that connection. I have more often then not, not looked up to see a guy flirting because I didnt think i was worth flirting with. I still belive that i need to lose the weight to get the guy but not for him but for me. I can not be my best self if I dont like or feel comfortable with my body. If I dont want to see me naked I dont want to think of others seeing me.
It will happen but you have to be looking up and not down at your belly.
Seems to be a 'hot' topic under discussion and I would like to join in :-) O.k. I have a question!
REading all those insightful and supportive posts I started wondering: What kind of guys are u looking for or would you find attractive? This question is for all of you reading this.
The reason why I'm asking is because most of those posts have been about what men are attracted to and what they like and don't like. But what is it that you are looking for? Do you know what you are looking for and is it 'realistic'?
Other than that I would like you to know I feel the same way as u do! IT's frustrating and often times it doesnt seem fair. I wish u the strength to keep going and not give up on your hopes and dreams! And when it happens -u'll have to let us know! I'll want all the juicy details!!!
i kinda know what you're feeling here, every year i go to the beach with my best friend who just happens to be like 5'10'' and 125 lbs, and it's ridiculous the amount of guys who look at her and ask to buy her drinks and then i'm just the average looking friend
OMG, reading your post brings up *exactly* all the same feelings I have had! I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, held hands, or been on a date. I've only kissed 4 guys and one was during a drunken game of Truth or Dare! I agree with others posting here that my problem comes from a lack of confidence with the opposite sex. Every guy I have ever liked, I never go for it because I always self-sabotage with "Well, he won't want me, I'm FAT. DUH." and the sad thing is, I probably missed a great opportunity with this guy that I have liked since my freshman year! I've watched him go off with other girls and even though we may have never happened, we might have and now I'll never know.
Oops, I sort of hijacked your thread! But my advice, coming from someone who missed a great opportunity with a guy, is to just put yourself out there. You have done a FABULOUS job losing weight and any guy should be lucky to have you. A *real* man will look beyond that for a long-lasting relationship.
Despite being somewhat heavy I never had too many issues meeting guys, and I wasn't even super confident, I had the normal self-esteem issues of most girls carrying some extra weight. But I was always friendly and open to new experiences - so if I saw someone in the grocery store looking at the same strawberries as me, I'd say "Whoa, those are huge! It might be time to bake some pies!" Or if I'm knitting on the bus, and I see someone surreptitiously looking (they always do, they act as if they're looking up my skirt but knitting is so harmless! LOL!) I make a point to say hi and talk with them a little about what I'm doing. I made a lot of friends this way!
I guess what I am saying is to pay more attention to your surroundings and make conversation with everyone you meet. It's really hard at first, so I started out in places like airports where I figured I'd never see them again if I said something 'dumb.' And yeah, sometimes I get a funny look or get ignored, but that's their issue, it's not about me.
I also make an effort not to project what I think they're feeling or thinking. Just because a guy doesn't compliment you, doesn't mean he's thinking you're horribly fat. Maybe he's been working up his courage to talk to your friend all night - and if you recede into the background as we big girls are wont to do (unconciously much of the time) then he's never going to notice you. But letting your humor, your intelligence, and yes, your beauty shine through instead of worrying about how you are compared to other people WILL attract someone - maybe not that night, but as you develop that part of your self-esteem it will happen naturally.
BTW, I am married to a great, 'hot' guy who loves me and doesn't care that I am currently nearly 40 lbs heavier than when we met. In fact, it turns him on that my butt doesn't totally fit on the chairs at our yogurt place right now - perhaps it's just a matter of meeting a man whose ideal is a full chest, or a nice butt, or maybe even great hair or sexy feet with a great pedicure! To assume that all men like tiny girls because that's what you're noticing right now is like assuming that all women want a man with a six-pack. In fact, I LOVE men with some pudge!!
I kind of forgot I wrote this and I realise that I wrote this in a moment of great frustration because it was one of those time when I have heard the "lose some weight and guys will be dropping on your feet" quote one time too many.
I think it depends on the culture really, just to be honest. I am not saying that all of the men in my country are like that but I do come from a cultural background that for a strange reason men expect women to be thin. Maybe Hollywood's standards has been approved by Cypriot men - I don't know. It's difficult when I hear men comment that a woman half my kgs is an ugly fat cow (I know, no class), but I do try to work with this.
yea i agree it really does depend on culture. for example in australia i read that men prefer women to be bigger while in a place like LA they have some crazy standards. but at the same time there are always exceptions and there is someone out there for everyone. anyway u look gorgeous! 4get the losers
yea i agree it really does depend on culture. for example in australia i read that men prefer women to be bigger while in a place like LA they have some crazy standards. but at the same time there are always exceptions and there is someone out there for everyone. anyway u look gorgeous! 4get the losers
ahh, i can relate. i am currently with a wonderful guy (who drives me mad cuz he's got a great body and he has a bottomless pit for a stomach but then again he trains in mixed martial arts and trains often) and he loves me the way i am.
it really happens when you least expect it. i wasn't looking for anyone, especially because i was in my first semester of law school, and i was actually interested in someone else.
point is, things happen when you least expect them to. i have realized that when you want things to happen in the romantic sense, things never seem to work out, at least in my experience. so i just go with the flow and i have fun without wishing that guys notice me. it's hard because it gets frustrating when guys don't give you attention, but usually they're just creepsters (well at least at the bars and clubs) and i generally don't wish to get their attention (unless the beer goggles are on :\ )
i'm pretty much repeating what everyone else has said, but really, don't get down on yourself, just learn to be comfortable in your own skin. and soon someone will realize how amazing you are, regardless of what size you are.
and soon someone will realize how amazing you are, regardless of what size you are.
